Ask Toi: I recently overheard a song that I used to share with an ex, my current boyfriend thinks I should stop singing it, what should I do?

Nothing.  It’s a song.  There is nothing that your current boyfriend can do with the fact that you have a memory with an ex.  It’s life.  We all have them.  I have them.  The point is to see it as a memory only and keep moving.  As long as you aren’t throwing the song or any memory in his face, he will be okay.  He may just be upset because he feels that another man has shared something he hasn’t.  My thing is that is the way dating works. You will never really share everything with one person.  There is space although small that we all bring in from someone else.  It’s no different from a cologne or perfume smell.  It’s all a memory.  It reminds me of the song by Jill Scott, “Cross my mind.”  In the song she talks about a memory in the form of her ex’s cologne and she attempted to have the next one smell like the last but it stunk.  Everything isn’t for everybody.  It really isn’t. Your boyfriend has memories of other women he just happened to know about one of yours and it stung him a bit.  He will be fine.  Let him know that there is nothing to be worried about and let that be that.

To the part where you should stop singing unless you have a mic or a made up mic and are literally in his face with it, he will deal.  Songs come on.  I know of one of my husbands songs for his ex and I just mention it and move on.  I have songs for my exs and it is what it is.  I don’t sing it like I am attempting to make American Idol but its a memory good or bad and it fades.

How to Get Past the Annoying Co-Worker

So we all have them right?  Unless you are in business for yourself you have to work.  I was always taught if you don’t work, you don’t eat.  There are no handouts.  Let me say even if you have landed your dream job, having others who you have to interact with can get annoying.  It doesn’t mean you have to be at your wit’s end.

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I am a firm believer in life not to allow any one person to get into my spirit so much that the sight of them makes my eyes squint.  Now that is not to say that it hasn’t happened. It’s getting warmer out and although you would think that moods would be jolly people are people. These tips I am giving are the ones I use and reuse all the time.

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  1. Don’t take your work home-give yourself about 5 minutes or so after you get off or after you speak to a friend or spouse about someone at the job and then let it go. The more energy you give a person even if they are not in your presence the more they irk you.  Speak it and then release it and them.
  2. Know your supervisor.  Sometimes knowing who you have to report will help the situation.  There is always that co-worker that thinks he/she is your boss.  Speak up. You are only going to get more frustrated if you don’t.  You can professionally let people know where they can get on or off without being overly out-of-pocket. Little reminders of the such goes a long way trust me.  You have to professionally back people off of you.
  3. Don’t Speak what you won’t do.  If you are a talker and all you want to do is complain say that.  However never put out in the atmosphere what you are going to do if you don’t plan to do it.  People waste energy telling folks off and then don’t back it up.  In an office setting there should be protocol in how you handle conflict. Deal with the issue and attempt to set aside the emotions of the situation.
  4. Be cordial-stop thinking that you have to be your co-workers friend.  This false set of foolishness leads to more issues that can be squashed.  If you and the co-worker don’t hang out outside of the office, stop allowing them to be on your social media networks and crossing the friendship line with you.
  5. You are in control of you.  Adults should be their own person.  Learn that in some situations hi and bye works.  You are there to do your job or work on your projects.  When you forget that at times you get caught up.
  6. Don’t get caught up in office banter.  In order to have less problems learn when to disengage.

There will be tines when the list doesn’t work.  Gasp.  Yes people are people.  Find it inside of you to stay in control.  The biggest one is to learn to speak up.  It’s usually the ones who hold everything in, and complain the most who have the worst interpersonal skills.  They haven’t learned to walk in their adulthood.  That alone will solve a lot of office issues.  Never stoop to the annoying co-workers level.  Remain in control.  There’s a good chance they have rubbed others the wrong way as well.  Never let them see you sweat.  Since most of us don’t have bail money on deck, don’t lose control at work.  Walk away especially from work place violence-no one wins.  Take walks.  Take a break.

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Why are you dragging La La over Carmelo’s alleged affair?

So the tea is circulating that Carmelo Anthony may have gotten another woman pregnant.  I could care less her profession.  My thing is why are you dragging La La for not staying with him?  Did I miss where in the vows it states to honor?  Where is it honorable to sleep on your wife with anyone regardless if you get them pregnant?  Now I know a lot of basketball players and people in the industry get blamed for cheating but it sort of comes with the territory.  Look at all of the examples where these women who marry into this deal with the ups and downs of the many women who just want a piece of the action and slide into the hotel rooms of these men?  Everybody ain’t telling the same lie!

