Galentines Day: Gal Friends Unite!

All my girlfriends are special to me in their own way. Some are close and some are far. What matters to me with friendships is loyalty. Not the kind of loyalty where its one sided. I need friends who can own their stuff and come correct in a relationship. Friends who can apologize for their short comings and don’t just want to pick up where we left off without changed behaviors.


Friends are like the family you choose. I call them my framily. They are the ones who I can call about anything and they pick up. The ones who would get a flight in the middle of a crisis. The ones who support without being asked. The ones who cheer the loudest in the room. Friends are the spice of life. Your friends matter. I had been having issues in the last few years because a lot of my friends are states away. They are all over the world. Some of them share and hide all the bones. They know where the secrets are and even during a disagreement, they ain’t spilling the tea. 

Galentine’s Day Meaning

Galentines Day is a celebration of having dope friends who just simply rock out with you through the ups and down phases of life. Galentine’s Day is special because not everyone has a significant other but can still be loved on by their friends. Ladies love to get together to talk and drink fancy drinks and have a great time.  Trust me its about time for the world to come around to women supporting women especially during the Valentine’s holiday. Some of our friends are recently divorced. Some of our friends are single and frustrated. Although girlfriend time won’ttake the pain of that away having some girl time helps to make you forgot about stress for a moment. It’s a time to enjoy each other’s company.

Another Manmade Holiday

I know people come in with their attitudes about how the country is just marketing off this manmade holiday. Most if not all are manmade. However, it’s a great excuse to connect or reconnect with your girlfriends and celebrate what makes your group of ladies’ rock. I had the opportunity to spend some time with my girl Kyla. We have a new tradition of meeting up or attempting to meet up monthly. We fell off towards the end of last year and are committed to making it happen on a regular schedule in 2020. So, this is was our second meet up for the year. 

Davio’s Northern Italian Steakhouse

We choose Davio’s Northern Italian Steakhouse in King of Prussia. The staff were very hands on. From making sure we were seated to giving us all the love that we needed we were well taken care of. The food and the drinks were amazing. Oh the dessert tray or cart lawd it’s hard to pass when it rolls up to you!

FYI, they have a Valentine’s Day special that includes 3 courses for $85 per person. I would highly recommend making reservations. As always, we were able to catch up. Side note I was still jetlagged, so I was tired, but Kyla didn’t judge me.

Pressed Up

I had shirts made for the occasion from Pressed Up. If you follow me, I ordered their Dear Santa bring Wine shirt that I premiered during Christmas.

I always love a great conversation statement shirt. I am well known for them for all occasions. I highly recommend Pressed Up. The owners are women and you know I am here for supporting women in business. So be on the lookout for my shirts to be popping for these next couple of holidays.  

Thank you, Kyla, for a great time. You always come with the best gifts and love. Thank you to Davio’s who made our early Galentine’s Day super special. We shall see where we go for the month of March. We are always looking to add different restaurants or things to do.  

So, who do you want to share your Galentine’s Day with today if you could? I would have a spread of my good wine, good food, cute pajamas, and all the desserts we could stand to have a great Galentine’s Day with all my girlfriends. Happy Galentine’s or I have seen some change it to Palentine’s Day. Rock out wit your super bomb group of friends whatever you call today and make sure you let your friends know they rock!

Philly Theatre Week

Philly Theatre Week starts February 6th-16th and will feature the best of the best of some of the most amazing actors and actresses in the city. There is a play for everyone-children, men, women, great date night, Black History focused, and everything else in-between. With that in mind I am linking with several theatres to bring you the best reviews during this exciting time.

Here are my chosen productions and why I choose to review them. I will of course double back as I cross them off my list and report to you which made my personal grade and why. Although I want you to enjoy my reviews I also want you to be a part of the action as well. I am listing each theatre and their respective pages so you can grab a friend or two and immerse yourself into theatre life. These men and women work hard to bring about some of the most amazing productions and to miss them would be a travesty. 

Oh and it’s not just plays there events too from learning the tricks of the trade to readings, and panels. Some events feature food and drinks too. In order to find your way go here!

There you will find all of the events so you can grab your tickets and be ready!

