Since the days have been a little crazy and I haven’t blogged in a few days I figured why not today? So if you read my last recap than you know that I am preparing my house and myself for my hysterectomy. I figured since I have now had my gall bladder and appendix removed and outside of child-birth would be done with surgeries, but I am not. As I handle the logistics like meal prepping, laundry and cleaning (as if that will ever be done) my mind is all over the place.
Another issue that has come up is that I had to get a mammogram. I have never done it before until yesterday’s appointment. Let me dispel all of the horror stories and say that it isn’t life changing in the fact that you hurt so bad you can’t think. It is uncomfortable. It feels what ladies feel at the first few days of your menstrual when you are sore. It was painless and didn’t take long. I was pretty optimistic that things would go well until I got the results 30 or so minutes later and now I have to go back next week and have the procedure redone. Now before I allowed my mind to take me there with a grandmother and mother who have had their dance with breast cancer, the technician warned me since it was my first time I most likely would be called back. The reason is simple, there are no images to compare if there really is something wrong. So next week I will be back. Until there is a reason to worry I won’t.
One of the things I can’t stress enough is for ladies, please do monthly self breast exams. They are yours-touch them and make sure all is well. Breast cancer is devastating but what’s more devastating is having a line of defense to feel when something isn’t right but not use it. Be vigilant about your reproductive health as well. There aren’t a lot of do overs in the reproductive world. You need to care about yourself enough to check yourself.
So in the next week things are going to get crazy. My kids will be starting camp and finishing their last week of school. I will have had the surgery and my husband will be the one that the kids run to the most until I heal. I am okay with it. I have talked to many women that have all suggested a few things and one of the top things that all of them have stated was to be good to myself during this process. It’s a bit nerve-racking when I think and wonder if I will have to do hormone therapy and how that will affect me and my family mostly. I will be talking to the doctor about that in-depth.
Emotionally one of the things that I have felt was like wait I really can’t have anymore kids. It went away but it was a bit overwhelming. It wasn’t something I felt when I got my tubes tied after my 3rd child. I had no sadness in me until I found out about this hysterectomy. I can’t explain it but I know that other women have gone through it. It was like I was at a funeral. You know me and funerals never get along. So after about 15 minutes of this semi despair feeling I was okay. I got myself together. I was able to move on.
On a happier and lighter note, my son, my bubs graduates from preschool today. If you know me know nothing else I make all celebrations big. Now don’t get me twisted I am not inviting the masses or throwing a party. I do things like decorate his room, and just make him feel overall special. He has picked where he wants to go out to eat, just a day of showing him how super proud of him we are. He moved from one school to this amazing school and since he has been super happy. Seeing how unhappy he was before and now is such a relief. Listen let me say on a side note when you have good kids and they start getting into trouble, do your research. Find out what is going on. I noticed with my son he would tell us things and we would ask things and it wasn’t adding up. However what I should have done months ago was moved him. I felt it inside of me and didn’t act. I was more concerned with having all 3 kids in different schools. It’s a lot trust me but his happiness is worth it. He is smiling everyday at drop off and pick up. He has friends who parents are more geared to how we raise our kids. That matters trust me.
My job as a parent is to correct him when he needs it and celebrate him always. We are going to do that. He is super ready for kindergarten but I am not sure if kindergarten is ready for him!! This beam of light is going to be something amazing and not just because he is my child, but because he is determined to be great! Super congrats MJ!!
Happy national donut day!! I had one and I mean only one donut and couldn’t really eat much of anything else. I forced myself to have a healthy lunch because that donut was definitely a lot of empty carbs. Well I hope you all had a good week. We are coming off a 4 day weekend some of us anyway from Memorial Day. I hope you had a great holiday weekend. We celebrated my daughter’s birthday and had a really good weekend. No complaints. So as far as this short week it has definitely been filled with a lot of ups and downs. So let’s get into it.
Personal Highs/Personal Lows
This week I am going to put these two categories together. There is a lot going on and I told you lovelies I would update you. One we had a great time celebrating my now 8-year-old. Time is flying when you’re having fun right? We are also gearing up for my son’s preschool graduation. I know some people make a big deal that these types of graduations are pointless but it just gives the little people something to look forward to. I personally feel like celebrations are what makes life great. Those who know me know I will make his day special. That’s what I do. I feel like life is about making memories that they can look back on. It’s better than buying a bunch of material things.
