Monday Motivation: Adjust You Got This

Happy Monday to you. It’s another week to make things happen. Today focus on adjusting. If you deal or know someone with anxiety the one thing that can be a trigger is time. Adjusting to time can be a deal breaker depending on the situation. Adjusting is hard but you got this.

Adjusting may come in many forms. It could be being patient and calm to a child. It could be adjusting to the fact that the reality of a relationship has changed or ended. That is hard. We want things wrapped the way we want them. All of us do. We get used to how things are or were and then sometimes we get stuck. Get unstuck and adjust. You can’t have it your way all the time. Sometimes not adjusting causes more headache than it’s worth.

That isn’t to belittle your feelings in the least bit. That’s not how it works. Adjusting takes taking a deep breath and understanding. Simple understanding can be hard to come by but it’s necessary. Have you ever kept pushing an issue or situation because you won’t adjust? It gets worse. It gets harder. It gets even more difficult to recover. Don’t be the reason you stay in something that you needed to walk away longer than necessary. You can be your own problem. Adjust!

Start this Monday and find ways to adjust. You’re running late? I get it! Adjust so you’re not bringing an element into your day that makes it bad for you later in the day. You got this! Adjust!! A boss isn’t listening? Adjust it could be your approach. Your child isn’t doing well in school? Maybe an adjustment in work or how work is being done could fix things. Be open to adjustment. Adjusting is apart of adulting. You got this!!

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Weekly Recap: Friday March 22, 2019

I missed last week on purpose because I wanted to let the blogs do their own thing and on top of that I had a lot of events that I was preparing to attend on top of working out, and my run schedules.  I am 2 weeks to race number one the Allstate Hot Chocolate 15K

I am excited as well as super nervous as that race is one month to the Broad Street Run. I am not sure if that was a good idea off but it’s what I am doing. So with that more events and life, we are going to get through as best as I can.  The last update I gave that wasn’t on video was on March 1st. So let’s catch up.

Blog Life

There is a lot going on.  Here are the Women History Blogs you might have missed:

Deja E.

Zulma M.

Tameeka and Kenisha

Cheryl A.

Ila M.

Kim H.

Also I attended some events:

Bob in Five Acts

I can’t forget some bomb eateries here in Philly:

Neighborhood Ramen

Rim Cafe

Termini Brothers Bakery

So its been a busy month since we last updated. Between Monday Motivation and Sunday messages and Ask Toi questions. Always check back to make sure you aren’t missing a thing.

Kid Life

My kids are great. My youngest is all registered for Kindergarten for next school year. I am excited and know that means a lot for our house. One pick up and one drop off is going to be amazing too. Saving some money from daycare/preschool life is what we can’t wait for.

On Thursday it was also National Incredible Kid Day

Fit Life

I am still very much training for races. I also went vegan. It has been interesting. I am confident that I will be just fine. Having to relearn food is the best part. I linked up with Go Vegan Philly

I have learned that I can get the same food and alter it to be plant-based and that makes me happy and my belly feel amazing. I haven’t been hungry once. I almost slipped up on some cheese but thankfully I have snacks premade to fight that cheese demon.  I had to force myself to take a rest day this week. I have been going non stop for weeks now and I know from experience to keep fit you need rest days and sleep.

Personal Life

Other than balance that is the biggest thing going on in my life. Spring has Sprung and my calendar is filling up and I love the busy lifestyle. I also am enjoying making sure I keep up with ME. Not just the mom Me, or the blogger Me, just me. Enjoying the things that I love has been therapeutic.

As always I hope you have a great weekend and find an activity that feeds your spirit. Refill your cup!!

 

Happiness is a Choice

So this weekend was super busy.  I needed a nap from the nap I didn’t take type of weekend.  However with all of the moving parts of the weekend, the one thing that stood out to me was my daughter.  We went to my husband’s basketball game and I was cheering him on. She says oh mommy I am happy cause you are happy. I felt like time stopped. Reality what she said hit me hard.

I asked her why she said that.  Her response was so child like in that I looked tired. What she didn’t know was the last few mornings I had been up at 530am to run.  I ran 5 miles on Saturday and 3 miles on Sunday. She was sleep both mornings so when she woke up I was home.  I really was tired.  I was exhausted and really on fumes.  However her perception to me being tired was correlated to happiness.  Anyone who knows my daughter knows that she is one of the happiest people on the planet and she’s like that all the time. I didn’t want her to feel as if her happiness needed to be tied to my reaction.

When we got home she said it again.  I asked her how would she be if I never smiled or showed happiness.  Would she continue to be her happy self? She hesitated.  I explained to her that happiness is a daily and sometimes moment by moment choice. I also explained that her happiness should come from the inside out.  That let me know that even if I never spoke to her about happiness she is watching. How I take care of myself and how I move around her is important. Today is Act Happy Day.   It’s important to understand that life won’t always be the way we want, but we can control our responses.  We can make or break the part of life where we push through.  Life sucks sometimes. I want to mirror realness to my children but I also don’t ever want to walk around allowing the bitterness of life to over take my smile.