Inis Nua “A hundred words for snow”

Inis Nua is one of my favorite theatres to attend. I attend a lot of their productions all year so I wouldn’t miss a thing during Philly Theatre Week. I will be seeing A hundred words for snow. Although in real life snow is not one of my favorites this production will showcase the grieving process and honoring family wishes. I like to think I am doing the same in my own way. I love one actor productions. They show depth and range and I can’t wait to see how this journey ends. 

Bristol Riverside Theatre King Lear”

King Lear-I wanted to see this early in its production but sadly it’s possible. I will be seeing it in its final run time and date. However it’s about tragedy and there’s a part of me that is drawn to tragedy. I am still figuring that out about myself. However King Lear is a classic and about forgiveness, madness and reconciliation.  I have heard the buzz and now I want take my own look to see how this production matches the buzz.

Bristol Riverside Theatre is also a stunning place. I have always found great help when there, a great welcoming spirit and great snacks as well. If ever you are going, leave early for parking. 

Quintessence Theatre Group “Rachel”

Rachel is all I have been hearing about. The press has been eating it up. One of the things that attracted me to this production has to be that it’s one of the original pieces during the Harlem Renaissance. The author Angelina Weld Grimke was a Black queer writer and it was produced by the NACCP in 1917 by an all-Black cast. I can’t wait to dive in. I will be attending this important piece and the time I am going will also have a question and answer following the production. This will no doubt be great conversations to dissect what it was like for Blacks during that time. I am so proud to be at this production. Also the theatre itself is magnificent. I made my first attendance when I saw the Wizard of OZ this past fall and I can’t wait to see this production its high on my list of must see.


Philadelphia Theatre Company  “Everything is Wonderful”

I am from Lancaster and to see a play about am Amish couple who forgives as they deal with the tragedy of their son. They are welcomed by their daughter and something about this appeals to me. I know I sure haven’t thought of myself of someone who could be so forgiving but I have seen it done. Since I am working on bettering myself seeing plays where its possible gives me hope. Also I know quite a few Amish personally and I want to see how far in the faith it goes to showcase their great ability to forgive. 

Dramatist Center presents “A Thin line between love and hate” Rotunda Theatre

I have not ever been to this production although I have seen the original movie. This will be a great production of the over obsession one woman goes after she meets a charming man who isn’t ready to fully commit. I expect it to be funny, witty, and have a lot of drama. I might take the hubby with me to see this one. As much as we both enjoyed the movie I know we will laugh our way. You know some women never can tell the difference between the two. 

“Ruth and Estelle; A sequins of Fortunate events” Bagel place

One who doesn’t love bagels and drinks? I do. With that I was intrigued to see what exactly something called an ‘educomedy” would produce through unique story telling. I was told that once I see this I will never un-see it and for great reasons. I was also told that I would feel like the two actors were like my best friend even if it’s in my head. For that reason I love to see stories told in bold format to match my bold personality. I have never been to the Bagel place but I feel like once there I will be back. 

I love Alice Curio Theatre

The Curio is one of the theatres that I frequent. I tried to match my schedule to make room for all but unfortunaly I am only one person. With that in mind I can’t wait to see how two women make some headlines for kissing each other in Ireland. I know now it may not be that big a deal but back in time it was taboo. The LGBTQ community have always been under attack and I love to see people authentic in their love choices and how they push past all odds to love on purpose since love is love. Oh both women are named Alice so this should be good. 

Philly Improv Theatre “Free Improve Jam” Adrienne Theatre

This is a free improve jam and I am nervous. I have zero experience but I know that since growing up in theatre most of life, the guts it takes to perform of an audience is something that I want to add to my plate. Not that I plan on showing up in front of a large audience but expanding my fear gates to close fear out is one of those things that will help me in all areas of life especially blogging. So I can’t wait to see how I do and I can’t wait to have some fun 

 As my schedule permits I want to add so many more that’s how wonderful the theatre circuit is here in Philadelphia. Be on the lookout for the reviews as they come in and I attend and also get you some tickets! Congrats to all who will be putting on for the city!! I can’t wait!!

Shout out to all the sponsors!!




