Since the days have been a little crazy and I haven’t blogged in a few days I figured why not today? So if you read my last recap than you know that I am preparing my house and myself for my hysterectomy. I figured since I have now had my gall bladder and appendix removed and outside of child-birth would be done with surgeries, but I am not. As I handle the logistics like meal prepping, laundry and cleaning (as if that will ever be done) my mind is all over the place.
Another issue that has come up is that I had to get a mammogram. I have never done it before until yesterday’s appointment. Let me dispel all of the horror stories and say that it isn’t life changing in the fact that you hurt so bad you can’t think. It is uncomfortable. It feels what ladies feel at the first few days of your menstrual when you are sore. It was painless and didn’t take long. I was pretty optimistic that things would go well until I got the results 30 or so minutes later and now I have to go back next week and have the procedure redone. Now before I allowed my mind to take me there with a grandmother and mother who have had their dance with breast cancer, the technician warned me since it was my first time I most likely would be called back. The reason is simple, there are no images to compare if there really is something wrong. So next week I will be back. Until there is a reason to worry I won’t.
One of the things I can’t stress enough is for ladies, please do monthly self breast exams. They are yours-touch them and make sure all is well. Breast cancer is devastating but what’s more devastating is having a line of defense to feel when something isn’t right but not use it. Be vigilant about your reproductive health as well. There aren’t a lot of do overs in the reproductive world. You need to care about yourself enough to check yourself.
So in the next week things are going to get crazy. My kids will be starting camp and finishing their last week of school. I will have had the surgery and my husband will be the one that the kids run to the most until I heal. I am okay with it. I have talked to many women that have all suggested a few things and one of the top things that all of them have stated was to be good to myself during this process. It’s a bit nerve-racking when I think and wonder if I will have to do hormone therapy and how that will affect me and my family mostly. I will be talking to the doctor about that in-depth.
Emotionally one of the things that I have felt was like wait I really can’t have anymore kids. It went away but it was a bit overwhelming. It wasn’t something I felt when I got my tubes tied after my 3rd child. I had no sadness in me until I found out about this hysterectomy. I can’t explain it but I know that other women have gone through it. It was like I was at a funeral. You know me and funerals never get along. So after about 15 minutes of this semi despair feeling I was okay. I got myself together. I was able to move on.
On a happier and lighter note, my son, my bubs graduates from preschool today. If you know me know nothing else I make all celebrations big. Now don’t get me twisted I am not inviting the masses or throwing a party. I do things like decorate his room, and just make him feel overall special. He has picked where he wants to go out to eat, just a day of showing him how super proud of him we are. He moved from one school to this amazing school and since he has been super happy. Seeing how unhappy he was before and now is such a relief. Listen let me say on a side note when you have good kids and they start getting into trouble, do your research. Find out what is going on. I noticed with my son he would tell us things and we would ask things and it wasn’t adding up. However what I should have done months ago was moved him. I felt it inside of me and didn’t act. I was more concerned with having all 3 kids in different schools. It’s a lot trust me but his happiness is worth it. He is smiling everyday at drop off and pick up. He has friends who parents are more geared to how we raise our kids. That matters trust me.
My job as a parent is to correct him when he needs it and celebrate him always. We are going to do that. He is super ready for kindergarten but I am not sure if kindergarten is ready for him!! This beam of light is going to be something amazing and not just because he is my child, but because he is determined to be great! Super congrats MJ!!
So I get it when your child goes off to the land of education there are far more things to be worried about other than their education. In this day and age you have to make sure you tell and teach your children what to do in case of a crisis. You have to worry about if their being bullied. You have to worry if they are in a position where another child or even teacher isn’t breaking them down mentally to where they aren’t attempting to harm themselves or others. Whew. It’s too much. These are some of the things that when I was in school, I just didn’t have to worry to much about. So with that being said, let’s fast forward to my daughter. I am making her after school snack, and as usual I write mommy loves you on the front. No big deal right? Absolutely. I try to write this note on every last after school bag. Sometimes if she makes her snacks herself, I add a little treat that she finds with a note. I’ve been doing this since Kindergarten.
My daughter says mommy can you sign your name on the bag?! I signed it not thinking of it. I finally asked her why. So when she told me that the kids in her class think she is writing her own notes and that there’s no way her mom could love her, I got mad. I know my response should have been off the cuff in a loving manner and deal with my daughter and I did after my first 5 second reaction which was pissed. How dare some child think that as sweet as my child is that her mother wouldn’t love her enough to say I love you to her daily. Then as I went into parent mode to love on her, I reminder her that she is too lovable for me not to write I love you everyday. She smiled. I felt like I had won. However I further explained to my daughter that some parents may forget to give these little reminders to their kids. I told her that some households have a lot going on but in our households above making sure they have what they need, the most important need is showing love.
Now let me be clear before the pitch forks of parents start rolling into my inbox, my letters to my child or the notes on her snack bag doesn’t mean I love mine any more than yours. It means that is MY way to be able to show her love and she looks forward to my messages. The message I needed to make clear with my child is that she is loved in this way and there are some homes who don’t take the time to show love. That is a fact. You don’t have to like my fact but if you are bothered by it, than step up and do what’s best in your home. Far too many times we exchange gifts and electronics as means of love when reality is some kids are dying for a hug, a kiss, or just a few minutes of your time. I am no where a perfect parent but it doesn’t matter if I will be late to spend a few minutes in prayer with my kids. I make sure that above all that before they leave me that any issues had our squashed. You know why? How many children have to leave their home and never return where parents say I wish I had said I love you. Now that my daughter is of school age, my stress is always up every time she goes to school. I need her to know that I love her, I am here for her and her siblings, and that if anything should go down that her last impression of me is love. It doesn’t matter if there will be times when she doesn’t like me, I love her and she will know it.
