You know there’s a thing about women being catty. Not all women but quite a few. The reason in my opinion as to why there are so many catty women in the world is that we don’t have enough women who are more interested in first building themselves and then other women. Think about that. How many women know deep in their hearts that they see another beautiful woman and just automatically compliment her? Think about how the beauty of another woman doesn’t take away from you but because you don’t even believe you alone are beautiful this woman who you 9 out of 10 times don’t even know intimidates you. She makes you feel less than you are. She makes you second guess what you have on. But SHE isn’t the issue the issue is more self-reflective.
Let’s give you some examples. If you watch just about any reality television and it doesn’t matter what race of women are involved the formula is always one and the same. You get a group of women together and pin them against each other and bam you have instant ratchet and success. So we love to watch it but say we would never act like that in real life. The real reality is that just because you aren’t throwing drinks in someone’s face doesn’t mean you don’t dabble in cat fights. You dabble every time you engage in meaningless conversations where you tear down another woman. Some people like to disguise it as “lifting another one up” like you’re in a church click. Some disguise it as keeping it in the circle. The best way to know if you are catty is that if you can’t and won’t repeat what you say about another woman to her face especially a stranger you are officially catty. Let me say to my I can dish it out and I don’t hold my tongue ladies, you do. You don’t ever say things in the same intensity that you described it to another person like you would to the actual person’s face.
Another example you and your man is out. Your man glances not the whole look down of the woman. Instead of acknowledging even if it’s within yourself that she is beautiful, is dressed nice, or has a nice body, the first thing is you slap him for glancing. Let’s not confuse this with the out right stare. We are talking about a glance. So deal with your man’s wandering eye but don’t knock the fact that the woman he saw is attractive in some form or else he wouldn’t have looked. Unless your man is a scumbag and remember you choose him, than that woman isn’t getting his number just because of her attributes. She is not coming home with you unless you’re into that sort of thing. There’s nothing she can do to your well-being or your relationship unless you allow it or your man allows it. She doesn’t take away from you.
Another example its hard to date or marry anyone with children. We all know that baby moms and dads can be a handful but the reality is that they are going to be apart of your life. I know plenty of women who fight their significant other. For instance if you watch Love and Hip Hop New York you have Yandy, Samantha and Erica fighting over who was first, second or last. Who had Mendencees heart etc. I could go all day on why it’s not even apart of anyone’s need to fight over Mendencee but the reality is this is a common fight among women. If you are on the scene now with the love of your life and the other past women isn’t currently involved, etc than just build your relationship with the one you are with. No need to worry about who was first unless you are the current in the relationship getting cheated on. Always deal with your man and not the other woman. Cattiness will keep you on team petty and at the end of the day 9 times out of 10 either you are making you look stupid or the man you ready to bust someone one’s head to the white meat is making you look even more stupid.
Let’s talk about ways to be less catty.
- Grow up-sorry no cute little saying to make it easier to read. You need to grow within yourself.
- Build self confidence-this is something we all need a dose of anyway. The more confident you are the better at reacting and engaging with other women you will be. Confidence makes a huge difference in how you see others. The lens of perception gets clearer.
- Tell women when you see something you like about another woman i.e a nice pair of shoes, a cute handbag, or outfit that you like it. This is called a compliment. Strong women are able to offer these freely because they know it doesn’t take away from who they are, what they have.
- Smile more. When you smile more it really does help keep your focus on what is important in your life at any given moment. Women who are miserable tend to strike against others the most. Misery loves company never forget that.
- Disengage in negative behavior from other women. We are the best at ending cattiness by dismissing it in our own circles.
I am not suggesting that changing cattiness is super easy because it’s not but it can and should be done. You will find that uplifting each other is the best thing for all of us. Take for example the Women marches that have taken place since Trump has been office. If we united like that on an everyday school we all would be winning.