Womens’ History Month; Tierra M

Good morning. We are continuing this trek along for women’s history month. I wanted to save this blog for last but today is also national single parent’s day so today is the best day to tell the world about this next woman, Tierra McGinnis my twin sister.  Yes world stop! We travel in twos.  My twin is my first best friend and I don’t think I realized how close we were until I moved from Lancaster to Philadelphia.  However like siblings just know if you see us arguing, pay us no mind but don’t think for a second that you can come between us because you can’t.  We can fight all day but you can’t step in that ring because those tables turn and they turn quick.


I was shocked when my sister volunteered.  She is mostly quiet out of the two of us.  She is definitely more reserved but let me tell you after talking to her about her answers to my question, I looked at her like Sis, you betta!!!!

So before I get into her answers, let me say a few things about my sister.  Let me give her all her props today! She is an amazing mother to my niece who I think is one of the most beautiful little girls.  Tierra is one of the best aunts ever. She has NEVER missed one of my kids’ birthdays.  She never forgets them! She knows what they are doing and when. She calls daily.  She shows up and is present in their lives.  That matters a lot to us.  My husband says that about her too he thinks the world of her.  We would give our last to help her. Tierra has surpassed so many things in her life that should have taken her out but she is still standing. Crying and all she is still fighting hard to be better! I admire her! She is the one who if I do see her crying, I will stand up! She doesn’t always show her emotion so the times she does, I literally already got the gym bag ready.  Ask anybody who has ever seen me respond to her.  Tierra is one of the funniest person to be around.  Like seriously do NOT sit next to her in church because the second something happens she has everyone around her cracking up. Her personality is big! I love her so much!

I wanted to know what she wanted other women to know:

You have to live past expectations.  You can have a life all planned and things can change but you have to continue doing for yourself.  Do not wait on any man to come in take care of you or do for you. As a single mother even though her dad and I made her at the end of the day its on me to make sure she has the things she needs.  I have to provide for her whether that’s a roof over her head or a hug to let her know that she is loved.

Her thoughts on the #METOO movement:

A woman shouldn’t have to do tricks to get ahead.  She shouldnt have to feel that in order to get ahead she has to do what is expected of her just to get ahead. There needs to be more equality in pay and this would close the gap a little more. If you are experiencing it speak up because your voice matters. If a man has to use sex as a tool that man needs to step down.  Clearly that man is using his power in the wrong way to hurt someone and he needs to have several seats. Take a look at yourself and ask yourself would you want this to be done to your mother or daughter? 

As a mother my kids are my greatest accomplishments and my greatest worries. What do you want your daughter to know:

I want my child to be stronger than I am. I want her to know that she is beautiful on the inside and outside.  I want her to know that she can be anything she wants to be and I will be there supporting her.  I want her to do all the things I didn’t do.  I want her to know that she needs to love herself before any man can.  I want her to be happy and to do everything to the best of her abilities.  I will support every choice even when I don’t agree.  

I wanted to know what is the hardest lesson to date she feels she has faced

My hardest lesson is that sometimes I am too hard on myself and that I feel that I am not a good mother. I worry because I am struggling to give her the best life she needs.  Sometimes I cry and ask God to help me because I know that HE can but other times I feel alone.  I never imagined myself in this place.  I struggled as a single woman and now I have this child that is looking for me to make it happen. I feel often times that I failed myself. However there are more times than none that my daughter smiles at me or calls my name and it reminds me that I will be okay. I was taught by my own mom that struggle or not, its time to dry my tears, get up and get things done. I wont let my daughter down. 

Tierra from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you are loved, you have love and that you are supported. I want you to know that this struggle is just temporary and you will look down the line and see that past all of the junk that you are going through that this will make you strong and your daughter will appreciate the sacrifice. For all of my single moms, know that. Know that you will see the light.  There will be times when them pennies ain’t stretching and the stress alone will try to crumble you, pick up those pieces and love that child (ren) and make a beautiful life.  Just put your effort in and you will come out on top.  As a single mom or dad you have it hard.  I send strength and love to her and all of you too.  Thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone and being a voice for this blog and women everywhere!

