What are you Grateful for?

The only time we talk about gratefulness is around Thanksgiving.  You hear everyone repeat what they are grateful for.  If you come from a big family as I do, by the time Aunt Sally speaks her gratefulness you’re almost tapped out.  Do you know the power of speaking what you are grateful for out loud?  It refocuses what you have and less on what you don’t.  It will renew your mind to go after what you don’t have without negativity.  It will allow others around you to get good vibes as well.  When you see grateful people they seem to smile more. There lives may be in shambles but they know that trouble don’t last always.  They seem perkier.  They seem almost too unreal.  The reason they seem unreal is because the world is full of life suckers and negative vibes.  Choose to be the light in a dark world. Sometimes a simple smile can do it for someone. I watched my kids energy in a simple Snapchat video and it reminded me to slow down and relax.  Or when I see my daughter accomplish a goal she thought she couldn’t its gratefulness that makes me stop and reflect.  I look and see the Vegas devastation and some of the stories of heroism or the stories of how a man lost his wife but he was grateful for her smile everyday.  Can you say the same?  Will someone look back at the time you were here and say, they were genuine and loved life?  If not you can change it.  Life sucks no doubt, but if you change the lens you will be able to conquer anything thrown.

So I’ll start it out for you, what are you grateful for?

I am grateful:

  1. My life
  2. My health
  3. My husband
  4. My kids
  5. My job
  6. Good credit
  7. No debt
  8. Ability to love
  9. Ability to receive love
  10. This day
  11. My friends
  12. For my grandparents still being alive
  13. For my nieces
  14. My siblings and siblings in love
  15. My parents
  16. For working my marriage
  17. For good food in my home
  18. For the ability to have gas in my car
  19. For healing
  20. For a sound mind
  21. Loving love
  22. Being quirky
  23. For loving to celebrate daily days
  24. Being an organized person
  25. For being creative

The list can go on for pages and pages, what are you grateful for?  Speak it and sit back and enjoy the blessings that God gave you as you speak it and list it.  It changes you when you learn to live from a grateful heart.  Be grateful!

How to Ace Your Job Review

So you got the job, now what?  It’s time to for your yearly review.  Cue in the celebratory music and toss some confetti.  You made it through and its now time to ace the review.

There are a few things you need to do before the review to ace it:

  1. One never get too comfortable.  You know how you dressed when you first got the job verses after you been in your position let’s say 6 months after, cut it out.  Always dress to impress.  I do not care if you have been at your job for years.  Dress accordingly.  How you present yourself matters.
  2. Be on time. Have a track record of being on time. Life happens to all of us but trust and believe if you have a track record of being the “late one” it will come up.  Get to work on time.  Remember what you prayed for when you were in the faith line, get there, be on time, and work.
  3. Know your job and do it well.  You can’t ace your review when you haven’t been doing your actual job.  If you find in the midst of your job that there are areas where you aren’t doing your best, ask for help immediately and before your review.  The amount of people who fluff off inconsistencies makes no sense.  You do realize that your boss knows it and sees it. If training isn’t available then get yourself some.  There should be a wealth of friends that you can call on that can assist you in getting a few areas on point.  If not, get new friends. Either way your employer will appreciate the effort.
  4. Come to your review with areas that can be improved whether it be for yourself or for the company.  Make sure it’s not a list of complaints only. This is called taking an initiative.  Take it.  Coming with suggestions even if it is secretly complaints will look better than just having complaints.
  5. Be on time for your review if not early especially if you are meeting in an area of your office or your boss’s office.  Do not be late.
  6. Watch your tone and your language.  You should be authentic but keep it mind it’s a job.  I am a direct person but in certain arenas knowing the climate of your company matters.

During your review please bring a pen and a pad to write down notes.  One of the most irritating things you can do is come to your review unprepared.  This will come off badly.  Smile, and look your boss in their eyes.  Communication starts as soon as the meeting starts. If you find there is an area of improvement, take the criticism graciously.  Do not try to over explain.  Just note it and improve.  If you disagree, wait until its your turn to speak without cutting off your boss. If they have you write your comments down on your review sheet then do so.  Make sure especially if you are asked to write anything to check your emotions before you write.  You do not want to come off in a negative tone.