Leda and the Swan

I had the opportunity to attend the Media VIP party for Leda and the Swan. This is one of the first bars that I will say tested my Penn State drinking tests. This is a great thing. The drinks alone make them stand out if you can get pass the eye dropping flowers dropping from the ceiling. Its absolutely a stunning venture. 

I am not surprised of the care taken into this new hot spot as its also the owners of the Vesper Day club, Derek Gibbons and Tim Lu (Glu Hospitality). It’s a mix of senses when you step into the venue for the first time. I want to take you through a quick run-down. When you walk in the bar meets you. The staff was wonderful. On media days the place is packed but each bartender paid close attention to each of us. They handled drinks and orders flawlessly. I always watch how they handle everyone as that matters. As a blogger I like to do my research, but I think about myself as a consumer and some of the very issues that some bars have this one doesn’t. Also, while seated we were greeted numerous times even taken more drink orders as well. 

Pictured left to right Elle aka Sip on What and Cherryl aka Phillyfoodgal

Leda and the Swan is in Midtown Village on 1224 Chestnut Street. Pay attention to the sign as I almost missed it. Granted it was a media preview and they had it closed off for the public. It’s a few blocks away from Macy’s I would suggest parking in a garage or using a car service like Uber or Lyft. Its 2500 square feet of fun that includes a 25 foot bar. It’s a mix of elegance, art, and culture and it done well. I wanted to know more about the name, and I found out that they took the naming of Leda and the Swan on Greek mythology where Zeus transformed into a swan and seduces Leda. It’s an intimate space that will allow you to have fun, enjoy a crowd and have an amazing time from live entertainment and DJ after hours. 

So, what’s a bar without drinks? Just a plain venue and Leda and the Swan is not your average bar and night spot for sure. For research purposes I tried quite a few drinks. Keep in mind I didn’t consume them all because well we will get to that later….


This is a mix of Blanco Tequila, Lillet, Beet shrub, Lemon, sea salt and cracked pepper


Mezcal, Togarashi, Ginger, Lemon and Cucumber

Leeds Devil

Rye, Cynar, Averna, Luxardo, Grand Marnier, Madagascarvanilla


Grey Goose, sparking wine, pink peppercorn syrup, Yuzu Bergamot tincture

Cursed Creator

Plata Tequila, Cynar, Suze, Lime, Pomegranate

I enjoyed the food. If you want food, you if you’re having a private event can have it done by Vesper and Raw. However, for the Media event I enjoyed the sushi and the sliders.

This new addition is sure to be the talk of the town. As I stated if you are looking for weak drinks, this is not your spot. The signature drinks are $14 each and are worth the coin and more. From first sip to your last its truly an experience. Be mindful of that as you enjoy your evening. Leda and the Swan opens today, Friday January 31, at 5pm just in time for a great happy hour. Grab a few friends and a couple of loved ones and let me know what you think? As for me, I got to continue drinking my water so I can be ready for the next round. Thanks to Leda and the Swan for the warm welcome and of course Aversa PR!


Monday Motivation: Inner Stock

Sick of the New Year

I get it some folks hate hearing the whole Happy New Year. I get it. However, what’s more irritating is hearing people who put others down if they are known not to keep their “resolutions.” We know that stats show that by February 1st a lot of people have stopped going hard in their new goals. That is why February 1stis usually recommitment day to help you stay on task.

How you can help and not hinder?

This world is full of negativity. You have those who constantly put others down just because they feel they can. If you know of a few folks who start out strong for the New Year and fall off pointing out their failures surely isn’t going to help. Do you know that you making sure that others know about it says more about you than them?  What type of miserable person is doing so well that they have time to dwell on other failures? Think about it. If you are drinking your water in weight FYI, working out, meal planning, getting your body and mind right, loving yourself and others, getting your money, etc. when exactly do you have time to sit on a phone, in a group and put someone down? Who cares if someone is known to fall off the wagon when every person has had a setback or two in life including you?!