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If and I say if because as much as these stories hit the airways, at the end of the day marriage is between 2 people, that this is true than she shouldn’t have stayed and high-fived his raggedy behavior.   I do however believe where there is smoke there is fire.  So something other than the stress of his NBA career is happening.  The reason I say that is simply due to the fact that when kids are involved people are more than cautious to not play games with separation with kids in the middle.  Even if it’s just this one public story do you know the other things that have taken place between them?  No you don’t but like any married couple who is real and honest, I bet you it was more than just one thing.  It’s never one thing.  If you want to make a marriage work, it boils down to give and take, and going through the mess and wiping it off, working it out and trying.  However when enough is enough you walk away.  Marriage is forever when both parties are in it for the forever.

You not going to convince me that it don’t still take 2 to Tango.  So we gonna need the ones dragging La La to just stop.  Stop the foolishness of this misconceived notion that wives are supposed to be dumping bags for junk.  She didn’t leave Carmelo high and dry. She did what was best for her and her child after the many sacrifices to her had been taken.  Carmelo will be fine.  It’s unfortunate that after so long with the Knicks but career stress isn’t a valid excuse to be out here slipping.  The most disrespectful thing you can do to a wife is to cheat and have a child with another woman.  Some women deal fine with it and others only deal because they have to but that don’t mean they stay.  No different if the shoe was on the other foot. La La would be called every hoe and bitch there ever was.  You won’t be able to drag her for leaving a cheating man over here at ToiTime.  I am a wife and I don’t play those games.  I will never go on record talking about what my husband won’t or will do but I will snatch your edges if you try to drag me for walking away from some crap like cheating like that’s supposed to be happening in a marriage.

The best thing that can be done is one, make sure you ain’t still with Ray Ray that has been knowingly sleeping with your friend for years.  It amazes me the amount of hate within women who have been in the same situation or worst that tell others what they should do, talk about them, and then go home to do the same thing.  We are women we can be better than this.  I know it a bunch of men blogging and dragging La La and making comments.  Not that men don’t talk because they do, but this is some insecure women crap.   My thing and my stance is you don’t know what is going on behind doors and until you have been in the trenches, leave folks alone about what they do with their lives. Secondly there is a child in the middle of this very adult situation that will get older and have to read about both of his parents.  How they handle it needs to be handled with delicacy.

No Accounts

So one of my favorite cousins had a conversation about no accounts.  When we first started talking it was about no account mammies.  Yes I said mammies.  No account mammies are the moms who have kids and don’t take care of them.  The moms who drop they babies off to big momma’s house and be in the club every weekend.  The ones that don’t ever even check on big momma to make sure she need anything.  Always expecting somebody to raise their kids but don’t raise them themselves.  The no account mammies are the ones that have kids and expect the state to take care of them.  These are the kids that get fished into homes other than the one they should be in.  No accounts have a reason for why they do what they do but most don’t take into consideration that at the end of the day a choice was made and a choice was taken.

My cousin and I have these talks all the time.  However the no accounts can really apply to anyone to be honest.  it’s not an attack on women or mothers.  It’s the reality of what happens when people who are too selfish to care about how choices and actions actually interfere with others.  So for the sensitive you might as stop reading now.  I will not sugar coat no account people.  They are all around us.  They could be in your close circle.  This is not to say that you must have a perfect life.  I know myself and others who have had lives that have been filled with tragedy, regret, etc but the choice to end up as a no account person is a personal choice.  I had a conversation with a person yesterday.  They said something that clicked to me.  Without getting into the details it boiled down to level of relationship.  Some people appear to be no account with you because they don’t even value you as anything worth doing better by.  Is that the person’s fault?  Some of it can be.  However could it be the way you allow certain things to be said or how you carry yourself in that relationship that makes the difference?

