Monday Motivation: Small Nugget Lessons

So if you’re lucky to have odd today on this supposed holiday kudos to you. To the rest of us grabbing our life line I mean coffee cups, we out here surviving! Today I decided to give you some little nuggets to help your Monday progress!

  • Mute on your phone works-there are people you don’t feel like entertaining on your phone mute them. This way you can answer their shenanigans on your time
  • Saying no is just as powerful as a yes
  • If you are involved with someone or something that is a point of anger or issues, end it (it’s your choice to stay)
  • Happiness is a personal job! Stop making folks pay a bill that God gifted you with the sufficiency to pay
  • Step out of faith. Just cause you are scared doesn’t change it being a faith walk nonetheless
  • If you need help ask for it
  • Strength is in finding your purpose not staying in dysfunctional situations
  • Take social media breaks; even if you need to set a timer to help. Too much of it isn’t good
  • Write this week’s goals down-you can’t achieve it without being clear in what the it is
  • Limit foolishness this week
  • Reduce your reality television trust me it does something for you
  • Instead of wishing you had something someone had, find out what you really like or need and focus on that
  • Don’t like your job? Get your resume out there and actively search
  • Work week feels overwhelmed; what can you do to organize the things around you?
  • If you’re a mom and you’re ready to pull your hair, gather your edges and break down your stress to find small solutions until your bigger solution comes
  • If you’re dating someone and the red flags are mounting, don’t ignore them
  • If you’re married and it seems like you’re off base, find ways to change you and pray for your mate. Sometimes small changes in you will inspire them
  • If you’re divorced know that finding a new life isn’t easy but it’s doable!

Enjoy your week! Take control of the things that you can control! Don’t feed into negativity. Drink your water. Work out. Take the steps instead of the elevator. Dedicate to healthier eating habits. Mind your business. Grow your business. Spend time laughing. Find the joy in the bad!!

All of the mentioned above will give you an awesome day and week!!

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Sunday Message: Healthy Friendships

Friendships help you as you walk this journey. It has to be healthy above all. A friendship that has you stressed, feeling pressed or any other negative friendship needs to be re-evaluated and possibly let go.

I’ve been taking a stock of friendships lately. Which ones are requiring more from me than that person is willing to give? Which ones suck the life out of me because it’s filled with women who want to show off that their better than? Which ones have it based upon length of friendship but lack mutual love? I’m looking at them all. I have nothing in my life or anyone that I don’t constantly evaluate and friendships are no different.

I’m not willing to make changes in my life but allow myself to be blind to the factors that matter. For instance as I get older turning up isn’t my thing anymore. I can gave a good time but to have a friend who only wants to turn up doesn’t serve me anymore. I’m more into brunches, dinners, going to try new things. I have one friend in particular our monthly dates is a list of things we both haven’t done and we fuse the list and attack it.

Some people think that because of length of friendship means I will tolerate being in an argumentative state, dealing with flakiness, or having someone who I literally go into anxiety with because one or more friends are take over legends, or spends more time showing off that they know everything. This I was okay with in my 20s. It seemed quite normal to be that friend or even accept that friend. Now I know for a fact I can’t be around that and I’m definitely not spending my coins to do activities with no one like this.

When I’m with friends I listen to phrases like “oh that’s how so and so are.” If you have a friend or a group of friends and someone states that, listen to it. This means that something is being done that one or more don’t like but tolerated. This is a red flag. The more you make excuses for those around you in the name of friendships you spend more time defending it instead of actually enjoying their company. Don’t be afraid to either call them out or call yourself out. You can withdraw or just put checks and balances in place!

If you’re out with friends and your friend is loud, obnoxious, or rude understand if you continue to hang out with them it’s a reflection of you. I have a few friends who fit that mode. I hang out with them less and less because my life can’t take all that foolishness. Life isn’t a reality show. So I place checks and balances in place. For instance, I never get in their car to go to places because when I’m done I leave. I also try not to go to places by which I’m going to be embarrassed. They have a right to be like they are and I have a right to roll when I’ve had enough. Eventually to be honest the relationship will fizzle. We won’t be on the same pages. I know some folks saying that me being like that is lack of loyalty. That’s fine to think that too. However anything and anyone who vexes my spirit to the point where I leave from their presence upset, hostile, or mentally drained is not showing loyalty to myself!

