National Incredible Kid (s) Day

Today is National Incredible Kid (s) day. I happen to have 3 of the most incredible kids that I know. They are respectful, full of life, and they are mine.  I love them so much. Having kids has been an adventure. I have had to alter my life in ways I didn’t know I could. No one could have prepared me for motherhood. It comes with some highs and lows like when they are sick or in the hospital. I pray daily that I am giving what they need and more and not what I think they need. Each of my children are amazing in their own right.

Naila

My first-born holds the special place in my heart. She is the one who made me a mom. I have talked about her birth story before. I developed preeclamsia and had to be induced. When that didn’t work and my blood pressure was at an unhealthy level I had an emergency C-section and she was born 6 weeks early. Oh the fear in my mind but I tried all I could do to keep her in despite what was happening to me. The doctors told me if she comes out crying that would be one hurdle. She came out hollering. I was relieved. I didn’t get to spend too much time with her as they whisked her to ICU.  She was in NICU for one week. However I knew I had a fighter as they told me the more they tried to hook her up to cords, she pulled each and every one of them off. She is an amazing child. She is a big helper, she is courteous, loves to smile, never sees the bad in others, and she is an all around star.

Mj

My son. He probably was the least problematic pregnancy. He looked so much like his sister that for the first week I kept calling him his sister. He is an amazing boy who loves to ask questions. His heart is bigger than this world can contain. He loves the world. He loves Spider-Man, his god mother calls him Spidey. He is truly a smart remarkable young man. He does what you ask for the most part. He loves to know why things are the way they are. This has been a blessing and sometimes a headache.  I love the way his mind thinks. He loves rules and wants to be a police man this week. Last week he wanted to be Spider-Man. Whatever he chooses to do I will be there to support him. Mj is the type of child that you can count on to follow the rules.  He is an amazing soccer player too! As a boy he has my heart in ways I didn’t even imagine was possible.

Noelle

She is my firecracker. She has a personality like no other. She was my most clingy baby. She didn’t go to much of anyone at birth. It took her almost 2 years to become more social. She is excited to start Kindergarten next school year. In addition to that she flourishes the most when she is singing or dancing. I tell her you may be the next Beyoncé and her response is, Beyoncé can be my back up dancer. I love that she doesn’t just accept everything and everyone. She side eyes most people. Her intuition is spot on. I have never questioned her judgement because she certainly knows what is going on. She is a joy to be around but she has been deemed the “thug” of the family. That isn’t a negative word either. She can hold her own. I tell her she gets that from her great-grandmother, Earline mixed with them McGinnis genes it’s a wonder she is like she is. She most definitely the one that would show up to protect her older siblings without question.

I am more than blessed to have the best incredible kids call me mom. I hold that title with honor. I pray I am guiding them in the right ways. I do what I can to make sure they are prepared in this world. Everyday I tell them I love them. Every single day they hear words of affirmation from me and their dad. They know they are surrounded in love. I can’t help but be there for these 3 beautiful souls. Shout out to my 3 incredible kids!

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Sunday Message: Give Up Cycle

There are many things in life that we all have to push through is not giving up.  It comes in cycles.  You get really motivated and if you’re not careful, you go into justifying why its okay and you will get back into a flow after a while. As time keeps going you fall off completely telling yourself the goal was necessary.  Such a harsh pattern to be in.

There are ways to get past.  One take your bigger goal and break it down into smaller goals.  This is a good way to get the motivation moving towards the goal of completion. With technology there’s no reason you can’t keep your goals in your mind, on your phone, and in your vision.  What are you doing daily to keep the goals fresh on your to do list?  I usually look at my vision board that I took a picture of and attack one thing in each category that will get me to the finish line. How can I be productive?  How can I use that idle scrolling on social media time to push me to better limits?  This is the mindset to have daily.

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Failure is a apart of life.  We win and lose at variations. Failure hurts. Failure burns.  Failure is embarrassing.  Some of my most humbling failures still make me emotional but I know it is necessary for my story down the line. Consistency is necessary and staying the course comes from not getting stuck in the giving up cycle, where we let the human part of justifying why we fell off and staying in that part of cycle stalls our progress. Think about it in simple ways.  If you ask a kid why they did something they most likely squirm making up excuses that don’t make sense. That is how we look in the mirror of life using excuses like “not having enough money,” “too tired,” “not strong enough,” etc. Meanwhile those who have less than us take the same excuses we sell ourselves in their watered down versions and make magic.

