Monday Motivation: Work Jealousy

Jealousy can be super ugly.  When someone is jealous of you they do not have your best intention in mind.  They do not wish you well.  This is why you have to be aware of these allegiances you make at work and be sure that the folks you work with our pure.

Work and Roll

It’s okay to work with folks without having work and life cross.  For one not everyone you work with needs to have access to your social media life.  For one if you are like me who blogs my blog life is an open book.  I blog mostly about me. My thing is if my momma can read my blog than anyone can.  All of my messy past, all of my failures are out there.  It is what it is.  However when it comes to my kids I am super locked on them. For that reason alone my personal pages are locked.  I do everything with them.  If you are on my personal pages its clear as water.  However the drawback of having a co-worker on your page is giving them access to the side they don’t see.  Be careful who you open yourself to.  The very ones you open up to could be a problem.  You can actually work and roll.  This means be a team player, be involved in work fun but know when not to blur the lines of professional and personal.  Sometimes people box you in at work to a “she’s just (insert title) and would be amazed at how dope you really are outside of work.  Leave that space for folks who you would genuinely hang out with outside of work.  I peep people before giving them front rows to my life.

Jealousy is Stagnant

If you find that you have someone on the team who is jealous of you, note them. Stick to the script of work. Do not engage them past the basics.  If you do you actually feed and fuel them further.  Be careful.  They will “sit” on you and stall your performance.  They will try to outwork you.  They will delay giving you what you need to finish a project.  Be prepared to work smarter around them as they work harder to bring you down.

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Photo by Alexander Dummer on


One thing that a jealous person or anybody else for that matter can’t do is block your blessings.  Even if they temporary think that they got you it won’t last.  The one thing you should always do in life when at work is be vigilant, on time, and be that star employee.  It doesn’t matter if others think you are doing it for a reason.  Since when did excellence become an issue? If it highlights something they aren’t doing they need to step up their game, not you step down to mediocrity.

Do not let others who people’s jealousy of you frustrate you to the point where you stop being who you need to be.

Side Nugget: if you are always late, never getting things done, and not dependable please stop saying folks are hating on you.  They are not.  They see you as the weakest link and therefore expendable.  Trust me they are waiting for management to get rid of you.  Step your game up.  Its frustrating when folks think that others are hating on them when their negative attributes are just sticking out like a neon light.  It’s not hate, its wish.  Its wish you would get it together, wish you would do your job, or wish you would be fired.

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Photo by nappy on

Happy Monday and lets all step it up either in front of the jealous ones or just in general!




Sunday Message: Living your Best Life

I’ve been waiting to right this one for quite some time! The phrase is everywhere. To be honest it’s a good thing to live your best life! Who wants to live the opposite?! However beyond quotes and knowing your angles on Instagram if you’re gonna live it then do the work that it requires.

Living your best life is best when you start from the inside out. It requires you to leave a few negative folks behind, own your stuff, and be authentic to you. Sound easy but not exactly?! You will find resistance along the way. This is when it’s easier to fake it than to really live in authentic truth! The second you go to live your best life it may cause a ripple effect with those around you! Be prepared!

More than Instagram Angles

Who doesn’t love a good picture on social media?! I know I do and you do too! However don’t forget that every picture has a story. I sometimes go back to my pics and think back on what was really going on?! Was I just really good?! What happened before and after the pic! For instance here’s a pic from my solo trip:

I looked great, felt great and had a good amount of adult drinks. I was in my zone and it was an amazing time. What wasn’t shown was that there was so much work going on. I was in the midst of leaving my job and taking a leap of faith. I actually had secured the bag while there. However dancing between do I leave and start from scratch and how that would affect my family was on my mind. I’m happy to say that leap was super scary and it paid off! However fear and letting go was on the other side of living my best life. Being used to certain behaviors and being completely unsure of myself was on one side and complete freedom, better pay and a better opportunity was on the other side. I could have stayed and made a few waves at my past job but when you don’t move and sometimes take initial fear you could hinder your own blessing. Scared I still leaped! Shout out to those who know that where I am now is a complete reflection of grace! It is not of anything of myself!

What does living my best life do for you as a person?!

