So I get it when your child goes off to the land of education there are far more things to be worried about other than their education. In this day and age you have to make sure you tell and teach your children what to do in case of a crisis. You have to worry about if their being bullied. You have to worry if they are in a position where another child or even teacher isn’t breaking them down mentally to where they aren’t attempting to harm themselves or others. Whew. It’s too much. These are some of the things that when I was in school, I just didn’t have to worry to much about. So with that being said, let’s fast forward to my daughter. I am making her after school snack, and as usual I write mommy loves you on the front. No big deal right? Absolutely. I try to write this note on every last after school bag. Sometimes if she makes her snacks herself, I add a little treat that she finds with a note. I’ve been doing this since Kindergarten.
My daughter says mommy can you sign your name on the bag?! I signed it not thinking of it. I finally asked her why. So when she told me that the kids in her class think she is writing her own notes and that there’s no way her mom could love her, I got mad. I know my response should have been off the cuff in a loving manner and deal with my daughter and I did after my first 5 second reaction which was pissed. How dare some child think that as sweet as my child is that her mother wouldn’t love her enough to say I love you to her daily. Then as I went into parent mode to love on her, I reminder her that she is too lovable for me not to write I love you everyday. She smiled. I felt like I had won. However I further explained to my daughter that some parents may forget to give these little reminders to their kids. I told her that some households have a lot going on but in our households above making sure they have what they need, the most important need is showing love.
Now let me be clear before the pitch forks of parents start rolling into my inbox, my letters to my child or the notes on her snack bag doesn’t mean I love mine any more than yours. It means that is MY way to be able to show her love and she looks forward to my messages. The message I needed to make clear with my child is that she is loved in this way and there are some homes who don’t take the time to show love. That is a fact. You don’t have to like my fact but if you are bothered by it, than step up and do what’s best in your home. Far too many times we exchange gifts and electronics as means of love when reality is some kids are dying for a hug, a kiss, or just a few minutes of your time. I am no where a perfect parent but it doesn’t matter if I will be late to spend a few minutes in prayer with my kids. I make sure that above all that before they leave me that any issues had our squashed. You know why? How many children have to leave their home and never return where parents say I wish I had said I love you. Now that my daughter is of school age, my stress is always up every time she goes to school. I need her to know that I love her, I am here for her and her siblings, and that if anything should go down that her last impression of me is love. It doesn’t matter if there will be times when she doesn’t like me, I love her and she will know it.
Listen every mother has a birth story for every last child, but my life has literally been on the line for my children and I have gotten every dramatic life altering thing possible during my pregnancies. I loved them before I even met them. I want them to know that above any thing I ever do or give them. I don’t know what the future holds for my children, but they have to know that there is someone in this world that loves them unconditionally. I and her father will be that to them. Now for other parents, aunts, grandparents, friends, etc. reading this blog. Let’s do better. As much as I want to say that the child or children who made the comment are off as 2 left shoes, the real issue is that the child or children are growing up in homes where this seems abnormal. Even if it’s not in cute notes, please make sure that the people who you raise, help raise or influence KNOW that they are loved. They should see the manifestation of that love in more than your responsibility to them. Yes you have to work, sometimes under paid and deal with the most ugliest of adults in how their spirit and mouths are towards others, but it cost nothing to give an extra hug. Please show kindness so our children can see this around them. I am reading too many stories of kids killing themselves and they aren’t even out of elementary school. We aren’t doing enough to surround our kids with affirmations. I know we are busy. I am busy. I however pledge to make a difference in the lives of the 3 that call me mom. I would rather what I want to take a back seat so that they aren’t on some couch of a therapist over some stuff I did or didn’t do for them. I want them to be sound individuals who know what love loves like and what it feels like.
Please increase love and how you show love in your homes. Our children are hungry for the affirmation.