Loving the One You’re With is Old…

I know age is a number so that is not at all what we are talking about today.  We are talking about loving on someone who doesn’t serve a purpose.  Its played out.  It’s draining.  It’s delusional to say the least.  When you love the one you are with, you simply know that the one you are with is not for you and the second you can trade up you will.  This is not to be confused if you actually have an established great relationship.  This is for the many women and men who not only love but barely like the one they settled for and are trying to lie to themselves as if they can turn this situationship into something….

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The time we love the one we are with or want to at least acknowledge them is around the month of February.  No shade but all shade you ever notice the women that down men to the T but on the week of Valentine’s they seem to be in love the most.  Some of the same women you read their status on social media and you would think they swore off all relationships until its beneficial to claim someone.  Same with some men too.  They act all kinds of available until they know that the one they been with behind closed doors is going to tag them in some stuff they were given.  Listen, I am one for dating.  I think the very art of dating is an interesting task.  However if I was to say that I would be happy to be dating in these days, I would be lying.  The amount of pettiness and games that are played don’t make no sense.  It really makes folks just want to entertain themselves and I mean that on all levels.

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Giving someone your constant energy knowing you will not get it in return makes no sense to me.  Let me share a dating story of my own when I was doing the same very thing.  I will call this man, Pineapple boy to protect everyone involved.  So me and Pineapple boy’s energy sexually was off the charts.  He and I were good together in the bedroom.  When it came for out of the bedroom,  that was another story.  He made excuses.  I wasn’t claimed by him. I only knew of one of his friends.  I met his friend by accident I might add.  I took Pineapple boy on a trip to Penn State. I wanted to visit my old stomping grounds.  I knew I had to just tell him to pack a weekend bag but not give location so he wouldn’t flake on me. It worked. We spent a magical weekend together until it was time to come home. Same old story.  I got nothing.  Now surprisingly this man wasn’t seeing other women.  He was in the midst of transition from one place to another, a new job etc.  But still.  If he wanted to commit he would have right?  Of course he could have but I played it safe.  I never wanted to bring up the topic.  He was elusive and I liked the chase to be honest. However the chase got old.  It got old because I wanted more from someone unwilling to give more.  I tried to tell myself that our lives and the time we spent was the most interesting thing I had encountered. For me though, I am not built for casual dating.  I wanted to be his and he to be mine.  I was lying to myself because of course having someone was better than nothing.  Thankfully this was in my 20s.  I am glad for that experience because it taught me a lot of what I thought I knew about myself.

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I have seen Pineapple boy one since those 20s.  I saw him again when I was rounding my first year of marriage.  That was such a dangerous time for me personally.  I had too many changes going on, new baby, living with my mother in law, not happy with myself, unhappy with my marriage, etc.  When I saw him the old feeling rushed back but I knew better.  I wasn’t 20 anymore.  I knew to wave and keep it pressing.  I didn’t want anything to do with Pineapple boy.  He was toxic and even though I felt like I was drowning in my current marriage at THAT time, I knew better to mix the worlds.  One I love my husband but I love me more.  See, Pineapple boy is just an example.  There are many men and women who aren’t ready to settle down, can’t give the love that most need, and are willing to stay attached to you in some form just to stay attached.  Pineapple boy wasn’t a bad guy he just wasn’t the right guy for me. He didn’t have the qualities that I valued and needed in my life at the time.  Please do not waste your time on Pineapple boy or girl and expect something of value in return.  If you want more, speak up and don’t settle until you get what you want out of relationship.  Valentine’s Day is around the corner so don’t settle for one day of this manifested love that we buy into.  Do I love Valentine’s Day absolutely. I love all holidays.  However would I rather have solid love all year round than wilted flowers for one day? Give me the solid love.  I am more secure in myself without the ups and downs of wondering if the one I am with is with someonelse, loves me, or even likes me.  I like surprises but the surprise of sometimey love is too costly.  To my single readers, there is hope.  But that hope can’t and won’t work with Pineapple boy or girl.

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