Also this week I have been vigilant with my doctors to get me an answer. I have been suffering with migraines for quite some time. I am also anemic. However with the new diet my doctor made sure I had all of the supplements that one would need and I increased all of the iron enriched foods so you would think I was good right? Wrong. I am not. My doctors and I have decided that it was time to get a hysterectomy. I know for some they get it done when they have fibroids. I do not have them. I am losing too much blood. My blood volumes and levels are one step to more transfusions. For some they would say, why not start a pill that would decrease your period. However the thing is that I have already done that. I have been on pills off and on. I got my tubes tied when I had my 3rd and last child. I know some would say why put this out there? One its MY BODY and my page. Secondly being a woman going through women issues is not a place of shame and I refuse to hide like I did something wrong. That is pure craziness. Why would I keep it hush-hush when there are millions of women like me going through the same thing.
I am no wonder. I won’t be the first or the last. Ladies my decision was about what was best for me. I have to do what I need to do for ME. Was my husband there? Absolutely. I know my decision will have an affect temporarily on my home but I had to do what was best for me. No need to lose this weight, do all of this work and still be underlying unhealthy. That is sheer madness. I know what I need to do and I know what can happen if I don’t. I love me and I need to be here as well as I have little people who need to have a healthy mom. So with that in mind in the next week that is what I will be doing. Have I researched all of the options? Absolutely. This has been an ongoing back and forth thing. I am prepared for the steps after. I do NOT claim to know it all. However I am fully aware that the steps towards self-love will help me through the down side of this procedure. So with MY family’s support we will be fine. I have learned to tune out some of the naysayers. They will say don’t let them take nothing out. Meanwhile I can’t count on them to watch my kids when I am somewhere bleeding out. I can’t slide them a bill when I am off of work and missing time off. I can’t count on them to pick up a phone call to say how is it going. You see that was a free nugget right? I refuse to give folks who show you they are more concerned with their bottom line than mine make my health decisions. Got to keep pushing towards what will work for me and the ones that have to live through all of this.
So with that in mind you may see an increase in blogs. I will have more down time. Whenever I have downtime, I write and I read so be on the look out. I plan to blog the hell out of this situation. Not to get sympathy. I am one strong cookie. But to raise awareness. My heart goes out to the women who are medically forced to make this decision and desire to have children and can’t. I have 3 kids and already put in place the parimeters not to have more already. There is no child birth loss for me. So for the ladies with this loss, it is a loss. I researched this and I find comfort in reading other blogs of women who have gone through this. And with life we are all connected. Keep me in prayer and stay logged on twitter (toitiemblog) and facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/) as I will update.
- Kathy Griffin out here with a replica of Donald Trump being beheaded and it has set off this major storm on insensitivity. I think for me and this is where MY opinion comes off. It was a bit much. However if the same ones were upset when the nooses was being shown with imagery of Obama was shown and not because he is Black alone but on the principle of right and wrong than okay. If not than you just being extra. What people don’t get is that your argument is more valid when it’s based on principle. Meaning you would extend the same sympathy to another like you want it done for your favorite than you have merit.
- Ireland will have its first openly gay prime minister after Leo Varadkar was elected into the office.
- Withdraw of Paris climate agreement.
- Continuation of the Russian influence of the election. Continue to stand by for breaking news of this ongoing legal battle.
So I pray you all enjoy your weekend. There are some good movies. I saw Wonder Woman and as I thought without giving things away, I walked away feeling great about being a woman. I may see it again if you’re looking for a quick should you go or not-there you go. I am taking the kids to see Captain Underpants tonight. Summer movies are really heating up. I plan on some me time and I have to work. So find an activity that you enjoy and make yourself feel like the beautiful gem that you are.
