Weekly Recap: Friday March 16, 2018

So happy Friday and Pre. St. Patrick’s like a St. Patrick’s Day eve to you all.  I hope that you are doing well and have a relaxing weekend ahead of you.  Let’s talk about what has been going on.

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Thank you a thousand times over for every woman who has volunteered to be interviewed for Women History Month.  If you have missed a few, try your best to read them.  These women range from all over the spectrum in life and career.  So be sure to check it out.  We have a few more yet to do so don’t think we are done celebrating because we are not.

Spring is near!

Spring is around the corner and I literally can’t wait. I am still waiting for the weather to align but that will come in time.  I hope you are getting Spring ready.  Here are a few quick tips on activities you can do to signal a new season:

Spring cleaning-it is a thing.  This is when you wash them window seals, clean curtains, clean ovens, etc.  Just do a detailed cleaning of your home and your closet. Yes your closet.  Its time to take the blacks and greys out of your wardrobe and open your life to some color. Trust me it does wonder especially if you have been dealing with the Winter blues.  Maybe even switch up your make up and nail colors too!

Also those clothes you find you can’t wear, donate them! If you’re going to keep one or two outfits just in case you get to that smaller size fine but don’t keep them all! Donate!

Get scheduled: I can’t say this enough, get your appointments on the calendar and get out and get your health together.  You should be making appointments to have your whole body checked. Have you noticed your meds aren’t right? Get them evaluated as well. Encourage others around you to do the same.

Get moving-for all of those who couldn’t get in the gym during the Winter, Spring brings the opportunity to take it outside. Get you some old fashion jump rope etc and get active.  Your body and mind will thank you. Also get outside even if you sit outside for 10-15 minutes it does wonders for your mental state!

Blog love

So this week a blog that I’ve done for Greenide has been posted. I’m super proud of this article and if you have missed it, read it here Greenide I talk about some weight loss tips that encourages you to keep moving towards your goals!

Personal Goals

I am still training for the Broad Street Run and getting stronger by the day! This is a 10 mile run and a far cry from the 5k I did last year! My goal is not to be the last one and to complete it! Also I have a solo trip coming up next month! I will blog it upon my return and give you the black out dates for when I will be on a little few days break!

Enjoy your weekend! Find something you enjoy! It doesn’t have to be super big! Fill your cup!


Another Health is Wealth Moment by S. L. Efua Joe

As we prepare for another storm let’s consider a few things. One power has been knocked out for a lot of those in the north as the storms have hit. With that in mind a lot of frozen food have been wasted in the process.

Today is national frozen food day! Let’s take another perspective in how our health and frozen food and how it came into existence over the years:

Ask Toi: My fiancé wants to invite a “friend” that she friend zoned in her past, how do I tell her no without looking jealous?

For those who don’t understand the concept of friend zone that is when someone male or female has pretty much politely rejected any advances that you give off. This is the polite way to keep the buddy and the booty separate so that lines don’t get crossed.

One tell her that if the shoe was on the other foot that would not be okay. I don’t know too many women who would want a friend zoned “friend” to be on deck when their saying their vows for their soon to be husband. If we want equal rights and disclosures then the answer is simple, the “friend” is a no go! It’s not a jealousy issue it’s a respect issue. To have been friend zoned often times there is an attraction and that friend has let you know it’s a no go. Other times you’re not attracted to your friend and that makes it easy to friend zone. For my readers this particular “friend” has professed his feelings for the fiancé and she classily rejected him.

This isn’t about being jealous. It’s about having those who share in your love and want the best for you two as a unit to be a witness. Not a man who may have jumped at the chance to be with your fiancé and got rejected, to witness. Don’t get me wrong there are some awesome men who are the most respectful and then there are some who if the mix was right would stir the juice and sip! And if your fiancé’s friend was honest he would understand.

This is something that can be made simple. Your new life together will encounter these bumps in the wedding planning phase. Have the conversation when both of you are relaxed and not super stressing or even take a night or two off from planning and come back to it. Weddings and stress seem to go hand and hand. I hope though you invest in some form of premarital counseling. It’s not a total fix of an impending marriage but it definitely will help to clarify the hard hitting questions that sometimes those lovey dovey feelings can miss.

Also FYI above the wedding this “friend” isn’t really a friend and not only should he not be invited to the wedding I would be questioning why he has such an active role in your fiancé’s life that she had to bring him up and add him to the list to begin with. Unless you had an all expense paid wedding and money was no object there has to be a real friend who doesn’t want the booty and the girl that she can add?!

