Monday Inspiration: The Protection of No

Happy Monday to you.  Today I want to talk about the pain that comes along with NO.  Like children when we hear no we may experience a plethora of feelings.  From being disappointed, to hurt, to anger.  What you wanted and where you are in that journey makes your NO levels different.

If you were in what you thought was a loving relationship and you felt the next step was marriage only to find out that the person you held so dear to you is a fake, that NO that he failed you and the pain of starting all over again can be devastating. What about the pain in the NO when you are job searching?  Job searching is a numbers game at times.  You may hear several NOs in your lifetime where that is concerned.  Trust me.  When I got laid off of my job in 2010 right after having my premature daughter I was devastated.  I was thinking what in the world am I going to do?  I moved to Philadelphia and found out I was pregnant again.  Out of my element and new to a city I decided to take some time off and do the stay at home mom thing.  It was harder than I anticipated.  The time I decided to go back to work, I heard so many NOs my heart actually hurt.  I felt like I would be at home forever.  No after NO after NO began to chip at my spirit.  I am human I thought I have a college degree and experience why is this happening.  But it did.

During those difficult times of hearing NO and the mix emotions I felt, I got stronger.  I felt like I was taken a thousand steps back but I got stronger. I got a job and then began to progress to where I am now but the story wasn’t an easy one.  I have had moments where I second guessed myself. I cried.  I cursed from being so angry. I was miserable. I had to get it together.  So if you woke up and all you can do is hold onto the pain of NO, I get that.  Hear me clearly, when you let it go and walk with the sting of the pain and move forward you may not get that YES the same day, but you will if you don’t quit. At the very moment of quitting you will get a YES.  Put the work in.  Take moments along the journey of NO to renew your mind.  You may have to do this daily.  Whatever it takes, don’t faint and don’t quit.  There is protection in NO.  NO means something else is out there for you.  No means that the journey you paved for yourself wasn’t the journey YOU needed to be your best self.  Shocking how we think we know everything we need until life throws something our way to prove that we don’t.  Strive for excellence.  You can walk through the pain without the pain knocking your will to live out of you.  The protection is making sure you don’t walk further in pain.  There are people in places God never intended because instead of listening to the NO and letting it protect them, they let their personal desires walk them willingly into some mess and now they are miserable.  They shouldn’t be in that place and they know it.  Sometimes that stubborn will have you walking in circles.  When things don’t work out there is a reason.  If you are running late to a place, there is reason.  It’s protection.  Yes its frustrating but you don’t know what you are about to walk in.  Trust the process.  Have faith and walk in the sting of the pain don’t let the pain of NO overtake you.

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Ask Toi: What do I do if I want to expose a person?

This is a general question. There really needs to be followed up with questions to this situation. Focus on the meaning as to why you want to expose the person. If it’s due to a crime or harm especially where children is involved you need to go to the proper authorities. There should be no loyalty over the harm of kids. So if that is the case, take a deep breath and expose the person. If it’s to get back after a fall out your motives may not be in the right place. Things in time will be revealed with anyone. So your willingness to expose the person due to anger or get back will come back to you. The old folks had it right when they said while you “dig one grave you might as well dig two.” Be clear on your why. Everything ain’t for get back purposes. I know Karma serves her dishes appropriately so you don’t have to let the way you feel push up her sentence.

I’m not saying don’t expose I’m saying be clear on your why. Be sure it’s for the reason of justice that is valid and not purely for the gain of making you feel better for how someone may have treated you. Exposing someone just to get back and it’s not for a real purpose of them doing something they shouldn’t have actually done is headache. Also be sure if you do expose them you have proof. This is not the time to interrupt someone’s life on a “felt like a punch” movement. Felt like a punch is a joke my college friends would use amongst us to say whatever was happening wasn’t really happening but we imagined it would had it gone down the way we were describing it. Don’t let that be you while you are focused on the wrong angle to approach the situation.

Good luck!!

My Reactions to Jennifer Lewis’ Breakfast Club Interview

So I watched the interview with Jenifer Lewis and it had my full attention for over an hour. Let me forewarn a few that she is who she is. If you have ever seen her or listened to her then you know she talks the way she wants to. She serves it with no sugar and her mouth slips when she wants it to. Some may find it offensive, I didn’t. I felt like the tone of her voice was real and it made her points even more valid. I will post the link so you can view it for yourself but I wanted to touch on the parts that spoke out to me. Again I shouldn’t have to say but I will that these are my views on what I received from her interview:

30 Summers Left

She speaks about time being short and how with that short time she doesn’t allow folks with negativity to dominate her space. I love that. I think it’s easy as she has done the work to be in that place AND she has gotten to that age where she can say and do as she pleases. She makes note that she’s saved her money so she really isn’t worried about someone coming for her. What a place to be in?! I was like well say that! How many of us can say the same?

