Anniversary Behavior: The What If’s

So this is going to be obviously from my perspective but in reality all relationships have doubt. Even if the love is on a thousand there is doubt. Doubt comes in many forms and pops up at different times but one thing I can say is I never doubted if I should marry Marques. I’ve always known it and told him when we first got together. However when life didn’t give me my perfect love potion I had to work on myself until we came back together.

College Sweethearts

Oh to fall in love like I did in 1999 should have been my first clue that this wasn’t going to be an easy match. I was happy to be away from my parents and just broken up with my high school sweetheart. In my head I just believed I would keep him on ice, conquer my first year and party like a rockstar. I had big plans! Then I saw this 6 foot something man who caught my eye and made me laugh. Initially I thought how cute is he but……I got big plans. I wasn’t interested in dating him alone so I secretly dated or attempted to date others. My thing was I had to keep within the Church or churchy realm so that was my small goal.

Nothing about Marques said church to me. It didn’t say heathen either but it said girl he could be the perfect middle ground. After some drama cause at that moment of my life I was about it, we finally made it official. He made me feel safe, he got me what I wanted, he loved me and loved on me, he took me to places I had never been and on a college budget trust I thought I was the ish back in the day! So once Love was established I definitely knew we would ride off into the college sunset. It didn’t happen and with some years and distance between us obviously we made it back to one another.

The proposal

I was semi blindsided by the proposal. I told him that he had to either ish or get off the pot. I mean we had history, a new baby between us and real responsibilities. I think we broke up for one weekend and I knew we couldn’t keep playing these college games with grown up responsibilities. What I didn’t know was he was planning to lock me down. So he entertained my conversations. After he asked I was in shock for a few days! I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

The wedding

The wedding like anything in life didn’t go as planned. We had to go to plan B! Even at that moment I didn’t doubt the marriage. I know the few fleeting moments that came to mind thankfully I was in counseling for postpartum and my counselor was able to divide my issues. Has I not gone we wouldn’t have gotten married or we would have been further miserable. It’s no secret about my fight with postpartum and by the time we married we had two babies and the situation could have given Love and Hip Hop a rated G rating. Our lives were in a mess. We didn’t have a lot of answers. We had a lot of turmoil for us to weed out. However on August 2, 2012 with tears coming down we exchanged vows!

So now to the what if’s:

What if I had listened to my mind tell me that Marques was against me before we got married?!

What if I had allowed our living situation initially during marriage to cause us to go through a divorce?!

What if I listened to all of the folks’ whispers cause us to be more divided?

What if I had allowed myself to run like I had attempted to do several times??

What about job loses and financial strain?

What if?

Things are going to happen before and after the vows. What I know for sure now more than the first year is that both of us is doing the work. The work includes giving the other the love they need and not what we think they need. As much oneness that exists, we also have our own lives, friends and activities. I know now that hard times don’t last but the words and attitudes you give during those times will. Don’t be so quick to hit below the belt all the time. It takes more time to heal from what someone said in anger than any other hardship that may pop off.

So we are going to celebrate love this week and give the good, the bad and the beautiful!!

A few highlights from our 6 years of marriage and almost 20 years of friendship is:

Marques you have given me:

1. A family which includes our 3 children!

2. You worked hard to help me cross things off of my bucket list

3. When I make a list of ideas and things to do you help me complete them from Summer outings to Fall parties we as a family of 5 are always our own party

4. Helped me become financially sound even when I argued my way through. Making sure I’m strong financially independent doesn’t take away from what you have done, and continue to do

5. We still laugh at one another! Our little quirky conversations are everything

6. You allowed me to support you during the toughest times

7. You can always sense when something isn’t right and always remind me to pull back during times when I’m overwhelmed

8. We have balance now in how we do things together, apart, and as a family

9. It’s really you and me against the world

10. You remember the small things and always have even when I forget moments! You’re a rare jewel for that!!

Here’s to chapter 6!!


6 thoughts on “Anniversary Behavior: The What If’s

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