Also within friendships the keep it real friend is sometimes the friend that can cause the most irritation. I’ve learned to just listen and see what my friends need of me. I don’t have to analyze them or what they are going through. Sometimes when life is going to Hell you may just want to have fun. The keep it real friend feels the need to insert themselves and be the everything guru. Nobody wants that all the time. You can be real and have real go real left. Just because you are in a different place than another; everyone’s timing on what they tolerate is different. It reminds me of the show Insecure where Molly told Nathan not to show up cause she was protecting Issa. She was being a good friend by attempting to control the players around Issa. Molly couldn’t see the mess in her own life. Everyone was used to Molly being altogether. You’re stuff can look together and be off. Support your friend. You don’t have to be the one that demands that they adjust to your standards.

I saw something on social media that spoke volumes:

Also group friends be clear! I’ve seen many issues go down in group friendships. The best kind is when everyone can hang but the rules of friendships are clear. If your group is based on the fact that you all share a mutual friend, it’s not a real group friendship. Also unless the other members of the group have given permission to share the business between them, the one or usually the semi leader who shares it is wrong. Period! Don’t share folks stuff without them knowing it. Especially if it’s stuff that they themselves didn’t share. The group can be a great support system if their actually supporting each other. I’ve had to call some folks out in a group because I knew that one of the group members didn’t need or want one member sharing intimate details that they weren’t willing to share. Please be clear on that. Some of the most embarrassing things can cause some issues down the line.

Healthy friendships support each other. They are there for one another. There is mutual respect. If you’re grown let grown folks be them. No one should be criticized in the name of “not on my watch” mindset. I’ve made up a new personal rule if one of my friends calls me out I’ll listen but instead of complaining later you can best believe I’m going to speak out on it immediately. Any friend that attempts to call me out in front of others; that’s a definite stop and block. Embarrassing a friend is not a friend!

Let me give you an example, I had a friend who we were meeting. This was when I was in my depression, I looked a mess. She kindly emphasis on kind took me to the side and talked to me. She found out what was wrong and told me she was there and didn’t tell anyone else that I’m aware what was going on. I’ve always appreciated her being there and understanding me. Now I had another friend do the same thing but did it loudly and in front of others and I’ve never forgotten how it made me feel. Being real and having tact goes together. I made a promise to myself to never allow that to happen again. I should have spoken up when I felt bad but instead graced that friend something they weren’t willing to grace me and that was simple understanding.

This is why friendships mean so much. You choose the relationship. It’s not like family and where the choice was taken. Be careful of who you link up. Friendships that make you anxious, upset, or hurt may need to be evaluated. There are simple rules of engagement and those rules should start out with respect. So as you begin your week and you are feeling like taking stock of your life; start with you and then start with the choices of relationship you entertain. You have the power to allow relationships to stay or leave! Choose wisely!

2018 Light the Night

9 years ago I met this bubbly personality in my girl Jen! We met at work. We quickly clicked. We were even pregnant at the same time and a bond was made. I got a call that Jen was diagnosed with cancer! I was in such disbelief. There was no way she had cancer. She didn’t seem phased she went right into let’s fight it mode. Everyone around her took on the same mindset. It was time to fight!

The family organized to provide food for her while she went through her treatments. Everyone was full hands on deck. She pulled through while losing all of her hair, being tired, being sick but she did it while raising her boys and being a wife. Lymphomanics was made! We came together and we have been walking for at least 5 years! Friday October 5, we came together and walked to help stomp out cancer!

If you don’t know what Light the Night is take some time to read up on the blood cancer, the various types, and how you can help the cause. It is not only dear to me as it was a source of support for Jen, it is also an organization I will probably be behind for years to come!

White lanterns are for survivors.

Red lanterns are for supporters and care givers

Gold or yellow is in memory of someone who unfortunately lost their battle with cancer!

When it’s night the lit lanterns are carried to be a symbolism of the fight that so many are there to stand behind.

One day as we continue to raise money there will be a cure so that people of all ages will never have to get that call that cancer has come calling. It’s a beautiful sea of lanterns walking together!

