Ask Toi: How do I deal with my family/friend’s who heard I told the therapist about some past issues?

It’s easy to a point. Unless your therapist who is licensed revealed it to them, the only way they could have found out is you shared it with someone and that someone shared it with others and it became a domino effect. So who did you tell that you thought you could trust?

It’s important for all of us to understand that therapy is one a great tool in life. I was always raised to keep your “business in house.” There is some truth to it except when things that are being done or said hurts you physically, mentally, or emotionally. Often times we are told to keep things inside the home because we don’t see the benefit in therapy or asking for help is seen as a weakness. Neither is true. Asking for help is strength and therapy has benefits like decluttering your mind and heart and healing.

In therapy people expect to come out smiley and happy when often times you are super sad or tired. If you were vulnerable after leaving therapy and spoke to someone about it, you may have been violated. It’s important to follow your therapist words on what to do when you leave. Own what got out. It’s healing in this messy situation. It will be painful because the others of whom you spoke about feel a sense of violation especially if what was said was never brought to them first.

We all have to remember even in great situations even when less trauma is present there will be someone who will sit and talk to a therapist about you. We all have hurt someone or been hurt. The bandaid for your friends and family have been ripped off. In the long run this could help you. Speak to your therapist to help you through this. Do not let the guilt stop you from going. You need your therapist more now than ever. Allow honesty to take precedence. In the end and with time the relationships that can be mended will be. Don’t be surprised when you hear words of discouragement. Those same people will be caught off guard and may demean that the situation as you remember it even took place. Understand that and allow the revelations to come forth so you can heal.

Healing isn’t linear so during this process you may go through anger, pain, confusion, sadness, and peace. Also check whomever told your business and mark them. This person knew you were vulnerable and betrayed you. Although no matter what is said was bound to come out it should have been done on your terms.

I wish you peace in this situation but know it will work out the way it needs to. Be honest. Be clear. Let healing come from this!

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