So welcome back to getting our lives together. We have gotten past the solar eclipse and for those of us who haven’t burned our eyes, its time as it always is to set things right. Vibes matter. I am a firm believer that people send vibes whether they are positive or negative all the time. The thing is not in receiving or giving out of the vibes but what to do once the signal is presented.
For instance I definitely do NOT make my kids go beyond their comfort level in how they interpret vibes. Growing up parents made their kids hug a cousin, aunt, grandparent, etc. I think it’s a sign of respect or at least that is what I was made to believe. However I do not force my kids to hug or be around others simply based on their title. The reason is there is a lot of people who don’t always deserve to have their bad vibes given a stamp of approval. I feel like my kids know how someone made them feel and if they don’t want to show love or attention to someone based on that they shouldn’t have to be made to. Now can my kids disrespect an elder? Nope not one bit. However if an elder is feeling disrespected due to my kids not wanting to engage than I would speak up for them. It’s my job to let the elder know to either give them a chance to warm up, or when they feel up to it they will or they won’t. I have been challenged on this thought process but its fine. My kids, my rules. How do I teach my kids to trust their instincts than make EVERY decision on what that looks like? That makes no sense.
I have gone to someone’s home and had the receiving friend or family member start hollering and not in a demeaning way towards my kids and wonder why my kids are just looking at them. My kids are naturally loud but they do not always gravitate to loud people. My youngest for instance is not the one for that. She will play mute and you can be in her direct face. The reason for her feelings I believe is her ability to feel you out. If she is feeling you and 9 times out of 10 she’s not, she won’t force it and I generally just watch over her in those regards. I have had people who don’t realize that if my kids don’t interact with you regardless of title you are a stranger or they may treat you like one. So with any stranger they are looking for my input to see if the person is a person they can let their guard down. My oldest is the one who I watch the absolute most. She is one who likes everyone no matter what. She has no fear of talking to anyone. I watch her because she hasn’t learned discernment. In her world, everyone means her well and that’s not the case. My middle child, he is pretty mellow if I don’t alert him or if he doesn’t feel unsafe he generally will be fine. All of three of them have to learn what vibes mean to them and how to interact beyond what I desire them to be in a situation and beyond what elders who want them to perform do.
What happens to my kids as they matriculate to adulthood and find someone they don’t vibe with? I would hope they would continue to show respect to others even if the person is someone they don’t agree with. That’s life. Respect on the surface should always be the first thing extended to all UNLESS they have shown themselves to be a problem and in that case, a good hi and bye works wonders. However as an adult I don’t stay in the presence of bad vibes. The second people are acting out-of-pocket, I find ways to make sure I don’t let those vibes transfer to me. I don’t need to give someone a bad attitude just because someone else is doing the same. I will cut off a bad conversation in a minute. I will pull back until either the offender has changed or if the season of friendship has ended let it fade naturally. The issue is that with vibes which can be transferred if you’re not careful is knowing who you are and what your standards are.
Another issue that parents have to wonder about, is those who harm children and do things to them that isn’t right. Newsflash, they are generally in your circle and not strangers. For that alone I allow my kids to determine who they vibe well with. How do I know that the one I am pushing them to hug is the one who made them uncomfortable? I have to speak to them and allow them to know it’s okay to not want to be in someone’s face and if someone is making them uncomfortable as children, they have every right to retreat. They have a right to say no. But wait, its aunt so and so right? No aunt so and so may not realize the last interaction they had didn’t set well with them. They may need time to adjust or find out if they want to be in aunt so and so’s presence. They can say hello to them and then figure it out. I give hi and byes to strangers, it cost me nothing. However vibes cost me my time if I keep allowing them in my circle.
How much more for adults? These are lessons that many adults don’t conquer. You stay connected to people based on their title. So the person who is sending you bad vibes you know you need to distance yourself but you are afraid of what they will think. You tell others about how you need to distance yourself but when the courage comes to do so, you revert back to a child like mentality and stay. You leave their presence feeling more wounded, hurt, discouraged, etc and wonder why you can’t do better for yourself and for the relationship that has every sign that it needs to end. It’s called knowing when YOU feel a bad vibe and then following through to make sure you do what’s right for YOU. You can control for the most part what vibes you allow. When I am at work and bad vibes are popping off that is when I have to know my environment and adjust myself and NOT allow the foolishness to get to me. It’s called being in control of yourself. When you are in a place where you can get up and go a little more freely, than do so. We especially in these times have to learn to be in the presence of those who celebrate you and not to depend emotionally on bad vibes. Bad vibes can become something that you are used to so you settle. You ever see an abused person stay with their abuser not because they don’t know its wrong but because they are used to it? The same came happen in our everyday lives. Vibes matter. They matter more now than ever. People are doing the most whether it’s for love, political reasons, etc I have been around those who only ask for money every other second. SO when I see them I just say hey how are you and move along. Why? I don’t need to entertain why you are being a part of broke phi broke EVERY time I see you. You ALWAYS need something you can’t give. You want to take from my resources but can’t nobody ever depend on you to be on time. Retreat. Stop giving. Just fall back on the relationship. Allow that person to become their own source or let them find someone else do to it for them. Those types of vibes are draining.
Vibes need to be consistently checked. You decide what vibes and who they are associated with to either continue or not. Trust your instincts. Trust yourself. It’s okay to not know and take a break to figure things out. Respect all from the jump. Respect means also I can love you from a far and not allow you access to me. I need to keep my vibes clear and so do you. Check the vibe.