So finally today is the day. It is my birthday. Anytime you can wake up on the side of the living is a blessing. Older people look forward to seeing a new birthday while younger people act as if it is a dread. Perspective tells you to be grateful for any time you have as it is borrowed. Today I am grateful for my 36 years. I have had many times in my life where I have been close to death. I am grateful for the time I can spend making my dreams come true and being with loved ones.
I am truly blessed that this year has me pushing the limits a bit. I set out on a journey of self-love this year and I am reaping the benefits. If I can’t love myself than the love I have for others isn’t pure. Loving on me more has allowed me to block out distraction. I am no longer in competition with anyone else but me. I wake up and speak positivity over myself daily. I am not a love guru I just got tired of speaking negative thoughts of not being enough, being overweight, not cute enough, all of the things I tell my girls not to do to themselves. I know that some people have the do as I say mentality but I am my children’s mirror. What I show them by example is important. I can’t be trying on clothes and talking bad about myself but tell my daughter to be strong and confident and I wasn’t. I started addressing my issues.
I first looked on the inside. I was unhappy. I could fix my weight any day but if I can’t work on being happy what is the point. I would seemingly just find something else to be an issue. So I began to journal hard. When I felt unhappy what was the reason? I noticed the pattern wasn’t in any event but how I processed how I thought about the event. How much I allowed my anxiety take over. These are not easy tasks. I set out to find a way to turn each thought around. I am not saying I am totally fixed and I walk around with happiness juice pouring off of me in an annoying way, but I can get through the day and have a better outlook.
When I look in the mirror I love what I see. I just don’t tolerate myself. I don’t speak negatively about myself. I am not looking at my thighs and having issues. Not just because I lost weight but because I realize that whatever shape I am in, can change and I am fine in my own skin. This year will definitely be better than last year in the sense that I am ready to continue in this love walk. I encourage others to do the same. Let me also warn you that once you begin your journey you may not lose friends or family but your relationships with them will change. It’s then that you will see how people really view you. Remember there are some who benefit to see you all sad, down, and miserable. Once you change that they won’t be receptive to the “new” you. It will hurt. You will be disappointed but grateful that it happened. Shine on anyway…No one can stop your shine but you!!
As always let me end by shouting out my twin sister, Tierra. I had the honor of coming into the world with my own womb partner, sister, and friend by choice!! Love you and happy birthday!!
And as promised I am about 5 pounds to goal so the featured photo to this blog both at the top were taken at various points of my weight. My highest weight in December was 190. I am currently at 155. So that is a good dip and I am very proud of it! I didn’t want to be the same size as I was after the birth of my youngest who by the way is 3. You know how women say it’s baby weight but the kids is like 12, that is what I was doing. However with hard work, and dedication I have definitely improved the outside as much as I have improved the inside. I can definitely now give my kids a run for their money. My energy is definitely up. I can handle going to the gym 3 days a week. I am eating better. I have made a lifestyle change instead of only a summer time fine change. I want to be life time fine. I have people who depend on me and most importantly I depend on myself.
Huge shout out to all of my friends and family. I really am touched by the special and unique gifts that have all been super personal. Thanks for the emails, texts, calls, time spent-all of it. I am smiling hard today. Thank you to my ToiTime followers as well!!
So I will be on all of my social media spots today. I will be enjoying this day to the fullest. If you can’t celebrate you no one will right? Toibration continues….