Giving up cycle comes to all of us.  Just because you see someone have a different level of success than her, stop focusing on that.  Focus on how you can take charge of your areas, stay out of the giving up cycle and  find ways to rise above it.  Life is already going to deal its own cards, why add onto it by sabotaging yourself. Start this week writing down what you want to do to be successful on your own terms.  How will you make it happen? Focus on that this week not the small failures you may have experienced this past week.  It will only keep you on the hamster wheel and not much will happen there.

Wake up.

Make that list.

Make a plan for that list.

Find joy in the midst of pain.

Make this week better than last week!

You got this!

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Ask Toi: I cheated and my husband holds it over my head, should I leave?

I can’t give you that answer. I wonder if you two have done the work to heal. If you have been seeing a counselor and you have talked or are talking it out I would say let it run its course. I think regardless of who cheated meaning this goes for women and men, the person who is holding the cards is usually the one who has been cheated. You can’t determine how long that person grieves this betrayal. That is what it is your husband feels betrayed. Men are also wired differently they could be a cheater but don’t get over being cheated on. Women also cheats for other reasons than simply sex. So you need to figure out the reason that you cheated and if that reasoning has been resolved. If not you may find you doing it again. So I would seek counseling in addition to martial counseling. However you also aren’t trapped into your marriage. If its worth to go through this pain you may find that you and your husband to be stronger. But it has to be both wanting it. If you find that only you are interested in making it right, you have to make that decision. The only thing is that counseling will help so that you don’t take the same patterns into another relationship. I remember my husband going to counseling and our counselor let us know it’s not an easy fix. It wasn’t about cheating but the same principle applies. Counseling isn’t a fix. It helps you weed out your feelings and helps you determine your threshold for love and work. I wish you peace as you continue but ONLY you can determine how long you should work or if you should throw in the towel. I would say counseling is the best way to go about it to start the journey.

Monday Motivation: Starting Fresh

It’s a new month and with that it’s time to start fresh. I believe in resetting or resifting the mindset as often as possible. It’s necessary to completing goals.

So now that we are in the last month of the 1st quarter of the year, being realistic about your goals and figuring out which ones need to be tweaked is important. Also realizing that not all of your goals have to be crushed right away. If your goal was a better credit score, it’s going to take time to fix it. Keep your goals aligned so that the very goal doesn’t stress you while you complete them.

Keep in mind too this is not about not actively working towards your goal and then shifting them to the end of next year either. Acknowledge when you’re just not as motivated and do something about it. Every day I look at my vision board and find something to do in each category that will help me complete that goal. Everyday! Small tasks add up quickly. Being a proactive participant in your life separates those who just hope alone and those who work towards goals. Nothing will simply fall into your life.

You have to be determined to work hard. You have to be determined to make mistakes but quickly get up. The longer you sit in self-pity the longer it takes you to crush your goal. Your energy could be spent on important factors in place of wallowing in defeat. It takes minutes, days, months, and years off of your time!!

Start today with a new reassurance inside of you to finish what you started. To push out defeat. To make life happen even in the midst of a setback. Setbacks happen to all of us. How you push past it is what defines you! Start fresh today but crush your goals!

Weekly Update: Friday March 1, 2019

Blog Life

So it’s been pretty busy for ToiTime. If you missed let me recap this week for you. TCP help an event, Spread Love. It was a community outreach to service those who don’t have. It was an amazing event and I am proud to be apart of the TCP family, “we working over here.” Special thank you again to the Mayor of Lancaster, Danene Sorace and her team and family for their continued support. That was Saturday in Lancaster, PA; my hometown. Fast forward to Saturday and back in Philadelphia, I attended Variety’s Children’s Charity, “Let them eat cake under the stars.” All of the cake and drinks and helping children and their families who have disabilities so they can get the assistance to live independent lives. Have you seen my pictures of the cakes on my Instagram? Check it out. Monday along with my fellow blogging friends, PhillyFoodGal, LittleTeacherBigAppetite and PhillyDineout went to Bronze Table and Philly Scoop Deville. The food was super amazing. So as you can see its been a great but fulfilling week in every way.

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Saturday I will be attending Azuka’s Bob: a life in five acts, a play by playwright Peter Sinn Nachtrieb and directed by Michael Osinski.  Blog will follow Sunday morning so be on the look out for that!

