National Family Day

Families are wonderful to be involved in. Families don’t have to be the set parents and siblings that we think they should be.  Family dynamics change all the time. What is important for any family structure is love being in the center. Being in a family and being in close proximity is the fact that there are times when you will be irritated, hurt, or angry with a family member.   How you pick up the pieces is what defines what family means to you.

No One Wins when the Family Feuds

I have been in arguments with family members.  It’s a part of life. Not all family members mesh well. If you are blood related just because you are angry won’t change that you are family.  The issue sometimes comes from when you aren’t.  Not all step families are super welcoming.  Shoot, blood members act fun too so let’s be super clear.  Families feud. I am not just talking about a fight over who is making the mac and cheese for the holiday dinner, I am talking about the types of fighting that would make Love and Hip Hop blush.  Family members can be super messy.  It would be super nice if you’re able to dust yourself off from family spats and pick up as if none of the issues ever happened. People are left bruised and battered by family members and its hard to navigate yourself back into the fold.  The reality time is the biggest thing that you lose when family members fight. You don’t get that time back.  You could be interacting and enjoying one another’s company but a rift can be super damaging. I encourage everyone to attempt to make peace with those that you can. Be aware there are times that even with the best intentions, some folks run out of chances and distance may be the best solution. Learn to wish folks well and don’t speak ill will towards them.

Family Breaks

Some folks opt to take a break or a breather. Some opt to break away altogether and wipe their hands clean.  This is a personal decision. Kids don’t get to know members of the family and the family use the kids to bring the adults back.  There are times if we are honest that some family members are super toxic. Bringing a kid into toxicity if you can avoid it, please do.  It’s one thing to simply not deal with a Family member but to know that if you left your child in a room with a person that all that venom inside of them would spew on a child, those types of things you disconnect from.  I would personally never allow my children around any side of the family if I thought that would be the case.  Why would I as a parent set up my kids who can’t defend themselves around that?  Why would I as an adult want to be around that? If you need a break, take a break.  If you break completely than at least make sure that if you talked it out, you said all that needed to be said. If you can say to yourself I mean whomever no harm and if something happened to them you would be of a clear conscience than so be it. If you can’t there’s work to be done to hopefully reconcile. Toxic situations we should all strive to remove ourselves from them. So no you don’t go around violence, abuse, etc in the name of nobody family or not.  Let’s not ever do that!

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Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Marriage Anyone?

Once you get married, you leave your original family structure and become your own unit.  This doesn’t wait until kids are in the midst.  A husband and wife are their own family now.  As tight as a family can be, if you are getting married be prepared to leave your original and cleave to your spouse, this is your new family. You will always be connected to both of your original family but you shouldn’t be at the point where you can’t find health boundaries in how you interact. Marriages have been in shambles because if the original family has the presence made known in the couple’s lives and then dictates their every move, animosity sets in. You should be able to do things as your new structure like vacation, go on date nights, have fun between both sets of family members etc without your original family having to sign off.  I know of couples who were lets say for argument’s sake, the bride only deals with the brides’ side. This is not cool.  Find a way to fuse both sides.  Start your marriage where the couple make decisions together and find ways of agreeing and learn to keep family as a focus but keep them out of your union.  This means stop running your mouth every time something happens and then get mad when the family is mad at your spouse. Your husband shouldn’t feel like you still need your parents or family to agree on decisions and vice versa. You married into, you didn’t marry the individual bonus members of each other’s new family. Make sure your marriage is strong and have fun and do things with each side. No one side should dominate anything. If you aren’t mature to do that, I would advise not getting married.

Now What? Framily?

If you say, but ToiTime I took a break, I walked away from some folks, I keep folks out of my business but continued to enjoy the ones that were willing, but there is a void and I need it filled and my family is just too much.  I would say, look in your inner circle. I always believe we truly do not lose, there is fulfillment with framily. Framily are friends who become family. This doesn’t mean you don’t have family. This doesn’t mean you do more for your friends than your family. The flip to that is too, family will say you are doing too much for your framily but forget the times they weren’t there and a friend had to step in.  This is so real! I have had friends jump quicker than my family members.  This didn’t take away from my family, it meant that who was supposed to be there for me at that time. If there is a pattern of family not being involved, a conversation needs to be had. I would say, if a family member is mad at a friend for stepping in, to the family member ask yourself how often have you stepped in.  Even if the family member in question shuts you out, how often did you pick up the phone, check in, etc?  I was always taught than regardless of how another person acts that you have to be willing to try. So for me that means, I will call when no one answers. I have sent cards to family members and never got a thank you. I sent gifts and never got a thank you, but my heart is clear knowing one I didn’t do it for the recognition and two I have done all I could and if they are okay with doing nothing on their side, I am okay waiting for them to reach out and my reach may temporarily stop.