Don’t worry I definitely explained that happiness isn’t in a smile alone to my daughter.  She just happens to have a great smile that if anything encourages me to be light!  It’s easy for a child to be content when you have all that you need. I know that as an adult, life happens.  I know that life has dealth a few bad hands. However having a calm in my heart and joy in my life will make it a bit easier to mirror true happiness to those around me including my daughter.

 

Rim Cafe: Make it Happen

I love when you leave a place or in someone’s presence and you have the biggest smile because of how someone has treated you. I experienced an experience that is Rim Cafe.

From the time I walked into Rim Cafe I was taken away. It’s an eclectic atmosphere filled with nostalgia. So from first glance you should already know you’re in for a treat.

We were greeted with smiles and I knew it was going to be a in a welcome atmosphere. Rene the owner has so much light and love that it’s hard to not smile. I’m talking about that show all of your teeth smile. He knows how to “make it happen!” That’s his signature phrase. He sat down with us and talked about making coffee and drinks and about life. I wasn’t sure expecting to get life jewels but I did!

He talked about not limiting our power. He discussed about being the best in what you do and how creativity can’t be copied. I have often spoken about when you’re open to the right things wisdom will fine it’s way to deliver what you need when you need it.

If you follow Rim Cafe you already know that Rene is going to spin you into a heavenly rich concoction of love. Literally he made us 3 dishes. The first was a St. Patrick White hot chocolate that was amazing.

The next was a baked cannoli with melted chocolate in the middle. My goodness I was just floored by the flavor.

Next came the blow torch and I knew I was in trouble. He made banana flambé with caramel sauce and topped with peanut butter. Somebody call and check on me. I had to pretty much drink water for the rest of the day!

Oh by the way the peanut butter is homemade with his own signature way of making it. I’m not a peanut butter fan but this makes any of your name brand peanut butter blush!

I almost forgot about the salted caramel espresso shot! Heaven in a glass!!

Don’t wait, run to Rim Cafe. It’s located 1172 S. 9th Street, Philadelphia PA! You will never see a cafe like this in your life. Thank you Rene for making me smile. The memories will last! Make it Happen!!

Also they have all kinds of treats to take home too!!

Women’s History Month: Cheryl A.

Pain will have you react in very weird ways.  You find yourself isolating yourself or cutting off relationships.  It’s necessary to find the balance in who is for you and those who aren’t. Pain can distract you from fulfilling love that you need.

What is one failure you are comfortable sharing that taught you the most lessons?

I failed as a daughter. As most of you know my mother passed away in 2004 and as the saying goes, when the elders pass, the family falls apart.  Well, that’s what happened with me.  I’ll put my disclaimer in now and state that I am solely speaking for MYSELF and MY experience only.  I can not and will not speak for anyone else.  So back to my failure.  In dealing with my mother’s death, I failed at being a daughter to my father.  Yes I lost my mom, but my dad lost his wife.  As I look back, I realize I let my immature, unforgiveness and pain take over and to be honest, cut my dad out of my life.  For what reason, well, I really don’t have one.  So this is why I say I failed as a daughter.  I wasn’t who I was supposed to be to my father and let years go by without any communication.  I even got married without my father walking me down the aisle or even in the building! Now, that I have to live with.  No one is perfect and parenting doesn’t come with a guide.  So regardless of what failures my dad had, he was and will always be my father.  Now, I don’t have any horror stories and I WILL NOT cast my dad in a bad light because that would be a lie.  So like I said, I went on about my life after my mom passed as if my father didn’t exist, leaving him to grieve alone for years to come.  How sad and horrible is that? How do you call yourself a Christian when you aren’t doing right in other areas of your life? Then wondering why other things in your life aren’t lining up and there are no breakthroughs, elevation or real peace.  Yeah that was me and I can be honest and open and tell my truth.  So what is that status of my relationship with my dad now?  We are GREAT! It took a random encounter to bring me to my dad again and since then we were able to pick up like nothing ever happened.  My dad and I are both different people now and we both have forgiven and moved on.  It’s great to go back to being Daddy’s Little Girl (I”m the youngest girl)! Now only if I can get him to move to Miami with me! 

It’s refreshing to hear your vulnerability in how you describe your relationship with your dad.  You only get one set of parents and to be able to make amends now so you can make the best of an amazing relationship.

From the failure with your dad, what other lesson have you learned?

Don’t let your emotions control your decisions.  When you make decisions off your emotions, often times it is the wrong decisions and you are left dealing with the consequences that may take years to recover from.  Live in peace.  Meaning, do whatever you need to do to have complete peace in your life.  Whether it’s forgiveness, restore relationships or even end relationships, do what you need to do to have, protect and keep your peace.

What are is the 3 things you would want to tell other younger woman in regards to lessons learned?

  •  Cherish your parents (or whoever raised you), spend time with them, call them, create   memories

  •  Speak up.  Be honest about your feelings and thoughts.  Communication is key.