Well I am hoping that your week has been a good one. Mine has been and is expected to get much better. This is my birthday weekend trip with the girls. I am super excited. My last time traveling them was in 2013 maybe to Miami and before then in 2008 Miami again. I love Miami if you can’t tell. However this time we switching things up and being grown in the city of Chicago. It’s important for me as a woman to keep my connections as tight as possible. On this journey to keep myself rounded means I can not only tap into my domesticated titles aka mommy and wife. I am first Toi and Toi needs to be happy and whole to be the best in those titles. I have some new blogs coming out about how we ladies have to be strong and confident even when things and others attempt to pull on our insecurity. Insecurity creeps in all of us, men too. The best thing is when you can look into the mirror and smile at the creation that God made you and be happy in your skin. I know it seems I am on all this self-improvement but if you don’t have self-love what do you have? I had to have an ugly cry this week. It was super cleansing but like momma always say cry on your own time don’t let these folks see you sweat.
- Trump care or F the Obama care as I have seen it described is on its way to be reversed. Trump’s full agenda isn’t fully clear but the basis is if you are poor or old, you better not get sick or be screwed. Nothing about healthcare under Trump will appease women either. I am super glad I am not pregnant right now. My anxiety would be that much more in a spiral. My suggestion is to start with your local government. Be vigilant to get the facts and stay away from the foolishness which will be super hard given leadership is almost dipped in it.
- Basketball for women is now allowing for hijab. This is a great thing. I think that in this melting pot of a world we need to allow those who to express their religious and culturally difference. So this is a step in the right direction.
- Flying which I am doing right now are having issues lately. It started with United Airlines and now Delta is getting into the action. A family was kicked off a flight with kids after a mix up about seating. I think the airlines are about to have a major overhaul with how they treat customers. It’s about time. Wouldn’t you want to keep everyone safe and happy to keep the coins coming in? No?!
- Trayvon Martin will receive a posthumous degree in aeronautical science from Florida Memorial University. It would be even better if Martin was here to pursue and earn his own degree but his life was cut short after he was shot and killed in 2012 by George Zimmerman. We still hurt over the degree by which black men are devalued.
- Last but certainly not least, 15-year-old Jordan Edwards was shot and killed by police as he was leaving a party. It is speculated that he and the occupants of the vehicle including his brother was shot at while leaving the scene. No it is not being said that they were causing a disturbance, they were just black and an over zealous cop shot and killed him. Now I can’t imagine knowing my brother is in the car bleeding to death as I am hand cuffed and being questioned. My hurt goes out to Edwards family and all families in these situations. I am not anti cops I have cops in my own family, but I am anti racist cops who are out here innocent people.
I am 2 more pounds down and 5 to goal. Yay! I can’t tell you how excited I am for this goal. I have worked hard, ate right, worked out tired and exhausted but I am super close. Also this week my daughter is killing it in school. I am super happy when my kids do what they need to do. We teach them nothing in life is free. It takes hard work. She also will be having her first communion. I am proud of her choice to step up and apply what she wants in her life. Can’t be mad at a child that actively tries to apply herself?! Way to go Naila!! Oh did I mention that we both have birthdays coming up. May is a good month for the Storr women!!!!
- Protect your babies-the amount of cruel and deadly force being used on kids is heart breaking. A lot of it comes from non parental aka boyfriends and side pieces that we as women leave them with cause we just “love him.” You better make sure he love them babies just as much as you do and don’t leave them with these men so freely giving them access to harm your babies.
This has been a crazy week. I have done some over time and the exhaustion has been unbelievable. However I have slept a little better than last week. This week has been about controlling my negative thoughts. I am one of those thinkers so when something has been said I have to admit my get back is quite strong. I will begin to think of ways to get cha. However because I am more mindful of it I have tried to combat it with positive thoughts and know that people will usually get theirs.
Also I will blog about an argument I had this week. It wasn’t a full argument but as I never want to put my business out there are a few things that women need to get from it and that and that alone I will talk about. Everything is about learning and growing.
Well again I will most likely blog a little less this weekend as my girls and I will have the time of our lives. But next week I will be releasing some new and old mom blogs in honor of Mother’s Day. If you still want to participate in the Mother’s Day blog for next week please email me at toitimeblog@gmail,com
So I told you all I would keep you updated with my blog. So with those sentiments let’s dive right in. I am doing Weight Watchers which uses a series of points assigned to food to help you manage your life. So I have 30 points a day and 35 cheat points that I use a week. So I did my weigh in and I am down another 3.2 pounds. That’s great news as I am so super close to my ultimate goal I can taste it.