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Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Family I don’t Deal with

Even with all of this wisdom basically from being burned by folks over the years, having my family aka my parents teach me how to handle bad situations there are still family members that I haven’t seen, talked to, or associated with in years.  I will never go into the why especially on an open forum. Regardless of what may have said or done I only can own my part in it and say that anything said I meant and I take full responsibility for my actions.  I take full responsibility because I can never blame a person for what came out of my mouth or what was done.  I don’t live my life waiting to play the blame game.  Those situations were unfortunate but it revealed things about me mostly.  It revealed how easily upset I was.  It revealed parts about things that I thought I had healed and discovered I wasn’t truly healed. So it allowed me to go back into counseling to deal with them.  Its been enough years that whatever sting or grudge I carried and carried it well then is NO LONGER an issue now.  The distance and quietness and simply my own refusal to be apart of the equation was what I needed. It had nothing to do with being mad.  I never want to give anyone the opportunity to ruffle me to the point where I am not in control of my own emotions and responses. However what I am learning is that removing myself and dealing with only me allowed me peace and it made me deal with the negative things that the very family members brought up.  There was truth to the things said so I owned it.  There was lies and misjudgments too. Now that I have owned it no one can roll up and say “but you aint..”My response would be simply, you were right on a few things but now I am good should I ever see them again.  Will I ever see them?  I am sure I will! Am I looking for an apology? Nope I gave myself permission to forgive them and me without getting one.  I dropped the charges at least a year after the big blow up.  Should I have done it sooner? Maybe but I wasn’t ready!  I needed that time to live in that and it forever changed how I operate as a person.

The Incredible Storr 5

What I love about my little family now is that we apologize.  Especially my husband and I towards each other, and with and to our kids. I learned a lot from them as a whole. We get to see the good and the bad sides of each other but we also see each other daily striving to be our best version.  There are a lot of people who would love my portion and I am grateful everyday that we wake up together and get to try to get it right!

My husband and I come from good families.  They aren’t perfect either but we have made up in our house that we will always be a family that keeps the drama to a bare minimal, we keep space in our home and keep peace, we allow our kids to be around same like-minded families, we have fun, we serve and love God, and we try our best even when it looks like we are failing to get it right!  We will always protect the 5 in that home at all cost and that’s from a mental, emotional, and physical standpoint. I have seen my husband take stands with others concerning me and I do the same for him.  And you can pretty much forget it if you think the 3 littles in our home will be in the middle of some mess.  Like Jay’Z said:

“And I don´t have to worry, only worry is him
She do anything necessary for him
And I do anything necessary for her
So don´t let the necessary occur, yep!”

jayz

Hurt People Hurt People But You Can Do Better

It would be nice if we lived in a world where we all could uplift one another.  This is simply and unfortunately not the case.  We live in the world where with the change in political climate we spend hours of a date arguing and tearing one another down. Even politics aside the nature of the human spirit is tested to do the right thing and help one another.  Listen outside of religion and race we are do really share a lot of common experiences.  Think about a new mom who is struggling with life for those first weeks. I don’t know a mom who either experienced or not doesn’t understand what that feels like. What about a new marriage?  A couple unites and struggles with the fusing of this new life.  This is a common experience.

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We need to do a better job in uplifting one another not just when things go wrong like for instance the example of Hurricane Harvey.  Although it’s a beautiful thing to see and is needed, we need to learn to not allow a disaster to come along and THEN we step up.  We have a human right to extend the very best to our fellow sisters and brothers all around the world.  Let me also put things into perspective.  I have some folks that I have a general disdain.  I do not like them, they do not like me, but I give them and anyonelse respect.  I do not have to break bread with some folks to show respect. This costs me nothing. However at the end of the day if I was in a fire, or sick, or drowning would it matter at that moment who saved me?  Most likely not.  My disdain would only come into play when I can control the playing field. With that in mind, I try to make sure that although I may close the door of fellowship based upon personal experience with others that I do not do that with people who have done nothing to me.  Meaning for some when they are hurt they take out on the rest of the world their pain.  Pain is very overwhelming.  However pain I am having with family doesn’t need to spill into my social life.  It’s hard too when that pain resembles and is reminded.  It’s like having a band-aid on and having it peeled off temporarily and the wound hasn’t healed.