This isn’t someone who she was good friends with that she’s had in her life for years! This is a man she has met in passing in the last 2 years before she met you who tried to push up and she said no. This man isn’t worth making an issue for a soon to be husband in my book! He also hasn’t been active in her life since she met the fiancé or has interacted with the bride and the groom as a unit. Focus on who matters. Just you and her! Everyone is negotiable and only those who really matter should even be considered!

Martin Luther King Jr. would be Disappointed

So today is MLK day. The day we remember the teachings and words that Dr. King’s legacy was supposed to enlighten us to do. Dr. King faced adversity and his message was clear that we change how we interact with others for the chance for us all to live a life of equality.

On paper it’s the best message that we ever could have. The problem with Dr. King’s message is that it with all of its national and worldwide playback the message can only go so far if we don’t just recite them on today. There will be people who recite it just for the moment but don’t apply his words and how he lived each and every day to their every day life.

Another issue that we have to talk about is racism. The ability to hate and show hate to a group of people who do not look like, nor do they align with your personal measurement of acceptance based on race. So yes even those who state they have a black friend how can they be racist, yes you too can be racist. Having acceptable Blacks but hating the other Blacks isn’t about preference. This is hatred and this is racism. That acceptable black person you have welcomed into your fold still has to deal with the same overt racist actions that others like them have to face. Black folks don’t get to claim they have an acceptable white friend and dodge racist reactions.

Dr. King didn’t want us to have the Travon Martins of our time. He simply wanted any child and adult to be judged on character and not color of skin first while their character was used to later justify the hate. He didn’t want our young black men or women to be assaulted before they could even be determined to have been a criminal first or not. You do realize no one has made signs that our black men or women can carry that identifies whether or not they are good or bad when approached by cops.

I think about my own son. He’s 6 years old and is taller than most kids his age. Hopefully he will make good choices, but even if he does the way the world is set, what makes him so different that he won’t face racism?! I was called a Nigger by a child in elementary school and was told that I wouldn’t be anything even though I had maintained a 4.0 from practically 2nd grade.

Dr. King’s message of acceptance and equality is necessary. We need to hear it and live it. We have come far but the way history shows itself it’s definitely repeating. That makes me scared. My great grandmother before she passed away was able to live to see a Black president. That is hope and dope at the same time. (Dope means awesome FYI!) However we need more hope in order to raise our kids and the kids that come behind them to do more then repeat Dr. King’s speech. We need the Dream to be our reality and we need it now. The increase in race based deaths and hate speech is no longer secluded events. They are no longer happening to a select few. It’s common place. As much as we don’t watch the news with our kids to control a little bit of what they take in, they still are getting the negative messages. We as parents are still having to have more adult conversation due to questions surrounding inequality.

If you’re reading this blog today, make a declaration to do better. Please treat yourself and others around you with dignity and respect. Respect the differences of those around you and embrace people’s uniqueness. Spread love but make each other respect one another. This is a unified message. If not the very pain that our ancestors was killed for and shed blood for will continue to spill today.

Dr. King didn’t just give you a day off. His message was greater then just an awesome African American lesson. This lesson is and should be the very spirit of our own lives. We are connected regardless of how much we want to fight it! Don’t let Dr. King be disappointed that he may if he was here think his fight was in vain. Don’t let his good work be taken advantage of. The times his wife and kids didn’t know if he would return home, or the times all of their lives was questioned for nothing! We are the Dr. Kings of our time! Let’s do our best to spread love! Lets also continue to call those out who spread hate. Why? The ones who hate but are undercover are more dangerous then the evil you know, acknowledge and are prepared for.

So do community service today and everyday. Get out and learn about others history. Get out and extend your services without discrimination to all regardless of race, sexual preference, etc.

Don’t snub your nose at people because you had one bad experience with one person. Allow a sea of different people into your neighborhood without them fearing retaliation on the back end. Let your children play with one another without fear. For those in high power jobs and responsibilities, do your job without these prejudices making your judgement a top priority over your oath of office.

Let’s remember Dr. King everyday!

I was therefore I am…own your …. edition

So we are in the New Year and so many of us are trying to be positive and make change. With that in mind we have to be honest about what we have done or do that contribute to some of the bad things in our own lives.

This isn’t the blog to make sure you slide this into the one who hurt you email. No this is a self-reflection blog to own your own crap. As much as others have been disrespectful I too have shown disrespect. Did you hear that? So not for nothing on some we all have mess either. I mean times when the things that I have done have contributed to mess at various points in my life. We like to talk about the glow up but don’t talk about the drama that had to unfold before we became the version of who we are.

