Surgery update 2.0

So thank you to all who tuned into my first update. I have read your messages and trust me I can feel the love and support. It’s love and support that gets most surgery patients of any kind through.

Since my first update I have gone back to the doctor. He has found a few things. One they did the pathology and concluded there was no cancer. Can we say amen?! However what he did discover is that one I had a few fibroids that I wasn’t aware and never showed up on any ultrasound I have ever had. Another issue is that my uterus would hemorrhage every time I would have my cycle. So when I would have a period I would bleed out and internally as well.  So that would explain why I was having blood issues and couldn’t figure out after I had done all the lifestyle changes it was still messed up. 

These are issues that my Obgyn before him didn’t push and I being my own advocate didn’t until 2017 and I was determined to end all of these issues. So to my ladies or to the men who have special women in your lives push them to take their feminine health very seriously. This could be the wake up call. If something doesn’t add up as it didn’t when I changed, I refused to leave until we figured it out. That is how we came to my personal and medical choice to have a hysterectomy. I’m not saying run out and get it done but for someone who was in my health crisis and already had her tubes tied this is what was best for me. 

So he of course encouraged me to work out. I have no problem with that except it ain’t going down until I am no longer in pain to the touch. I am not doing the most during their healing time. He has encouraged me to walk 3 times a week for 30 minutes and that’s more doable than straight workouts. I am still managing pain. So one goal at a time. 

He has me on hormone replacement therapy (HRT).  For me the choice was in the form of a patch. I absolutely hate taking pills. Plus with the patch it’s the lowest dose possible.  I like the idea of that. The second I put it on I could feel the medicine. Not like some time warp machine type of feel but like a slight rush of medicine.  My hopes is that it will stop my hot flashes and night sweats.


The pain has become more manageable in the last few days. I have switched over to full Motrin.  I am more comfortable with that as I do not like the way that Percocet makes me feel.  I am hoping to have less pain and begin to get back to my normal life. In the meantime I am enjoying my husband and kids make sure I am good. It’s almost like when I was pregnant except without the lifetime responsibility of a child in the end. 

I have driven since my doctor has allowed me to. It’s not something I want or will just do to do. Again my pain levels need to be better before I drive off into the sunset.

A few more things I am noticing:

1. I was about to schedule a pap when I thought wait, I don’t need to come back to see my doctor for a year. This will take getting used to because my yearly appointments are usually made in July.  

2. Mood swings are less right now.  I don’t feel that rush of emotions that takes place as my cycle would be normally about to start. Ladies you know right well what I mean.  I did cry when I dropped my frozen coffee but I think I would have done the same without the surgery. If you have had one from Dunkin you know how amazing they are. No I’m not cheating on Starbucks but there isn’t a close one around me like it was near my job.

3. I have a lot of sanitary pads that I will be giving away to family. I don’t need them and no need to have a bunch not being used. 

4. During this process my kids haven’t been able to be super close to me. The one affected the most is my 3 year old is struggling with the most. She is used to snuggling every night. She has asked me when this is over? If you remember in my birth story of my 3 year old, my son who was barely 2 at the time jumped on my belly when I had her. This was after my c-section. I was in the hospital and the now 3 year old was with her dad until I recovered. Once home she wouldn’t go to anyone including her dad. She is super close to me especially at night but to avoid another internal bleed we kept the kids at bay. 

5. It’s much harder to parent from the bed or from the chair.  I am used to doing it all and working full time. However my husband has had to step up. So now I can’t say a thing about what he is doing even though I want to. Right now my vote isn’t a veto but it is more silent. 

6. Sleep. I haven’t slept this much in a long time. My mom told me sleep was the best way to heal. I get up and get cleaned up and walk around but other than that I have yet to be up a full day. Sleep is my new bestie. I am getting okay with that. 


7. Phone calls-they have been limited to my family. I have texted more to my close friends. The reason is I’m not used to having free time to talk. Before all of this I wasn’t one to be on the line outside of my husband and mom.  Now I have time to be and everyone is doing their normal things and I’m okay with the lack of calls.

