Boyfriend Drama

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend should be a nice welcomed addition to your life.  It can be fun, exciting, and new.  Sometimes when the newness wears off you may have a few things that lust allow you to check in the beginning.

love couple sunset sunrise

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Are You a Real Couple?

Huh? Yes did you know that some folks get together and think its all love between them but in the end you may not even have had the talk.  You actually need to communicate that you and your boo are really an official couple.  Do NOT ever miss this step.  Even if you two had this conversation over sex, have the conversation again outside of the actual bedroom.  This will save you a few weeks in and possibly a heartache.  Being on the same page is the biggest thing that couples will need to be sure they are on.  Also what is your dating goal?  Casual? Dating towards a future? Kicking it?  FYI kicking sometimes means kicking it for sex alone, so be clear!

Jealousy

There is a healthy dose of jealousy in any relationship but when you find that the jealousy leads you not to both be able to live active lives separately and come together then, sis you get a problem.  No relationship should have micromanaging as part as criteria.  This is unhealthy.  I am married and the thought that I would be micromanaging my husband or he me makes me tired just thinking of it.  Two individuals need to be that-two individuals that are dating to see if they are compatible or just dating to date. Also micromanaging someone is a lot of work.  Its draining! This energy could be used to start a business, get physically fit, make money, something other than knowing where another individual physically is.  I am not taking time to smell body parts, checking mileage, checking phones, etc

Cheating

Cheating isn’t everyone’s deal breakers.  I think it should be.  The amount of disrespect it takes to do the most against the one you claim you are in love with or even a strong like, is sheer madness to me!  Also keep in mind the amount of STD that are out here in world makes zero sense to put my life at risk for a relationship.  Let me plug that no relationship is cheat proof.  Please manage your sexual health.  Do not tell me how long you have been with your love a reason not to get checked on a regular basis.  I wrote a blog on a previous doctor telling me that as a married woman who I didn’t need to be checked regularly.  She got the business.  I would be less worried about body count and more concerned with clean sexual health and great health practices.

Space Please

When I met my husband back in 1999 he was my first and my first adult relationship.  Not having someone manage our time we found ourselves up under one another all the time.  In the beginning I thought how great it was but there came a time where it became unhealthy.  Being up under someone all the time will wear down one or both of you.  Back up! Give space.  Even if you and your boyfriend have decided to live with one another, space is necessary.  Go and still hang with friends, continue the same dreams you had before you got all Ella Mai “Boo’d up.” Did you go to work?  Yes still go and get work done.  Don’t mess up your coins just to be on your phones, losing focus, or taking off to spend days with no love interest.  Being employed and in love is better than Broke and in Love!

bed blanket female girl

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

All up in The Business

Learn to keep folks out of your business.  The more hands on deck, the more complicated things can and will be.  Everyone doesn’t need to know every time there is an argument or fall out.  You do know everyone is going  to be as forgiving.  People wonder why there friends and family members can barely have descent relationships with their significant others and one answer is they know all the tea.  It’s hard not to give a side eye to someone who keeps off as raggedy human beings.  So to keep the drama down, keep folks out of your business!

If you are embarking on a new love take precaution.  Get to know the one you are taking this chance on.  Keep your life as rich as it was! Take your time.  Get to know how this new person reacts when they get mad with you and others around them.  Also if they have kids but aren’t active with them, find that out too.  No man should be out here making a whole new life and neglecting their kids.  No man who won’t care about his own flesh and blood won’t care about the things that concern you.  That’s a word! Too many women letting me dick them down that don’t even know what grade their kids are in.  If your new love doesn’t want you to be healthy, run! A man should want to get his life together and definitely would want their new leading lady to live her “best life” too!

Advertisements

To Toi or Not to Toi…Throw her back edition

My kids when see me jamming out to an “old skool” jam always ask how was I before kids? I always laugh and tell them I was super fun. I was but I try to incorporate that into my present life as well. However my life from its blast from the past until now is not quite one in the same.