Fit Life

I am going hard in my workouts. By the way did you catch my blog on how I was questioned on my weight while at the event in Lancaster this weekend. I have blogged the highs and lows of losing weight and keeping it off. I finally at the best shape of my life and apparently being healthy and being a size 8, I am still fat if you compare it to what folks remember me from a kid. It happens. I got bummed out but I will never let another person’s opinion to stop me from achieving these goals. I got 2 races coming up. One in April, Allstate Hot Chocolate 15k and the Broad street Run which is a 10 mile, I got work to do. I can’t and won’t let a distraction stop me!

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Shout out to Philly Scoop Deville for this vegan vanilla ice-cream with peaches, strawberries and Golden Grahams-my own concoction

My new schedule is 4 workout days including weights, eat clean as I can, and do my practice runs on Saturday and Sunday. Thankful for a crew of women behind me who we keep ourselves accountable and we know there is strength in numbers. From video check ins during the week to runs together on the weekend, we going to take Broad Street Run and all of the other runs by storm. Send good running vibes as I prepare to make sure I have what I need for both races!

Kid Life

My youngest is registered for Kindergarten.  Oh time please stop. No more babies is real but scary. People told me when you have kids that the time speeds up and they weren’t lying.  I am proud of all 3 of my children to be honest.  The older two have some amazing grades. I can’t complain, I am blessed!  Also my oldest has a Girl Scout event this upcoming week.  She is singing and I can’t wait to show her my support. We are the ultimate Uber parents as I like to call us. We are the soccer parents, Girl Scouts parents and soon to be karate parents. We are their number one fans!

Personal Life

I am really trying to get my mindset together for everything I am doing. I am conscious of the way I deal with others around me. It takes more work because  it’s not as natural for me to take the time to stop and respond. I can be more reactive type. I think what I notice is that others aren’t really sure how to respond to the fact that I am just being still and cautious. I know that end of day its helpful for me to take accountability for how I react and that is my goal.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I plan to.  Have a great one and remember to find something that renews you!

Monday Motivation: Showing up for Yourself

How will you show up for yourself?  Isn’t it super upsetting when you are waiting on someone to do what they said they were going to do?  It’s the worse thing ever. How about you when you say you’re going to do something for you but you fail to show up for yourself. This is why resolutions or goals fall. You fail yourself. You don’t show up for yourself and then you get mad and the cycle starts all over again.

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There is a lot of life to be lived but showing up for yourself needs to be at the top of your list.  How can you show up for yourself this morning? I choose to pack my snacks and breakfast ahead of time. I decided to show up for myself in how I eat and nurture myself. On Sunday after attending a function with TCP, I decided that regardless of how tired and unprepared I was to run I still got up grabbed what I could and ran my 3 miles. I couldn’t find my running socks, my running sweats that I like to wear in the Winter, my running hat, and I didn’t even have my house key.  I still showed up and showed out.

I am determined that the same energy I give towards work, my kids, my marriage is the same energy I should get first. I will be making more tracks in showing up for myself in other ways. In the amount of water I am drinking, the workouts for the week, blog events, me time, etc. I am showing up for me. You need to show up for you. Show up and make that doctor’s appointment. Make that appointment to get that new haircut you have been putting off. Show up for you. It’s something in not failing your mission even if you have to tweak it. Show up and show out today and this week, this month, and this year!

Weekly Recap: Friday February 22, 2019

Blog Life

I hope you are keeping up. A new blog has hit everyday this month so far.  We talked about a lot of mental health topics one way or another. It was necessary. One I got a lot of emails from followers requesting it. Also life hit me this week in various forms. I am one who tries to practice what she preaches. So I made my mental health my number one issue to maintain this week. Nothing in particular set me off it’s just that I am aware from therapy how to recognize when I am becoming elevated. I hope you have the same mindset for your life. It’s important to check in with yourself and slow things down. Life is already crazy enough.

Fit Life

I got into another Broad Street Run! I am more than excited. This is year 2 and although I now know what to expect I want to fix a few things that I didn’t know about the run this year. I want to train a little better.  So I am hitting the pavement sort of talk by running outside earlier. This will work with my stamina. It was pure adrenaline and training that helped me last year. But I want to get stronger and do this right!  Also I have the Hot Chocolate 15K in April. Its run season.  So I am training which means I will cut down on alcohol and focus on more water intake etc. Its hard lets not kid ourselves. The run is on Cinco de Mayo I will reward myself with a margarita and some banging tacos. Until then I go hard and show up for myself. So my training have gotten a little more intense. I am making sure I have what I need ahead of time. Send some running vibes my way!