Thank you to organizations like Light the Night for supporting families like Jen push through. Thank you to the Lymphomanics for still answering the call to continue and forever stand behind Jen and her family. Thank to all who have supported this year and the years of the past. Thank you to my family for supporting me as I travel to attend the walks every year! Thank you Jen for your continued love and support!

Daughters Day

Daughters are simply wonderful.  My 2 girls make me feel like a super hero mom because they look up me like I look up to my mom.  The one thing I want for them is to be able to look past me and do what makes them happy and whole. They both have different personalities and they both have unique talents and gifts that I can’t wait to see how they give back to the world.

My open letter to my daughters:

Dear Naila,

From the first moment I thought you were in danger at birth I cried and asked God to protect you.  As my health went left bringing you into this world I asked God that if we both couldn’t be here that He would allow you to shine your light on the world.  I was 28 and although young enough to need guidance but old enough to take care of your needs, I can admit I felt lost.  Every thought of what I was supposed to do entered my mind.  No one told me about how to take care of me while taking care of you past going to sleep when the baby sleeps. There was so much more that I needed to know.  I definitely put you first. I watched your Hanmom put herself first with me so I had the blue print.  However the many times we went to the doctors those nights watching you while you slept I asked God to guide me as we got through it.  I didn’t realize until now that your smiles through it all was a lesson.  A lesson as an adult I forgot time to time as stressed mounted.  The smiles I forgot many times as I worried about my own abilities instead of seeing that you were fine and we would eventually be fine.  You are getting older.  You see things differently from being an infant.  You are questioning yourself and who you are. The girls around you aren’t always a help. I hope that you take the time to see how much of a jewel you are.  How much I admire you and how much you teach those who are willing to take in the lesson.

My prayer is that as your grow, you will become assertive in your needs. I pray that you will continue to be a leader.  That you will know its okay to be quirky. It’s okay to love fun days. It’s okay to love and watch and discern others.  I pray that you never lose your positivity. Your dad and I would talk about how bright you are and we hope no one will dim your light not even us. I love you “best friend.” Show the world who you are and whose you are!

Dear Noelle,

They say the 3rd time is the charm. They were correct. By the time I had you, I learned how to manage myself. I learned how to eat better with you. I was better prepared for you.  I knew what triggers in my pregnancy to look for.  I had gotten to the point to manage the stress and those who were stressors. I remember when my life was again on the chopping block. I was about 4 months pregnant and I got the news that I had a blood clot on my brain. I cried so bad.  I said what is it about these girls that they take me through so much.  I still don’t have that answer but I knew if I would be taken that I had started to show your big sister the love and she had enough love to give it to you.  Thankfully God spared us both.  You are such a mother’s dream.  You are spunky, cheerful, and really you read people like nothing I have ever seen.  You really channel your great grandmother by who your middle name comes from.  You channel your dad’s mom too.  So know I’ll be watchful of you.  I see how shy you are in mixed crowds but once your comfort levels are up you take over. I love that you don’t allow folks to talk slick to you.  You do the slick talking. I love that about you and regardless of what people may say, as long as you remain respectful I hope you never change that.

My prayer for you is that you take life and run with it. That you continue to command respect from those around you. I pray that you become this singer and entertainer you want to be. I pray that you life your life on your own terms and never stop just because a few won’t agree with you. I pray that you are always surrounded by love and folks that are grounded.  I love you, Noodle!

My prayer for both of you is that you stay connected. That as much as you get on each other’s nerves that you always look out for one another and lean on each other when times gets hard. I pray that if I should not be there to watch your milestones (and I pray that I am) that you would take each other under and become strong and best friends to each other. That you lean into one another and that you would continue to love each other.  Remember you are Storr girls, and Storr girls always make good choices, are strong and confident, and defy naysayers.

National Blame Someone and National Positive Thinking

How do these two days go together?  They don’t but they do. Positive thinking can change how you see what others have done and although its easier to blame someone sometimes you have to take a look in the mirror at yourself.  We are sometimes our biggest enemy.  The way we talk to ourselves, handle ourselves, and do for ourselves can come from how we think.