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We give the no accounts so much credit.  For instance the cash me outside chick.  She is a no account.  Sorry not sorry.  She is slated to make millions of this ghetto vernacular that black folks been accused of acting like but we get the wrong end of the stick.  To be honest she is a disrespectful child that needed her behind kicked  a long time ago.  Yes I said it.  I will not watch a reality show that glorifies her bad behavior.  She needs the right set of parents.  Now she making club appearances.  How?  She isn’t even 21 to enter these premises and making more than most hard-working citizens.  But the dummies of the world put their stamp of approval on her and bam she’s an instant hit.  Miss me with her and her antics.  I am not a hater.  I am on team make your money but if the only claim to fame is because you out here threatening to hit folks but every other time you getting your ass beat than I am in the wrong field.  She is out here making disrespect and foolishness cute.

No accounts care but mostly about themselves.  Have you dated a no account?  The one who every time you bring up stuff they disregard you?  The one that can’t seem to be on time except if it affects him or her?  The one who seems distant but you still working on him?  How much working on him or her do you need to do before you clock out permanently?  Even doctors get in and do what they have to do in surgery.  If the person you like has that much work to be done it may be time for you to consider that surgery time is not even worth it.  Like what are you really going to do with this person?  Convince them?  How is that working out?  Even in marriage the piece of paper that governs and holds your benefits of marriage together can’t make a husband or wife do what you want them to do.  After awhile working on the marriage becomes just exhausting but I know we aren’t supposed to say that because the ones striving towards marriage will feel some type of way.  This is real life.  The glitter and gold of all things eventually wear down.

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Let’s talk about the no account job you have.  Who makes it no account? Does working at McDonald’s make it no account.  Absolutely not. I really have to say this.  Nothing in this world irks me more to hear people who finally get a piece of job saying the most demeaning thing about fast food workers, or janitors.  Do you realize that people need to work.  Where they work has no bearing on who they are or what they can or can’t do.  I hear people say when people don’t have a job that they could have worked at (insert job) but the minute they do they have to deal with the most uppity attitudes because they sold you a burger.  Stop this mess. You have no idea where you can be doing what you have to do for yourself and your family.  This uppity mentality of telling people “he or she better pass me my damn sauce” needs to stop. No matter where you go you will find folks with bad attitudes that’s from the high-rise job to the lowest as well.  So don’t attribute raggedy to someone just because of their job title.  If you treated others well no matter what they do or who they are you yourself would be a lot further in life than where you are and that’s the truth.

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No account friends exist.  I am struggling in this department.  The reason for the struggle is that it has nothing to do with cutting people off.  It’s seeing the shift of friendship and waiting for the shift to complete itself.  No account friends are the ones who never have nothing nice to say.  You bring up something they make it about them.  Or tell you that they been there and then go into the ME fest.  Sometimes you need to just hear “let me know how I can help you.” Just because you did it one way doesn’t mean you have to speak ill about something and someone you call a friend.  No account friends start when friends forget to treat each other the way you want to be treated.  Not just when you feel needed and have a god complex that you are now saving the world.  No account friends have to be dealt with by cutting them out of your life.  Getting cut hurts.  So the emotions you feel behind it is real.  However what can you do with a no account friend? Nothing if your honest.  They don’t serve a purpose but frustrate the gifts, talents, and love you could be giving to another human being and get the same in return.

You have the power to end the no account cycle.  It doesn’t matter what your title in life is trust me being a no account person or continuing to deal with a no account person will only lead you into a place of continued frustration.  You will be dark and angry without knowing why and all along it was because you had all of the negative energy around you.  Take your life into your own hands in that you do what is absolutely best.  You have a right to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind.  However your struggle with the factors that you don’t think you can change.  Its going to hurt.  You will miss the negativity.  Yes you will.  You are used to it. Like for instance I was used to certain behaviors from others.  So the minute I took charge and ended it I still longed for it.  This is the part about change people don’t talk about.  They make it seem as if you change and then you just keep on trucking.  That’s not true especially when you been around something for so long.  However like my grandma would say to hell with it and folks.  You have to keep walking away, stay away, and command respect in your own life and how you deal with others and especially in how you allow others to handle you.  How you allow others to handle you is super important.  Often times when you allow folks to do anything the only one mad is YOU.  You know better.  You feel it’s not right.  You know you don’t like it than stop it.  It can be on a little scale or large one, end the mess today.  Take into account the no accounts in your life.

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People are walking around full of sorrow.  Some of it is from what they have done.  Let me give you a nugget for your past.  If you DID it already and have made strides to do better and changed your life around know two things.

