Protect your Spirit

Happy Monday to you.  Happy I am just making it Monday.  Happy I am alive Monday. Whatever your Monday looks like to you, make it that and rise above it.  Yes the weekend has left some of us dry.  If it wasn’t the news that is constantly being pushed in our faces, to relationships, situationships, kids, jobs, etc you may be at wit’s end.

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So we all know that we need to protect our spirit.  Your spirit is your essence.  It’s your wits.  It’s you in a nut shell. I know there are many times when I have to take a time out. I give my kids one and have no shame in taking one.  You need to protect your essence. All of life’s drama can take the beauty out of you if you let it.  Today I am even more guarded to keep being informed but to filter some of the junk to avoid getting too overly emotional or let things take me out of my element.

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Life is hard but cover yourself today and everyday.  Cover your children who don’t fully understand but are in the presence of the same junk you are touched with.  Never underestimate that they are able to pick up on negative vibes just as much as you do. Protect what they see and hear.  Protect who they are around.  Who you allow your kids to be around speaks volumes as they take on what on who is around them.  Protect what words you say around them as well.  Words have life and death in them and you have to be careful that the tearing down isn’t occurring in-house.  We are worried about the outsiders but truth be told you can cause more damage in house than you will ever know if you aren’t careful.

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Filter what you take on when it comes to social media. I love social media but the down size is that it doesn’t always allow you to be social.  It can become battle grounds.  It can become warfare. It can zap your energy.  It can take up so much of your time.  It can allow you to not be able to disengage with those around you.  It is a choice and you must make good choices on what you entertain on social media.  Everything isn’t worth a response. Everything doesn’t need a clap back.  You have to clean your social media act up. Delete some accounts you don’t need.  Take a few folks off that you allow to get you all up in arms.  Learn to take a step back with who you call friends on your social media accounts.  Never post anything you don’t stand by 100% and be prepared to live with any backlash.  Learn that some things that inspire you may just be for you.  Learn that you can choose to spread hate or love.  Love on yourself.  Practice self-love everyday.  Mental illness is real and it can be elevated by social media because when the mind is weak it allows the defenses of everything to be low.  Be careful.  Speak life today.  Speak life into your situations and find ways to make your bottom line better.  Reach out to help others when your able.  It’s no different from when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on you first.  Same rule applies in life, stop handing out all of your resources to others and leave yourself depleted.  Help you than you can help someone else.  Have a great Monday and practice self love and love on others around you.

How to Get Past the Annoying Co-Worker

So we all have them right?  Unless you are in business for yourself you have to work.  I was always taught if you don’t work, you don’t eat.  There are no handouts.  Let me say even if you have landed your dream job, having others who you have to interact with can get annoying.  It doesn’t mean you have to be at your wit’s end.

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I am a firm believer in life not to allow any one person to get into my spirit so much that the sight of them makes my eyes squint.  Now that is not to say that it hasn’t happened. It’s getting warmer out and although you would think that moods would be jolly people are people. These tips I am giving are the ones I use and reuse all the time.

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  1. Don’t take your work home-give yourself about 5 minutes or so after you get off or after you speak to a friend or spouse about someone at the job and then let it go. The more energy you give a person even if they are not in your presence the more they irk you.  Speak it and then release it and them.
  2. Know your supervisor.  Sometimes knowing who you have to report will help the situation.  There is always that co-worker that thinks he/she is your boss.  Speak up. You are only going to get more frustrated if you don’t.  You can professionally let people know where they can get on or off without being overly out-of-pocket. Little reminders of the such goes a long way trust me.  You have to professionally back people off of you.
  3. Don’t Speak what you won’t do.  If you are a talker and all you want to do is complain say that.  However never put out in the atmosphere what you are going to do if you don’t plan to do it.  People waste energy telling folks off and then don’t back it up.  In an office setting there should be protocol in how you handle conflict. Deal with the issue and attempt to set aside the emotions of the situation.
  4. Be cordial-stop thinking that you have to be your co-workers friend.  This false set of foolishness leads to more issues that can be squashed.  If you and the co-worker don’t hang out outside of the office, stop allowing them to be on your social media networks and crossing the friendship line with you.
  5. You are in control of you.  Adults should be their own person.  Learn that in some situations hi and bye works.  You are there to do your job or work on your projects.  When you forget that at times you get caught up.
  6. Don’t get caught up in office banter.  In order to have less problems learn when to disengage.