Do you not know that the person you put down because they seem to “always” start and stop a project will one day walk and follow it through? How do you know what is going on in a person’s life? As much as I share with my closest friends, they don’t know it all. You have zero clue in what a person is accomplishing. Even if that person falls a thousand and one times extend a level of grace you would to cover them secret spots that you trip on in style. I say trip in style because ofteneven the most successful have issues that they have grace to cover the areas most others can’t see. So, while you comment on what they could a, or would a, done; what are you doing? Where do you need grace?

Grace much

Let folks take the energy of the New Year and allow them to make something of it. A month of goal chasing is better than no goal chasing. A month of enlighten may lead to a habit being formed that will walk them out of the darkness you have time to shine the light on. I have been one of those ones who said this is my year who failed. However, one jewel of light shined on me and I was able to walk into greatness. I stopped the whole this is going to be my year and made it my year.

You cant be a person of positivity finding ways to put those around you down. The “he/she ain’t never gonna do” conversations must stop. That person is more than equipped to do what they need to do. You can identify someone by not counting them out. Also, what do you mirror that could be of help to them? What are you known for?  I started a few years ago to tune others out and work on the things I was known for. If it was bad or negative, I stopped being so upset at the identifier and started working on changing how I was seen. That doesn’t mean people who don’t have access to you wont lie, but if they truly have no access how are you entertaining it? I laugh sometimes when we say someone doesn’t have access to us and we know every drip of tea that happens in their lives. If you hear about it and tell others means that they don’t have access to you,but you don’t mind keeping your access to them open.

Listen to when people speak, they usually tell on themselves if you listen. There is no way someone you “ain’t worried about” keeps coming up. Live and let live. You know that is a policy you can speak and live by. It works try it! Be a blessing and not a stumbling block. If you don’t like a person say that and have an honest conversation with yourself instead of thinking you don’t and find ways to not allow people to stumble because they don’t stumble as gracefully as you secretly do. Everything that glitters isn’t gold and that applies to more than romantic relationships. While you trying to shine one side of your life’s coin make sure you dip that rusty side you neglect. 

Therefore, making your life about more personable is so necessary. This Monday lets talk stock in what we are doing and stop counting those riding on the energy of the New Year. They are going to catch it one day and flourish and you nor I will have any much to say about them.  We will be left to deal where we aren’t shinning. Let’s end this back and forth and really live our best lives!

I talked to a friend about this very thing over the weekend. People have choices and when it doesn’t affect us we shouldn’t dwell on them but offer ways to be there for them as they struggle their way out of it or even not offer any assistance when they don’t want it.

Join me as we all take stock of ourselves in how we carry ourselves, what we say and what we do!! Self journey is a complicated and necessary journey!

2020 is here!!

If you’re reading this welcome to the first day of 2020!!!!! Let’s crush these goals by working hard!!

New Year Day is finally here. With that in mind you might not even be sober from the night before. As a parent no matter what I may have done they are going to eat and get on with their day. I can’t wait to remind them of their childlike shenanigans when they go from being my broke best friends to actual friends with their own lives. I look forward to the day. 

It’s time to align with the new goals. What is on the plate of ToiTimeblog? I am working diligently on my vision board. Last year I was able to accomplish most of my goals. You don’t create a vision board like it’s a genie. You have to create with intentions and then once that is done, you actively work towards it. As many saw I started working with brands. I have a personal rule with brands-I have to be able to stand behind them. I want brands that can help my busy lifestyle become more streamlined. Anything that can help me organize, eat right, maintain sanity or is something unique and fun that I use or have used in the past. I don’t want to become the type of blogger who brands out and tries to see you something I would never in a million years use.  This is why I am grateful that in first few years of blogging I wasn’t consistent enough to be able to brand. I didn’t take myself serious enough and I by far didn’t have the right tools like I do now. So when you see me tag or work with a brand or attend an event it’s because outside of getting a “scoop” I genuinely support them. I often circle back and tell my friends and family outside of my platform to try it or to attend. 

My goals are simple:


The only way to grow is to keep writing. Keep being true to myself and what I believe in. Also to keep giving you real life solutions and not just pretty pictures. They have to go hand in hand. I am not the one you seek if I can’t give you real life advice. That is how I started and that is the formula I choose to continue.