If you know that going into your review there are some areas that you KNOW you didn’t do well, think of ways to spin it.  Reviews are like mini interviews and you should always treat it as such.

Lastly ask questions, ask if there is anything that you can do to improve even if you are a model employee.  Never get comfortable in your position that you aren’t looking for ways to do better.

Congrats you have made it through another year!!

 

 

Grab a Bag

So yesterday I didn’t get a chance to blog. Okay, so I just didn’t.  Mainly because I was having a bad day and secondly after having a bad day I just wanted to go to sleep.  So let me tell you how this day had me about to grab my gym bag and no not to hit the gym but to swing.

Anyone who has ever been in a fight, when a girl grabs her bag that means she’s about to suit up to do some damage.  That was how I felt because I was all in my feelings.  All week I was super excited to see my doctor for my appointment. I was ready to see all the positive from a year ago.  Now it was positive until we got on the topic of my belly and this past surgery.  I guess because losing the weight isn’t an issue the issue is more the swelly belly.  I love when I wake up and I am all the way on.  Belly looking flat flat and my body looking good in my clothes.  UNTIL, the day I wake up and look like I was carrying a secret love child and then I am not feeling it.  Well during my appointment I was seen by a male student who I tried to explain how I felt and he gave me the most distant stare.  I was looking like really, engage, care, offer tips, do something but NOPE! He just stared at me like I had 3 breasts.

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Let’s back it up to earlier in the day I had to professionally tell someone off.  I consider myself to be queen of the go off but in certain arenas you have to behave accordingly. Well I did that until the other person went left and I had to bring them back to reality.  So I was still fuming from that interaction, the student doctor was blind and not getting it, and the night before I had gotten into an argument with my husband over trash.  Yes over a trash can-lawd save all the trash cans lids in our community Jesus! So at this point I am at take my earrings off mood.  So I did what any responsible adult would do, I just took a deep breath rolled my eyes at the student doctor, and waited for my doctor to come in.  As soon as she saw me she said what’s wrong.  I put my husband on hold, put the student doctor on hold, put the day on hold, and told her how I felt about all of this process since the surgery. I don’t think I had verbally talked about it until yesterday.  Yes I blogged about it and mostly on the physical stuff but now its been 3 months and a little over 2 on these hormone replacement therapy patches and I needed to let it out.  This was my chance.  This was the time.

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I told her the truth. I felt emotionally fine.  I didn’t feel like I had gotten out of control these days.  However there are some days when I will get a rash, or itch so bad that I want to peel my own skin off.  The swelly belly and having to be super extra careful of what I consume is a lot. I feel like there is an inward pressure from myself to get my belly back down and hope it stays down.  This is an ongoing battle that NO ONE told me about when I talked about the surgery.  She smiled and gave me a hug.  She explained about the belly swells is my body’s way of saying cut back.  Not just on what I eat, but what I am doing.  Cut back.  She said that I have artificial hormones that is making me feel emotional even though I think I am fine.  The belly is not permanent.  The weight is not an issue.  She let me know that I am still healing.  In my head, I should be over this by now.  However sadly I am not.  She also let me know that the hormones is the culprit for the belly and that is normal to go up and down for about a year.  A year I really was hoping that was a myth that I heard about before.  But nope its like having a baby they say come back to work in 6-8 weeks but it can take up to a year to get your life back under control.

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So the student said he didn’t see that it was troubling me. He based that on the fact that the scale showed the great weight loss from the year before.  I talked to him about different cues he can take even from a difficult patient like I had been.  I told him scale victories are awesome but I am also looking for off scale victories too.  I met with my grumpy intruder that I had to set straight and they apologized to me.  Reality is they were dumping their issues on me like I was attempting to do in the doctor’s office.  The difference between me and the doctor is that the doctor’s office was a safe place and on me that could get you a two piece and a biscuit and I ain’t talking food.

I had to go home, not pick up the kids and get myself together. I went into full busy mode and finally I was able to relax.  I was able to get it together. I’m still going to continue to do all the things I have been doing.  But I guess I will have to be a little less strict on myself and let myself heal through the belly swell, and eventually all things will come into place.  So if you see me in the streets and my belly is a little big just smile don’t worry the next time you see me it may or may have decided to do its thing.  Who knows!

