Sometimes its interesting to see how many times I personally have to clean my house. It’s gotten easier with not doing it on my own. I struggled in the past thinking I alone had to do but with my husband in the house and now able-bodied kids, it isn’t so bad. Everyone can assist. However, my personal house which is me, my mind, soul, or even feelings can’t always get assistance, I must be vigilant in cleaning it daily or even moment to moment.
Being that I am a PK I won’t go too deep into a full sermon on you, but you are responsible for yourself. You have triggers, issues from your past, hang ups, etc but in the end you have to clean house. I am reminded of the simple phrase you are what you eat and how now I am fully aware of how true that is. However the principle of what you take in matters. This is why I am skeptical of who I am around, who I entertain, what I allow, and for how long. These things matter as I take in things that do no serve me it is counterproductive to positive growth.
What areas of your life do you need to clean up? We all have them. We all have things that we should be constantly aware of, actively trying to make better, etc. Every area of our life that we don’t make right will reveal itself. I have had to live with the sad truth of myself. It was brought to me from events, people, and just sometimes reality. Cleaning your house especially your inward house hurts. You initially lose or feel pain. You are mad and not used to attacking or confronting that ugly part of what you might have worked hard to hide. This is why, if you go to counseling which I have and do, it’s not like television where you speak to your counselor and you are happy. Often times the pain hurt coming out. I have had to sit in my car or go to a coffee shop before going home to process what took place in counseling before I took that home. Shout out to my husband who would even after that allow me more time after getting home to reorganize my thoughts!
What I do know that is while you clean up your act and the loneliness that you feel while doing it, is temporary. Eventually you find better things to replace the friends who left. Let me give you a free nugget, some of the friends you actually needed at the time but your bad behavior messed it up. It’s okay to admit it. We always hear about how your friends who left did so because they were seasonal and that’s true. Let’s add that often times the season may have ended because of your bad behavior. It will work out later. You will replace healthy relationships as you become healthier in mind and body. It’s more to cleaning house than friendships. Sometimes all other relationships will be revealed. It has to. Be prepared for it! Don’t think it will be fine. The reality is that replacement feels like failure. It may look like failure. Failure is apart of life. It will with work and time balance out! Do not give up and go back to the bad you left. You ever give your baby a bath and seconds later they get dirty, that’s what its like going back and forth in a failure state of mind largely due to just wanting to keep a set of people, standards, etc from simple wanting to not be uncomfortable in old comforts! Yes re-read that, its correct! Take the chance on yourself and clean up your act!
Clean your house! Clean the things and people around you. Clean your mindset. Clean it up!