  1. It’s over
  2. People do not have to validate your change.  You do not need an amen corner to push you along to the best parts of your life.  Walk alone if you have to but stop waiting for acknowledgement of change that may not come.

If you are walking around with sorrow in your heart because you lack friendship and you want to be connected as most of us do, put out the very personality and love you want to receive.  When it comes back to you tainted know that who you attempted to connect with or have been connected to is the wrong one. Another free nugget of wisdom, the amount of time you have been connected with a person or group of persons is never a reason to stay in a no account relationship.  Why do you think that people who have been married for 25 years end? It could be they held on for selfish reasons like making the kids happy.  It could  be that they weren’t financially in a place to end things.  This happens more often than you think.  Walking around in the wilderness of any relationship being faithful to it because of amount of years knowing it no longer served you is craziness.  Don’t get discouraged.  Keep on going. The right ones with the right spirit will link up and it will be like being thirsty in a desert and finding water for the first time.  Your issue is in the mean time of that happening.  Continue on your goals, fine tuning your crafts, finding your gift to the world and taking care of your home. Your home also means your spirit, your well-being, and what makes you whole.

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Weekly Wrap Up: March 24, 2017

So I want to start doing a weekly wrap up with my readers.  I first want to say thank you for rocking out with me.  Some of you have been loyal since day one 2 years ago and some are brand new.  Even if you came to see what I am doing and have something to say about that, either way you are here.

With this new weekly wrap up I will attempt to wrap a few news stories as well as personal highs and lows that went down this week.

News

  1. Missing black girls in the DC area.  I have a 7-year-old and to know that these young girls are missing and not much coverage is being done to bring them or any lost child home is most disturbing.  I need our men to step up and assist our single mothers in DC and all over the world.  Men make such a vital part of our community especially in homes where no male is present.  So let’s say a prayer that these young ladies make it home safe and sound.
  2. Violence breaks out outside the UK Parliament-it is the sad day that we live in where these senseless acts of violence and terrorism takes place.  My prayers to those who were injured or lost their lives.
  3. The United States government as a whole.  It’s no secret that Trump is in office.  There are a lot of laws and a lot of back and forth taking place that affects and will affect of the everyday life.  My suggestion is that we need to all start pulling resources together.  We need to look out for one another.  I have been saying this since I started this blog, we need to take it back to the old land mark where we would watch over our elderly, feed the kids, and help the single moms and dads where we can.  A little can go a long way and not just around the holiday times either.  Step it up all year-long

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Personal Highs

  1. Lost 2 more pounds this week.  Even managed to almost loss my clothes on the treadmill.  Contemplating if I should buy smaller size clothes as I have gone down one and a half but I am attempting to wait it out.
  2. Made some time for myself and I have a few things for myself this weekend. I am on a mission to attempt to balance my life as much as possible to not give more than I need to in any one area and pour back into my own life like I pour out into others.
  3. Daughter’s report came home and we are loving her new confidence.  We are working with her on not just hearing what we say but applying.  We want her to be strong and confident and speak up for herself respectively.
  4. Concurred the water demon aka drinking water more.  I do not like water however its one of the best components to losing weight is increasing water.  I can actually drink it whether its flavored or not and that’s major progress.
  5. Keeping up with my new natural hair style.  I thought it would be harder especially with the fact that I work out at least 3 days a week but so far so good.  See my blog on my natural hair, Natural is not a phase

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Blogs for this week:

If you missed anything and you I hope you haven’t but if you did this is what we were talking about this week:

  1. Marriage and medical deal breakers.  We helped a married couple navigate should they leave their marriage over a medical problem.  You have to read my answer.  It’s not always a flat-out no.  Yes we have vows but sometimes……
  2. Rapper Future is not on my top list of greatest rappers.  I do not like this just learned how to read, cookie cutter, make money off of stupidity rap.
  3. Open marriage in the communication lane and taking trips without your mate
  4. Whether or not you should leave a significant other who refuses to wash.  The short answer is going to a yes…..
  5. We highlighted KJM a blogger that keeps it straight no chaser.  Let me say she gets the nitty and gritty of where I leave off.  I blog light but my mouth is just as sharp.  Don’t know who KJM is, catch up
  6. Spring must do

