Valentine’s Day is this week and it would be nice if all couples were in an a sea of love and like. That is ideal but it’s not always real.
These man-made holidays don’t always have timing on point. Remember just like no two people are the same; no two couples are the same as well. There is no way that couples can be in the right head space when Valentine’s Day comes.
So how do you manage when you really don’t want to show love to your mate?! You show it anyway. You do not do for someone based on merit. The same way you feel about them they could and probably have had the same feeling towards you. Marriage and relationships aren’t perfect in any way. We have to let go of this ideology that couples marry and ride off into this happily ever after. That happens in television and movies. The real happens after the vows are said.
Now with that same proclamation there is always a disclaimer. No flowers or candy will change the issues that took place regardless of a holiday or not. I think about my first marriage anniversary. In my head weeks leading up to it I expected the day to be filled with little surprises all day, little text messages of how much love we had for one another and ending the night with amazing sex. The reality was days before and even the day of we were arguing. I had one of my postpartum fits and our dinner had more silence then a good flow of conversation. I don’t remember if the night ended in sex or if it was filled with the reality that we had kids to take care of and stress was at an all time high.
There’s a difference of expectation that can be damaging to a relationship if realism isn’t at the forefront. This is why candy and flowers shouldn’t be the basis of how one apologizes. Give whatever gift you had intended but work more on your actual issues without having to have Hallmark attached. Working through the moments when you dislike your mate will make the gifts that much more sweeter trust me.
If I could go back to that first anniversary dinner I would have laid the charges down because the mere fact that I can’t tell you why we’re reacting proves that in the long run it didn’t matter. So ask yourself is the issues are really worth ruining any time that you have with your loved one?! Most likely not. Take some time to work through. The off days and the days of dislike are going to come. Trust me live a little they will. But if you’re friends first and have a strong foundation you can work through anything. Don’t ruin any day. Ask the widow or widower how they feel and I’m sure they would love one more day to be in the arms of the one they love. Each moment is fleeting. Don’t spend the little moments we have wrapped up in things that won’t build a strong relationship.