Friday Recap: September 15, 2017

It’s been so long since I have done an update.  This has been a very interesting week to say the least.  To say TGIF is an understatement.  So what’s been going on with ToiTime online and behind the scenes?

Personal Achievements

  1. My son turned six.  Shout out to him.  He is such a wonderful young man.  I adore being his mom.  I really love his and his siblings life.  They have a good one.  Also along with him turning six, he has had a dynamic week at kindergarten.  He has been super student 3 times this week.  Way to go!  Oh and I can’t forget my niece who shares the same birthday. She turned 2.  This little gem is such an honor to be her aunt.  I love her bubbly spirit.  I pray they both have such a great year.
  2. We have survived our first week of school.  I’m going to drink to that.  The going to work late, running around, back to school shopping, house prepping was not in vain. Shout out to my husband who allows me to be extra mom of the year.  I go above and beyond to create experiences.  I really don’t even listen to the “why she doing that” talk.  My kids are amazing and deserve to be treated as such.  Kids don’t ask to come into the world.  They deserve to see and have a beautiful life.  So that is that I wear my extra mom hat proud.
  3. Who lost a few more pounds?  Yes me.  I am still soaring we have reached 50 and counting.  I know your thinking, what in the world did I weigh a thousand?  Say what you will but the way I feel in my own skin and how I look in my clothes is more of a reason to keep on keeping on.
  4. My family is doing amazing.  Two members had medical scares but God brought them out.  I can’t reveal the one yet but just know I am smiling from ear to ear.
  5. My youngest is moving on to a new school next week.  I am happy about it.  Its bitter-sweet as her teachers was awesome but when its time to move on its time.  I have gotten to the place where I won’t stay longer than necessary, I learned that with my son.
  6. Didn’t give into a message that was sent from a past relationship.  Pump your breaks it wasn’t an old flame.  The message was sent to me and my husband.  OH I wanted to, but what would be the point?  Raggedy folks are going to be them no matter what.  I can forgive from over here and leave folks over there to their own guilt.
  7. Who spoke to one of their favorite artist?  Yes me.  I had a great conversation with none other than Lil Mo.  Now anyone who knows me knows I have every one of her albums.  We talked about new music, and new shows etc up the pike.  I will keep you posted.  She is extremely humble, real, and not like everyone has her painted. AND she doesn’t shy away from speaking authentically even if its controversial.  I actually ran into her at my local Target store a few months ago and the conversation was quick.  This was more of an intimate conversation.  I definitely plan on speaking more on that later.  Shout out to my girlfriend who always is my connect.  She made my entire night.  Don’t worry I didn’t embarrass myself on the phone by screaming and being extra.  I did that afterwards.

 

Blog Achievements

Have you been caught up?  We been pushing material.  Thank you for all of your support in reading, speaking up, asking questions, and just being all around awesome follower. Remember you can find me on all social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter as Toitimeblog.  I would suggest you get on the site ToiTime and catch yourself up.  We had guest blogger, S. L. Efua Joe who is our resident Health is Wealth advisor.  So you know we hit on what you are putting in your body.  Cold and Flu season is coming up too so don’t think we don’t have your tips on how to survive that coming up. In the mean time take a look at the blogs and make some sound decisions.  Our what’s coming up is set so check that out. September is such a busy month.  There are so many things happening to keep you moving.  Don’t forget to get out, get active, and enjoy Fall, it’s coming.

What’s Coming up?

  1. I have a Lymphoma walk coming up on September 29, 2017.  I think this is my 5th or 6th year doing it. I never solisctate money on my site, however if you want to donate to my walk Light the Night
  2. I am doing a 5k with Black Girls Run this September 30, 2017.  No the dates are not a type thats two runs/walks in two days.  I’ll be in recovery from Saturday night until Sunday.  Pray my strength.  There are space available if you want to join Sweat with your Sole
  3. I can’t wait to go to my check up.  This is my yearly.  It is timely as its after all the surgery issues have died down and I can see where I am and what I need to do better in.
  4. It’s time to start now by getting ready for my blogiversary.  The blogiversary will be on November and we will be celebrating with a full month.  I will have a lot of surprises all month.  However my prep for that starts now.
  5. Girls Trip-how I had enough time to squeeze that in with all that is going on in all of areas of my life, I will never know but I did. I will blog that once its all fun and done.