I’ll use myself as an example since I’m best at talking about me. My mouth is sharp. I try to lay low but if stirred I can be a beast. It took a long time of learning how to speak up instead of holding things in. This holding things in have caused me to leash out and cut off various people. Now the verdict is still out on whether some of those relationships will be fixed or stay the way they are now but honestly I was a cause of the death of them or at least played a part in it. I won’t dismiss what was done to take all of the blame but will I will say is I was in control or not in control of myself and my responses.

I talked openly about a friend I had who called me one New Year’s Eve hollering at me about how much better I was and how she wanted my life. First of all I have a good life but nothing to be envious about. After her hollering phase oh which was so loud I had to place the phone down on my bed to even hear, I let her have it. And it’s like why give that energy?! End of day I saw things beforehand and never checked it. I could have ended things amicably. I could have hung up and not answer her and let it die naturally. I had to own that my personality struggles with having the last word. Once stirred I won’t back down.

Going into a new year one thing you have to acknowledge is if you were bad with money and planning then yes the reason you’re displaced has to do with that issue. We can’t keep blaming others for our issues. Sis, just say you are bad with finances and find ways to fix it. If you and your husband aren’t putting in the work to make a marriage that is healthy, full of life, good sex, and strong then don’t blame others when it goes flat. Own your part like you want him to own his part. If you date the same type of man don’t get mad at the man, own your crap on what you attract.

Owning your crap will make you solid. It will even if you can’t use damage control over the past will make you better for the future. Owning your crap is hard work. It hurts. Sometimes it’s lonely. I’ve been the bad friend who wanted to change and then got mad when others needed to see change longer to accept me. Yes if you’re owning your stuff not everyone will believe you. You will still be the messy chick (or man), liar, cheater etc that they think you are to them. You can’t say oh well I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Is your change for them? Maybe your relationships needed vamping. In the midst of that good came from that season.

You have to own it instead of pointing fingers out. Point in. Trust me when you do and after time when others still point it out just shake your head like you’re right that WAS me. I don’t believe that I have a right to say how long it will take others to “believe me,” but I won’t sit around waiting on the blessing of approval. Plain and simple you can be better and walk away.

So this year don’t cut people off to get them to approve your life. Cut them off cause the relationship no longer is positive. Be open for conversation. I think and believe that there will be dialogue this year. I’ve already had one person reach out and I have chosen to let them know I wish them peace but that doesn’t mean I will be open to a relationship. Being cordial costs me nothing but restoring it back to what it once was can’t happen because I’m no longer that person.

Own your crap. Own your bad decisions. Own that you got work to do. In addition to owning it, keep working even when you get no apology. Keep working even on days you’re lonely and feel isolated. Keep working on you even when it sees you are being punished. Heal. Healing is one of those things that no one can take from you. When you see them and nothing moves you. Healing when you see them and you’re not defensive. Healing when the past isn’t the only conversation you have. What still has you, you talk often on. Don’t give others that power. Shift that power and be better.

Also be okay with silence. Be okay with the deadness when relationships shift. I think that’s hard we all want to be connected. I found that I had to see connections differently. In this last year I’ve grown some amazing relationships. Often times they didn’t mirror what I initially had in my mind it would look like.

Also while owning your crap, drop the charges. This doesn’t mean don’t remember them. It just means in comparison to the world around leave it be. Walk away if you choose to and be solid in your decision.

Own your crap this year, do the work to be better, stop giving negative people your energy, find ways to fix the underlying problem, and be solid as you transition from the old you to the new you!

Lastly make this year your best year! You are in control and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want and you don’t need approval. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Send peace even to relationships that may never mend. Keep pushing even when you feel alone or isolated or punished. Own your stuff!!

How many days for Your Yes?

So I wanted to get this blog all ready for motivational Monday but life is funny. Between the kids being out of school for all but one day last week, they ended up with a half a day yesterday. This left me time to get to work to get some crucial items accomplished and then back home in preparation for the icy conditions that was on the way. Now I’ve been sick lately with some type of cold or mini flu like symptoms. Depending on how severe the symptoms it can be a cross better that and SARS.

Yes I work with medical professionals and I am aware I don’t really have SARS but I call any coughing, sneezing etc SARS.