It makes you grateful! Plain and simple! You know how many times a door shut. How many times you were alone?! How many times you had to shut down the naysayer in your own head but you still had to push?! It makes you stronger as you get to the next fight! It gives you a confidence to gas yourself!! It reminds you that you can do anything! It doesn’t erase the pain but it almost suggests that the pain was worth it! So it’s okay to acknowledge it!

Fear sometimes drops off

As I kept going on even in fear it eventually dropped off. I never get to a point in my life as if things are just so Gucci. Nope! I walk-in humbleness. I walk like I know where I am going even when it feels like I’m working with a broken GPS! Fear has many of time walked with me until it fell off like a child learning to ride with no brakes! During many moments of my life it’s been like that! However my biggest motivator is myself and next is the little folks that call me mom! I let them know when I make a mistake I use it when I parent. When they can’t get along I openly let them know of the same moments I’ve had. I also want them to know they can keep going!

So while you say you want to live your best life be prepared for the work that comes along with it. Accept your flaws but don’t simply just say this is me oh well, take what is said and done to you and make the necessary changes! This requires a gut punch here and there! I used to say oh well to what folks said but everyone ain’t telling the same lie! Own it and change it! Also stop living your life with the brakes! The more I get out, the more I attack the list of wants without excuses the more doors open! Step through them!! It’s okay to be okay and enjoy this life! You don’t have to be downtrodden all the time. Life will give enough of those moments so that you don’t have to create them! Learn to enjoy moments. Smile a little! Enjoy a treat and have a little balance! Get out and explore! Live your best life!

How to Ace Your Job Review

So you got the job, now what?  It’s time to for your yearly review.  Cue in the celebratory music and toss some confetti.  You made it through and its now time to ace the review.

There are a few things you need to do before the review to ace it:

  1. One never get too comfortable.  You know how you dressed when you first got the job verses after you been in your position let’s say 6 months after, cut it out.  Always dress to impress.  I do not care if you have been at your job for years.  Dress accordingly.  How you present yourself matters.
  2. Be on time. Have a track record of being on time. Life happens to all of us but trust and believe if you have a track record of being the “late one” it will come up.  Get to work on time.  Remember what you prayed for when you were in the faith line, get there, be on time, and work.
  3. Know your job and do it well.  You can’t ace your review when you haven’t been doing your actual job.  If you find in the midst of your job that there are areas where you aren’t doing your best, ask for help immediately and before your review.  The amount of people who fluff off inconsistencies makes no sense.  You do realize that your boss knows it and sees it. If training isn’t available then get yourself some.  There should be a wealth of friends that you can call on that can assist you in getting a few areas on point.  If not, get new friends. Either way your employer will appreciate the effort.
  4. Come to your review with areas that can be improved whether it be for yourself or for the company.  Make sure it’s not a list of complaints only. This is called taking an initiative.  Take it.  Coming with suggestions even if it is secretly complaints will look better than just having complaints.
  5. Be on time for your review if not early especially if you are meeting in an area of your office or your boss’s office.  Do not be late.
  6. Watch your tone and your language.  You should be authentic but keep it mind it’s a job.  I am a direct person but in certain arenas knowing the climate of your company matters.

During your review please bring a pen and a pad to write down notes.  One of the most irritating things you can do is come to your review unprepared.  This will come off badly.  Smile, and look your boss in their eyes.  Communication starts as soon as the meeting starts. If you find there is an area of improvement, take the criticism graciously.  Do not try to over explain.  Just note it and improve.  If you disagree, wait until its your turn to speak without cutting off your boss. If they have you write your comments down on your review sheet then do so.  Make sure especially if you are asked to write anything to check your emotions before you write.  You do not want to come off in a negative tone.

If you know that going into your review there are some areas that you KNOW you didn’t do well, think of ways to spin it.  Reviews are like mini interviews and you should always treat it as such.

Lastly ask questions, ask if there is anything that you can do to improve even if you are a model employee.  Never get comfortable in your position that you aren’t looking for ways to do better.

Congrats you have made it through another year!!



