Just because dad says so

Growing up in our house my parents had their individual voices. They never told us wait until the other got home to handle us. They would speak and they knew they would be heard. It was never this thing of respect our mom because our dad said so. It was respect your mom because respect is required. 

I as a parent don’t have all the right answers so this isn’t a blog to set off mommy and daddy wars. If you’re a parent you know right what that is. This isn’t the blog to measure your sense of parenting against. It is simply my opinion on how I was raised and what works best for our household. In our house we do the same as I was raised. I don’t let the kids stew until dad gets home. I handle them and then when their dad gets home he’s told and if he feels the need to speak up he will. There isn’t the sense of dad being this only disciplinary and they should listen to dad and be nice to me.

I was watching a vlog where the father was at work. He had instructed the child to listen to their mom and the child didn’t. The mom wanted to assert herself while the father was giving out the discipline but the father had the ideology that he told the child and the child didn’t listen. That isn’t an issue. We need dad’s to be apart of the parenting equation since we’re they not apart of the equation at conception?! I do think children should be taught respect. Boys and girls should be taught to honor each parent. Respect is taught. We all have seen what happens when respect isn’t being enforced.

All of the back and forth was going on while the child is waiting on its punishment. My thought was they should have had a clear understanding what the issues were before the child could divide them. Had the child knew from the gate that he didn’t listen to mom just because mom said abc he wouldn’t have needed to wait for dad to back mom. Mom would have backed herself and dad would have just been the high fiver of the situation. So the kid has taken off after while leaving two parents arguing over who is wrong. Then it was hey comment below on whose right. Even if it was for a cute vlog the issue began way before dad got home. Dad was supposed to be this enforcer of the law but the child continued to break the law (rules) with mom. 

The point is to respect both parents as a unified team. Not as a respect mom because it’s nice. Respect mom because she’s mom. In discipline it’s a team effort. Too many times it’s on one parent. That is an easy way to have your kids play the conquer and divide game. I was a stay at home mom for many years so it felt like at times I was the disciplinary in charge. However often times with mom especially stay at home moms it’s easy to run the home as a business. You get the CEO title without the pay. So you want to veto dad. Then dad not wanting to hear you say the kids never do this or that steps in and saves the day with the listen to your mom mantra cause I said so. 

You had kids as a family. As a family each member is valuable. Mom and dad can handle the kids in their own way without needing the kids to listen only on the premise of the requesting parent. Establish respect and agree in front of the kids as a unified unit. This will give each parent their rightful voice that is earned before the kids come into the world. If you start young it will be established. Both parents don’t need to fight over who’s in charge. Never let the kids know there is a crack in the line up.  Trust me it will save you headaches down the line. 

Oh and ladies you know men are different from us. If you fall back and let them handle the times when the kids are with them in their own way except for abuse, you won’t need to feel like you need to be a warden either. This will cross over into getting me time. Don’t pull that you didn’t do it this way or another with a man and then wonder why he won’t participate. He won’t because he is tired of hearing how wrong he does it. As long as the kids are alive and not starving sometimes count your lucky stars and then align the home back to normal at a later time. Everyone can be empowered when you remember it’s not one parents way over the other. 

When I went to Chicago recently for a few days the kids told me of all the stuff they did. A lot of it I wouldn’t have allowed but guess what, they were there in one piece when I got back. I was able to have a good time. I never said to them oh my God you know I don’t do it that way. They made memories with their dad and had fun while I was having fun. Case closed. Everything should be brought back into respect for each parent. You end up with respectful kids in the long run ask my parents….

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