Social Butterfly Natasha

Back in the day especially in college I was a lot more adventurous. I remember coming home from college that first semester and being super disappointed because the clubs weren’t the same. The people I was around wasn’t as outgoing as they were at Penn State. I was bummed out. I actually like a true nerd walked around Walmart crying when I saw the back to school supplies and knew I wasn’t going back to school. Either way without alcohol I still was the type to not miss a party and not miss the opportunity to dance the night away! Now I have moments when that happens. I’ve exchanged my dancing shoes and that’s fine too!!

I had an alter ego like Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce and her name is Natasha. I say is because I can call on her in any moment. She’s definitely ruthless and more cut throat in her techniques. She’s outgoing and doesn’t care. Natasha is on standby ready to be tagged teamed in.

Drama Queen

Depending on who you ask I still have residual drama queen tactics and will call upon my petty when necessary. Back in the day I never came out of petty mode. I used to be dripping in petty. I could pop off without being provoked. Now a days I stray away from that instinct because it really isn’t necessary. No more days fighting and arguing with folks over stuff that don’t matter. Momma I’ve made it!! Super far cry from the past! Now I just watch people more and if something doesn’t seem right I just disengage. I try not to get too involved with things that no longer serve a greater purpose. I know that sounds cliche but the reality is I don’t have that kind of time like I had or gave into!

Who got feelings?!

I definitely had feelings but a lot of times I would be the one to say what I needed first, oh how dumb I was in my early 20s. Hurting people’s feelings should have been a class cause I would have aced it!! I wasn’t always as diplomatic or politically correct as I try to be now. Such a defense mechanism to hurt first so the other person wouldn’t realize they hurt me. As a full adult who takes credit for her wrongs I know that isn’t the way to handle things.

Sharp as a whip

My mouth really is a two edged sword. I really can end people or at least that’s how I came off. First of all I like to argue. I like to go back and forth and in the right energy which most times were the worse energy I could end you without breaking a sweat. I definitely grew up around no nonsense parents and they ain’t play and I felt like I definitely took that and ran with it. I could appear the good girl and catch you off guard and come for you. It’s funny how all of these reality shows show this type of woman and I could have given any network major ratings before it became a style. Now I’ve stopped watching these shows and moved on from this behavior.

All of these things could be seen as negative. I could hear someone say why even tell people this?! Simple it’s what made me, ME! Flaws are a spice of life. Although the parts of me that are deemed negative, I’ve worked constantly on. This is how you have growth. When I could have read someone for filth but I have to eat it, I know that’s growth!! This doesn’t mean that I won’t ever tap into any of these parts when necessary. I will and do. If Natasha has to come out then so be it. She can make an appearance but she has to go back in the vault. I don’t live in negative spaces like it’s a full time job.

Oh and by the way even if you never blog about it, you too have to live with the private and public persona and challenges. You too have to make a decision to allow what’s made you over take you! We all are flawed I’m just the first to admit it!

So for today’s #tbt (throw back Toi) I can admit that my life has changed from my younger immature days. I am constantly proud of my life and I’ve come a long way when I was taking over from the 99 and the 00! (I know you read that in your best Juvenile voice)

Never Skip A Nail Appointment

Now let’s keep it real, one not everyone can go to the nail salon on the regular basis. Two those who can go will miss an appointment from time to time but………never miss a nail appointment. The reason is simple, you miss out on your self-care, me time and a word from time to time. You can be creative and get your time in for yourself even if you have to be creative to make it happen!

I remember the days when I was a stay at home mom complaining about getting my nails done. First of all my fiancé at the time always encouraged me to go. However during that time in my life I was on my complaint mode. Everything was more than it needed to be and nothing was super serious. So I skipped a thousand times over. I would then complain about missing and to be honest I was just a miserable human!