I win when I show in spirit, thought, and deed in others’ winning with me or around me. I can’t tell you the countless times as a blogger that I have been asked questions about what to do in a situation.  I am about to celebrate 3 years I don’t even consider myself to be the best, YET, but helping someone get to where I am in hopes that they take off with their site, makes me happy and fulfilled.  Uplifting and wanting what’s best even for those that I may not know is important.  To the ones I don’t vibe well with, I never practice ill will towards them.  It’s a hard balance at times when you have been hurt but me holding onto hurt does nothing but brings me down.  I am not perfect in that category but I am definitely working towards being a better version of myself.  With this in mind, there may come a time when I get to a place where I can sit in their presence and enjoy it.  I can sit in anyone’s presence when I have to and not let it get to me but to be willing to do so when I don’t have to is called personal choice.  I feel that it shouldn’t be forced.  It should be natural.  I can be in a room and say hello, and keep it moving. However to be in the room and chat it up unnecessarily is a personal choice.  I can uplift them and want what’s best for them without interacting outside of the need.

As I see stories of families, friends and strangers coming together during Harvey I am hoping that this continues to spread after the effects of Harvey dies.  I hope this continues in how we interact with one another even on social media.  I am a professional debater but I refuse to tear someone down just because we don’t agree.  Now I may decide to keep it real and not interact with someone who I don’t have to, wish them well and move on but I am at a point that I am not going out of my way to be malicious.  I am going to show support of who you are and your right to be who you are.  No different from knowing a person who is nasty in their spirit.  From a far I can not interact with you, show you respect, but make a personal choice that the vibes you send isn’t right for my spirit and not interact on a personal level.  However I have no right to dislike you and treat you badly, and then say I am a positive person.  Closing a door to a person who means you ill will doesn’t mean you are wishing them ill will either.  You have a right to protect your spirit.  You don’t have a right to be indirectly or directly mean and bash a person for being who they want to.  So I pray for all of those who is reading this blog, that they would be in a place to deal with hurt but don’t continue to hurt others or tear them down.  You have a responsibility to do the right thing towards even your enemies even when you choose to not interact with what they bring to your life.

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I am practicing these things and I am constantly checking myself so that I don’t respond when it’s not pure in heart.  I trust that even if I get it wrong that I can make it right by just doing what works for me and allowing others to do the same.

Weekly Wrap Up: May 19, 2017

Happy National Pizza Party day.  Who doesn’t love pizza?  Okay not a real way to open up the blog by hey it’s Friday and I am in uber good mood today.  For all of those who will have a slice have fun! I have eaten enough of my points in other delectable things for the week that I need to chill until date night tomorrow night.  So how was your week? Mine was pretty good so let’s dive in.

Personal Highs

So this has been a good week.  Let me shout out my kids this week.  They are ending the school year on some awesome high notes.  My daughter-the oldest has a birthday coming up.  My son is going to kindergarten next year and has a moving up graduation soon. My youngest is doing well and has adopted a new imaginary friend aka her bunny.  This has been an awesome week for the Storr kids.  That makes me and my husband super awesome.  Another good thing this week has been that I have gotten the most sleep in a long time.  Now with that we will talk about my lows but that’s at least a plus this week.  I am still losing the weight and I am super excited. I have another goal and that is a cute little Boho bathing suit I have been eyeing for the Summer.  Oh and Summer is coming so insert the biggest happy face ever.  I love heat!  I have some awesome plans this weekend along with some scheduled me time so I can’t wait to get me together like I always do-no excuses. Have a wonderful weekend and do one thing that will renew your mind. Sometimes that means cleaning a few things out in preparation for what is to come.

Here is a short list of renewal things (I get asked this in emails often)

  1. Clean up your space-this is very renewing.  Clutter will get the best of you.
  2. Go to a park-being outside is very comforting.
  3. Magazine time-you need to be able to take some time out to enjoy a few favorites.
  4. Visit a coffee shop
  5. Church or mediation
  6. Go to a farmers market
  7. Sleep-rest is a beautiful thing. I am super busy but taking an extra hour does amazing things
  8. Shopping for some is super renewing
  9. Organize-doing things to help your week saves time and energy.  I meal prep, breakfast prep like making sandwiches I can freeze and grab, making smoothie bags for the week all ensure that the excuse of “don’t have time” is gone.  How else would I get through the week with 3 small kids at 3 different schools?

