Ask Toi: My ex got in contact with me to tell me that I am miserable its messing with my head,what can I do?

There’s something I learned I believe from my mom, you can’t stop people from calling (back then you couldn’t) but you can choose who you answer.  You do NOT need to entertain your ex’s shenanigans.

Even if that was true why are you listening to an ex?  Why are you keeping the doors of communication open?  I have ex boyfriends that I wish them well, however we aren’t anywhere sitting up chit chatting about my life in the least way.  I am good.  It’s not just because I am married that I don’t entertain an ex.  I did the same for the most part when I was single. I married my ex so I can’t say I totally cut them off.  However I didn’t allow any type of defeating and negative talk.  If you don’t like what your ex says don’t answer your ex.  Now back in the day when my mom told me this advice we didn’t have the fancy cell phones that we have now.  Now we can block calls and text messages with a simple push of a button.  You can block on social media.  You can block on emails.  So if you continue to take in the garbage that your ex is spewing you have to take the responsibility of saying that although negative there is a part of you that likes it.

No one should be calling you up with drama.  However the more you feed drama it only gets worst.  Cut it off and see what happens.  A real cut off is inviting peace back in your space.  FYI an ex that told you how miserable just wants to get under your skin and is miserable themselves.  Remember misery loves company so don’t feed into it.  Also if you are really in love with this ex and this ex has a soul tie or is a person you can’t seem to shake out of your spirit, here’s my advice:

  1. Cut them off-you need space and clarity no matter how long its been since you two were an item.  If he or she is truly the one for you then later on down the line and some time apart will help determine that
  2. Seek counseling-sometimes what we seek in others whether positive or negative isn’t really supposed to come from others but you.  You have to be strong and whole no matter what you do
  3. Take some healing time-get over this ex.  That doesn’t happen overnight.  The person you once were before you met this person may not ever come back fully but find out what you like or don’t like.  Date yourself.  Motivate yourself.  Love yourself so when love comes knocking you can recognize.  Love doesn’t hurt in the physical or emotional sense either

I hope this helps.  Good luck!

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