Today I went and got my nails done and I laughed when an older woman came in. She sparked conversation and she was telling me about how she’s 85 years young and she has yet to skip. Can I tell you, she was fly?! She said to me never forget who you are. Everyone knows when you go to a nail or hair salon there’s either tea or a word there. Today was a word. She told me about her husband who had passed away 5 years ago. She said that he encouraged her to have balance. She told me to do the same! She said her life was more fulfilling not because she got her nails done every 2 weeks but because she took the time out for herself to make sure she was good. She asked me how often did I come. I told her every 2 weeks she asked, faithfully?! I let her know that yes I do! She said take care of you because no one will pour into you like you! I stopped sipping my wine and she said no baby keep sipping this is your time! I usually go on Saturdays but I switched it up today and was met by the most encouraging woman ever!

Before I left she told me to keep doing what I am doing and that all things would work out!! She also said make sure you take care of you! I said yes ma’am! Listen she put a lot of young women to shame. It made me think of how that’s how it really should be when you come into the presence of an older woman. You really should always get a word but we need more women being examples instead of trying to compete! That woman was a beam of beauty, poise, and light! May she be blessed!

So ladies, never miss a nail appointment!

Wholeness in all levels of life

It’s Summer time.  Ladies you are going to be hit on even more than before.  I don’t care if you have on a dress that looks like a curtain its coming. With Summer fling in the air let me help you wit a few reminders. We women are trying to “live our best life.” With that being said the concept that as long as you are connected to someone you have won mentality needs to be adjusted.  Single is not a death sentence and everyone you see married isn’t happy.  Wholeness is the move no who you are connected to.

Single and Satisfied

Ladies not being attached is a beautiful thing. However there is a lot of things that we need to be doing while you are single.  Let me help you now these are not the list of things to help you secure a man.  If you want to be with someone in due time it will happen.  There is no get a man quick theory to apply.  You will most likely find him as you live.  You have to get out of your home to find him or as the good book says he will find you.  You need to be out here living.  You not having someone to share moments with can be annoying.  However the one thing about being single is that you don’t have to check in with another person. You simply desire something, make a plan and execute that plan. Something that married women forget about.

If you haven’t traveled, gone on non church conferences that are simply about bettering yourself, taken a girls trip, solo trip, or just carved out “me time” you are living your single life wrong. The most common reason people complain about being single is because they are only focused on living this “life” attached.  Yes you get tired of being around your girls, or doing things on your own,  but half the time if you are only staying local I could see why. Change your environment. Go where the water is blue, explore your city, get out. Single doesn’t have to be boring unless you choose that for yourself. I’ll come back to my single lades in a minute.

Married and Miserable

News flash, not all married folks are miserable.  Married folks got struggles just like the single folks do.  People think, well you may have 2 incomes, a warm person to lie down next to you and bam life is solved.. Wrong. Some individuals spend so much time on getting with someone and less on themselves that they join just for joining sake. Just to have a new last name. Just to have a wedding. Just so they can be on social media frauding.  They have no sense on what it means to really join to another human.  They have no concept of being there for someone in their lowest state. They have no concept when the sex goes left and they start wanting more.  They have no concept when one person stops working or is unable to work. They have no concept of when you have kids in the midst and how hard it is to make this family structure work.

How about the times when you want kids and can’t?  These are the things that when you are single you think you are strong enough to handle until life happens…. Marriage is beautifully flawed. Most folks only see the glitter and gold but they have no idea the fire that goes to make gold shine. If you aren’t ready to commit to the bad then pause your desire to enter this lifelong commitment.

Ride or Die

When you hear Beyoncé tell Jayz that she’s her ride or die, does it make you feel warm and fluffy?  The concept of ride or die needs revamped.  Sometimes we ride for things that we shouldn’t.  You are not a rider in a marriage if you constantly deal with a cheating spouse.  You are not a ride or die just because you know he or she is lying but you stay just to show loyalty.  Things do happen.  Relationships are hard.  Sometimes you riding for the wrong team mate.  Let me say that real loud for the ones in the back, stop riding for the wrong team mate.  If you are unmarried the list of what you tolerate should be small.

