It’s easy for me at this stage of my life to do things on my own because I am married and I have kids. A lot of people want that life but the thought of going out alone is one that many people struggle with everyday. However there are many married folks that can’t seem to leave the shadows of their mate and won’t go anywhere without their significant other. Listen let me keep it real, when you have 3 kids having a sitter all the time isn’t always manageable. Missing out on events happens. My husband and I have pushed to create time out for both of us to pursue our own lives together and more often apart.
It’s nothing now after many failed years of complaining about what I didn’t have, to go out. This type of courage wasn’t something birthed over night. I sit back and wonder at times about if I had this same courage during my single years how much more effective my single years would have been. When I was in my 20s I had a lot of friends and family that I hung out with so I was never alone. However the thought of going out, taking solo vacations, and dining alone was like a curse. So shout out to my single readers who experience this all the time. I didn’t want to go to a wedding alone, dinner alone, movies alone, etc. My self worth was entangled in having myself on someone’s arm.
So now I’m married with responsibilities and I crave a balance in all areas of my life including my alone time. I have purposely live my life like an open book in front of my kids to let them understand the strength in being a strong table of one. They ask why are you going alone? Just ask Dad. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. There isn’t anything that I do where he’s not silently or opening cheering me but not everything is about him or for him. I openly tell my daughters and son the same message my mom entrusted in me in that there could be a time where I am alone. I have to be okay in my own skin and get out and enjoy this beautiful world. The excuses, the anxiety will just have to come along until they fall off. I refuse to not do something because of lack of partnership. In 2017 I stepped out shaking at times, alone. Overall it has made me a better person.
Here are some of the lessons I learned:
1. Scared I’m still fearless- a few events I attended alone I was a nervous wreck but I survived
2. I met awesome people. I would have possibly hid behind my husband not because that’s my place because it’s not but because hiding seemed safe.
3. I’m a better person when I have my own life, my own experiences, and my own time. Every time I come back from a place or spot or event I’m more motivated then when I left
4. I haven’t loss “it”- I still can command a room alone as I do when I’m with a person. Confidence is sexy
5. My moods get lifted. I’ve found some amazing things this past year and I find that I’m happier inside and out
So intentionally the very things that I was afraid to do I now do. So yes you can find me enjoying a cocktail and dinner alone and smiling. I make sure to put my phone away too to take the edge off. I think being on your cell during dinner sets the wrong internal message and takes the sting of being alone with the replacement of the cell.
I also take my yearly beach trip. It’s easy to hide at the beach alone. Make sure to pack all of the essentials. I go to the movies alone. Do you know how beautiful it is to reach into a bag of popcorn without 4 sets of hand teaching back?! The WILL! I love also finding some of the snazzy events in Philly alone. I make it my business to introduce myself to at least 3 people while there. I have yet to walk alone once at an event. My ability to make friends and network once I take the first step, has always been great. This year I’ll be taking my first solo trip! Listen my whole being can’t wait. Every detail of planning and a lot of great events in the works.
February is about self-love. I have been daily getting my self-love in. For me it’s about watching how I talk to myself. Yes I’m losing weight, getting better but the way I see myself in pictures and how I see myself in my mind don’t always match. Being able to see past a scale isn’t easy. I practice loving on myself daily and pushing back on the negativity. Oh and a little tidbit for those losing weight focus on off scale victories. There are going to be times when that scale doesn’t move and you know you worked hard but something you haven’t worn fits well! Another way to get my self love in is with weekly spa treatments at home. I stepped up my masks, bubble baths with candles and wine. It’s important for me to have my mind and heart right while I juggle the tightest schedules ever!
So enjoy this season! Get out and enjoy the world. Remember even with the best network of friends they don’t have the same interests as you. The things you want to do they may not. Don’t miss out on opportunities just because you don’t want to be a table of one. Being a table of one doesn’t make you lame. You can meet a load of awesome people out and about. Enjoy this life. Life is meant to be lived. Love on yourself. If your single it will help when you become entangled with another. If your married it will make you a better partner, and if you’re newly divorced it will show you things you ignored in your failed marriage. Keep in mind a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure! Live on your terms and do it on purpose!