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Sunday Message: Moving Slowly

There are many weekends when I move like super fast.  I am on point and getting things done seem like a breeze. Then there are those times when I feel out of place, out of water, and quite frankly there are times when things don’t get done, and I feel overwhelmed.  You have to understand that when you have things moving slowly around you that its not going to take over you.  You will eventually get your to do list done.  You may need to rest or you may need this slow time as preparation for something up ahead but you will be fine.

You don’t have to do it all right now.  Some things can wait.  That is a lesson in itself. Sometimes its one of the hardest to learn and accept. Sometimes you think you have it down but then life throws you a curve ball. Trust the process that it will work out especially if you are constantly doing what you can do to continuously and with effort.

Weekly Recap: Friday March 16, 2018

So happy Friday and Pre. St. Patrick’s like a St. Patrick’s Day eve to you all.  I hope that you are doing well and have a relaxing weekend ahead of you.  Let’s talk about what has been going on.

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Thank you a thousand times over for every woman who has volunteered to be interviewed for Women History Month.  If you have missed a few, try your best to read them.  These women range from all over the spectrum in life and career.  So be sure to check it out.  We have a few more yet to do so don’t think we are done celebrating because we are not.

Spring is near!

Spring is around the corner and I literally can’t wait. I am still waiting for the weather to align but that will come in time.  I hope you are getting Spring ready.  Here are a few quick tips on activities you can do to signal a new season:

Spring cleaning-it is a thing.  This is when you wash them window seals, clean curtains, clean ovens, etc.  Just do a detailed cleaning of your home and your closet. Yes your closet.  Its time to take the blacks and greys out of your wardrobe and open your life to some color. Trust me it does wonder especially if you have been dealing with the Winter blues.  Maybe even switch up your make up and nail colors too!

Also those clothes you find you can’t wear, donate them! If you’re going to keep one or two outfits just in case you get to that smaller size fine but don’t keep them all! Donate!

Get scheduled: I can’t say this enough, get your appointments on the calendar and get out and get your health together.  You should be making appointments to have your whole body checked. Have you noticed your meds aren’t right? Get them evaluated as well. Encourage others around you to do the same.

Get moving-for all of those who couldn’t get in the gym during the Winter, Spring brings the opportunity to take it outside. Get you some old fashion jump rope etc and get active.  Your body and mind will thank you. Also get outside even if you sit outside for 10-15 minutes it does wonders for your mental state!

Blog love

So this week a blog that I’ve done for Greenide has been posted. I’m super proud of this article and if you have missed it, read it here Greenide I talk about some weight loss tips that encourages you to keep moving towards your goals!

Personal Goals

I am still training for the Broad Street Run and getting stronger by the day! This is a 10 mile run and a far cry from the 5k I did last year! My goal is not to be the last one and to complete it! Also I have a solo trip coming up next month! I will blog it upon my return and give you the black out dates for when I will be on a little few days break!

Enjoy your weekend! Find something you enjoy! It doesn’t have to be super big! Fill your cup!

Women’s History Month; Cheryl A., an Update

Good day to all.  We have none other than Cheryl A. who is coming back to us with an update.  If you remember we interviewed her on March 3, 2016.  At the time a lot of her goals had not come into fruition.  Let’s see what Cheryl has been up to from 2 years ago.

I wanted to know what she would tell her younger self if she could go back in time:

GO FOR IT..your dreams are never too small.  Take the chance, explore the world, study abroad, go to school in another state or another country.  Be confident, walk with your head high, there is only one you and you are unique. You are not everyone’s cup of tea and that is ok.  Enjoy the people who love you for you.  Failure is a part of life but learn the lesson.   Learn yourself, love yourself, become a whole person.