Personal Lows

So this has been a trying week for me in that I am still dealing with the aftermath of my kid’s school.  I really am trying to find the appropriate way to start communicating and liking it my kids teachers.  I believe in keeping decorum but the struggle is in having to save face after I am clear that personalities no longer mash well.  Parenting is not an easy road.  I as always taught to handle my business but I find that I am on a hi and bye level and I am not sure if that will be enough to salvage the broken relationship.  I do not play when it comes to my kids.  Once I see someone lie, discriminate, or even not give them the basic education they deserve my first step is to get through the year and think ahead on new schooling.  I know that sounds like running but it’s not.  I believe every child needs to have a good education. I believe they should be safe, and be in a welcoming environment. My kids do not go to school for free.  So once I start shelling out rent payments and car notes I expect a high level of expectation to be met period.  So I am still figuring things out and weighing out all options.  The trick is putting my issues to the side for the better of my children but not taking no junk from anyone regardless of title or position.

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This past weekend wasn’t a very good one for me.  I had a hard time coming out of a funk. No I am not super positive every moment.  I can go left real quick.  It is something that I am aware of and try to stay away from others and retreat if I need to.  My patience can become quick and the only ones I am not short with for the most part are the 3 that call me mom.  I am working on getting better on working through my triggers.  But hey I am human and I bounced back fine.

Cat Fight Chronicles

You know there’s a thing about women being catty.  Not all women but quite a few.  The reason in my opinion as to why there are so many catty women in the world is that we don’t have enough women who are more interested in first building themselves and then other women.  Think about that. How many women know deep in their hearts that they see another beautiful woman and just automatically compliment her?  Think about how the beauty of another woman doesn’t take away from you but because you don’t even believe you alone are beautiful this woman who you 9 out of 10 times don’t even know intimidates you.  She makes you feel less than you are.  She makes you second guess what you have on. But SHE isn’t the issue the issue is more self-reflective.

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Let’s give you some examples. If you watch just about any reality television and it doesn’t matter what race of women are involved the formula is always one and the same.  You get a group of women together and pin them against each other and bam you have instant ratchet and success.  So we love to watch it but say we would never act like that in real life. The real reality is that just because you aren’t throwing drinks in someone’s face doesn’t mean you don’t dabble in cat fights.  You dabble every time you engage in meaningless conversations where you tear down another woman.  Some people like to disguise it as “lifting another one up” like you’re in a church click.  Some disguise it as keeping it in the circle.  The best way to know if you are catty is that if you can’t and won’t repeat what you say about another woman to her face especially a stranger you are officially catty.  Let me say to my I can dish it out and I don’t hold my tongue ladies, you do.  You don’t ever say things in the same intensity that you described it to another person like you would to the actual person’s face.

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Another example you and your man is out.  Your man glances not the whole look down of the woman.  Instead of acknowledging even if it’s within yourself that she is beautiful, is dressed nice, or has a nice body, the first thing is you slap him for glancing. Let’s not confuse this with the out right stare.  We are talking about a glance.  So deal with your man’s wandering eye but don’t knock the fact that the woman he saw is attractive in some form or else he wouldn’t have looked.  Unless your man is a scumbag and remember you choose him, than that woman isn’t getting his number just because of her attributes. She is not coming home with you unless you’re into that sort of thing.  There’s nothing she can do to your well-being or your relationship unless you allow it or your man allows it. She doesn’t take away from you.

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Another example its hard to date or marry anyone with children.  We all know that baby moms and dads can be a handful but the reality is that they are going to be apart of your life.  I know plenty of women who fight their significant other.  For instance if you watch Love and Hip Hop New York you have Yandy, Samantha and Erica fighting over who was first, second or last.  Who had Mendencees heart etc.  I could go all day on why it’s not even apart of anyone’s need to fight over Mendencee but the reality is this is a common fight among women.  If you are on the scene now with the love of your life and the other past women isn’t currently involved, etc than just build your relationship with the one you are with.  No need to worry about who was first unless you are the current in the relationship getting cheated on.  Always deal with your man and not the other woman. Cattiness will keep you on team petty and at the end of the day 9 times out of 10 either you are making you look stupid or the man you ready to bust someone one’s head to the white meat is making you look even more stupid.

Let’s talk about ways to be less catty.

