My littlest almost killed me…

So not really.  She actually had nothing to do with it.  I am ready to share my birth story of my youngest.  She will be 3 tomorrow.  I and my husband was not planning on having another one.  It depends on who you ask but I wanted to get my tubes tied and once I made the appointment what I didn’t do was protect myself until the tube tying process took place.  None of our kids were planned.  Not one. With that being said, not one came in with this beautiful story of love and acceptance from the beginning.  Let me explain what I mean by that before all the moms of the world come at me.  When you have the notion to plan your children, it’s an expecting welcoming.  When you don’t you have to get to a place of acceptance.  For me legitimately it wasn’t as easy as the text books make it sound. I love and had love for them, how could I not, but it took a hot minute for me to accept that the baby was coming and to embrace what I was mentally and emotionally dealing with.  I know my moms understand what I mean.  Having kids is no easy task.  Thinking about the pain, the stress, and just being protective over this baby from the time you find out until your life or theirs end is a LOT.

So as I began to accept that a new baby was on its way, my stress level went up.  I started having migraines.  They were debilitating.  I went to work everyday in spite of being in the worst possible pain.  Then one day my boss was talking to me and I stopped him and walked away.  I was saying to myself what in the holy world did you do?  I was smart with it when I said it but I didn’t mean any harm by it.  I went to the bathroom and I am in there crying hysterically.  No one knew I was in there so I had to get myself up and get back to the office. I got back and I looked dark, I felt dark and I called my husband and told him please take me straight to the hospital.  I get there and they hook me up to the monitors.  I fell asleep after monitoring my baby and finding out she was okay.  I woke up it was 735pm and I had been in the hospital since 11am. I don’t remember what doctors or nurses had been in their to check on me.  When I woke up and realized what time it was I knew they were going to keep me.  If they thought I could have medication and go home surely I would be home by then. The doctor came in and her face was flushed.  So I started crying off the bat. Here I had a blood clot in my left lower brain.  I was devastated.  My husband came as I heard the news and I couldn’t even think.

As I was admitted and several neurologist came in, my life changed at that moment.  I would have to take Lovenox via injections two times a day. I hate needles.  Like me and needles could never go together.  I thought, I would have to stop working,  but I didn’t. After a few days and some rest at home I was back at work.  The issue now is that I have to get my blood drawn every 2 days to make sure I am in the levels I need to be to be safe. This was the most irritating thing in the world.  I had to keep going back to the pharmacy getting new shots every time the range was wrong.  I did this a few tines a week.  All the while, my little bit was perfectly fine and baking.  Back and forth I was in the hospital.  I made up in my mind this was the last child.  I made the decision for me.  Even if my husband had disagreed and he didn’t I wasn’t having a child by any man, science, or immaculate conception. Team NO MORE BABIES was in full effect.  It wasn’t my babies fault but my pregnancies haven’t been easy and I personally am done with being pregnant.

As we got close to full term, I had to meet with a specialized team of surgeons.  All 3 of my kids were C-section births.  I couldn’t just plop into the hospital to have her with a blood clot in my brain.  No ma’am.  We set the date for February 17th.  I knew when and what time.  The day before I had to stop my Lovenox at the right time.  They ran extra tests but then there was an emergency that came ahead of me and I could pushed back. So as my husband and parents there we had to wait.  They wheeled me in and surgery went well.  I had to have blood on stand by.  Shout out to my special donor.  He drove from Lebanon PA to Philadelphia to make sure I would be okay.  Right after her birth everything seemed fine, until after recovery.  I get to my room, my husband, kids, and mother in law are there and they check me to make sure all was well.  Well, it wasn’t.  They made everyone leave my room, the doctor stabbed me in my leg with drugs, and reached her hand in and pulled out this almost baby sized blood clot.  The worst of what we feared had happened.  They got me stable and I went on with all the newborn baby stuff.  A day later I went to take a shower and I felt this pain like labor.  I pull on the cord, staff came in running, another baby sized blood clot and they repeat what they did the day before.  So back on my Lovenox to make sure I was safe.

Discharge day was great.  I thought the worst had passed.  I get home and I am getting comfortable. Some family came over to visit.  My son is super excited to see me, he’s about 2 at this point.  He jumps on top of my belly before we could catch him, I said I had a C-section.  I scream out in pain.  I tell my husband please take me and the new baby upstairs. I get in the bed and I felt a pop.  It was the worst thing I could have ever felt.  I blacked out. I blacked out several times.  My husband called the ambulance although I asked him not to.  Had he not I wouldn’t even be here writing this.  I wake up to see this tall, strong, sexy man holding me who is not my husband.  I am like hi, who are you?  It was a fire fighter.  I am like lord I am in pain, you ain’t got time to admire this man but hey I am human right? So enough of looking at this stranger and its off to the hospital.

Back to blacking out I get to the hospital and they already know about me.  I was the most riskiest patient on the floor.  I was the whitest black woman they had ever seen and my doctor told me.  I had lost a lot of blood and had internal bleeding but the issue is they can’t do surgery because with this blood clot I could bleed out and die.  I had to wait.  So they made me comfortable and after a few hours I began blood transfusions.  My husband had to take care of all 3 kids including a breastfed newborn on his own.  I am going through the worst pain in life, holding onto life, and worrying about feeding my daughter.  I had the best nurses, they would actually pump my breast for me so my child could get what she needed.  I was in the hospital for over a week.  I am just super glad to be alive.

I was still under a doctor’s watchful eye for about 6 months following that encounter.  I still get migraines and when I do it’s an immediate call to my doctor.  The blood clot hasn’t gotten bigger or disappeared so its something I have to always be aware.  I breastfed this little girl and took her to work everyday for 6 months.  Yes to work with me.  I handled an office, clients, and nursed a newborn without missing a beat.  Then at 6 months we put her in daycare with her brother and she won’t drink from a bottle.  I had made enough milk for her but she wouldn’t drink.  It got bad that we had to give her diluted apple juice until I got home.  When it began apparent with no matter what we did, I had to temporarily work from home.  She kept nursing until a little after 2.  I prayed and asked God to help me wean her.  On tv, it always looks so easy but in real life it wasn’t at all. She has progressed well.  The only issue is that after my husband had been home with her right after birth when we came home she wouldn’t go to him or anyone else.  I mean no one.  You could hold her for tops 5 minutes.  She was a mommy’s girl.  Now a days, she’s a daddy’s girl and I am still struggling with that.  I wanted her and still want her to be more independent and trust and believe shes’ getting there but I do miss the snuggle days.

Noelle is a ball of fire.  She gives the best side eyes.  She has attitude and if she doesn’t like she doesn’t act fake.  She just walks off like she didn’t hear you but she does.  She is lovable.  She has the sweetest face in the world and knows you know she is cute.  She is our little love bug and we are happy that we have gotten through these challenges.  The best thing I got out of the whole thing was a feisty, beautiful, and intelligent little girl.  She is the last thing our family needed and we didn’t know we did.  I love that little munchkin and I almost gave my life for her.  So happy 3rd birthday to my little noodle, Noelle.

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2 Comments

  1. Labrea Faulkner

    WOW what a testimony may God continue to bless you with strength and the love you have for your beautiful family…happy 3rd birthday Noelle a another true blessing to your family and everyone who knows you;)

    Liked by 1 person

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