So recently my husband celebrated his birthday with a birthday trip with some of his closest friends. Now I am team enjoy your birthday and before we married we took trips separately etc. So him going away wasn’t a big deal. I am usually with the kids not because he isn’t a hands on dad but our schedules and how our life is set up that’s just how the cookie crumbles. I think every parent needs time apart from their kids. I think every couple needs some alone time as well to renew their mind. I think it makes the relationship and familyship healthier as well.
This particular trip took me for a whirlwind. I enjoy my kids. However in the midst of his trip we are in the process of moving as well. By the way we are still packing and prepping for that move. So between my work schedule, my kids social schedule, and packing boxes to say that I was a bit overwhelmed is an understatement. It was natural and normal for me to feel but I learned few things about myself during his absence.
My anxiety was the most increased at night. I don’t know if it was because I am used to him being there or not but it was. I found that I went to bed with the kids for a few good reasons other than just being tired. However I couldn’t sleep and that bothered me. I get missing your significant other but I really do not want to get into a pattern where I can not do the things I would normally do at night or in the day because he is not in the home. To me and this is MY opinion I do not want to get to the point in my relationship where I become co-dependent. To others this could be nearly a temporary feeling and one would just move on but when we were in college I used to wait for him to do the least bit of things. So I am super aware of getting into these ruts where I literally will wait for him to suggest a move. So the first night I was uptight. By the second night I found myself forcing myself to get past my temporary feeling and simply exist and be okay with that.
The second thing I noticed was that my patience meter was low. Now for someone who has their kids all the time one would think this trip would be no big deal but this time it wasn’t. I had to find ways to go into my bathroom and shut my door to gather my thoughts. It may be that their level of missing their dad and some anxiety I had been rubbing them and me the wrong way. I have never in all of my almost 8 years had to shut myself in a closet to stop from hearing my little people’s request. They were truly making up stuff. Asking if they could take a boat trip, wanting food we don’t even normally eat, and wanting to go everywhere. Whew. I am grateful for being in control of my emotions but I swear I had dip mentally to another place. Everyone who knows me knows I am the queen of ideas and my kids are never bored but truth moment I was exhausted, overworked, and overwhelmed. I am okay with admitting to that it was what it was.
What I did to get through it other than take a few more time outs that I usually don’t have to take was dance parties. I turned the music up and me and the kidlets let loose. We had a blast and it allowed them to get their sillies out making it much easier to deal with them. We ate great food and I didn’t cook much. I cook just about everyday and this time during his trip we went on a mini vacation. So bring on all the bad good food. Why? Because we could. We enjoyed every bit of it. I also played a lot of games. Yes, games and keeping the kids and me distracted instead of hearing the words, “when is daddy coming home” saved us. I also watched a lot of good movies that I had been wanting to see.
So when the day came for my husband to come back the grin on my face was super wide. It wasn’t that I just missed him but knowing that even if I am doing a super lot for my family. There is huge comfort in knowing he’s around. Even for the nights he works super late and misses bedtime with the kids etc he’s always there as a comfort in our home. I am super happy he is home. I am super glad until the next trip he may take that I am well prepared for my emotions and my anxiety will be a lot better. I am not attempting to be super mom. Every super woman and super woman can and will experience what I felt during his trip. I am tuning into those feelings, acknowledging it and making more of a better and clear path for next time and until the tables turn for my birthday trip….