It’s like watching that smart mouth Aunt say whatever the Hell she wants and everyone got something to say to her but you got cash money on her cause you know not one person gonna try her. That’s what I felt. Now while I watched I wrote my points down in a notebook. I carry one on me at all times and she mentions having a journal to write down your feelings. She also talks doing this practice of writing things down since the 7th grade and how that is how the book she wrote came to be. I have it and will spend some time over the weekend diving in.

So what will you be doing with however many summers you have?! Will you be using that energy giving to folks who don’t need it? How about wasting your time on things that at the end of the day aren’t necessary? Wasting your time talking about the same folks and what they have or don’t have or where they are going?! Evaluate a few things, use your time better. Folks tired of hearing it. Speak about a few things that matter!! Move on!

Mental Illness

What’s I liked was her candid conversation about mental illness. She has said she is bipolar and suffers with depression. It is uncommon for anyone is show business to tell their business when it comes to this disease. People don’t want to admit it in fear that others will not book them for being in their truth. I like it because I stand with others in that mental illness is something that we need to stop making taboo and actually deal with it. She talked about how she was being perceived and how she handles it. She is not ashamed as she tells it. She calls out a few including Kanye West that she feels is suffering as well. Taking care of yourself is important and being honest where you are is even more important. You know something is wrong deal with it.

Multiple Friends

The notion we tell ourselves that we don’t need friends or we only need one friend has to stop. Not one person has what you need. Stop this island life. You need others around you. You are the issue as to why you can’t exist with others. Change it!

Beating your Kids

Now this is a subject that will ruffle feathers. Let me explain why! It’s not just because of the argument of violence towards kids and how that affects them. I think it has more to do with doing things “just because that’s how you were taught” is more of the discussion. She advocates for parents to stop doing it all together and spend some time disciplining them and talking to them. She talks about even in her age she still has scars on her from being beat as a child. Any beating or popping that is done to a child that leaves a mark is abuse. So have your thoughts or do what’s best but be open to that discussion when listening to her points.

Millennial

She stated she wrote the book for millennials and I can definitely see that. Too many times this new way of thinking which is fine on certain points wants to discredit things that have shaped the world as it is today. As she goes through this book tour she is also making sure she reminds people of where they come from and to respect those who came before them. This message here is necessary especially in regards to the many young people who are losing their lives daily and accountability seems to take a back seat.

So I’m enclosing the link so you can view and come to your own conclusion. However I think it’s a great watch for all. She keeps everyone laughing even through tough dialogue about rape, sex addiction and even sexual abuse. Please give it a look or watch!!

Jennifer Lewis the No Chaser Edition

Weekly Recap: May 17, 2018

So it’s been a minute since I’ve done a recap. The last one was April 6, 2018. Time flies when you’re having fun! There has been quite a few updates since the beginning of April. So here we go:

Personal Vibes

So since the last time I’ve started a new job! What?! Yes it legit fell into my lap and was an opportunity of a lifetime and I had to leap. Was I scared? Absolutely. I like feeling secure and there’s nothing secure about starting over trust me! However the move is a great one for me professionally and for my family. So I’ve been trying to adjust to the new blessing. I’m still not there yet but I’m getting there. I need to fit in more workouts and get that life/work balance together but I’m confident I will get there!

Also thanks to everyone for the birthday love. The gifts were great and my family was even better! I can’t complain those who showed love definitely put a lot of thought into it! Thank you for all the love!

Thanks to my husband for my gluten-free cake and dairy free ice cream request. Don’t worry the kids had regular cupcakes and what I ate healthy on dessert I made up for it in a few birthday drinks!

The great thing about my birthday is that it’s around Mother’s Day and my day was low-key but let me tell you regardless of how that nap I had, it was everything that I could have needed and didn’t know!

I finished the Broad Street Run in under 2 hours look at God!! Yes I trained and definitely did that! I’m still in awe. However I haven’t done another run since then but plan on hitting the pavement on Sunday with my girls! I had to let my body recover and get aligned! I did suffer an ankle injury, a minor one and my knees have felt tried but I’ve been doing all that I need to do to keep my body together!

Blog Goals

So we are about to hit the Summer months. So I will be blogging all of the fun. I usually have zero issues being social in the Summer. I look forward to meeting up with friends, celebrating life, and having the best family time! The way the Storrs move in the Summer is amazing oh and in case you’re wondering we do it on the cheap. I love that Philadelphia is rich in activities so you definitely won’t see us bored! Plus with a Pinterest mom you can best believe I’ve got the rainy days on lock!

So make sure you’re following and keeping up! I will be on the move!!

Monday: Restore

It’s another Monday upon us. Depending on how your weekend went makes a difference in what you see going into a new week! Sometimes when you have a bad weekend and you don’t reset, it makes you speak badly about your new week!

Do not allow the frustration from your weekend make you talk badly about this or any other Monday. Mondays are what you make of it. You can take control of any bad day and turn it around. Get determined to do what needs to be done. Set yourself up for success!