Human Nature

Have you ever wanted to throw punch somebody but you know that the way life is set up you and orange is not your color?  If you have Facebook than you know the “on this day” feature where it shows you the what you did on a particular day feature.  It is nice and I love it most days.  However though I have a strict mental rule to never post negative things on Facebook I found the snapshot of where I was a year ago to be disturbing.

To the average person the picture was harmless.  On the post I even was grateful for the progress made.  Today something in me wasn’t right and its been a long time I  allowed me to remember the dark side of life.  Every picture taken isn’t always a picture of glory. Some pictures remind you of pain and that was my plight today.  A year ago today I was working for a company that I seemingly loved.  There was a few hiccups as like with any job. However when I think about the folks that were there that I didn’t like and the things that had transpired.  I got a little upset today.  I also got mad when I thought about the small transition between the job as well.

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I remember crying saying I didn’t want to be a full-time stay at home mom but I refused to take a part-time position.  I also had to pull my son out of his daycare that he absolutely loved.  It was a mess.  Being an adult and a parent often times can be very difficult at tines. However I had to do what I had to do.  However that didn’t make me feel any better.  Then on top of that I had to deal with how I was feeling but I knew that it would work out.  I never doubted but I sure wavered a few times. It was scary.  I had been a stay at home mom for quite some time and I didn’t want to revert back.  I also enjoyed making my own money as well.

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However I didn’t have to wait long.  I decided to take a temporary position that started a few weeks later.  From that position I went to my permanent position working at a medical school.  I love it.  There were days at the temporary position I was ready to ball my fist and knock a few folks out.  I consider myself a tough cookie but when you are working in a temporary position no matter how great of an employee you are you will find people undermining you just because they think you can.  To top it off the temporary position was almost an hour away from home and the kids.  So many days I found myself doing the Sonic the Hedgehog drive to get to where I needed to be.

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One day I sat down and thought about my strengths and weaknesses.  I decided that instead of just looking for work to just make ends meet, I would find a job that I could consider my dream position.  I think everyone’s dream is to make the most money but I needed a job that was flexible on schedules, where my manager had true leadership, direct deposit and none of that pay you when I get to you type thing, and a list of other attributes. I decided to interview positions instead of focusing on getting the interview.  It worked.  I went to several interviews until I found the one that I loved and had most of my likes. Today instead of being frustrated about how much the experience was painful.  I am super grateful that I am where I am.  I had to release the energy that I was feeling so I can see my true blessings.

Bosses can go one way or another 

It’s national boss day. The day we set aside to tell our bosses what we really feel. Wait. Well it’s the day we set aside to show how much we appreciate our boss.

Now if you are a team player and your boss is less than stellar you may find this day to be filled with resentment. Why?  You chipped in and split the cost of a gift and if you would have had your way you would slip your boss a 2 weeks notice.   What do you do if you are at the cross roads of wanting to throat punch your boss?  One you don’t. I’ve been around some of the worst when it comes to bosses but I had to play the position. It sucks. The best thing you can do when you are feeling this way is to work on you and work on an exit plan.

Sorry to all the bosses or potential bosses but the reality is if you have an employee that has to pray themselves in the building daily it’s time for the employee to roll.   There is no amount of niceties that can happen to turn it around when things have gotten this bad.  I remember crying and by the way I’m not a crier, asking myself why was I at my place of employment. I was sick and knew that often times I needed the pay.

Having to work for a company that you can no longer stand just to pay the bills is prison. It keeps you at a point of no return. You feel lost. You feel like what have you as a person done to allow you to settle?! I know it’s boss day but the reality is that even with all of these gimics and pyramid scheme type businesses anyone can be a boss. The flip is that you can still be in control of your future even with working for someone else.

One of the things I asked myself was to be honest.  I looked at all of the great attributes that I loved in the bosses that I have had.  I also wrote down the bad ones as well.  I made up in my mind that when I interviewed to not just be prepared for their interview but to interview them as well.  What is it without going into too many personals that I wanted to avoid? Luckily I was able to interview the team separate from my current boss and was able to ask the hard-hitting questions that were important to me.

