As Toi: Why is it seem that my boyfriend only needs me in tragedy?

There are a lot of determining factors.  It could be just how you feel, it could be because your boyfriend isn’t one to show much emotion or the way you want him to express it, or he may just be the type that shows more than his usual emotion in the form of gratitude during hard times.  Keep in mind if he is showing more gratitude in dark times that is not a bad thing.  Often men and women resort to the very opposite of behavior.  It boils down to acknowledgement.

Take for example let’s say that your boyfriend generally is a man who lacks the show of emotion in general, anything he does that is out of the ordinary will set an alarm.  You have to determine what level of emotion or acknowledgement you need.  It would be easier to ask you how much you need but like most women you won’t answer honestly until you are in a situation where the lack thereof is all you see.  Sometimes we look for men to communicate on the same level as women and they aren’t built like us.  For instance if I was upset about something my best friend would be the type to get me my favorite drink, watch a movie with me and that would be enough.  My husband may ask me once what is wrong and if I needed him to fix something, he’s the one to call.  However to come in with flowers to make me feel better he may not always tap into that emotional need.

In tragedies if your man sees you standing with him regardless of what may or may not have been acknowledged in regular times, please understand that they remember.  Men love comfort just as much as we do.  Men love when they have someone who is a team player in the hard times that makes them speak up and opens the doors to trust especially in the dating phase.  If you are feeling like your man takes you for granted the smaller times, than watch his actions.  We all need to hear thank you.  We all want to feel appreciated.  Does your boyfriend show his gratitude in ways you aren’t picking up?  Like for instance a smaller gesture where you felt it should have been more grand?  Have you or are you learning his love language?  These are the important cues to pay attention.  You are a girlfriend which is like an on the job constant interview.  Please watch his actions.  They tell you what you need to know.  Be honest if the way your man responds is something that can work for you.

There are women who end up marrying men who drive them crazy because they lack all forms of acknowledgment.  Women do not need to put up with this if this is not what you want to deal with for the rest of your life.  The notion of taking anything over nothing makes no sense.  You do not need to have a man who doesn’t feed your soul.  With that being said, perfection is an ongoing process.  This is why when dating or marrying especially be clear that if your man never changes can you accept them as they are.  You aren’t going to change a man who doesn’t have it in him to change.  So there are married women who are upset with husbands who showed the same negative qualities that they had before marriage.  Men who do NOT want to change will NOT.

A true measure of a man or woman is how they respond in the hard times.  If the in between times are intolerable, make some decisions.  If you can make it work, than make it work.  Some mem just need to know how you feel.  If after they know and the behavior continues well that speaks volumes too.  Listen and good luck.

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