Shout out to Cake Bams for sending me the best artisan rice cakes that I’ve ever had. These health-ish cakes were covered in goodness. The four flavors, love you matcha, chocolate chip crookie, salt in the dark and birthday erryday! You’ve had flavored rice cakes but never none like this. So such a sweet and amazing treat to end my 4 day workout week!!

Kid Life

We celebrated my youngest 5th birthday. That means we do not have any more babies in our house. She is officially a big girl! This is also the anniversary of the blood clot that almost took my life having her. I am grateful for her. She is like a fresh breath of life. She is an amazing child. She had the day to go to the movies to see Lego Movie 2: The second part. She honestly fell asleep but it wasn’t because of the movie it was because she woke up super early and excited to see what we had planned for her day. The movie itself was good having a lot of parts for the adults too.  She also went out for lunch, took in a lot of phone calls and Facetime from family and got the gifts she wanted. We also had a party for her with her classmates at school and that was what she wanted. I was glad that as parents instead of pushing our agenda. I am learning to take cues from the kids on how they want to be celebrated.  In our house birthdays are always a big deal because it’s the one day that should be yours. We enjoyed cake at home so this week my workouts had to match them slices!  My other kids have enjoyed their 3 day week and a snow day.  Pray for my grocery bill. They can eat. I enjoy watching them enjoy what kids should be enjoying.  As long as my kids are happy and healthy that is a big win!  I am extremely blessed to have the children that I have!

noey

Personal Life

This week I took out time to get me together. It takes a lot to juggle the many hats that I wear at any given time. I am amazed at each passing day just to get to the next. I do not think I am some wonder but its a lot in our house and lives to maintain it all.  However so much joy I have found in reconstructing what I want and what I need and finding alternatives to getting the things I want in a different way.

I was able to celebrate Galentine’s Day with one of my favorite humans, K at True Food in King of Prussia. This is a great spot if you want to eat healthy and without regret meal but still have an amazing food experience.  I had the Dashi Ramen bowl that had the right amount of kick to it. I also for dessert had the flourless chocolate cake. I know what your thinking-how can this be good?  Well it was amazing. It was served warm with vanilla ice-cream on top drizzled in caramel sauce and it was super delicious. Can’t forget about cocktails. I had War of the Roses (keep in mind it was Valentine’s Day weekend) which had pomegranate infused vodka, rose petal, pineapple and orange. From first sip to last it was definitely memorable. True Food also serves an amazing brunch on the weekends and has a kids menu in case you have to travel with the kiddies. Thanks True Food for an amazing dinner date with my boo. Also the restaurant is super beautiful. If you love taking pictures for the gram, this is your place. The green is beautiful and its so open and clean including the see through kitchen area.

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I don’t always get to see all of my girlfriends as often as I would like. Many of my closest friends live out-of-state. However K and I are able to have monthly dates. Monthly dates help to keep us close and being around each other is pure joy. If you have good friends nurture those relationships. I try to keep in contact with my out-of-state girlfriends with messages and videos as often as possible!

Events

spread love

This Saturday join me and the rest of TCP as we “Spread Love” event. You can either donate goods, help spread love, or attend and bring ideas as to what can be done in the community.  One winner will receive $500 to make that idea happen. Let’s come together and support one another!

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Diana Anello from Bredenbeck’s 2018 best in taste and show

I will be attending this Sunday Variety, The Children’s Charity of Delaware County “Let them eat cake under the stars” event. You can get tickets to this amazing fundraiser as with your cost of ticket allows you unlimited drinks as well as samples of some amazing cakes from the area. Who doesn’t like cake?  I will be doing my morning run and workout just so be sure I can eat cake and help deserving kids and juveniles in my area live a quality life.

I have a special project that I am working with on Monday with some of my fellow bloggers that I will do a special blog for on Tuesday.  All I can say is my workout game got to be strong it’s going to be one yummy treat!

Also March is coming! It’s Women’s History month and we are going to be giving you some amazing interviews this year! Be on the lookout!

Today is also national margarita so if you’re able and like them grab one!!