News

  1. Kingston Frazier, 6 years old was killed when his mother went into a grocery store and left him in a car unattended with the keys.  A group of men later identified as teenagers took the car with the boy in it and hours later he was found dead with a shot-gun wound.  My heart has been hurting and my head too over the senseless deaths of our children this week.  Please keep this family in prayer.
  2. Following up from the previous death is the death of Gabriel Taye who died of an apparent suicide after he had been bullied and knocked out the day before after hitting his head on a wall by another boy in his class.  His mother was not informed of what happened and 2 days later he was found in his bedroom from a suicide.
  3. Here in Philly a 10-year-old boy had been bullied and came home and told his mom he had the worst day of his life.  She gave him space and then when she went to check on him he had died of an apparent suicide.  I know there are a lot of other news stories but these are important this week.  We have kids’ life being taken for no reason.  Please parent be vigilant with your kids.  Please make sure that you talk with your children.  We need to listen and support our children.  Do NOT leave them in the car.  Although the actions of the mother who left Kingston in the car were bad, the real enemy was the boys that took his life.  May all of these beautiful boys always be remembered and let’s have less of them.  I will do a separate blog about all of them soon.
  4. Trump and the Russian ties is heating up.  So be on the look out if you already aren’t now.

Blogs

  1. The dirty mirror-this had a lot to do with my personal journey that I am taking in my life to love me more and how that is affecting and could potentially affect the state of my marriage.  These changes have so far made us strong but for others who find themselves in this change it can make them second guess everything.
  2. I got you ma-this is the season that men start the cat calling more.  Summer lovin is finally on its way.  For the single and ready to mingle this could be good.  Just don’t lose your mind and think that all men are on the up an up because they are not. Some will promise the world just to bed you.  Never lose focus. If you only want sex, protect yourself, but if you want more, be vigilant and ask questions.  Men will tell you what you ASK. So ask the right ones.
  3. TBT: we threw it back to when putting it all on the table too soon may be considered an issue.  Don’t be the only one throwing it out there.  Ask.  If you’re dating its your season to enjoy someone’s company as well as it is to collect information.

Personal Lows

So I went to the doctors a few weeks ago and got a clean bill of health.  So she asked me to get blood work done.  I didn’t do it.  So now the migraines that had subsided since I started eating better and losing weight have come back.  So today I didn’t hesitate to get the blood work done this morning.  So that is the push for all of my ToiTime to take care of themselves.  So it’s your job to be vigilant about what you need.  You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of you first.  I have to wait until Monday to get the results and I am pretty sure I know what they will say.  I will keep you posted. I do not think I am in immediate danger.  I do believe vitamins etc. will have to be readjusted.  Other than that whatever has been going on makes me super exhausted. I am anemic but that was improving. So say a little prayer that all will be well and continue that way.

Action Do Something

So let me just say that I have about had all I can take but I know that is not true because as time goes especially in the next day or so the complaints are going to take off.  I am referring to the swearing-in of Donald Trump, which artists or celebrities will be in attendance and even those who aren’t.  This is about the family and friends that are about to go into social media war…. Do Something!

Yes I said it.  There.  There will be countless of those who will have just about every complaint in the world but that will be where it stops.  You don’t like one of your celebrities or artist who is performing or going, than have an action plan.  One of the best ways is to stop following them on social media.  It’s like the Kardashian affect, people say they hate them but they have over 1 million followers a piece.  Yes some folks just follow to get the tea to someone’s life but you aren’t getting how that makes you the person look. You are literally watching a person you wouldn’t even otherwise care for and you aren’t even benefitting from it.  That is a sad part of life.  We ALL have better things to do than to allow the cycle to continue.  Although the media sometimes controls the images that are out, you personally can control what you take in.  I followed Chrisette Michelle an artist that has agreed to attend and sing at Donald Trump inauguration celebration.  Now whether or not I agree with her reasons or not, I sat and watched all the comments made and thought to myself, we have the power to evoke change.  The best way is in the pockets of any artist, socialite, etc.  They thrive on media interaction, and financial backings of their product.  It doesn’t just apply to this now political storm that has been brewing for quite some time now either.  This is a principle.