This week and most weeks I noticed the more I eat normally meaning taking good care to be within my points but still enjoy eating the more I lose. Now let me make a statement right now before I began what I do doesn’t mean I am sending out a message that you can do what you want and still lose weight. You can’t. You have to be able to be disciplined but still allow for yourself to be you. I feel that is what I have been able to achieve and thus far I have lost 35.2 pound to date. So do I deprive myself? Nope. I work out and I work out hard. I also stick to the plan. I use my points wisely. I go out to eat and I drink wine and clutch your pearls I’ve even had a Unicorn frappuccino. See it’s not just what you eat its how much and how often. I splurge my points for what I want. I eat like I am supposed to and incorporate more fruits and veggies. It works for me.
So I don’t allow other people to dictate to me what I should do. I paid to do a program to change my life and it has. I do not let folks and their “knowledge” dictate to me what I should do. What I eat won’t make you fat. I am not interested in fads that don’t teach me how to change my lifestyle. This is why I don’t like diets that have shakes and meals you must buy. One they are super expensive. Secondly as soon as you get tired of doing the shakes and meals you go right back to where you started. I am doing what I am doing to be healthier first and to look better in my clothes. I want to wear the clothes I want to wear and not the ones I have no choice to wear. So if you’re looking to change do what works for you. Eat in moderation. I love donuts I had one last week too. However I adjusted my eating and didn’t slack on my workouts because I was too tired. Anything worth having takes hard work to achieve it.
I am getting close to my birthday and that is around the time I will hopefully have met my goal or be as close as I humanely can to the goal. I can’t wait to share with you. The goal of my sharing my journey is to help someone else see that yes I eat real food. Yes I enjoy food. I just don’t let food consume me. I no longer eat my emotions. I no longer eat and make excuses that don’t serve me. I am not a “gym rat.” I do practical work outs at the gym 2-3 days a week while at my full-time job. When I can’t and my schedule gets tights I work out at home and use my kids as weights. They enjoy it and I need it. If all else fails than I go to YouTube for free workouts but I get it in. I’ll check back in soon but this is the journey I am on to a better me on the outside as I work my inside.
Happy Friday ToiTime readers!! Can you hear the joy in my voice? That is what happens when you have been working 12 hour days all week and you finally get over 9 hours of sleep. I am refreshed and will need it for the Easter weekend. Anyway. There has been a lot going on this week so let’s recap.
- United Airlines out here handing out ass whippings for not giving up seats. The company is in a full-blown mess these days. I expect a large payout and for the company’s bottom line to suffer behind the mess. Little tid bit, do not ever release statements that victim blame.
- Second week of bombs from the United States. Trump’s administration has dropped the largest non nuclear bomb on Afghanistan. The only issues with all of this bombing is that I fear retaliation against the United States. For the sake of the world I pray I am wrong.
- Woman stabbed to death by Palestinian man on a train in Jerusalem.
- 2 Georgia police officers were fired after a video surfaced of them punching a handcuffed man.
I had a great weekend this past weekend. I was able to get some me time which was not planned for a full day but definitely turned into a beautiful full day. I enjoyed the quiet, some adult music and just some down time. I have been working 12 hour days almost everyday for the past 2 weeks so it felt good to recharge. I also enjoyed some family time with own family. We enjoyed some time at Comic Con in Philadelphia where I took some amazing pictures and met some amazing people. This week has been a little crazy with the mandatory overtime. However I was able to get some rest last night and I swear it felt like I slept for an entire week in one night. I expect to have a good weekend this weekend with my kidlets. They love holidays like me so we will have a blast celebrating. I wish you all who celebrate Easter to remember what it’s all about and have a great one!
- Stress awareness-phyiscal stress. We talk about what makes us stress out and what that looks like in our physical body. How we can grab the stress and turn it around in our lives.
- Let’s get physical-not everyone enjoys going to the gym even if its good for us. It’s like veggies but not liking all of the veggies that there are. You can find physical enjoyment in getting up and finding activities that you enjoy.