Change what needs to be changed by being active. This means if you dislike your job, be active in looking and applying. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sometimes that is a full time job searching for a new one. However the benefits will be worth it. If you don’t like where you are living and money is tight, seek for what you can do to change it. Look at your spending habits. What can you change?! Where can you cut? Do you have a hobby you can use to make money from? What about selling a few things you don’t need? All of it will take participation from your part to change where you are!

Take courage today to make today that much better. You got this! Good morning Monday!!

Birthday Message: 37 is freeing

Soooooooooo it’s the final day of #toibration. It’s my actual birthday today. What a year it has been! Every birthday is a time to renew! It’s a personal New Year!

It’s a time to reset! It’s a time to figure what didn’t work and redo a few things. My husband made a status on Facebook yesterday about my bucket lists. I don’t know if I can call it that! I took on a journey to be free. Free from all things! I’ve stepped out and crushed quite a few goals! I’m pretty damn proud of myself. Like I’m not just another year older but I’m grown, like real grown! I feel like despite of being where I am in my life I’ve accomplished so much since last year. I can stand on my own! I’m the type of grown that isn’t waiting until I turn 40 to know who I am! I know who I am and I’m stepping into my own and liking it! Let’s back step I’m loving it!

I remember the days my mom would say when you get grown…. and in my 20s I thought I had gotten there only to find I was really just a big girl in a grown world. Now, I’ve touched a piece of the surface and I can say I’m grown!! Although years later I’m sure there will be new affirmations and new revelations, today I can’t help but thank the Lord for mercy and grace. How many times have I been close to death and been spared?! Too many times and this is why I celebrate everyday.

For years I had been taken many L’s. That’s losses for those who don’t know. From being unhappy, to moving and not thriving, for taking jobs with no advancement, to almost having my marriage on the edge, my health in jeopardy etc., walking away from a few folks, these last couple of years have busted my emotions. I made up in my mind to not blame anyone until I could determine what part I played in things.

On my Facebook page I highlight national days! I do it because it makes me happy. I do it because there is something big or small that we can be happy about. It doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days! I do! It doesn’t mean that stuff don’t go left because it does. But anytime I can wake up and see life in me and around me, there’s a reason to smile and walk in grace!

This new year I plan on stepping even further out of my comfort zone! I plan on working or should I say continuing keeping my inner peace in tact! I’m not interested in rekindling old relationships unless those individuals have done the work like I’ve done! I’m okay with my circle and those who are gifted into my life! I don’t need high numbers of folks who aren’t invested in me. Any a few that remain may get shaken to be honest. I’m changing and as my needs change and I want the right people around me!!

I want to take more trips this year! Grow stronger as a mother! Be deeper and more connected to my husband. Have amazing sex!

Yup I said it, I’m grown! Be and receive great friendships! I want to fix a few relationships that need mended! I want to be an amazing aunt to my nieces. Yes I can climb that ladder. Yes I can go after whatever is for me! I want to really stretch out and grow in mind and spirit! I would say body but that’s an extra hell no!

So happy birthday to me and my twin!! It’s a good day today and this new year will be full of greatness!!

So cheers to an awesome day, birthday month, end of Toibration, and birthday reset!!

Keep it Together….

You never know who sees you or is watching you. Listen I am the one who can literally go off on anybody. I’m my own professional hype woman. However there are times when you have to be able to learn that not everything is worth a response.

Today was one of those days where I literally would have been in all my legal and mental rights to raise the stakes and really stick it to people. I usually look forward to these types of situations. I know I’m a work in progress. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that. I can tolerate the most but once I feel like you earned that back talk I’m more than willing to dish it out! However as I get older I find it much better to exercise restraint and remember that I am responsible for my actions regardless! So with that in mind, I have a way of mentally and emotionally, and some times physically deciding which road I am willing to take.

Here is me little list of knowing if I should engage or back down:

  • If I find myself making then deleting an email-this means my mind isn’t in sync and I may need to let it rest and consider coming back to an issue at another time
  • If I find myself so mad that I’m cursing it’s time to retreat. I try my best to watch my language but I’m not perfect. If I find that my mouth and word choice have gone left it’s time to disengage
  • If it’s going to mess up with my coins-Disengage. This includes online and offline. Be aware that our words have consequences so I’m not willing to jeopardize my money for any reason
  • If my kids are with me most times I am going to automatically disengage and if that doesn’t work it has to be something where their lives are in jeopardy before I allow myself to engage
  • If I feel that I will not be able to live with my decision later on to withhold I may speak up as long as the above reasons aren’t in jeopardy

People and things are constantly pulling on us. I think that it’s important to be able to be a bit quick witted or be able to quickly retreat to develop a plan. Some things that take place in our lives are well outside of our control. Remember the power we have stops at the top of your nose.

However how you react to things matter! It’s about using some form of restraint even in dark moments. A response is lasting so don’t give them away so freely!!