There will be tines when the list doesn’t work.  Gasp.  Yes people are people.  Find it inside of you to stay in control.  The biggest one is to learn to speak up.  It’s usually the ones who hold everything in, and complain the most who have the worst interpersonal skills.  They haven’t learned to walk in their adulthood.  That alone will solve a lot of office issues.  Never stoop to the annoying co-workers level.  Remain in control.  There’s a good chance they have rubbed others the wrong way as well.  Never let them see you sweat.  Since most of us don’t have bail money on deck, don’t lose control at work.  Walk away especially from work place violence-no one wins.  Take walks.  Take a break.

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Weekly Recap: April 28, 2017

Well I hope all is well.  We are ending April on a pretty good note I think.  I hope whatever you didn’t get to accomplish that you take some speed into May.  It’s a new month around the corner. In addition to that it’s time to see where we did well and where we could have done better this week.

 

News

  1. It’s been a full 100 days in office for President Trump.  No matter if you like him or hate him there has been more going on with his first 100 days than most full presidencies.  For one we have had so much threats and rumors of wars.  This is not something that we can act like won’t affect the world because we all know it will. So I don’t know what the next few years will look like, but you can best believe we will remain prayerful, vigilant, and woke.
  2. This week has been filled with sports hysteria.  We are in the middle of the 2017 NFL draft weekend.  I live in Philadelphia and let me say the buzz is not an overkill. People are out enjoying the full weekend events and it has been going well.  If you haven’t already catch up on the picks and events.
  3. There has been more children being abducted in this week than before.  Now that’s not saying I am supporting that statement with full facts.  But there has been an increase of children all over my social media, in the news, and its getting crazier day by day.  No matter how great of a parent anything can happen but please be more vigilant with your little ones now more than ever. Do not leave them unattended not even in the backyard.  Keep them close to you when you are in stores and do not let them walk behind you on the streets.  Grab your little ones hands.  This may require that you take phone calls and text messages later but it’s better than putting up flyers.  Pay attention to them.  Some people are so evil that they watch how interactive you are with your children only to scoop in when they think you don’t care.
  4. R.I.P Robert Godwin Jr.  If you do not know who he is he was the man who was walking home from an Easter dinner with his family and was shot at point-blank range by Steve Stephens who chose him randomly and killed him on Facebook live. It ensued a national manhunt that ended when he took his own life as police pursuit.  I know this has story is slowly becoming yesterday’s news but out of respect please stop sharing these videos and videos like it.  These are real life people who families would appreciate that you find a piece of morality and care.

 

Personal Highs

This week I am down another 3.5 pounds.  Won’t He do it?!  Yes!  I am super excited.  I also did one of my own suggestions in a previous blog about keeping your mental sanity by buying flowers and placing them right on my night stand by my bed.  When I have gotten up this morning I smell them.  Let me tell you how much a store-bought 7.99 bouquet has done for me.  Amazing things for my entire mood. Every morning after I have smelled them things have gone immediately crazy.  I have little kids from bathroom accidents, to refusal to get up, to finding missing items it hasn’t affected me one bit.  The flowers aren’t magical in the least bit.  They just provide a place for me to go to my happy place as I start my day.  Try it!

Blogs

As always if you have missed a blog you are missing out so get caught up.