Be Visible

I want to be visible but always respectful which is why if you see my kids on my social media outside of my personal pages it’s because I have asked their permission. I never want to put my kids in the light that I have chosen. It’s not that I am a celebrity because I am not but if and when you do blog and you are putting your kids out I have had people walk up to us and talk to us when I am not on assignment. I have also chosen to keep them on limited events even the kid friendly ones. It’s just a personal choice of mine so that I can be 100% in my element. I am a mom first and if I know I can’t give an event my full attention with my kids with me –they won’t be there! 


I touched on this yesterday, but I will be watermarking a lot if not all of my photos. I had some one steal a whole blog even with me being registered etc. So that is now something I have to be mindful. I am flattered that someone wanted to copy my work, but there is no freebies. I wish that person well but if you want to blog, just start a blog. Thanks to my blogger community who one alerted me it was being done and showed me ways to stop it from happening. 


I want to make sure that I am well in aligned. If I reach out to someone I need to be sure that is mutually beneficial. There has to come a point in time where you make sure your village is strong not necessarily large. You can have better benefit just from having the right folks in your corner than you can when you worry about having a whole large crowd.

No Freebies

I have always made sure that no one if I ever have done giveaways been too many from my inner circle. The reason is simple, I don’t need a lot of folks thinking my platform is only to benefit my close family and friends. I also won’t and have made sure that the family and friends who never share a post, never intermingle with you on social media don’t get to come for a freebie. It’s annoying but it’s happened where people think that because I have attended a restaurant’s opening I can get them a free meal for their special occasion. I am not going to lie and act like I haven’t been invited back as a personal favor but that’s extended to me. I am running this a business and it will remain so!  


I love them. They are a great way to get before a new audience. Always do your research. Check the vibes of who you are around. Trust your instinct. I had a few bumps in the road last year that I want to prevent this year and that’s simply by being sure that who I partner with is a good fit for both and not just on the other end. I love working with groups but I am taking charge in who I do collaborations with. You simply just can’t work with everyone.

I am already booked first quarter for a few things such as conferences, branding etc. I am excited. I took advice from someone who said to send a letter or card to 10 brands you want to work with at the end of 2019. In this day and age that can be done via email too. This way you get in the ear of those brand at the start of the year. I kept a log of when I wrote them, what I said, my request, and when they might have asked for a follow-up. These are the types of goal setting I am on. I want to branch out and sometimes that requires putting my best foot forward and making my request known on my end. 

So you will see more. I had a 178% jump from 2018 to 2019 in my blogs. That only happened not just because I was at events it happened from scheduled post, being consistent, writing from the heart, and doing the work behind the scenes. I met with CEO of some great brands who said the noticed me because I was in the right place at the right time and I made good use of my minutes in front of them. So what are your goals? How will you start your first day of the year? Are you writing out a plan? Are you also writing how to make that plan work? If not that is the first steps. Make a plan, make an execution to that plan, work your plan, and retreat and alter the plan if necessary if you see it needs some tweaking. 2020 is going to be a great year-make it happen!

Giant Heirloom Market: 1002 N. 2nd Street

I love Giant Market. When I lived in Lancaster it was such an occurrence for me to visit and shop weekly. Since moving to Philadelphia I found limited Giant Markets. However I was surprised to find not just a Giant Market but a Giant Heirloom Market snd was blown away with their quality and fun.

Giant Heirloom that I visited with Sip on What and Phillyfoodgal is located at 1002 N. 2nd Street in Philadelphia. We had an amazing time and we found some amazing things to help you get ready for the New Year Celebrations!!

Giant Heirloom has some of the freshest produce you ever needed. They take great pride in presentation, cleanliness, and convenience! Being on 2nd street allows for them to be convenient to assist those who need a quick in and out and don’t want a traditional grocery store experience. Plus there’s so much more that will make you want to grab what you need but stay for the experience.

So what is this experience you ask?

One I have a video to give you a walk through but here’s the snap shot of what you need to know!

  • Great food selections and order
  • Amazing Wine and beer selections
  • Made to order hot foods and desserts
  • Free Wine tastings

Great food and order

You have a party coming up maybe even for your New Year celebration and you want to impress. You want to make a great cheese board. Giant Heirloom has your whole cheese board section ready to go. No more running around trying to gather the items when the items are looped together. When they designed the store they kept in mind how real people shop. So the benefits of having food in order to how most think is more important these days to help people be on the go but efficient!