I was reflecting and looking back on my 2017 fitness planner. I have several planners I’m sort of a planner junkie. In my planner I kept track of all the days I worked out and which ones I didn’t. The ones I didn’t thankfully didn’t outweigh the ones I did but any fitness goal that wasn’t completed could be found in my no workout days. I’m not talking about the rest day. I’m talking about the days I set out to workout and didn’t. It could be I was too tired, the kids, whatever but they were days I didn’t honor my own dedication. Those are the days where I didn’t put me first. Those were the days where I have no excuses!

How many of those days do you have? You can say I’m just too tired but let’s keep it 100, you didn’t go to bed on those supposed tired days. You were up watching television or scrolling on your phone or device. It wasn’t the kids because eventually they went to sleep. It wasn’t sickness because even in sickness unless you’re in the bed for real you’re doing things that are contrary to your condition. So why so many no days? Is it laziness? Is it that your goal is in the back of your mind but not in the front? When it’s in the front you’re always actively doing something that contributes to that goal? If you were getting married in 6 months you would be daily, weekly, and monthly about your business. You wouldn’t just sit and then wedding day wake up crying about what’s not done knowing you put no energy to getting it done.

What about finding a new job? Looking for a new job is a full time event. How much are you really working towards that goal? How about travel? How much have you saved? Are you searching flights? Set alarms for flights? Researching how much it will cost once you reach your destination? Letting go frivolous spending to offset your cost? What about finances? Are you pulling or subscribing to getting your scores monthly? Are you paying bills off accordingly! Are you leaving your credit card at home and only using it for emergencies? Are you saving towards an emergency fund?

Each question asked is about you. You set the tone in how your body responds to you. If you have diabetes you can’t eat and drink what you want and then wonder why you can’t get off of insulin. You set the tone for health complications. You set the tone for a rise or decline in your credit score. You set the tone in how others treat you. Change the tone. Even if you have fall off days if you set the tone it won’t outweigh the on point days!

How much is your goal worth? Will you be happy or disappointed in each month or quarter of this year? Some may still be walking in the disappointment of last years failed goals! Shake that off and make daily choices to step into the right goals!

It’s true you have the same 24 hours as the next person. What you do with them sets you apart!!

I feel a Whole Lot Better

Today I had the honor of attending the Black Girls Run brunch where we celebrated our 2017 accomplishments of run, health, and fitness. Many of the women ran themselves from needing medication to control diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Some ran themselves into smaller versions of themselves and even ran past other complications as I did the same.

I posted on my personal Facebook how I was over 225 pounds this time last year. I was awarded for completing the 5k today! I still feels the chills of that race. That race although smaller in comparisons to triathlons or marathons signaled how I made a decision to be a better version of myself. I didn’t give up, trained, worked hard and completed that race!

When I was in high school and college I ran to reduce stress. I was already super active. My weight was never an issue. Shopping for clothes was a breeze until after college, life and my second child. With my first child I lost more weight than I gained and was already smaller than my pre-pregnancy weight before my 6 week check up. It’s the second child that I ate just to eat. Add the stress of moving, being a stay at home mom and laziness I didn’t drop the weight. I then lost weight at one point, got a new job and guess what? Got pregnant with the 3rd. I was devastated if I’m honest. Not at the new baby but because I wasn’t ready to embark on the journey because I didn’t feel I had attacked my emotional reasons for my eating.

Depression and not caring for myself led me to being over 225 pounds. I hadn’t seen that weight since being pregnant and here I was at this weight with no one to blame but myself. I kept saying after I would run into someone from my past and they would say Girl what happened that I would lose but I didn’t. I had a few older church members staring me down at almost 225 and instead of using it as a wake up call I just said well I’m still smaller then you. I was so misplaced. I should have been able to work hard instead of trying to compare myself to anyone else.

Fast forward to stepping on a scale at work at the end of 2016 and being humiliated. I had to come to terms that honey, I was big. I wasn’t pregnant and no longer nursing and there was no more excuses. It was hard! For the first month I struggled. It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror naked and saw the weight loss for the first time like wait, girl your little dimple is back! You do only have one neck that it became easier to push even when the workouts got harder.

Today at the BGR Brunch I’m like whew you saved your life! You took your weight back and gained confidence. You ran, enjoyed food right, and you worked and continue to work harder! So although I’m still toning my body and continuing to push myself, I’m grateful for meeting the women in BGR. Although they came at the middle of my journey they will forever hold a special place in my heart. I have yet to meet one mean member. On runs they push you. If they see you get tired, they encourage you to finish with no short cuts!

So as 2018 continues to show itself, I plan to work harder, eat well, travel, attend more events and step it up from the 5k to the 10k!! Why not?! I can do anything!!