Bosses are supposed to inspire. They are to be good leaders and good leadership has to be able to take blame when they mess up. That is a personal pet peeve. In life people pass the buck.  I get that. But to deliberately not have the ability to take the “L” is a deal breaker. I had a boss that instead of admitting guilt blamed the whole staff. However karma definitely came and bit him or her in the butt. Let’s keep it real, bosses think that putting blame on the team is normal but the way this particular boss did they literally NEVER allowed him or her to be wrong. That is a weak move.  I know that a boss isn’t  perfect. I am a perfectionist but even I can step back and be comfortable enough in my skin to admit wrong.

If you are a boss than know there’s always room for improvement. Bosses have a tough job or trying to run a business and keep it altogether. Being a boss isn’t for everyone.

I’ve been blessed with amazing bosses throughout the years but unfortunately with the good always comes the bad.  I told myself and made myself a promise that as long as I have to answer to someone else that someone else would be a person of integrity, discernment, and have a heart for the human experience. If anything less means I keep pushing forward.  I will not have the parking lot prayer service to get me to my office again. I’ve had times of pure tiredness but that’s not the same as not wanting to be at my job because I work with the absolute worst boss in the nation.

I don’t care if you work at McDonald’s or at the top of the highest building, learning to respect others is key. Nothing irks me more than people to forget what it’s like to work for someone else. There are so many opportunities to own your own business but if you mistreat the lowest in your company than that is really who you are.  We got to get to the point of being fierce, being and giving respect, and managing people like you would want to be managed.

Last pay attention to the company structure. That will give you a heads up on what to expect from the work place culture.

To all the bosses handling their business I salute you. Happy boss day!

Ask Toi: How would you deal with a co-worker who keeps taking your ideas?

The only way a co-worker can take your ideas if you tell them your ideas.  It’s simple in theory that you have to learn that you can’t share everything with everyone.  This isn’t just with work relationships but its a principle to apply to most people.  That doesn’t mean that you can never tell a soul what you are going to do, it just means discernment.

You don’t need discernment if the co-worker takes your ideas and uses it as his or her own.  That’s called don’t get burned again.  Like Maya Angelou has warned us all, if someone shows you who they are believe them.  I like a lot of my co-workers but unless I have gotten to the point to bring you around my inner circle or family than I keep work relationships at work.  That means yes we can go down to the lunch room and chat it up. Yes we can laugh at corny jokes.  What that doesn’t mean is you can be on my social media.  No you can’t talk about your man and his issues or at least you can but don’t look for me to spill my heart out to you.  It means I am a full team player between whatever my work hours say I need to be. However to sit and tell you things and I can clearly see you are about yourself is a huge NO NO.

You can either mention the breach in confidence if its brought to you but often times I would just leave that alone. I would silently mark them and disengage outside of work chit-chat that you are obligated to talk about.  I wouldn’t sit talking about anything with an idea unless your whole department is together and they hear it from you themselves. Trust me there is a club in most places of employment.  This means if you don’t pay your silent memberships you can be an outsider.  I know that no one wants to be an outsider and being connected can feel great.  The key is the right connections and not just connecting your caboose to any old body.  Learn to be okay being a team player and independent.  You are at work to get your money and make your own personal dreams come true.  Sometimes that may require some head phones and a smile.

Keep Your Knee Pads

I want every lady to hear me.  I need you to hear me loud and clear this morning.  We as ladies have to have respect for ourselves.  I had a discussion with my husband and we talked about the male and female ratio.  We know that women for the most part out number men.  However just because of those numbers doesn’t give a man a right to disrespect women and settle or put up with foolishness either.  Think about that for a second.  You are a woman who is waiting on Mr. Right but instead Mr. Right Now comes and wants to ask you to do things that you aren’t comfortable with just because he thinks he can.

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I in my own young life have done things to disrespect myself.  Let’s keep it all the way 100. I can’t blame relationships, situationships or down right just doing things that were disrespected myself on others.  I can take my L where the L is needed.  However think about all of the times I turned down the foolishness too.  I know for women we all have been approached in less than honorable ways from co-workers, bosses, the man cat calling us on the corner, etc.  Women are constantly having to make someone respect our NO.  In the last years it’s getting out of hand that you can turn down a man’s advancement and get killed.  I think about all of the times someone grabbed my hand or my butt and because I spoke up for myself and said NO I could have been hurt or even killed.  It scares me as a mother because the reality is that I am teaching my daughters to be confident and direct.