8. Hair I haven’t seen hair falling out and I pray I don’t. I have researched that some people’s hair thins out. If it should happen I’ll update but now it’s still curly and thick as it was when I went to have my surgery.

9. Stomach-ladies if you ever had a baby and remember leaving with that bulging baby belly that irritates you that is what I am working with. Again with several cuts on my upper belly, and all the work below that it is still tender and very bloated.  So ice packs and warm compresses have been helping.  So loose clothing works. Since I lost weight it’s been shorts and a tshirt type of life.  I’m not going places. Other than that I use my night gown shirts that my girlfriend sent me. No need to have anything touching me if I don’t have to.


10. I have lost about 5 pounds even with my extended swollen belly. So yay for that. The one thing my husband said the day after surgery is that I looked skinnier and my doctor said the same thing when I saw him the other day. So win for me! 

Let me continue to give a shout out to my husband for all he’s done. For all of the food runs and hand holding. Listen I have wanted to do more and he’s given me the side eye like you better lay there and no get up for stuff you don’t need. So I don’t. I’m grateful that he has gotten me just about whatever I have wanted and has ignored me when I say I don’t need medicine.  

The recovery time for this surgery is 2-8 weeks. So I will see how long it takes me. Every woman is different and how their bodies react is different. However for basic recovery that is the standard and it’s really around 6-8 weeks to be honest. The same as when you have a child. And to be totally healed like when you have kids can take more around a year to really know where you are.  We tend to rush back to life and most like me, work is calling and life doesn’t just sit and deactivate just because you have had surgery. 

One of the biggest pieces of advise I have gotten from women from different walks of life who have been through this is that you will immediately feel better but take the time to heal. Feeling better and being better takes time.  

Surgery update 

So today is Tuesday June 20, 2017 and it’s 4 days post hysterectomy surgery. How I am doing is mixed with a lot of emotions.

For one, I have gotten an infection from the surgery. Ugh. Like my mom would say anything that can happen would happen to me. It’s true. I had high fevers the day after the surgery. Now my surgery was done laparoscopic so I have several smaller cuts going across the upper part of my belly instead of one large cut on my belly. This is to be less invasive and because I have had 3 c-sections, gall bladder and an appendix removed. With all of these surgeries the goal was to go in without having to open me all the way up.

So first day post same day surgery I was a total mess. I went in super positive and laughing with every person who had contact with me.  By the time it was over, I felt like the step sister and I wasn’t as cheerful. I even forgot where I was and why I was there but I’m going to blame that on the power of anesthesia. Once my husband and I reunited I had to sit a lot longer to allow the effects of the anesthesia to get out of my system. Finally it’s time to go. I’m mad at this point because the pain has set in and I realize that I will have to walk.

I slept the whole ride home and into bed I went. Thankful for my husband who did everything to keep me comfortable. Day 2 was hard. I had to get out and after a full night of sleep off and on I was in pain and sore. But I managed.  Between my kids who were kept feet away from me and Snapchat I got through it.  I kept having high fevers since day 2 and by day 3 was put on antibiotics. 

Now to day 4 things are going a little smoother except for the fevers and on my left side is super red and sore which is letting me know the infection isn’t clearing up. I am allergic to penicillin so my choices are limited. I will be seeing the doctors in the morning and I want to avoid hospitalization but at this point if iv meds will work sign me up. 

Here are the things that have happened that some I was prepared and some I wasn’t:

1. Pain. I feel like it’s almost like my c-section minus the left side that is red that hurts the worst. I have switched from narcotics to extra strength Tylenol. Personally I like to wean myself down.  I hate the way they make me feel. As of today I did break down and take the stronger med just because the pain was intense. 

2. Bathroom-healing also means you have to move. Not moving will cause stiffness and more pain. As much as I want to install one of those wheelchairs to get me around the house I know I have to move. So although my bathroom is near my room I now have a hate/love relationship. Oh and not to be too TMI, going to the bathroom is like c-sections where it’s painful because of using your abdominal muscles. 