Listen every mother has a birth story for every last child, but my life has literally been on the line for my children and I have gotten every dramatic life altering thing possible during my pregnancies. I loved them before I even met them. I want them to know that above any thing I ever do or give them. I don’t know what the future holds for my children, but they have to know that there is someone in this world that loves them unconditionally. I and her father will be that to them. Now for other parents, aunts, grandparents, friends, etc. reading this blog. Let’s do better. As much as I want to say that the child or children who made the comment are off as 2 left shoes, the real issue is that the child or children are growing up in homes where this seems abnormal. Even if it’s not in cute notes, please make sure that the people who you raise, help raise or influence KNOW that they are loved. They should see the manifestation of that love in more than your responsibility to them. Yes you have to work, sometimes under paid and deal with the most ugliest of adults in how their spirit and mouths are towards others, but it cost nothing to give an extra hug. Please show kindness so our children can see this around them. I am reading too many stories of kids killing themselves and they aren’t even out of elementary school. We aren’t doing enough to surround our kids with affirmations. I know we are busy. I am busy. I however pledge to make a difference in the lives of the 3 that call me mom. I would rather what I want to take a back seat so that they aren’t on some couch of a therapist over some stuff I did or didn’t do for them. I want them to be sound individuals who know what love loves like and what it feels like.
Please increase love and how you show love in your homes. Our children are hungry for the affirmation.
So in this week I have been the most out of way since I found out I was pregnant in 2009. To say that this has been “one of those” weeks is a true understatement. So let me tell you in the best way I know how and that is to write about it.
So last week my youngest contracted the infamous foot, hand and mouth virus. If you have ever had a child get this or been around a child you know that its one of the most irritating sicknesses to have. When we found out about her having it on top of her ear infection we pulled her out of daycare. She was practically out for a full week. So then fast forward to last Friday when my son gets it. We took him to the doctors who stated that as long as he wasn’t having fevers that he could return and how common it was. I had never even heard of it before. So we took him out until Tuesday. After we dropped him off we were called back to get him. My husband was about 5 minutes to his job when he had to turn around. How irritating but he got him. Daycare stated he had to stay out until he had no visible signs of anything happening to him. So we dove into parent mode and found a sitter to keep him. We called the daycare to inform her that the girls would still be coming about 630pm. At 1139pm I get a text message that states that your children are no longer welcome back at daycare. Let me help you out, this was at 1139. I don’t know where you live in your part of the world but most daycare facilities are not open to do tours and to get kids placed in. We went into a brief panic. I immediately told my husband let’s pray because God got us and this. Was I upset? Um, most definitely.
How do you text a family at 1139pm? Like not for nothing, how is that possible? We have always been on time with payment as we do not get any assistance. We have always followed her rules. How do you text someone when you had the opportunity to say they couldn’t return at 10 am at pick up that day. Even at the 630pm call that could have been stated but nope you go from it being okay to none of your children are welcome. This is a common virus not someone who has AIDS or HIV and knowingly affects others. This is a virus like any other virus. When a child is at school and a virus goes around, do you expel the first child that shows symptoms? No. I can’t believe that a daycare facility would be this ignorant in how they operate. SO yeah this is where we are with them.
The first thing I thought about was my kids. We had been with the same daycare for over 3 years. How can someone kick them out of daycare because other kids had contracted a virus. There was no way to say it came from my kids just because they were the first to show signs. My oldest who lives with us obviously didn’t get the virus. If 2 other kids got it just like kids viruses, they come and go. One thing I have learned with putting kids in daycare is that it’s a cess pool of germs. When my kids was home with me full-time they didn’t have these issues. I thought about how attached all of my kids had been to the daycare. I thought about the growth they had experienced. How hurt they would be when they woke up to have to literally change their schedules. I was devastated. I don’t break easily but this moved me. I had to tell my kids when they woke up and the looks on their face made the sting that much harder. My son kept saying it was his fault since he got sick. I had to reassure him that it wasn’t the case. We never told him why he was kicked out we just kept it that its time for change and that change is hard. I do not think kids should have to absorb adult issues and I refuse to allow that to happen now.
Now if you know me you should know that I do NOT play when it comes to my kids. I have already made the necessary calls that I need to on my and their behalf. I will let karma get her but whatever is in my power to do I will. I will not sit and idly let another person or business take advantage of anyone like this. This was one of the most unprofessional things I have seen in quite some time. You do not do people like that and expect any good to come back your way. I do know that she will get hers and I’m not wishing evil on her but it is what it is. Karma gives you what you deserve.
Although the kids have someone keeping them temporarily so we can get through this work week, it’s hard to see how sad my kids have been when I pick them up. I know kids bounce back like nothing after a while but they are kids and they have a right to be disappointed. I can’t imagine what their little hearts are feeling since I know the anger that I feel now. Trust me I know I will let it go that’s what I am supposed to do but that will come with time. Once I get them in a place that they love then I will be relieved. Until that time I am on edge everyday about their care. I am a good mom and I do not belief in having kids just watched. I need my children to have continued education stimulation with play. So we are almost at the breaking point of finding them care. I am glad about that, but it still makes me sad that we had to do so like this.
Publicly I will not release the name of the daycare, but for the ones that have asked I have graciously given a very bad review of what we have gone through and some other little things that we have experienced as well. Like I said this momma bear doesn’t play and I know in time that my kids will be back to their bubbly selves. In the meantime we are just loving on them more and working through their anxiety as they transition. The family will arise from this, but until then healing takes time. My son’s scabs fell off the next morning after the 1139 pm text. He is physically fine and that is a blessing. For parents who may have found themselves in a horror story for daycare I get it. This is the first time anything like this has happened to our family and it will be the last if I can help it.