I had men do some things in my time.  I had a male boss tell me that the only way I would get ahead is if I sucked his dick.  Now let me just say for all you too churchy folks that I have reading this blog I will never sugar coat a thing.  If you looking for a flower blog this ain’t one.  The thought that ran in my head is my education, my long nights, my hard work and it comes down to sucking dick to get ahead?  Naw I will pass.  I could have just went with the flow.  However what wouldn’t have gotten me-nothing.  Any waves I make in my career won’t be gotten by short cuts, feel ups, or knee pads.  I know there are women forced in these situations every day.  But before I get on my knees I will quit a job.  Before I lower myself and have a random man’s penis in my face let alone in my mouth I will be on welfare before I take that kind of L.

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Men think that because statistically they make more money than most women they can literally sexually black mail women to get anything from us.  The only way it stops if we put aside the superficial benefit and understand that everything cost.  I had a friend who had a relationship with her boss.  She had to come running into his office anytime he called.  It got so bad he would show up at her house unannounced.  The issue was that you will never pay that type of debt in full.  The more you do the more they want.  It’s much harder to get out of these types of things.  The same way you were offered raises, and cash to get into it you end up paying with your dignity and sometimes life to get out. She had to start filming him doing things, saying things, etc.  Even then the humility to admit that she once did these and consenting was embarrassment enough.

I have a few friends who struggle to make ends meet.  They are on the cusp of pushing to do the basics.  However one thing I learned from the strong women in my family that life with struggle is better than life with handouts any day.  But on the flip of that keep in mind that you better know that man you entertain as well.  It don’t have to be some horned up boss that disrespect you.  It could be the one you lay up with and the one you feed as well.  These boyfriends and husbands aren’t always loyal.  Women can and are raped and forced to do sexual favors from the men they trust the most.  Anything that is done that doesn’t make you comfortable should stop.  I know we hear as women that when you get married you are supposed to be freaks in the bedroom.  You are supposed to always be on.  However its more important to have a connection and relationship built on mutual respect even in the bedroom.  As a wife no husband should be asking for sexual acts and favors under the guidance that we are married especially if the wife doesn’t feel comfortable doing them.  I’m sorry every sex trick ain’t for everybody.  Why as a husband can you see the fear on your wife’s face and be okay with that as long as you get your release? Where do you as a husband or boyfriend feel the need to push this mess on the women you claim you are here to protect.  Women aren’t blow up dolls.  If you want one of those to manipulate and do whatever you want, than go and get you one.  Your bedroom should consists of both consenting adults and not just consenting only on the strength because of title or so you as a husband or wife won’t stray.  I have said it before an I will say it again, you can’t hold a man’s dick in your hand.  You can’t stop him from doing what is in him to do.

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Respect for women needs to return.  The things I see men post about women disgust me. These boyfriends and husbands will disrespect you quick if you allow it.  Do NOT allow anyone to disrespect you.  Do not take an advancement for sexual favors.  Do not allow someone to tell you what you can’t get accomplished just because you won’t do either. There are women in other countries who don’t even have a simple voice.  Why in the United States do we allow the same thing in our homes or at our place of workplace?  Oh and let me say to my socially woke folks as well, you can’t be woke and disrespect women. Sorry you can’t wake and sleep to what you want and call yourself woke.  I saw a man on Facebook make a statement about women and then say he wants us to be respected.  How Sway?  How can that happen when you contradict yourself.  I spoke up and he told me that he meant that for the women who look good.  Oh so respect is only earned if a women’s heels are of a certain length?  Or let me guess, if her skirt is of a certain length as well? Nope not only did I unsubscribe to his foolishness but that is not the man I want in my circle or one that will have the opportunity to be around one of my daughters. A man’s arrogance will never be an excuse for the crap he deals.  I am learning now that arrogant men and I do not click well.  Ladies let’s end this on all levels. Stop the foolishness you allow and kick a knee pad before you allow yourself to be degraded.