  1. How to deal with a jerk.  It’s a quick reminder that adjusting your attitude can go a long way.
  2. Ask Toi: pet names and how speaking up can work wonders even in new relationships.
  3. Keep your knee pads-this was the #tbt of the week and we were talking about equality and the things that some men expect but wouldn’t do for themselves
  4. Dragging Lala: the internet was having a field day with the actress because in spite of Carmelo being wrong for infidelity she was supposed to forgive and forget.  That is craziness.  No woman should be cheated on and take it and especially when rumors of babies being added in.
  5. Single and married is the response to Carmelo’s rumored line that Lala was married he wasn’t.  If you’re married you know right well you can’t openly cheat and that be okay unless you have an established open marriage that both parties agree on.
  6. Stress management-emotional stress can be a killer.  All stress tugs on the matters of the heart.  Deal with that to deal with the stress.
  7. Leave the kids out of it goes out to the rude comments made about if Serena Williams who we now know is pregnant while still competing.  No her baby is not going to be made of chocolate milk but if it was it was be the best chocolate milk.  Never talk about kids regardless of how you feel about their parents.
  8. Weigh in: 04/26/2017 this is where I share my newest update on my weight loss journey.  PS. I also drank a unicorn frap, donuts and some wine.  Learning to be normal and balance working out, eating right and indulges is a great tool.

Personal Lows

I have dedicated to getting 2 days a week of sleep and I haven’t done well with that. I have run on empty a few times by doing the most when I get home since I am still doing mandatory overtime and not enough of slowing myself down.  This upcoming week I will be able to slow down and take a much-needed vacation with my girls.  However I will not run myself to the bone before I get there.  I have done a lot ahead of time and look forward to a much semi slower week,

As always I love you all.  Get out this weekend and pour a little back into your cup.  Do not do more for others and leave yourself depleted!! Have a great weekend and I will blog soon!!

 

 

No Accounts

So one of my favorite cousins had a conversation about no accounts.  When we first started talking it was about no account mammies.  Yes I said mammies.  No account mammies are the moms who have kids and don’t take care of them.  The moms who drop they babies off to big momma’s house and be in the club every weekend.  The ones that don’t ever even check on big momma to make sure she need anything.  Always expecting somebody to raise their kids but don’t raise them themselves.  The no account mammies are the ones that have kids and expect the state to take care of them.  These are the kids that get fished into homes other than the one they should be in.  No accounts have a reason for why they do what they do but most don’t take into consideration that at the end of the day a choice was made and a choice was taken.

My cousin and I have these talks all the time.  However the no accounts can really apply to anyone to be honest.  it’s not an attack on women or mothers.  It’s the reality of what happens when people who are too selfish to care about how choices and actions actually interfere with others.  So for the sensitive you might as stop reading now.  I will not sugar coat no account people.  They are all around us.  They could be in your close circle.  This is not to say that you must have a perfect life.  I know myself and others who have had lives that have been filled with tragedy, regret, etc but the choice to end up as a no account person is a personal choice.  I had a conversation with a person yesterday.  They said something that clicked to me.  Without getting into the details it boiled down to level of relationship.  Some people appear to be no account with you because they don’t even value you as anything worth doing better by.  Is that the person’s fault?  Some of it can be.  However could it be the way you allow certain things to be said or how you carry yourself in that relationship that makes the difference?

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We give the no accounts so much credit.  For instance the cash me outside chick.  She is a no account.  Sorry not sorry.  She is slated to make millions of this ghetto vernacular that black folks been accused of acting like but we get the wrong end of the stick.  To be honest she is a disrespectful child that needed her behind kicked  a long time ago.  Yes I said it.  I will not watch a reality show that glorifies her bad behavior.  She needs the right set of parents.  Now she making club appearances.  How?  She isn’t even 21 to enter these premises and making more than most hard-working citizens.  But the dummies of the world put their stamp of approval on her and bam she’s an instant hit.  Miss me with her and her antics.  I am not a hater.  I am on team make your money but if the only claim to fame is because you out here threatening to hit folks but every other time you getting your ass beat than I am in the wrong field.  She is out here making disrespect and foolishness cute.

