You having a boy?

Ladies, ladies, ladies, this is one of those questions that if you are expecting a bundle of joy you semi welcome.  Not when you step on the scale at the doctors and they tell you lost a total of 12 pounds and you been working hard to get it right is that question ever okay.

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For me unless it’s a woman who I know for sure is pregnant I don’t ask.  I consider it to be rude.  I don’t know what the struggle of that woman may be going through.  She could have gained weight and is struggling to conceive.  She could not want kids at all.  Another woman’s uterus is not my concern.  So today I am grabbing a few snacks and that is the question I am faced with.  IF you ever been around me you know my face speaks before my mouth does and I am sure that I gave the questioning woman the grizzly.  I said I have a son he’s 5.  She attempted to look off.  I said my youngest is 2 and I am working hard to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.  She looked off because she and I both know she looks dumb as hell right now. My issue with her is she sees me daily.  Did I get pregnant overnight? You just saw me and said I looked trim yesterday in my outfit but today I am pregnant?

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I ain’t even gonna front, I was humiliated and hurt.  Like WTF?!  Yeah I said it and I am sure you ladies who have been on the receiving end of that said it too.  Like wait I will have to wait until I am Instagram model ready to be considered snatched.  I am doing this on my own with the help of my gym and doctor.  I have no personal chef but have switched up my eating habits and choices.  I have no personal trainer either but I don’t let up and make sure I am consistent.  Even now typing I feel like I have to justify my size when actuality I have climbed out from where I was to where I am now.  I am more confident but even with confidence dripping off of me I wanted to crawl into a hole at the moment she wanted to know if I was having a boy.  Do you get what she was asking me.  Not only am I pregnant but I look pregnant enough for someone to guess the sex of this imaginary baby?! Oh Sweet Jesus what in the world?  I haven’t been a size 2 since my days at Penn State.  I have 3 kids all from c-section and no multiple births.  I am a healthy size 10 and I am okay with that.

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I really need some people to think before you speak.  Pushing things on folks that do not exist can really set them back.  Let’s be clear we all have our things we need to work on so let’s be more gentle with others around us.

Halloween and the Church

So I know without a doubt that my fellow PKs will get a kick out of today’s blog but you know it’s that time again for Halloween.  If you are a PK you already know what that means but for non PK friends its means preacher’s kid.  I grew up in one of the most strict environments known to church folks. No pants, no makeup and even vaseline on my lips would have been deemed too sexy.  I was not allowed to do a bunch of anything.

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Now that I have children I noticed that over the years I was paranoid to do anything Halloween.  Now let me break it on down the way the church mothers would be proud of me. Halloween represents the devil’s holiday.  Let me say now that the use and word of the devil will be magnified because that is the way we were brought up.  Dressing up in costumes that represents demons aka the devil’s friends was a huge NO NO.  So what does a child do around Halloween?  Growing up we went to church.  Yes depending on when Halloween fell if it was a choir rehearsal day or bible study day that that’s where you would find us.  I know of some kids who had Holy Ghost night where basically you had a bible study along with some treats. Again at my church it was mostly a church night of activities. So when others were talking about what they were dressing up to be my siblings and I’s response was we was saved.  Saved is when you give your life to Christ and live for HIM and HIM alone.

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We thought it was funny.  The backdrop is that my family and I came to the “church” when we were almost 13 years old.  So we had plenty of memories of trick or treating as well as Halloween parties.  To give that up at 13 was like taking a knife and twisting it. However it was what it was.  As I got older and had my first child her daycare had a little party. I dressed her as Minnie Mouse.  You couldn’t tell me that she wasn’t the cutest ever. However I told myself don’t let her dress in anything scary, no witches, and no ghosts.  I didn’t take her trick or treating either. That party was her only thing.  The second year I had moved to Philly so we dressed her up and I made them treats and watched the Great Pumpkin with Charlie Brown.  That was the end of that.  As the years went on I really just took them to organized parties and really we stayed home.

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Until last year, I took them trick or treating for the first time. I felt so conflicted.  I love the Lord but I was stepping into the Devil’s territory and all I could hear was one of them church mothers saying “the devil is a liar.”  By the way he was a liar about everything if you ask a church kid.  If your lights were cut off it was the devil’s fault. It was never the fact that someone ain’t pay the bill.  Anyway, so yes I took them.  I was scared the whole time. I triple checked their candy and was paranoid.  Halloween is a big deal to kids.  It is a time for dressing up and getting candy.  However although I thought my church was a bit extra I still believe that spirits are real.

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I don’t have an answer for what others should do.  I just know and understand the PK plight.  I will have the kids dress up this year and they may go out.  I am more on the fence of doing a treat, pizza and just eating candy.  Again because outside of the spiritual side of it all I don’t want to be paranoid about the evil people who use this holiday to evoke fear. People putting bad things in candy to harm them is enough to scare me.  However I have decided and again this is a personal decision to be more open to options and taking the sting. I remember the first year I decorated a pumpkin with my kids. I was looking around to see who saw me.  I didn’t even live in the same city as I grew up in.  I am a lot more smarter now and enjoy the festivities that I want to be involved in.  I don’t judge other parents for their choice.  My kids seem to enjoy the home activities and don’t see a big deal if we go out or not.  I know there are some church folks reading this and shaking their heads and I know.  I get it.  Pray for me.  So we shall see and I’ll post back to let you know what we decided to do.  I know there are others who share in my same sentiments so to you I say I feel your pain.  The struggle is real…….