Plant Based

No disrespect to other grocery store chains but Giant Heirloom has the biggest inclusive Plant Based selection. I know a lot of folks will transition when 2020 hit. Now you can have everything you need in one spot. I checked it out and trust me it’s official! I don’t have to spend time in several aisles looking for items when the items are altogether ready taking the guess work out of my experience. If convenience is what you seek, Giant Heirloom is your spot!

While you’re shopping does your grocery store have a kombucha on tap section? No?! Giant Heirloom does! I love the fact that there are a lot of local offerings as well. Keeping items local helps to boost the economy of our own communities! By the way the Giant Heirloom on N. 2nd street has the top sales of kombucha out of all the Giant Heirloom! Way to go!

I also love the make your own Oil and Vinegar station!

Ain’t nothing wrong with dessert right?!

Now I personally would flip my experience by heading to the basement first than make my way up! Why? The basement is where the greatness is!

Unlike a creepy basement the Under Ground is where it’s at! You can make DIY mimosa, a wide selection of beer and made to order food!!

First of all you know they had me mimosas! You get orange, cranberry juice, sparkling water or filtered water complimentary. You can mix with White Wine, Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon, White Zinfandel, Or Sparkling Wine for your mimosa! That’s a great selection if you ask me.

More Information Please

To begin you get a wrist band that calculates how much wine or beer you get. It’s like an open tab of sorts. You can go back and once you maxed out on your Wine and beer that’s it. The tap out is on 32oz of beer and about 16 Oz of wine. Also the selections are quite impressive.

So still not impressed?

Let’s eat!

So what’s a few drinks without some great food! You can order your food and eat it in the Underground and make it a fun time with family or friends. Or if you crave alone time like myself don’t judge me when you see me downstairs sipping and minding my business alone either!! You can do it all!

From pot stickers, to cannolis Giant Heirloom has your request ready! Everything is made to order and it’s amazingly good!

Oh and there’s free WiFi so you can even sit downstairs do a little work and sip too!! Just make sure you have your identification as it’s swiped. No expired licenses will be accepted and ALL get carded!

Games Anyone?

I love old school video games and I really love going to the arcade. Now you get the best of both worlds! Oh and let me mention the games require no quarters to play it’s free!! Not to mention a little Scrabble and a little Jenga!

So I know you’re about to head out and prep for the New Year Parties and you might have forgotten a few things-go and grab your beer, wine, etc. in the Underground. You can grab boxes and bottles of whatever you need!

You know how much I love Evil Genius

Pictured from left to right; Elle, Cherryl, me and Laura!

Thank you Giant Heirloom for an amazing time. You know I’ll be back! I might bring the kids and my husband or I might not-either way I’ll definitely will be back!!

Thanks Laura for an amazing tour! You can tell you love what you do! You made my entire day!!

Thank you Carol Zutski for letting me know about Dark Horse wine and La Marca Prosecco! As an avid wine drinker they get my stamp of approval!

You can catch the video tour on my Instagram!

Thanks to my girls Phillyfoodgal and Sip on What y’all rock! Let’s bring in 2020 on an amazing high night! In case you’re reading this today in real time they are open until 9pm so you don’t have to worry about not being able to grab your last minute New Year items!!

So stop on in socialize if you like, have some alone time, grab your food on the go, or have some wine, beer and food you will not be disappointed!

All of the checkouts is self checkout so you can use cash, credit or paying apps such as Apple Pay. This worked for me since I forgot my wallet and that seems to be a trend for me! You can call ahead for your deli orders and have your veggies and fruit precut to save time at home as well! Let’s not shop harder but let’s shop smarter!

Happy New Year!

Monday Motivation: Unbothered

I love when I hear folks talk about how unbothered they are. They could care less about whatever is going on. They don’t care who it is. They don’t care who ain’t there. They are unbothered. However, when you’re unbothered you don’t necessarily have to speak on the things that you’re unbothered about!