No accounts care but mostly about themselves.  Have you dated a no account?  The one who every time you bring up stuff they disregard you?  The one that can’t seem to be on time except if it affects him or her?  The one who seems distant but you still working on him?  How much working on him or her do you need to do before you clock out permanently?  Even doctors get in and do what they have to do in surgery.  If the person you like has that much work to be done it may be time for you to consider that surgery time is not even worth it.  Like what are you really going to do with this person?  Convince them?  How is that working out?  Even in marriage the piece of paper that governs and holds your benefits of marriage together can’t make a husband or wife do what you want them to do.  After awhile working on the marriage becomes just exhausting but I know we aren’t supposed to say that because the ones striving towards marriage will feel some type of way.  This is real life.  The glitter and gold of all things eventually wear down.

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Let’s talk about the no account job you have.  Who makes it no account? Does working at McDonald’s make it no account.  Absolutely not. I really have to say this.  Nothing in this world irks me more to hear people who finally get a piece of job saying the most demeaning thing about fast food workers, or janitors.  Do you realize that people need to work.  Where they work has no bearing on who they are or what they can or can’t do.  I hear people say when people don’t have a job that they could have worked at (insert job) but the minute they do they have to deal with the most uppity attitudes because they sold you a burger.  Stop this mess. You have no idea where you can be doing what you have to do for yourself and your family.  This uppity mentality of telling people “he or she better pass me my damn sauce” needs to stop. No matter where you go you will find folks with bad attitudes that’s from the high-rise job to the lowest as well.  So don’t attribute raggedy to someone just because of their job title.  If you treated others well no matter what they do or who they are you yourself would be a lot further in life than where you are and that’s the truth.

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No account friends exist.  I am struggling in this department.  The reason for the struggle is that it has nothing to do with cutting people off.  It’s seeing the shift of friendship and waiting for the shift to complete itself.  No account friends are the ones who never have nothing nice to say.  You bring up something they make it about them.  Or tell you that they been there and then go into the ME fest.  Sometimes you need to just hear “let me know how I can help you.” Just because you did it one way doesn’t mean you have to speak ill about something and someone you call a friend.  No account friends start when friends forget to treat each other the way you want to be treated.  Not just when you feel needed and have a god complex that you are now saving the world.  No account friends have to be dealt with by cutting them out of your life.  Getting cut hurts.  So the emotions you feel behind it is real.  However what can you do with a no account friend? Nothing if your honest.  They don’t serve a purpose but frustrate the gifts, talents, and love you could be giving to another human being and get the same in return.

You have the power to end the no account cycle.  It doesn’t matter what your title in life is trust me being a no account person or continuing to deal with a no account person will only lead you into a place of continued frustration.  You will be dark and angry without knowing why and all along it was because you had all of the negative energy around you.  Take your life into your own hands in that you do what is absolutely best.  You have a right to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind.  However your struggle with the factors that you don’t think you can change.  Its going to hurt.  You will miss the negativity.  Yes you will.  You are used to it. Like for instance I was used to certain behaviors from others.  So the minute I took charge and ended it I still longed for it.  This is the part about change people don’t talk about.  They make it seem as if you change and then you just keep on trucking.  That’s not true especially when you been around something for so long.  However like my grandma would say to hell with it and folks.  You have to keep walking away, stay away, and command respect in your own life and how you deal with others and especially in how you allow others to handle you.  How you allow others to handle you is super important.  Often times when you allow folks to do anything the only one mad is YOU.  You know better.  You feel it’s not right.  You know you don’t like it than stop it.  It can be on a little scale or large one, end the mess today.  Take into account the no accounts in your life.

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People are walking around full of sorrow.  Some of it is from what they have done.  Let me give you a nugget for your past.  If you DID it already and have made strides to do better and changed your life around know two things.

  1. It’s over
  2. People do not have to validate your change.  You do not need an amen corner to push you along to the best parts of your life.  Walk alone if you have to but stop waiting for acknowledgement of change that may not come.