Marriage sometimes makes you take  step back but even in that don’t be no fool.  How many times have I heard of a single person taking a boyfriend or girlfriend back and the question is why?  What have they done to earn that spot in your life?  What are they doing behind doors that makes you tolerate that?  Please understand that this pattern won’t get better over time.

Single, married, divorced, and separated the battle to move around in these statuses are overwhelming a lot of people.  Married people suffering all kinds of stuff in silence, single people losing their minds literally to be married, divorced people trying to do all kinds of things just to make their wife or husband they claim they don’t want suffer, is all too much.

Being with someone is great when you put the energy into being in your own skin that much better. Whole people coming together with another whole person makes a bomb power couple.  Being a whole person makes one bomb woman or man regardless if you are connected or not.  Being whole and getting over the hurt in your failed marriage will make you a better whole person instead of finding the mate you left in another form and complaining as if its everyone else’s fault that you haven’t done your inner work. Wholeness takes work.  It is a daily job.  The undertaking moves past doing only to attract.

The work goes into being happy all

around. This is why in some marriages one person can’t carry another miserable person. This is why in life, miserable people need not be overwhelmed with status but in inner peace.

Love is….Making Room

So it’s another episode of Love Is. Let me say my recap is going to offend some but I’m not holding back.

Nuri and Yasir are getting super close and spending a lot of time together. They look like the perfect couple! However major red flags. As much as I love the realness of their relationship let me say, if I was in the dating world right now, I’m quite sure I would be in the sex store because my tolerance for some of this behavior I tolerated from the men I dated in my 20s could not and would not be tolerated now!

  • Yasir has a job! Thank the lord for employment. A man without a job is a hard pill to swallow. Only a woman who truly loves you will ride the unemployment rodeo but for so long!
  • Kudos to Nuri having the ability to support her man BUT ladies do not ever silence your voice to make your man feel like a man. He needs to be able to have his light next to yours without feeling a certain way! Period! This is not up for discussion!
  • Valentine’s Day foolery-Yasir doesn’t believe in it and Nuri does but like some women she muted that desire to make sure Yasir didn’t feel a certain way! This is a huge no no! Whatever you allow in the beginning and it’s not genuine you will lose in the end! Be honest with yourself and your new boo!
  • New love is great but lying in any way will lead down the wrong road!
  • Not all Hotep men, but some use intellect as the hustle. As articulate as Yasir is his demeanor is off putting. Not just based on my personal experiences, but be careful with any man who is a smooth talker. That smooth talk is the game. If a man is not sincere they will use that smooth talk to gain a place in your heart but will leave you lacking! Guard yourself!
  • Yasir thanks to Sean redeemed himself by making room, he finally found a way to come back to Nuri, and celebrate Valentine’s Day! Had Nuri been clear he would have had no choice to either shit or get off the pot! Relationships should be give and take and never one sided!
  • Yasir spent Valentine’s Day initially with Ruby! Technically he went home aka Ruby’s house and Ruby finally let Yasir know that she put the work into him and Nuri basically came in and reaped the benefits. Men are not projects if your man isn’t making moves it could be you are not the one he wants to make moves with. It’s sucks and maybe it hurts to hear but no truer words ever said! Stop investing years to a man who will not give you what you need. Yasir is making moves with Nuri because he loves Nuri! He was stagnant with Ruby because he no longer wanted to be!
  • Next week looks like an episode of Love and Hip Hop. So we shall see! Until then be careful with love, make sure that the person you are falling for is making room for you too!
  • Love is…Unbalanced

    Nuri and Yasir are getting hot and heavy. If ever there was the best part of a new relationship is when two people become sexually one. It’s invigorating and very intense. Love is a great thing but you don’t have to have an awesome love life, and suffer in your profession or vice versa. Also new love is good but don’t let it get you caught off guard:

    However let’s dive into a few things that set off a few alarms outside of the bedroom:

    • Porcelain Doll: it reminds me of Chrisette Michele’s Porcelain Doll song where she talks about how she is tired of doing the most for the man such as dressing for him the way he wants just because… My own husband has his preferences and I would be lying if I would say I don’t indulge them here and there but a doll I am not! That wear this and that especially where Nuri isn’t comfortable in pulling it off is a red flag for me! If the person you are with makes suggestions and you are comfortable than by all means but don’t play these games with no man and compromise yourself
    • Friendship- this principle where friends do whatever without a thought of how actions matter has to stop. Although Angela isn’t wrong in getting the script how she handled the situation was off base. You know when you have said or done something wrong to your friend. Don’t throw salt in the fire by playing it cool as if you’re not aware of the pain that you have caused.
    • Early 90s the notion that gay men or down low men are riddled with HIV or AIDS was a real thing in the way people thought. There are a few that still think that today. Please educate yourself in knowing that it’s up to you to protect yourself. If you know a man who is on the down low confront that man without giving him an opportunity to out himself. We all need to know our status no matter our sexual orientation and married or single get tested. Be vigilant about your sexual health. Oh and men gay or not and women too who are sexually active run the risk of having a STD!
    • So we all know Yasir doesn’t have a job but….. the availability of being at Nuri side every other second, is a bit much for me. I remember being in college when I dated my boyfriend who is my now husband and missing classes, ditching work, skipping out on events just to be with one another. It was cute. However the best part of our relationship has been when we both had had our own identities and then came together. Although this works for Nuri and Yasir for now if you have a new love make yourself get some balance.
    • Yasir has seen Nuri in a funk. He calls a spade a spade and she is relentless to hear him. She was able to hold her position for quite some time and that’s called holding a grudge. Some can do it better than others but Yasir hit it on the head by giving her the advice she needed instead of what she wanted to hear. Vulnerability isn’t always easy to take in.
  • This is the week of unbalance and hopefully the balance is coming but by the looks of next week’s episode, I’m not too sure!
  • Love is…Intense

    Tonight was on one. As I always like for you to go back and rewatch, these are my thoughts and reactions:

    • Nuri knew damn well she shouldn’t have gone on that ski trip. Keith wanted to hit. Men ain’t inviting you to read scripture. It’s definitely understood. And before you hit me with the whole women don’t have to give it up we know that already. It’s just not the first thing that comes to mind
    • When Keith gave Nuri that Keith’s girl sweater, I literally died on the inside. Nuri wearing that sweater was a sign of when women settle.
    • Spoiler alert: Keith confesses to being gay. There is nothing wrong with choosing a life that you want, but back in this time it was even more taboo to “come out.” But let me say I wasn’t ready but I wasn’t surprised
    • Angela told Nuri right, never put another woman in a position to be fighting etc over a man. Nuri feels so desperate that she’s willing to “call” Yasir but let’s not forget he has a “roommate.”
    • Keith who by the way was high and drinking now wants to back peddle his gay confession. Let me help a few folks out, two people who don’t lie and that’s children and a drunk! Keith meant that and wants Nuri as his beard!
    • Angela is that friend you need. I’m more than willing to do what I can but I accept gift cards too
    • Yasir reminds Nuri that he made space for her and it’s true! Nuri I’m true fashion hit him in the one area he has a deficit in and that’s his lack of employment
    • Nuri goes to the place where Yasir and Rubi share but handles herself in a classy way
    • The end, all I’m saying is Janet Jackson got some definite sexy hits. I’m about to hit up Amazon prime for bulk candles, and a soft rug!
  • Well until next time, just know that the ups and downs of love is worth it for the one that is for you. Love isn’t always as clean as we want it to be! It’s definitely worth it!!