  •  Be Sensitive.  Parents go through things they would never discuss with their children.  Parents have feelings and emotions just like we do.

 

What are 3 goals for your future?

 Buy a house

Own my own Bakery

Own Rental Properties

If you could sit down with any woman past or present who would it be and why?

My mother of course! I always wondered what our relationship would be like now if she was still here! She was a woman full of wisdom and grace and I definitely could use some of both right now! Navigating life as an adult without your mother really sucks! There are times I want to pick up the phone and call for that good ole’ motherly advise, but then reality sets in…no more calls!

IF you have any projects  that are coming up in the future what are they?

I’m focused on building up my business, Miss.Sis.Bakery (Sis was my mother’s nickname).  I’ve been networking and trying to get my business out there through being a vendor at various events and local markets.  I’m located in North Miami, I’m a regular vendor at Gulf Stream Green Market on Sundays from 9-2 until May 26 and have various scheduled events on other dates.

What is the one thing as a woman, you feel helps or helped you make your mark in this world?

 I have always been a woman to stay true to myself.  I’m a woman of my word.  I’m not easily influenced or swayed to go along with the masses.  Too often, especially in this day and age, its hard to find people who you can truly trust and have your best interest at heart.   Therefore, I try to be what I am looking for or in need of.

Thank you so much for speaking authentically and I hope that this will help in your continued healing.

For all of those who may be experiencing the lost of a loved one, know that my heart is with you.  Know that you should remember that others surrounding the deceased processes death in different ways.  Try to be there for one another.  Don’t let pain and emotions run your life.

You can find Miss.Sis.Bakery on Facebook

You can also follow on Instagram

Sunday Message: Give Up Cycle

There are many things in life that we all have to push through is not giving up.  It comes in cycles.  You get really motivated and if you’re not careful, you go into justifying why its okay and you will get back into a flow after a while. As time keeps going you fall off completely telling yourself the goal was necessary.  Such a harsh pattern to be in.

There are ways to get past.  One take your bigger goal and break it down into smaller goals.  This is a good way to get the motivation moving towards the goal of completion. With technology there’s no reason you can’t keep your goals in your mind, on your phone, and in your vision.  What are you doing daily to keep the goals fresh on your to do list?  I usually look at my vision board that I took a picture of and attack one thing in each category that will get me to the finish line. How can I be productive?  How can I use that idle scrolling on social media time to push me to better limits?  This is the mindset to have daily.

repeat

Failure is a apart of life.  We win and lose at variations. Failure hurts. Failure burns.  Failure is embarrassing.  Some of my most humbling failures still make me emotional but I know it is necessary for my story down the line. Consistency is necessary and staying the course comes from not getting stuck in the giving up cycle, where we let the human part of justifying why we fell off and staying in that part of cycle stalls our progress. Think about it in simple ways.  If you ask a kid why they did something they most likely squirm making up excuses that don’t make sense. That is how we look in the mirror of life using excuses like “not having enough money,” “too tired,” “not strong enough,” etc. Meanwhile those who have less than us take the same excuses we sell ourselves in their watered down versions and make magic.

Giving up cycle comes to all of us.  Just because you see someone have a different level of success than her, stop focusing on that.  Focus on how you can take charge of your areas, stay out of the giving up cycle and  find ways to rise above it.  Life is already going to deal its own cards, why add onto it by sabotaging yourself. Start this week writing down what you want to do to be successful on your own terms.  How will you make it happen? Focus on that this week not the small failures you may have experienced this past week.  It will only keep you on the hamster wheel and not much will happen there.

Wake up.

Make that list.

Make a plan for that list.

Find joy in the midst of pain.

Make this week better than last week!

You got this!

got this

Ask Toi: I cheated and my husband holds it over my head, should I leave?

I can’t give you that answer. I wonder if you two have done the work to heal. If you have been seeing a counselor and you have talked or are talking it out I would say let it run its course. I think regardless of who cheated meaning this goes for women and men, the person who is holding the cards is usually the one who has been cheated. You can’t determine how long that person grieves this betrayal. That is what it is your husband feels betrayed. Men are also wired differently they could be a cheater but don’t get over being cheated on. Women also cheats for other reasons than simply sex. So you need to figure out the reason that you cheated and if that reasoning has been resolved. If not you may find you doing it again. So I would seek counseling in addition to martial counseling. However you also aren’t trapped into your marriage. If its worth to go through this pain you may find that you and your husband to be stronger. But it has to be both wanting it. If you find that only you are interested in making it right, you have to make that decision. The only thing is that counseling will help so that you don’t take the same patterns into another relationship. I remember my husband going to counseling and our counselor let us know it’s not an easy fix. It wasn’t about cheating but the same principle applies. Counseling isn’t a fix. It helps you weed out your feelings and helps you determine your threshold for love and work. I wish you peace as you continue but ONLY you can determine how long you should work or if you should throw in the towel. I would say counseling is the best way to go about it to start the journey.