If you are walking around with sorrow in your heart because you lack friendship and you want to be connected as most of us do, put out the very personality and love you want to receive.  When it comes back to you tainted know that who you attempted to connect with or have been connected to is the wrong one. Another free nugget of wisdom, the amount of time you have been connected with a person or group of persons is never a reason to stay in a no account relationship.  Why do you think that people who have been married for 25 years end? It could be they held on for selfish reasons like making the kids happy.  It could  be that they weren’t financially in a place to end things.  This happens more often than you think.  Walking around in the wilderness of any relationship being faithful to it because of amount of years knowing it no longer served you is craziness.  Don’t get discouraged.  Keep on going. The right ones with the right spirit will link up and it will be like being thirsty in a desert and finding water for the first time.  Your issue is in the mean time of that happening.  Continue on your goals, fine tuning your crafts, finding your gift to the world and taking care of your home. Your home also means your spirit, your well-being, and what makes you whole.

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Human Nature

Have you ever wanted to throw punch somebody but you know that the way life is set up you and orange is not your color?  If you have Facebook than you know the “on this day” feature where it shows you the what you did on a particular day feature.  It is nice and I love it most days.  However though I have a strict mental rule to never post negative things on Facebook I found the snapshot of where I was a year ago to be disturbing.

To the average person the picture was harmless.  On the post I even was grateful for the progress made.  Today something in me wasn’t right and its been a long time I  allowed me to remember the dark side of life.  Every picture taken isn’t always a picture of glory. Some pictures remind you of pain and that was my plight today.  A year ago today I was working for a company that I seemingly loved.  There was a few hiccups as like with any job. However when I think about the folks that were there that I didn’t like and the things that had transpired.  I got a little upset today.  I also got mad when I thought about the small transition between the job as well.

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I remember crying saying I didn’t want to be a full-time stay at home mom but I refused to take a part-time position.  I also had to pull my son out of his daycare that he absolutely loved.  It was a mess.  Being an adult and a parent often times can be very difficult at tines. However I had to do what I had to do.  However that didn’t make me feel any better.  Then on top of that I had to deal with how I was feeling but I knew that it would work out.  I never doubted but I sure wavered a few times. It was scary.  I had been a stay at home mom for quite some time and I didn’t want to revert back.  I also enjoyed making my own money as well.

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However I didn’t have to wait long.  I decided to take a temporary position that started a few weeks later.  From that position I went to my permanent position working at a medical school.  I love it.  There were days at the temporary position I was ready to ball my fist and knock a few folks out.  I consider myself a tough cookie but when you are working in a temporary position no matter how great of an employee you are you will find people undermining you just because they think you can.  To top it off the temporary position was almost an hour away from home and the kids.  So many days I found myself doing the Sonic the Hedgehog drive to get to where I needed to be.

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One day I sat down and thought about my strengths and weaknesses.  I decided that instead of just looking for work to just make ends meet, I would find a job that I could consider my dream position.  I think everyone’s dream is to make the most money but I needed a job that was flexible on schedules, where my manager had true leadership, direct deposit and none of that pay you when I get to you type thing, and a list of other attributes. I decided to interview positions instead of focusing on getting the interview.  It worked.  I went to several interviews until I found the one that I loved and had most of my likes. Today instead of being frustrated about how much the experience was painful.  I am super grateful that I am where I am.  I had to release the energy that I was feeling so I can see my true blessings.

Bosses can go one way or another 

It’s national boss day. The day we set aside to tell our bosses what we really feel. Wait. Well it’s the day we set aside to show how much we appreciate our boss.

Now if you are a team player and your boss is less than stellar you may find this day to be filled with resentment. Why?  You chipped in and split the cost of a gift and if you would have had your way you would slip your boss a 2 weeks notice.   What do you do if you are at the cross roads of wanting to throat punch your boss?  One you don’t. I’ve been around some of the worst when it comes to bosses but I had to play the position. It sucks. The best thing you can do when you are feeling this way is to work on you and work on an exit plan.

Sorry to all the bosses or potential bosses but the reality is if you have an employee that has to pray themselves in the building daily it’s time for the employee to roll.   There is no amount of niceties that can happen to turn it around when things have gotten this bad.  I remember crying and by the way I’m not a crier, asking myself why was I at my place of employment. I was sick and knew that often times I needed the pay.