So as you can see its getting to be some excited weeks and months coming.  I am determined to end the last quarter on a high note.  I have my visions and daily checking off the list as I get closer to the goals.  I hope you are doing the same.

Hurt People Hurt People But You Can Do Better

It would be nice if we lived in a world where we all could uplift one another.  This is simply and unfortunately not the case.  We live in the world where with the change in political climate we spend hours of a date arguing and tearing one another down. Even politics aside the nature of the human spirit is tested to do the right thing and help one another.  Listen outside of religion and race we are do really share a lot of common experiences.  Think about a new mom who is struggling with life for those first weeks. I don’t know a mom who either experienced or not doesn’t understand what that feels like. What about a new marriage?  A couple unites and struggles with the fusing of this new life.  This is a common experience.

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We need to do a better job in uplifting one another not just when things go wrong like for instance the example of Hurricane Harvey.  Although it’s a beautiful thing to see and is needed, we need to learn to not allow a disaster to come along and THEN we step up.  We have a human right to extend the very best to our fellow sisters and brothers all around the world.  Let me also put things into perspective.  I have some folks that I have a general disdain.  I do not like them, they do not like me, but I give them and anyonelse respect.  I do not have to break bread with some folks to show respect. This costs me nothing. However at the end of the day if I was in a fire, or sick, or drowning would it matter at that moment who saved me?  Most likely not.  My disdain would only come into play when I can control the playing field. With that in mind, I try to make sure that although I may close the door of fellowship based upon personal experience with others that I do not do that with people who have done nothing to me.  Meaning for some when they are hurt they take out on the rest of the world their pain.  Pain is very overwhelming.  However pain I am having with family doesn’t need to spill into my social life.  It’s hard too when that pain resembles and is reminded.  It’s like having a band-aid on and having it peeled off temporarily and the wound hasn’t healed.

I win when I show in spirit, thought, and deed in others’ winning with me or around me. I can’t tell you the countless times as a blogger that I have been asked questions about what to do in a situation.  I am about to celebrate 3 years I don’t even consider myself to be the best, YET, but helping someone get to where I am in hopes that they take off with their site, makes me happy and fulfilled.  Uplifting and wanting what’s best even for those that I may not know is important.  To the ones I don’t vibe well with, I never practice ill will towards them.  It’s a hard balance at times when you have been hurt but me holding onto hurt does nothing but brings me down.  I am not perfect in that category but I am definitely working towards being a better version of myself.  With this in mind, there may come a time when I get to a place where I can sit in their presence and enjoy it.  I can sit in anyone’s presence when I have to and not let it get to me but to be willing to do so when I don’t have to is called personal choice.  I feel that it shouldn’t be forced.  It should be natural.  I can be in a room and say hello, and keep it moving. However to be in the room and chat it up unnecessarily is a personal choice.  I can uplift them and want what’s best for them without interacting outside of the need.

As I see stories of families, friends and strangers coming together during Harvey I am hoping that this continues to spread after the effects of Harvey dies.  I hope this continues in how we interact with one another even on social media.  I am a professional debater but I refuse to tear someone down just because we don’t agree.  Now I may decide to keep it real and not interact with someone who I don’t have to, wish them well and move on but I am at a point that I am not going out of my way to be malicious.  I am going to show support of who you are and your right to be who you are.  No different from knowing a person who is nasty in their spirit.  From a far I can not interact with you, show you respect, but make a personal choice that the vibes you send isn’t right for my spirit and not interact on a personal level.  However I have no right to dislike you and treat you badly, and then say I am a positive person.  Closing a door to a person who means you ill will doesn’t mean you are wishing them ill will either.  You have a right to protect your spirit.  You don’t have a right to be indirectly or directly mean and bash a person for being who they want to.  So I pray for all of those who is reading this blog, that they would be in a place to deal with hurt but don’t continue to hurt others or tear them down.  You have a responsibility to do the right thing towards even your enemies even when you choose to not interact with what they bring to your life.

