I was sitting on my couch on Sunday and one super grateful for down time and I asked myself a question: what did I really need? I have a long list of wants. I couldn’t answer. I didn’t go onto social media or watch television while I sat trying to figure it out.
We don’t really focus on our needs. We focus on what we think others need. We formulate opinions based upon that. However,asking yourself what it is that you truly need takes dedication and some level of sitting within yourself. It’s hard to do because we are programmed to live in distraction or to live in a world where its not okay to say that you need something. Little known fact I prep a lot of my Monday motivations early but since I couldn’t finish my thoughts on what I needed I decided to sit on this one a little while. I thought about the things that I need that as much as I make progress towards, I still find myself asking or 5 second leaning on another person when there are a few things that if not a lot of things I can do for myself.
I can tap into myself for a lot. It’s hard to lean into yourself. Beyoncé speaks about me, myself, and it’s a great song about self-preservation. However, do you know how hard it is to say to yourself I got me and stay there? Let me give you an example, when I first realized I was dealing with depression a few years ago I blamed everyone, and I mean everyone for it. My parents, upbringing, spouse, everyone when everyone could have been a trigger, but I was responsible for myself. I had the answer within me even though I needed the professional assistance of others to bring it out of me. I had to be okay being vulnerable to get to where I am today. I had to say what work am I willing to do and what stops, and peaks of balance can I incorporate towards my healing.
You are enough
For instance, when I have something going on within me no disrespect to friends or loved ones, but I work it out within me before spewing issues into the world. Do you know how many people are telling people who aren’t qualified to speak into their lives their problems in the name of venting. Venting is great but it can’t be the only way you process things. Its like going online telling everyone your problems but not wanting anyone to give feedback or getting feedback that doesn’t help. Processing inward first makes you accountable. If something in life is going on, doesn’t mean it’s the Devil it could be mismanagement but sitting quietly amongst yourself will allow you time to get there to where you made that mistake. Did you not hear when the person said what they said? Did you miss a red flag? What did you not do? You must be real with yourself.
So how is acknowledging where you are and what you need motivating?
Simple: ownership allows for forgiveness of self and healing promotes growth. At my worse moments in life acknowledging it and accepting my flaws even when others couldn’t allow me to grow. You can’t grow without acknowledging where you have caused others and yourself pain. Be willing to apologize even if you feel the other party involved aren’t deserving. I find it amazing how we markup others are underserving of love but want it in return. Your life can do that 180 that you seek but it comes from doing an inward manifestation. It feels like crap if you are the one who is consistently feels that you are at fault. What I learned is that I keep asking for forgiveness from everyone but me. Once you have forgiveness and you hit the first brick wall of even the closest ones to you won’t forgive you will learn a few things:
The person you offended had no intention of forgiving you in the first place-walk and heal on
This is harsh but its like a child that breaks something the parent is so mad that no matter what the child does to win the affection of that parent, they aren’t letting it go. News flash-even if you replace the cup, they aren’t willing to let it go. Heal on. Not to put anyone in my life on blast but the resentment from things that are unforgiven will have to live with the other person. Its freeing when you not only hear it but receive it. You will do emotional back flips trying to get someone to show you that they are accepting of you when if you dance this dance with them, they will use this as a crutch against you. The offended person may never forgive you. What? Yup they have a right to hold on to it for as long as they want you don’t have to sit there like a broken child waiting for them to move past it. Trust me its hard but you can literally free your life of this hope and wait game.
Define your needs
So, I asked in the beginning what did I need? I found and am finding the answers every day from getting quiet and listening to those around me. I need to be loved, to feel love, to feel wanted and admired however all of that is inside of me. And if I am doing this hope dance to get it from someone else if I give them this power as I wait at bay, I will forever be doing this dance even with folks that say that they love me. So is the need of acceptance of others stronger than the need of loving yourself? If you don’t and can’t clear with yourself, you are never going to be able to place appropriate checks and balances in your life and will forever be fueled by what others think. Its like a car needs gas and there are no other alternatives but instead of you getting quality gas you keep buying cheap not because the other options aren’t present but because its familiar to you. Meanwhile the car of your life is literally breaking down but all you can see is that at least you got gas. Park that car and re-evaluate all this stock you are giving out that you haven’t even seen the value you have within yourself.
Another example because I live by them, if you are losing weight and getting health why does the opinion of someone who isn’t doing for themselves matter more to you? Is that what you call love?
Could you walk in wholeness with the people in your life?
What do you need? I think if you had more clearly defined goals in life and love no one on the outside could possibly come in and give you leftovers and tell you is top shelf. Read that part again. You been fueling off scraps and telling yourself is top shelf made by a top chef and, all they did was reheated the same garbage that your personal depleted bucket told you was enough. It’s not that’s why you bump heads or why you walk unfulfilled. You have empty pockets and realize there’s parts of you that need healed. Could the people you walk with daily walk with you if you were whole? Could the you that you were meant to be accommodate the jerks in your life?
Yesterday we talked about keeping space and decluttering now today we need to walk in wholeness and define what our needs are. Stop giving the blueprint away to others who never had intention of getting you to greatness.