A recurring theme with all of these blogs are little nuggets on areas such as life, love, and career. These areas are some of the most thought about moments of our lives.  I wanted to know what Cheryl’s take on each:

Life-I could go on and on about this topic! Life has thrown me so many curveballs from death, health issues, relationship drama (friends, family, work, etc..).  Life has taught me to own my stuff.  If you are wrong admit it and resolve it if possible.  However, life has taught me that no matter how much you own your stuff there will always be the naysayers.  Some people just don’t like me and I’ve learned to finally accept that. Gone are the days where I wanted people’s acceptance.  I have learned to live my best life and not live beneath my capabilities to make others comfortable.  I’ve learned to accept the apologies I will never receive.  I’ve learned that verbal abuse and toxic people are real and I will not allow that in my life.  I’ve learned that I do not have to prove my forgiveness.  I’ve learned that no matter what positive changes you make in your life, someone will always hold you to the “I remember when” of your past.  I’ve learned to that people will show you and in my case tell you how they feel about you, through that I’ve learned to be okay with it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I have accepted what I’ve been shown and told and have moved one.  So of course, those relationships ended and some will never start.  I refuse to be in one-sided relationships, so if I’m the one doing all the calling, reaching out, scheduling, etc..that will no longer work for me.  The end of 2017 resonated some things in me and I knew that 2018 had to be different for me. I’m talking different in the way I navigate life and situations.  My circle has always been small, but I am no longer giving front seats to my life nor allowing situations to move me.  I’ve learned to be confident not cocky, humble but not a pushover.  I’ve learned to take my power back. 

So I am sure there were a few things you could have gotten from those words. Think about not giving front seats to those who don’t deserve it.  You go out of your way to be there for others or people have an expectancy that they don’t do in return.  You have to be careful of the energy you give.  You can not operate from an empty cup.  Keep your cup full!

Love-This year will be 10 years of marriage! It’s amazing to even last this long.  My marriage has had its share of troubles over the years and moving 1200 miles within 30 days didn’t make it any easier.  However, I wouldn’t change anything.  Marriage has taught me unconditional love, friendship and compromise.  Yes, marriage takes work but it’s only hard if you make it hard.  I can admit that at times I made things unnecessarily difficult.  See the problem was, I wasn’t my own complete person. I fell into the trap of he has to be this and that to me when reality is I’m responsible for me and my own happiness.  I had the degrees, job, friends, etc…but there was still a void, a void that my husband could not fill nor was it his responsibility to fill.  I had to get real with myself and get to my real issues and deal with them.  The key for me was to take responsibility for myself and God will work everything else out.  Marriage is a commitment, so if you are committed you will face the challenges and do the work to keep that commitment.  Curveballs will be thrown in the form of family, finances, friendships, etc..but you need to pick your battles wisely.  Every battle isn’t worth the fight and some battles are won with silence.  Be mindful of who or what you allow in, everyone or everything doesn’t get an automatic pass because of who are what they are in your life.   There are boundaries that should never be crossed and ultimatums should never be given.

Career-All you need is ONE yes.  It doesn’t matter how many times you hear no, keep on pressing.  If it’s a no, that door is not for you so stop knocking on it.  My journey to a new career took 6 years.  I had faith and I worked my faith, completed many applications, traveled to various cities and states for interviews, did video interviews, essays, tests, etc…and I heard no for 6 years.  Disappointed and frustrated but I pressed on (thanks to the people who supported me and didn’t give up on me when I wanted to give up).  Those 6 years was a process I had to go through, lessons I had to learn.  Relationships that were restored and some that needed to be ended.  I remember my former Pastor, Alex Rivera saying “A blessing too early is a burden.”  I didn’t get it then, but I get it now.  My blessing in my new career was already there and set up by God BUT 6 years ago, I wasn’t mentally, emotionally or spiritually prepared. Being unprepared would have resulted in my blessing being a burden.  So I’m grateful for the journey and the lessons I learned along the way.  I won’t lie and say it’s been smooth sailing, but I will say that when everything is done in order and you embrace the journey and the lessons, it was worth the wait.