  1. Grow up-sorry no cute little saying to make it easier to read.  You need to grow within yourself.
  2. Build self confidence-this is something we all need a dose of anyway.  The more confident you are the better at reacting and engaging with other women you will be. Confidence makes a huge difference in how you see others.  The lens of perception gets clearer.
  3. Tell women when you see something you like about another woman i.e  a nice pair of shoes, a cute handbag, or outfit that you like it.  This is called a compliment.  Strong women are able to offer these freely because they know it doesn’t take away from who they are, what they have.
  4. Smile more.  When you smile more it really does help keep your focus on what is important in your life at any given moment.  Women who are miserable tend to strike against others the most.  Misery loves company never forget that.
  5. Disengage in negative behavior from other women.  We are the best at ending cattiness by dismissing it in our own circles.

I am not suggesting that changing cattiness is super easy because it’s not but it can and should be done.  You will find that uplifting each other is the best thing for all of us.  Take for example the Women marches that have taken place since Trump has been office.  If we united like that on an everyday school we all would be winning.

Self Love

Self love will look different, sound different, taste different, etc to different people. Self love means by the very definition is about loving yourself.  The broadest definition of self-love is learning how to care for you, what you need, how much you need, and being okay to not limit how often you love on yourself. How you achieve the goal will be the unique marker for each individual person.

If you are in a relationship and you are finding that the person that YOU selected isn’t loving on you the way that you want, do some things about it.  For instance, if self-love looks like you taking some me time, that’s what you need to do. In relationships we all need our own time but when you don’t have enough self love and aren’t being active in your self love, the second your mate isn’t doing what he or she needs you get upset.  What you haven’t recognized is that you may not have loved on yourself and therefore what you lack isn’t love from an outside source but from yourself.  Your personal love cup is empty.

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This is a new journey that I am taking.  When you start to love yourself even the mundane everyday interactions that you tolerated before will cause your eyes to open.  You start setting limits on how much time you are in one place because you see that the person or location no longer serves you.  This is the by-product of loving you.  Our society always seems to put more on an emphasis on what others do, how they do, and when but not enough on what you require, how often, and when.  Change the way you look at yourself.

When you self-love you can see your flaws, work towards making them better, but still embrace them. Self love isn’t always a come to Jesus moment either.  Self love also involves making some drastic changes and changes that sting and hurt in the beginning. For instance, how can you love on you but don’t care what you consume?  These type of bad habits have to stop when you love on you more. Tap into what YOU need and not what people have set limitations for what THEY think you need.  If a part of you needs to finish school so that can be a goal that you cross off for you, than do that.

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I was walking in the store this morning.  I heard a woman tell the cashier how her husband doesn’t like it when she reads.  First thing that came to mind was what in the unholy hell is that?  How can a man tell his wife that he doesn’t like her reading. Then I stopped because I have no idea what is going on in their home, if it’s a cultural thing, or if she really is in an unsafe environment.  What I did hear is that she said that what he wanted didn’t stop her. She gets up early almost an hour before he does and reads anyway in another room.  She takes books to her job and uses her lunch time.  She uses her E-reader to read and he thinks she is web surfing.  I could go in on her oppressed like home, but she did something about it that made her happy in spite of the environment she was in. What about you who aren’t living in an oppressed environment.  Are you willing to get up early, stay up late, change your schedule, make yourself temporarily uncomfortable to give YOU what you need?  I mean apart of the process of self-love is learning how to tune out the negative thoughts that come from you and those who you seem to want approval from.

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Self love should be the first love you master and re-master over and over again.  This will take loveless relationships and end them fast.  You can’t dip yourself in love and allow someone to give you less than what you give yourself.  Maybe you need to re-check your self-love meter.  If you compromise on you than don’t go off on someone else who does what you allow them and you to do to yourself.  Have you ever been asked what makes you happy but don’t have an answer to give?  I am not talking about winning the lottery.  I am talking about the type of things that make you happy that money can’t buy yet when asked you go blank.  Your self love bank is empty and you need a refill.  What makes you happy? What are your passions?  What makes you at peace when the world is going to hell in a handbag?  I am going to clue you in even as a wife and mom although I love my titles, it’s going to have to be more than changing some diapers and loving on my husband to make me happy.  Relationships change and kids grow.  Simply and only being caught up in either title will leave my self love meter empty.  Why do you think the divorce rate is high when couples get into the empty nest phase.  One they may have not put in enough energy in their relationships or themselves.  However it rolls out to be, self love is the MOST important love you will ever encounter.

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