- Humble my ass, we talk about Lamar Kendrick’s newest hit Humble. It’s a great record except for all of the men who think this is the song of all songs but don’t truly apply to the words they spit. It takes more than a dope song to apply it. We also talk about Tyrese and his ability in his own mind to tell women what they should or shouldn’t be doing while flaunting his 46% Black wife. Love is love it doesn’t matter what color or race she is but he felt the need to tell the world and down women while uplifting us too as if that can be done at the same time.
- TI-Marriage is a distraction: This sounds horrible and it is. It is horrible if he didn’t have this conversation with Tameka “Tiny” his wife prior to the interview and even worst if he didn’t have this conversation with her before he began acting single. Truth in marriage is hard and it’s not always beautiful. However honesty should never take a back seat to feelings because in the end no one wins.
This week I would say pushing myself more and not listening to my body. I have had a series of headaches and stomach ache this week due to my change of schedule. And this is the very thing that stress even if it’s not bad stress can do. I should have slowed it down a bit. Although the overtime was mandatory this week, little things like going to bed when I got home instead of watching an hour of television and being on my phone could have helped. Instead of rushing slowed it down and ate at the times I needed and took my medication at the time I needed to would have helped greatly. These are all things we need to do to make our life even with change run a little more smoothly.
I do hope that you all have a good weekend and can say that even if you have a lot of events that you have to be at or have a lot of things to do that you slow it down and get something out of this weekend for yourself. You have to fill your own cup before you can do anything else for others.
I have had the unique opportunity to come across some really unique blogs over the years. I find that I usually lean more towards the one that tell it like it is. I am not saying I don’t like the flowery ones for a good read. However, at the end of the day, I need to hear the black or white and less gray. So when I came across this blogger it was for personal reasons. I know the blogger personally but even in knowing her personally her blogs holds literally no punches.
Blogging can be time-consuming to say the least. The amount of time even when the inspiration just spills out can take a toll. There is the actual typing of the blog as well as the editing. Then just putting your voice out there can be intimidating too. So I wanted to know who is KJM? What is KJM and what is in the works for KJM. Kingston Jael Michaels is a blog that was started a little over a year ago. It is a blog that deals with all kinds of topics but it deals mostly with KJM the author pretty much making fun of herself. She allows herself to be the butt of her jokes in hopes of helping others. She says what you want to say but are too afraid and too politically correct to say. She is just plain old funny. Find her at http://www.kingtonjaelmichaels.com for more hilariousness.
I asked KJM why she began her blog:
For the last 15 years, I have had people come up to me and ask me to co-write a book with them plus I have been editing other’s works for the last 20 years! Whether it was a school paper, thesis, or just something they were writing for someone special. I was always humbled by their requests but never gave it a thought until my friend, Michelle Monique Johnson, passed away. She unexpectedly died a week after my 34th birthday and the last thing she said to me way…”it’s time to start your blog! Fly butterfly fly!” And so my journey began September 2015…her birth month. I write in her honor and I pray I have made her proud!
I think that death can always bring new life. In my own personal experiences I have seen where bad situations birth such greatness when you are open to itWhen you blog like I said before it allows you to expose yourself in ways that simply can either make or break you. I remember when others found out I was blogging. I got mostly good reviews but from family the most that I didn’t even see on a regular basis their critique was much more harsher. Glad that I didn’t need or rely on the lack of weight their opinion shed. I wanted to know what she has learned about herself in this process.
I am naturally raw with my thoughts. And it’s not for shock value! It’s naturally who I am! Through my writing, I become this naked and vulnerable woman…something that is so hard for me to be in everyday life! I always have to be strong for others…and myself. When I’m blogging, I can rest the S on my chest and just be me…insecure at times…vulnerable…yet still strong. And I love that I have discovered that part of myself. Blog life has changed my life forever!
Where is KJM going in the next few years? What is the vision?
I pray it grows into a huge EMPIRE and that KINGSTON JAEL MICHAELS becomes a household name…from my books to my television show! Lol. Hey if you don’t aim high and believe in your talents…who will?! So I know first hand the stock I am made of. God-given talent runs through my veins. That talent allows me to transform myself…everyday.
When you blog do you know there are many times where I have written or have deleted a blog by worrying about what my audience thought? I wanted to know if I was the only blogger who went through this?