Hit Dog will Holler

You ever hear the phrase that a hit dog will holler? Watch people’s supposed unbothered speeches. Often times the very thing you bring up a thousand and one times reveals that the hurt, pain, and the feeling of being unbothered is just simply that-a feeling. You have yet to deal with the issues at hand. There could be a number of reasons why it’s not dealt with. It takes two to make it right. However you do realize when you forgive and release unless you’re bringing up something to encourage another person that they too can move past what you once dealt with, those unbothered feelings you feel is simply words you use to camouflage the pain you really have deep inside. Out of your mouth the heart speaks. If you after several months and years find your conversations going back to old mess; you my friend are bothered!

You are bothered

The phrase that could pay if it could is “I’m not mad, I’m just saying.” It’s the phrase used by the bothered the most. Let’s be real I’m not suggesting that people lie to themselves and simply not speak the bothered language. I’m suggesting you actually deal with the issues. Give forgiveness for the people who have hurt you so you can be free. When you’re really free you don’t have to beat the conversation over and over again. Reliving it daily isn’t going to bring peace or healing. The one thing I am learning to do is to give forgiveness in places where it wouldn’t even be given to me. Do you know how much weight it takes to carry normal burdens AND the dead weight of some old mess? I learned that through my weight loss journey. As I shed the pounds I shed some old stuff that quite frankly brought me down more than anything I ever ate!

Deal to Heal

In order to have real peace and love you must be willing to walk in grace. You have to let things go. You have to be able to acknowledge that your constant talking about an issue is due to you not being over it. You never got an apology and you may never. Are you really going to give the other person (s) that much power? I have. It holds you down. You go into other mixed arenas and you bring that dirt up and guess what people can see that your are walking in pain! They see right through that declaration of being “unbothered” and “moving on!” You can declare it all day. You can put a status about it until the end of time. When you’re unbothered you simply live. You don’t throw shade. You don’t have to even speak of their name. Do you know how many times you have mentioned them? If they could get a check for every time your “unbothered” self had them in their mouth they would be paid. That’s actually what helped me. My therapist asked me the same thing. How much you willing to pay them? It stopped me in my tracks.

How much you paying them?

She said unless they are currently doing things to you specifically, how much are you willing to give? I thought the times I used their names in an example that no one ever personally asked. How many times I had texted about them. How many times I spoke of them. They were getting paid. I was robbing myself every single time while they who didn’t have access to me lived. She said so you cut access but willingly pay them for nothing! She was a thousand times right! It was then a few years ago I learned an invaluable lesson. Stop paying folks!

Get Healed not fake unbothered

I need us going into this New Year whole or at least starting the process towards healing. Dropping the charges on a few folks knowing we need the charges dropped on us will help. Stop going back to people without a conversation of the pain that was brought by both parties needs to stop as well. You don’t simply pick up as if nothing happened. It’s one of the worse things you can do. As soon as something that mirrors the same behavior starts up and trust me when I say you will remember and be back to the hurt place you never left. You think you left the pain behind but trust me you haven’t!

Omarion Levels

Everyone wants the level of Omarion but you won’t stop publicly speaking on the folks that hurt you. He made one interview to your thousand subliminal posts. He made one interview and leveled up with his paper to your cheap shots on social media. He leveled up and if nothing else on paper is wishing his ex well. You on the other hand with your “unbothered” self has multiple pow wows with folks who end of day see you in pain and won’t check you to release it! It’s easy to say you want to be like Omarion when you’re among folks until your speech betrays you! It takes self control and work to get there. So unless you ready to do the work you aren’t going to touch the level of Omarion like you want to!

This Monday folks worrying about gifts more than they are about their personal peace. Do both. Stop shading folks with your post that one ain’t gonna see it, see it and never address it, or simply living a life you need to be living! If you say your are unbothered and you simply aren’t, acknowledge it! It’s okay to speak that you are hurt. Once you speak on it than what are you gonna do about it? Can you have a conversation? Can you get therapy? Can you gift forgiveness knowing you may never hear the words “I’m sorry!” Stop declaring you’re unbothered by letting those who have an ear hear your pain, frustration, anger, malicious intent, etc. How about deal with it? How about start the process to live unbothered and in real peace!!!