Ask Toi: How Do I Work Through Loneliness?

Its hard.  Let’s acknowledge that.  Sometimes we dive into things so I wanted to acknowledge that frustrating feeling. It can be an uneasy feeling to feel like you have no one in your court. In order to work through it you have to work on it and do it actively.

So let’s help you:

You have to be clear what you mean when you say you’re lonely.  Do you lack friendships?  Do you lack companionship?  Is it both.  Knowing what you lack will help you attack the problem and at least become less lonely.  There is no way to fill all voids and some people would tell you to make yourself busy but I find that is only a very temporary fix.

The key to being lonely is to find out if you’re willing to take the steps to become less lonely.  It’s 2018 and a lot of folks say they are lonely and do not really want to fix it.  They like to be lonely and miserable.  You don’t have to be both.  You can have lonely moments but not have a miserable existence. So if you want to be around where people are, you have to get around the people.  This takes courage.  You have to be willing to try new adventures and new places.  You can’t simply wish and pray about it, you have to get up and get to where new things are.  Have you tried a new place in your city?  Taken a trip to a place you have never been? Gotten a hobby?  Any of these things will give you a step in the right direction.  You have to be willing to be open.  You can go to a new location and keep yourself secluded.  In order to have a friend or a romantic interest you have to come off as someone approachable.

Another issue is to deal with what lead you to being lonely.  There are seasons of our lives that won’t allow us to be able to be attached to a lot of people. You also need to look at what having others around you looks like.  Is it that you only have a few friends and you want more?  Have you outgrown where you have been in the past?  Think about these things.

  1. Get out: do not overbook yourself but try to do two activities that make you step out of your norm.  Be engaging while there!
  2. Get to the bottom of what you really want. Sometimes the loneliness will make itself known but reality its unfulfilled issues within yourself that you need to deal with.
  3. Are you just a talker or a doer?  If you simply want to complain about the boredness or do you want to resolve the issue?
  4. Are you boring?  Sometimes we want others to make activities for us and we aren’t willing to set our own activities or follow through any of them as well.

Loneliness hurts.  It sucks at times.  You have to be willing to do some looking in to ask yourself a lot of the key question.  You may need to be real as to what your goals really are? You may have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone.  You need to lighten up and step out and be willing to take a few risks.

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