When I first launched, I would write and then delete. Hoping to make everything perfect. Truth be told…writing is at its best when it describes imperfect human moments. I was afraid of being judged for my decisions and my views. But then I soon learned that not every day is a great blogging day but that does not mean I should erase the imperfect for it makes me who I am…and I am so in love with who I am and who I am becoming. I am a mess at times but who isn’t? You will get many things from my blog (www.kingstonjaelmichaels.com
) but perfection is not one of them!
As a blogger who unites and makes great relationships with other bloggers, who was some of your inspiration?
I follow many bloggers including ToiTime but to be honest my inspiration are writers, producers, and creators of earth shattering controversial books, shows, and movies. Oprah and Shonda Rhimes are two of my greatest inspirations. Black women who build as they create. I am in awe of them!
What is your message for women. We all have something that we can take from one another even if we are in different stages than others around us.
Do not be afraid of your God-given talents and never dim your lights for anyone. Shine! Support one another and just be. Lay in all your imperfections and do not erase those moments where you are vulnerable. There is strength in vulnerability. Lastly, love yourselves first…even as you find romantic love. Never leave yourselves behind because…if you cannot count on yourselves….who can you really count on? You are everything! You are beautiful! You are the QUEENS of this earth! Walk in that destiny proudly and never apologize for it! Never apologize for being you. One Love, KJM
Blogging is beautiful. However do NOT expect it to go so perfect. It takes a lot behind the scenes to make things happen. Never judge another blogger because you as an outsider don’t understand why something is being said in a certain way. Trust me the writing process is not only a beautiful thing but its therapeutic at the same time. The way its sad sometimes is necessary to free others as well as the author. KJM keep doing your thing. I look forward to hearing and reading more from you.
As we have taken part in another MLK day, I have so many mixed emotions. I have done my duty as a parent to instill in my kids the importance that they need to be accepting of others even though based on their own skin color they may not get that in return. I have since my kids are under 8, shield them from a larger scale of the recent events but finding my own voice to still give them the messages that they will no doubt face. That in itself has been hard. I am very concerned in the balance of restricting imagery but not take away from the message. So I spent more of my time researching the facts. I have also attempted to keep it real but not tamper with my kids spirit. They have to live in this world and know they can go through the fire but not get burned. I could paint an ugly world. I see that everyday. I see adults do some damaging things to kids. I see race riots. I see violence within communities and to communities. I have had to take social media and blogging breaks more in 2016 than when I started 2 years ago. Life can be confusing, complicated, and difficult.
I reflect on how even in elementary school I had to take a few fights for being called a Nigger. I had teachers change my grades because I wasn’t seen as valuable. So I will never let my kids think we live in a cookie cutter world. As I rewatched the I have a dream speech today the very things that Dr. King spoke gotten better and other things seem as we have all dipped back in the 60’s. So when all the service projects have ended, will we be a nation that can stand arm in arm with others who look differently and drop the hate? Will my kids have to worry about being called a Nigger? Will they be arrested for no reason, beat or even God forbid killed for no reason? My mother answer says no not mine. My reality answer is Lord help us all. The fact that just because these are issues that touch predominately brown people, people with disabilities, gay or lesbian, etc., the reality is that these issues touches us all.
In a few days we will have a new president. Everything that we know will change. That is fact. The way that president-elect Trump to basically bring in his own team, fired many that have more political tenure then he, further let’s me know that. It doesn’t matter if I like or agree with his political appetite or not. Honestly I haven’t given too much thought on what type of president he will be. What I am seeing now has been all over the place as well as a general inability to understand the policy that Trump brings. What I will do is stay vigilant in keeping my home a safe haven. A place where my family can come and have peace from the world. A place where we can do what we need to do behind the scenes so we can take that same message of love outside of the home.
I will however have a voice. I will use that voice in the coming weeks, months and years to come up with solutions. I will find a way to let Dr. King’s words live in me. It is more critical now to implement what he preached and make our kids see the same. I pray that today was more than the once a year help others day. What are you doing all year-long? Do you take medication to the elderly? Do you know of a family who needs support? Do you give a single mom or dad some assistance even if it’s just a home cooked meal? We have to do more across the board than just giving this one day. What reflection have you given to Dr. King’s legacy other than posting a meme? It is time to apply Dr. King’s message to our everyday lives.