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I am practicing these things and I am constantly checking myself so that I don’t respond when it’s not pure in heart.  I trust that even if I get it wrong that I can make it right by just doing what works for me and allowing others to do the same.

Passive Aggression only Serves You

Being passive aggressive in your personality only serves YOU.  Think about it, passive aggressiveness is the ability to avoid confrontation.  So this is the type that will say little slick things out of their mouth, will indirectly snub a person or just dance around the issue because they want to save face or they don’t like to deal with the consequences if they would just be direct.  They know if they are direct that they will have to put it all on the table but they want to dance along things to keep things brewing.  Do NOT ever let this personality type get under your skin.

This personality type have themselves believe that if they were direct that they “would hurt someone’s feeling.”  However that isn’t the truth.  Most adults being adults should be able to hear the words no and adjust.  This starts from childhood.  So withholding yourself back like you’re in a fight but can’t fight shows lack of maturity.  Being direct would stop and end a lot of unnecessary back and forth.  Passive aggressive personalities actually keep things going.  Let me explain how:

  1. It’s like being bumped by “accident” but scared the person who you bumped won’t call you out. You will know if you are dealing with a passive aggressive personality because they will jump bad but then revert to the “I was just joking” phrase to act as if what they just said they didn’t mean.  Trust me they meant it but they don’t want you to take them serious because they will have to deal with the outcome of their actions.
  2. When dealing with a passive aggressive person they will continue to under cut you just to see if you will respond.  When you don’t it doesn’t make them stop.  They will continue to poke the bear until they get a response.  Continue to not respond.  Trust me they need that to irritate themselves.  Don’t let them irritate you.
  3. They are nice/nasty.  They will say things in a nice mean way to on paper appear that they are being nice but reality they are trying to under cut.  Smile at them and let them know you will have a good day.  Passive aggressive people are actually mad at themselves for not being bold and if they catch on that you see it too, they will get even more upset.

Passive aggressive people do not like bold people.  They come off as shy but they are the ones that have to feel “pushed” to speak up.  They wait for you to tick them off because they need justification to be adults and speak up.  Learn to spot them, mark them mentally and always make sure you are clear.  You don’t have to allow a person’s passive aggressive behavior to make you upset in any way.  Passive aggressive avoid in a lot of areas too not just a one on one with others.

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Oh the biggest passive aggressive sign is indirect posts on social media.  These folks will ever speak to the person (s) they have issues but they will hit them with a meme.  Stop. Don’t fall into this and then respond.  Let this adult act childish and learn to move on. Reality is they are just not sure how to speak up, don’t want to, or just like drama. Either way they are not serving anything of value in your life and you will live if you didn’t have that type of back and forth going on.

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I have had plenty of passive aggressive people who I have had to deal with it and when I ask them directly what is the issue the first response is there’s nothing wrong.  They are right there isn’t anything wrong with how they choose to conduct themselves because they want to hide.  However with my direct personality I would rather just end the back and forth and talk.  Most passive aggressive folks want to hide.  My response to this situation when I hear an undercut is that until something is brought to my attention from the source, all is fine. I do not care if I hear about a person’s issues from a 3rd party.

Weekly Recap: June 2, 2017

Happy national donut day!! I had one and I mean only one donut and couldn’t really eat much of anything else.  I forced myself to have a healthy lunch because that donut was definitely a lot of empty carbs.  Well I hope you all had a good week.  We are coming off a 4 day weekend some of us anyway from Memorial Day.  I hope you had a great holiday weekend.  We celebrated my daughter’s birthday and had a really good weekend.  No complaints.  So as far as this short week it has definitely been filled with a lot of ups and downs.  So let’s get into it.

Personal Highs/Personal Lows

This week I am going to put these two categories together.  There is a lot going on and I told you lovelies I would update you.  One we had a great time celebrating my now 8-year-old.  Time is flying when you’re having fun right?  We are also gearing up for my son’s preschool graduation. I know some people make a big deal that these types of graduations are pointless but it just gives the little people something to look forward to. I personally feel like celebrations are what makes life great.  Those who know me know I will make his day special.  That’s what I do.  I feel like life is about making memories that they can look back on.  It’s better than buying a bunch of material things.