She has waited 6 years to step into her dream job.  What will your future look like?

I would like to say retired, but I have 19 years until that happens. I hoping that at least a full girls/my bestie trip will finally happen (YES that was shade)! Seriously, I do plan to work hard to see where this career is going take me. I know I am now in a position with many opportunities and I plan to take advantage of that.  I plan to build both my professional and personal networks. 

As I stated, I was on a new career path that started back in 2011 and didn’t come to fruition until 2017.  You may think the accomplishment is working as a Lancaster County JOP for 12.5 years and now working as a USPO in Miami, Florida is the accomplishment.  In a way it is, but the biggest accomplishment is, that I didn’t give up.  Many times I wanted to throw in the towel and just settle for what was and has been for 12 years.  Comfortability and complacency is easy.  Taking a risk like moving from everything you have always known to a place where you know nothing or no one but your husband.  Not being able to fully embrace the greatness in the career chance because you are questioning is this the right decision? What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t like it? How do I start over?   Self doubt, fear, worry, etc..starts to creep in…BUT again, I didn’t give up, I just kept pressing through.  So 9 months later, here I am, still pressing through and it has gotten easier with time.

Hubby and I have some business ventures in mind, I won’t go into detail, but they are there and we are committed to seeing them through.  As some know, I am also an Adjunct Professor, I want to get back to as well.  A short term goal I have is to go parasailing and hubby and I are going to concur that on our anniversary trip.

What are your feelings on the #metoo movement?

As a Criminal Justice Professional for almost 14 years, I have been able to provide a non-judgement zone.  I continue to be a listening ear, a liaison and a person of support.

Self love is always my goal for my readers.  How do you practice self love?

Self-love for me is the basics, regular hair appointments, trips to the nail salon, reading to expand my mind and overall enjoying the life that I have been given.  As previously stated, I also avoid drama and toxic people.  It doesn’t matter who you are, if my experience with you has been drama or toxic, you will not be a part of my life. I can be respectful and cordial, but that’s all I have to offer you.  I’ve learned to be okay with whatever is, meaning, if I don’t hear from that person, if I don’t get included, if people talk about me, if people still want to  live in the “I remember when” of my life, I’ve learned to accept it.  Self Love is knowing that I am no longer that person and I love my self enough to know that being tied to the past is contrary to where I am going.  Self Love is embracing those that have shown that despite whatever has transpired they will always be there to support me, lift me up and celebrate me.

Thank you Cheryl for using your voice.  I hope that you are enjoying your new career and I wish you much success!!!


Ask Toi: How do I tell Others to Back up on the baby talk?

This question is coming from a newlywed so here is my answer:


Simply thank them for their concern and let them know that when the time is right you will have or not have a child.  The decision is between you and your husband. It has to be irritating for people to question another person about someone else’s uterus.  Let’s end this now. Unless you want to carry a baby for them, raise it and pay for them you have no right to ask another person that you are or aren’t close to on when or not they plan to have a child.  That goes for mommas too.  We love you momma but you don’t get a hand in the decision to bring life into the world for your child. Ask your child aka your grown child if they plan on it, but then back up and respect their answer.  The pressure alone can be devastating to a new couple or even seasoned couples.  You don’t know if that couple has been trying and miscarried, or knew going into it they couldn’t have any and didn’t feel the need to inform you.  These are personal questions that unless someone comes to you and talks about it should be off limits!

Too many times we place this pressure for newlyweds to have babies but we have to be realistic:

  1. Not everyone wants to be parents-accept it.  Kids are a lot of responsibility. Not everyone is built to handle that dynamic. Marriage is not just for baby making.  You actually might like someone’s companionship and don’t want to have children.
  2. Support systems-having children and having no system of support is a real issue. I have 3 and we are JUST getting a 5 second support systems. It takes a village to raise children.  Not everyone has what they need to raise kids.  Don’t feed me the excuse that single moms and dads are doing it.  A lot of them are and are not balanced while doing it.  They are often times lonely, cry often, suffer depression etc and this can be had even within a marriage.  Marriage is not a cure-all for any of this!
  3. Many folks aren’t financially sound to have children.  There are some people who want to get this goal crushed before they have children.

