So as promised here is part 2 of the personal questions that readers ask me #AskToi questions. Remember if you have questions about relationships, friendship, dating, work, and anything in between, send the email firstname.lastname@example.org
How often do you argue with your husband?
Well I try not to bring people to in-depth of my marriage because it’s for he and I but I will say that these last couple of years it’s been dramatically less. So I would say maybe once every few months on serious issues and the dumb stuff that we just cut our eye at each other maybe daily. Life is short and we are mastering the art of communication. We are learning how to be partners and that is making sure we give each other what we both need and balance is key.
How often do you hang out with your friends?
I have one girl girlfriend that I make a monthly or semi monthly date with. A lot of my long-standing friends live in other states. It’s hard to link up. We have been getting better at communicating with one another and checking in. My local friends I do my best to meet up and do a lot of check ins.
What is something that ticks you off?
For me is inconsiderate people. I’ve evolved over the years. So anyone who does things just to be mean and inconsiderate whether that be with my time, energy, etc I will pull a Mariah Carey “I don’t know him/her” move. It’s disrespectful at this point in my almost 40s to give five more seconds to inconsiderate folks.
Have you ever wanted to be single since being married?
If asked a few years ago maybe in the early stages of my Marriage I would say yes. Now not at all. I am a relationship girl. I don’t do well and don’t respond well to causally dating, never have. I like to be connected and exclusive. Dating now when I talk to my friends who are single seems like so much work and filled with so many games that I don’t know if I am cut out in this world for it. So nope I’m keeping the energy in my marriage strong and keeping my ring on!! Not accepting any applications!
Would you have more kids?
Absolutely not! I love my babies. I do not want to have more kids. I made that decision on my own when I had my last daughter. I told the doctor when I found out give me the paperwork to get my tubes tied. I asked several times after I found out that she was healthy to let me see the tubes. After my hysterectomy that triple sealed the deal. I didn’t want kids with no man on this planet. That’s not a disrespect to my husband. He’s an amazing father, I just didn’t want to carry another child. I know people adopt and have surrogates and that is an amazing thing, it’s just not for me. I do not want anymore responsibility of a child in my active life.
How do you feel about sexless marriages?
This has to be a blanket question but in marriage the idea is to be with one person alone. So if there are issues I feel both parties should provide what they need. If one partner wants sex more and the other doesn’t, communicate and work a plan. It’s not okay for one of the partners to simply not try. Sex in marriage will not keep a man or woman but a sexless marriage makes it easier for one partner to want to get out of it. I don’t get when people say he or she should just deal with a sexless marriage. It’s not okay. That’s actually quite cruel. How often a married couple is determined by both partners. The lack thereof is also both partners responsibility to work through.
Have you ever cheated on your husband?
Nope! We ain’t perfect but we solid!
Will you do a conference or something to help women?
I have no plans to do so in 2019 but you never know. I would prefer to link up with someone first who knows what they are doing but I’m not against talking about it.
Have you ever given up on yourself?
Yes! Too many times. Beautiful thing about life is as long as you’re breathing it’s a great time to reset. I choose to reset myself and not give up. Reset I do daily when things are looking crazy and I’m in my feelings. I like to remind myself in reset what my goals are. So reset your mindset and don’t give up! Trust me usually in a few hours even if things are still out of whack my attitude doesn’t have to be!
Thank you again for the questions. There were some that were outright inappropriate and I didn’t answer them. I remain vigilant about my family. I am considering closer to my wedding anniversary to do a He said/she said segment so you can get a male answer on some of your questions!!! Have an awesome weekend!