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If you have people in your own personal life that you don’t deal with don’t just block them on social media but block their access to your spirit and life.  I have done this and trust me the peace to just live and not worry about the foolishness is priceless. So before you go gangster social media arguing, just end it and cut you out of it.  I had a disagreement with a family member.  I found myself getting all upset and going back and forth via social media than I thought, what is the point?   Just stop it now and deal with them on a personal level if you need to and move on.  Or not and just keep on pushing.  We give our energy to do many things and wonder why we are zapped out.  Even in your emails, you can unsubscribe correct?  Unsubscribe in real life.  There is no need to have things and people pulling on you to the point where you are up in arms.  Will Donald Trump being in office cause issues even for those who supported him?  I am sure it will. Learn to deal with what is for you and leave the rest.  If you are going to make a stand I say go for it but do it with more leg work and action and a lot less mouth.  We need a world of doers and not just good ideas alone. Protect your spirit and especially if you are a parent or help in the parenting of your children.

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Mommy Loves You Notes

So I get it when your child goes off to the land of education there are far more things to be worried about other than their education.  In this day and age you have to make sure you tell and teach your children what to do in case of a crisis.  You have to worry about if their being bullied.  You have to worry if they are in a position where another child or even teacher isn’t breaking them down mentally to where they aren’t attempting to harm themselves or others.  Whew.  It’s too much.  These are some of the things that when I was in school, I just didn’t have to worry to much about.  So with that being said, let’s fast forward to my daughter.  I am making her after school snack, and as usual I write mommy loves you on the front.  No big deal right?  Absolutely. I try to write this note on every last after school bag.  Sometimes if she makes her snacks herself, I add a little treat that she finds with a note. I’ve been doing this since Kindergarten.

My daughter says mommy can you sign your name on the bag?! I signed it not thinking of it. I finally asked her why.  So when she told me that the kids in her class think she is writing her own notes and that there’s no way her mom could love her, I got mad.  I know my response should have been off the cuff in a loving manner and deal with my daughter and I did after my first 5 second reaction which was pissed.  How dare some child think that as sweet as my child is that her mother wouldn’t love her enough to say I love you to her daily.  Then as I went into parent mode to love on her, I reminder her that she is too lovable for me not to write I love you everyday.  She smiled.  I felt like I had won.  However I further explained to my daughter that some parents may forget to give these little reminders to their kids. I told her that some households have a lot going on but in our households above making sure they have what they need, the most important need is showing love.

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Now let me be clear before the pitch forks of parents start rolling into my inbox, my letters to my child or the notes on her snack bag doesn’t mean I love mine any more than yours. It means that is MY way to be able to show her love and she looks forward to my messages. The message I needed to make clear with my child is that she is loved in this way and there are some homes who don’t take the time to show love. That is a fact.  You don’t have to like my fact but if you are bothered by it, than step up and do what’s best in your home. Far too many times we exchange gifts and electronics as means of love when reality is some kids are dying for a hug, a kiss, or just a few minutes of your time.  I am no where a perfect parent but it doesn’t matter if I will be late to spend a few minutes in prayer with my kids.  I make sure that above all that before they leave me that any issues had our squashed.  You know why?  How many children have to leave their home and never return where parents say I wish I had said I love you.  Now that my daughter is of school age, my stress is always up every time she goes to school.  I need her to know that I love her, I am here for her and her siblings, and that if anything should go down that her last impression of me is love.  It doesn’t matter if there will be times when she doesn’t like me, I love her and she will know it.

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Listen every mother has a birth story for every last child, but my life has literally been on the line for my children and I have gotten every dramatic life altering thing possible during my pregnancies.  I loved them before I even met them.  I want them to know that above any thing I ever do or give them.  I don’t know what the future holds for my children, but they have to know that there is someone in this world that loves them unconditionally.  I and her father will be that to them.  Now for other parents, aunts, grandparents, friends, etc. reading this blog. Let’s do better.  As much as I want to say that the child or children who made the comment are off as 2 left shoes, the real issue is that the child or children are growing up in homes where this seems abnormal.  Even if it’s not in cute notes, please make sure that the people who you raise, help raise or influence KNOW that they are loved.  They should see the manifestation of that love in more than your responsibility to them.  Yes you have to work, sometimes under paid and deal with the most ugliest of adults in how their spirit and mouths are towards others, but it cost nothing to give an extra hug. Please show kindness so our children can see this around them.  I am reading too many stories of kids killing themselves and they aren’t even out of elementary school.  We aren’t doing enough to surround our kids with affirmations.  I know we are busy.  I am busy.  I however pledge to make a difference in the lives of the 3 that call me mom. I would rather what I want to take a back seat so that they aren’t on some couch of a therapist over some stuff I did or didn’t do for them.  I want them to be sound individuals who know what love loves like and what it feels like.