Today I am encouraging every reader to take some stock.  I have said so many times in many blogs and it is true that sometimes my ability to blame others stopped me from being able to call a spade a spade in my own life.  I was caught up more in who the message was from instead of the message itself.  However I feel like my life took a turn for the better when I took the time to address myself.  How I was thinking wasn’t healthy for me and those around me.

black and white person woman old

Photo by Shashank Kumawat on Pexels.com

Positive thinking is hard for some who only have a negative mindset.  We all know them.  You can say the sun is bright and they will say it’s too hot.  You can say I can’t wait to hang out with friends and they say ugh I don’t even have any.  This is draining depending on what stage of life you are on.  If you find that you constantly are high fiving and in agreement with a negative Nancy in your life, its only because you are just as negative in your own life.

toddler with red adidas sweat shirt

Photo by mohamed Abdelgaffar on Pexels.com

I find when I forget to be grateful about my life its easy to dip into negativity.  All of sudden I get less patient, my temper is flared, and then my speech changes.  I start doubting myself and simple tasks are hard.  Negativity has a way at eating at productivity.  You cant attack your goals with a negative mindset and although you want to blame circumstances and situations the person that is at fault is you.

balance business cobblestone conceptual

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So lets take charge of ourselves and not point the finger out but point the finger in and change our mindset!

Ask Toi: What are my rights with my boyfriend while he’s in the hospital?!

To be honest girlfriends don’t have rights! I know that sounds harsh but….. it’s the truth!

Even if you two live in the same house won’t matter in you making decisions because end of day, you’re not his wife. What I can say is going forward if he feels that he wants you to have more of a say he should have a power of attorney and health directives done and notarized that states you are the one to be in charge. You can’t just simply be in love and not have proper paperwork in place

Same as if you’re living together, check laws of your states. If you’re name isn’t on the lease you may find yourself in a sticky situation should he change his mind. Legal documentation should be the name of the game when you’re single or even engaged and feel as if you want to have marital responsibility without the actual marriage. Being engaged is not recognized as marriage regardless of how you feel. Feelings and legality do not always go hand in hand! People don’t think about that when you’re so in love and not thinking about protecting yourself. Also be sure your boyfriend even wants you to have that much say should he not be able to speak for himself. Your relationship might not have gotten to that level as you think.

Being a girlfriend or life partner is nice but if this is the notion you and your man choose be sure to get paperwork so that it can’t be disputed or else his actual next of kin will be the one making those decisions even if it’s not the decisions that the one incapable to make those decisions want! Your boyfriend needs to be clear that as an adult he does what he wants done for his own life and having the proper paperwork will help! Protection is the name of the game and I hope your boyfriend makes a speedy recovery!

Fight Procrastination Day

I’m really glad that there are days like this. They help us to get our minds together and what a day than fight procrastination day. We all at some point have procrastinated about something. From weight loss to grocery shopping to laundry, procrastination takes many forms.

Fighting procrastination means making an attempt to do the things that we all need to do but have been putting off. What do you need to stop putting off? Have you completed your 2018 resolutions if you made it? This is something you need to get back on track. All of the promises made to yourself need you to bring life into them. It’s easy to let a few goals slide. However depending on the level of procrastination, the guilt that comes from it can be unbearable.

Waiting and putting off grocery shopping until you have literally no food may not stop the world but depriving yourself for example your education, and making excuses year after year could affect your quality of life. Not washing your hair a few extra days may not end world hunger, but putting off going to the doctors could put your life as risk. Counting up the cost of what you choose to ignore is a part of prioritizing. Some of the little things we ignore can add up.

Take some time to make new list and instead of ignoring, avoiding, or crossing off altogether prioritize what matters to you in the long run. Sometimes procrastination comes from putting yourself last. You are important and nothing you do for others will matter if you can’t find a way of pouring into yourself first! Your goals and dreams need you and you need to fight procrastination and make it happen!

Here is a small helpful listing of what you can do to help fight procrastination:

  • Make smaller goals from large goals
  • Reward yourself
  • Make realistic goals
  • Eliminate people or things around you that are triggers of distraction
  • Set time restraints around your goals
  • Write your goals down

I hope that today and everyday you take the time to make one step towards each goal you set. We all can get caught up in life . What we do once we get caught off guard, matters. Fight procrastination and hit it hard!!