Also this week I have been vigilant with my doctors to get me an answer.  I have been suffering with migraines for quite some time.  I am also anemic.  However with the new diet my doctor made sure I had all of the supplements that one would need and I increased all of the iron enriched foods so you would think I was good right?  Wrong.  I am not.  My doctors and I have decided that it was time to get a hysterectomy.  I know for some they get it done when they have fibroids.  I do not have them.  I am losing too much blood.  My blood volumes and levels are one step to more transfusions.  For some they would say, why not start a pill that would decrease your period. However the thing is that I have already done that.  I have been on pills off and on.  I got my tubes tied when I had my 3rd and last child.  I know some would say why put this out there?  One its MY BODY and my page.  Secondly being a woman going through women issues is not a place of shame and I refuse to hide like I did something wrong.  That is pure craziness.  Why would I keep it hush-hush when there are millions of women like me going through the same thing.

I am no wonder. I won’t be the first or the last.  Ladies my decision was about what was best for me.  I have to do what I need to do for ME.  Was my husband there? Absolutely.  I know my decision will have an affect temporarily on my home but I had to do what was best for me.  No need to lose this weight, do all of this work and still be underlying unhealthy.  That is sheer madness.  I know what I need to do and I know what can happen if I don’t.  I love me and I need to be here as well as I have little people who need to have a healthy mom.  So with that in mind in the next week that is what I will be doing.  Have I researched all of the options?  Absolutely. This has been an ongoing back and forth thing.  I am prepared for the steps after.  I do NOT claim to know it all. However I am fully aware that the steps towards self-love will help me through the down side of this procedure.  So with MY family’s support we will be fine.  I have learned to tune out some of the naysayers.  They will say don’t let them take nothing out. Meanwhile I can’t count on them to watch my kids when I am somewhere bleeding out.  I can’t slide them a bill when I am off of work and missing time off.  I can’t count on them to pick up a phone call to say how is it going.  You see that was a free nugget right?  I refuse to give folks who show you they are more concerned with their bottom line than mine make my health decisions.  Got to keep pushing towards what will work for me and the ones that have to live through all of this.

So with that in mind you may see an increase in blogs.  I will have more down time. Whenever I have downtime, I write and I read so be on the look out. I plan to blog the hell out of this situation.  Not to get sympathy. I am one strong cookie.  But to raise awareness.  My heart goes out to the women who are medically forced to make this decision and desire to have children and can’t.  I have 3 kids and already put in place the parimeters not to have more already.  There is no child birth loss for me.  So for the ladies with this loss, it is a loss.  I researched this and I find comfort in reading other blogs of women who have gone through this.  And with life we are all connected.  Keep me in prayer and stay logged on twitter (toitiemblog) and facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/) as I will update.

News

  1. Kathy Griffin out here with a replica of Donald Trump being beheaded and it has set off this major storm on insensitivity.  I think for me and this is where MY opinion comes off.  It was a bit much.  However if the same ones were upset when the nooses was being shown with imagery of Obama was shown and not because he is Black alone but on the principle of right and wrong than okay.  If not than you just being extra.  What people don’t get is that your argument is more valid when it’s based on principle.  Meaning you would extend the same sympathy to another like you want it done for your favorite than you have merit.
  2. Ireland will have its first openly gay prime minister after Leo Varadkar was elected into the office.
  3. Withdraw of Paris climate agreement.
  4. Continuation of the Russian influence of the election.  Continue to stand by for breaking news of this ongoing legal battle.

So I pray you all enjoy your weekend.  There are some good movies. I saw Wonder Woman and as I thought without giving things away, I walked away feeling great about being a woman.  I may see it again if you’re looking for a quick should you go or not-there you go.  I am taking the kids to see Captain Underpants tonight.  Summer movies are really heating up.  I plan on some me time and I have to work.  So find an activity that you enjoy and make yourself feel like the beautiful gem that you are.