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Please increase love and how you show love in your homes.  Our children are hungry for the affirmation.

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The Fight….

Well yes another blog is here.  My son is such a gentle giant.  He has a huge heart for others and I am noticing that as he is getting older the questions that he asks are getting deeper.  Well as parents we don’t proclaim to know it all.  We had our first “bully” talk yesterday.

So when I was growing up, bullying wasn’t a word that was used often.  I remember and I don’t mean to throw my mom and dad under the bus, but if someone started a fight with me or my twin at the time we fought.  I was never one to start a physical fight but I was taught how to end one.  I also remember being told that since I was a twin that my twin and I was all we got.  We later added the little brother in that but for a long time it was me and her. So if you started a fight with a McGinnis twin please understand you definitely was getting the business.  No one was backing down.  I can’t say I got into many but the ones I got into I didn’t get my ass whooped that’s for sure.  My mom didn’t play that.  I assume she was taught to defend herself too.  Now also with those same regards fights were fights then.  It wasn’t a situation where girls jumped in with 5 girls and more and whooped ass.  There wasn’t weapons outside of hands, feet, and maybe spitting.  Now a days, girls got gang of other girls ready to intervene.  Boys don’t even square up these days.  They grab guns and they come ready. So what does a parent in this age tell a young boy?

Well you tell them to do the right thing.  To speak up to the teacher.  To defuse the situation.  You tell them to take the high road.  However, when you come from that notion of defending yourself, then what?  My husband and I are in hard place with that conversation.  We are attempting to show our son how to handle things properly however we live in Philly and I’m not saying its rough, but fights are going to happen.  So as we take the peace maker way, I feel a sense of upset.  I will not be around my son all the time.  As a boy he feels compelled to protect himself if he is hit.  He feels the need to protect his sisters.  He is doing everything right in camp.

He tells the teacher, we talk, we go to the school make them aware, but now he doesn’t think its enough and wants to hit back.  He says the boys are hitting him in his chest and he tells them to stop.  I see it in my son’s eyes.  He wants to get them back.  He has a way of holding his shirt when he’s mad to silence his anger.  I know that look.  My son is a 4 but looks like he is 7. He’s taller than most boys his age.  He’s going to probably surpass my 6 foot 2 husband. So that look scares me.  I do not want him to snap.  I see he’s at the brink.  I took him to school today and allowed him to watch me in action as I spoke to his teachers and let them know what MY expectations and what MY follow through is going to be.  He smiled and told me he got this.  He said the boys will respect him because he gives them respect.  I told him I will call him at lunch.  I am proud of what he is doing.  I pray he doesn’t have to hit back.  That’s not the lesson we want to push.  However he’s not going to be in a corner being anyone’s punching bag.  As parents we will do all that we can to support him in those regards.  I wan him to feel safe where he is and to feel like his voice is being heard.

I told him of a situation that I had where I wanted to hit someone back even as an adult.  I told him I had the same look I saw him have.  He asked me how I dealt with it.  I told him I simply was more witty than the other person. I told him I spoke up for myself.  I told him that I didn’t allow anyone to disrespect me verbally and I choose to take the high road before it could have escalated into a fight.  I told him sometimes that he would feel good about it and times he would feel bad about it.  I told him I would prefer him to take the high road first every time but that he didn’t have to allow anyone to just hit him.  At 4 that’s about as much as I can do.  I know the conversations and the situations will get more heightened.  I hope that he can protect himself in a healthy way.  I want him to know that he matters and as parent we support him.  Until then we will be at the school.  We will be making sure they are on the same page as we are.  We will make sure that a no touch policy is being upheld.  I really wished that all parents taught their kids the same thing, but the reality is that’s not the case.  We will always teach our children to do better and to be careful of themselves and others.  We have given him the words to say.  We have tried to show him in more than one way how to let it go when necessary but we know that won’t work in every situation.

Some other things we are doing with him.  Getting him in karate.  I want him to learn the art of discipline. We want him to channel that pent-up energy into positivity.  My husband took karate as a kid.  I want him to be able to use that energy for what’s right for him.  We also have him do a lot of running around.  My son is one that you can’t simply take him on an outing.  He needs to run and interact and that’s what works for him.  Its our job to teach him how to be aware of the things he needs.