Having to work for a company that you can no longer stand just to pay the bills is prison. It keeps you at a point of no return. You feel lost. You feel like what have you as a person done to allow you to settle?! I know it’s boss day but the reality is that even with all of these gimics and pyramid scheme type businesses anyone can be a boss. The flip is that you can still be in control of your future even with working for someone else.

One of the things I asked myself was to be honest.  I looked at all of the great attributes that I loved in the bosses that I have had.  I also wrote down the bad ones as well.  I made up in my mind that when I interviewed to not just be prepared for their interview but to interview them as well.  What is it without going into too many personals that I wanted to avoid? Luckily I was able to interview the team separate from my current boss and was able to ask the hard-hitting questions that were important to me.

Bosses are supposed to inspire. They are to be good leaders and good leadership has to be able to take blame when they mess up. That is a personal pet peeve. In life people pass the buck.  I get that. But to deliberately not have the ability to take the “L” is a deal breaker. I had a boss that instead of admitting guilt blamed the whole staff. However karma definitely came and bit him or her in the butt. Let’s keep it real, bosses think that putting blame on the team is normal but the way this particular boss did they literally NEVER allowed him or her to be wrong. That is a weak move.  I know that a boss isn’t  perfect. I am a perfectionist but even I can step back and be comfortable enough in my skin to admit wrong.

If you are a boss than know there’s always room for improvement. Bosses have a tough job or trying to run a business and keep it altogether. Being a boss isn’t for everyone.

I’ve been blessed with amazing bosses throughout the years but unfortunately with the good always comes the bad.  I told myself and made myself a promise that as long as I have to answer to someone else that someone else would be a person of integrity, discernment, and have a heart for the human experience. If anything less means I keep pushing forward.  I will not have the parking lot prayer service to get me to my office again. I’ve had times of pure tiredness but that’s not the same as not wanting to be at my job because I work with the absolute worst boss in the nation.

I don’t care if you work at McDonald’s or at the top of the highest building, learning to respect others is key. Nothing irks me more than people to forget what it’s like to work for someone else. There are so many opportunities to own your own business but if you mistreat the lowest in your company than that is really who you are.  We got to get to the point of being fierce, being and giving respect, and managing people like you would want to be managed.

Last pay attention to the company structure. That will give you a heads up on what to expect from the work place culture.

To all the bosses handling their business I salute you. Happy boss day!

Ask Toi: How would you deal with a co-worker who keeps taking your ideas?

The only way a co-worker can take your ideas if you tell them your ideas.  It’s simple in theory that you have to learn that you can’t share everything with everyone.  This isn’t just with work relationships but its a principle to apply to most people.  That doesn’t mean that you can never tell a soul what you are going to do, it just means discernment.

You don’t need discernment if the co-worker takes your ideas and uses it as his or her own.  That’s called don’t get burned again.  Like Maya Angelou has warned us all, if someone shows you who they are believe them.  I like a lot of my co-workers but unless I have gotten to the point to bring you around my inner circle or family than I keep work relationships at work.  That means yes we can go down to the lunch room and chat it up. Yes we can laugh at corny jokes.  What that doesn’t mean is you can be on my social media.  No you can’t talk about your man and his issues or at least you can but don’t look for me to spill my heart out to you.  It means I am a full team player between whatever my work hours say I need to be. However to sit and tell you things and I can clearly see you are about yourself is a huge NO NO.

You can either mention the breach in confidence if its brought to you but often times I would just leave that alone. I would silently mark them and disengage outside of work chit-chat that you are obligated to talk about.  I wouldn’t sit talking about anything with an idea unless your whole department is together and they hear it from you themselves. Trust me there is a club in most places of employment.  This means if you don’t pay your silent memberships you can be an outsider.  I know that no one wants to be an outsider and being connected can feel great.  The key is the right connections and not just connecting your caboose to any old body.  Learn to be okay being a team player and independent.  You are at work to get your money and make your own personal dreams come true.  Sometimes that may require some head phones and a smile.