Worry about yourself.  Spend time in your own than worrying if a couple who you may think would be the best parents, become one. Let newlyweds enjoy walking around their house naked if they want.  Let them enjoy date nights, and having their new life centered before adding diaper changes and baby feedings in. Let folks live.

Be Coachable

The word coachabity usually is something you hear from small business owners or entrepreneurs. It’s the ability to sit and learn how to perform or get results. I’ve had a long history of sitting under coaches for various fields and here’s how you can apply the same method in life:

No one wakes up and is Denzel Washington. Even Denzel had to learn his acting craft and fine tune it. He is now one of the best actors of our time. So one way to be coachable is to listen. Drop the “I know what to do mantra” and listen not just hear. You can hear someone tell you how to do what you do but to listen means taking things in and applying.

Think about it in terms even if you’re not in business of your own, when you do go to a new job even with skills you must learn how the new job handles things. You don’t go in there declare you got this and just start working! You have to sit, listen and receive instructions. Don’t jump the gun! Learn and listening is the key to being coachable. You can have the desire to be number one all day but in order to do that you better gleam what the one who is in the number one spot did to become number one!

Another aspect of being coachable is having the ability to understand that you will fail in the beginning. I think even well talented folks need this crushing blow to the ego to be better! It’s life and you are going to have to have thick skin. So expect hardship and have the mindset to move beyond it! If you easily give up you are indeed not coachable. Failure is a setup for success. Think about the businesses that start in a person’s house, they have an idea but the prototypes usually are flawed until they persevere through them. You too will see your greatest potential and reward once you don’t give up or give in!

So get in the game of life, know you may get knocked down, let someone teach you a few things and be successful!

Sunday Message: Get you a Life

Good Sunday morning! Today I am having a pretty calm day. I spent most of my Saturday having my own personal day of sorts. It was great; music, fun, movies, lunches family, friends, and a few drinks! But as I sit today keeping my son from spreading germs on everyone I am reminded of a few things.


I absolutely love Snapchat! It’s super fun and can give you a glimpse into other people’s lives. It’s a way to be light, have fun with filters and really let your personality shine. A few things to remember as you live is that life is way beyond filters. Do not all yourself to look at someone else’s life and envy a life you think they have. There are times when filters can be cool but deceiving. How many smiles are hidden by pain? Live a full life. If you see something someone has and you truly desire it i.e something material then find a way to incorporate it! You do realize there’s always ways to get the same thing on a budget?! But get it if you like it not to feel as if once you obtain it you will be better because you won’t! Material gain is only a small portion of life. Life is about how you treat others, what you give to those around you and how you treat yourself since how you treat you will help or hinder the relationships around you!


This is through Instagram and another way to be able to get a glimpse into another person’s life! They are fun but again same principle. Don’t spend so much time worrying about this instalife but not about the life you should be creating in real life.

Life has so many opportunities to create smoke screens. They are fun but remember to find ways to enjoy life in real life time. Don’t be so serious all the time that you make yourself miserable. If you woke up and really felt like your life was missing something but didn’t look at ways to create the life you want you are wasting precious time!

Take the steps to have a real life. To find ways that you can genuinely smile. Ways that you can live in your true purpose and gift. Ways that serves others and make sure you fill your own cups too. Life was meant to be lived not just on social media day dreaming about what others have.

We are about to come upon a new season. What have you done well in the Winter? What could you change? What are your goals? What are you doing daily to reach them? When was the last time you did something you enjoyed? When was the last time you spent time by yourself? What about with real friends? Want flowers but you are waiting around for someone else to buy them, go get them for yourself! Decorate your home the way you want! Clean and declutter your life! These are things that as you complete them your real life goes up!

Live your real life to the best of your ability!! Smile! Don’t give your joy away!