3. Hot flashes-they are not a myth. I had a full hysterectomy so with that my body was slammed into menopause. I have woken up in hot sweats almost nightly. Thankfully I have had my mini misting fan. It has been my saving grace. I have about 5 flashes a day during the day.  It’s an awful feeling. 

4.Mood Swings-I haven’t noticed any. I’ve been in too much pain to tap into my emotions to be honest. I’m hoping that stays the same. My doctor wants to put me on hormone replacement and I’m looking into holistic methods too.  Either way it would be nice to stay leveled out. 

5. Eating has been moderate. I’m still aware of my Weight Watchers plan. I did have Taco Bell but could barely get through all of it and I didn’t. I enjoyed it and left it at that. For me being so fresh into the plan has made my bad eating habits almost non existent. So I’m grateful for that.

6. Sleep, that’s all I do. I haven’t really gotten into my survival kit too much. The second I say that I am I just end up falling asleep. I got my new Essence magazine and all I have seen of it was the front cover. I’ll get there. I still have some time to heal.  
Overall the pain and fevers is the one thing I was aware could happen but now that I’m in it, I can’t wait for that to be in my past. Once I manage that I can get to the things that make me happy during this new change. I had a bad nightmare the first night home of a lot of guilty feelings I was feeling about no longer being able to have kids. Then I thought even in the dream about how my tubes were already tied and I woke up. I don’t know why that became an issue but talking to other women this is a part of the process!! 

Continue to say prayers and eventually I’ll get better. It hasn’t been a full week so I’m making great progress so far.

Mid Week Recap: June 7, 2017

Since the days have been a little crazy and I haven’t blogged in a few days I figured why not today?  So if you read my last recap than you know that I am preparing my house and myself for my hysterectomy.  I figured since I have now had my gall bladder and appendix removed and outside of child-birth would be done with surgeries, but I am not. As I handle the logistics like meal prepping, laundry and cleaning (as if that will ever be done) my mind is all over the place.

Another issue that has come up is that I had to get a mammogram.  I have never done it before until yesterday’s appointment.  Let me dispel all of the horror stories and say that it isn’t life changing in the fact that you hurt so bad you can’t think.  It is uncomfortable. It feels what ladies feel at the first few days of your menstrual when you are sore.  It was painless and didn’t take long.  I was pretty optimistic that things would go well until I got the results 30 or so minutes later and now I have to go back next week and have the procedure redone.  Now before I allowed my mind to take me there with a grandmother and mother who have had their dance with breast cancer, the technician warned me since it was my first time I most likely would be called back.  The reason is simple, there are no images to compare if there really is something wrong.  So next week I will be back.  Until there is a reason to worry I won’t.

One of the things I can’t stress enough is for ladies, please do monthly self breast exams. They are yours-touch them and make sure all is well.  Breast cancer is devastating but what’s more devastating is having a line of defense to feel when something isn’t right but not use it.  Be vigilant about your reproductive health as well.  There aren’t a lot of do overs in the reproductive world.  You need to care about yourself enough to check yourself.

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So in the next week things are going to get crazy.  My kids will be starting camp and finishing their last week of school.  I will have had the surgery and my husband will be the one that the kids run to the most until I heal.  I am okay with it.  I have talked to many women that have all suggested a few things and one of the top things that all of them have stated was to be good to myself during this process.  It’s a bit nerve-racking when I think and wonder if I will have to do hormone therapy and how that will affect me and my family mostly.  I will be talking to the doctor about that in-depth.

Emotionally one of the things that I have felt was like wait I really can’t have anymore kids.  It went away but it was a bit overwhelming.  It wasn’t something I felt when I got my tubes tied after my 3rd child.  I had no sadness in me until I found out about this hysterectomy.  I can’t explain it but I know that other women have gone through it. It was like I was at a funeral.  You know me and funerals never get along.  So after about 15 minutes of this semi despair feeling I was okay. I got myself together.  I was able to move on.

On a happier and lighter note, my son, my bubs graduates from preschool today. If you know me know nothing else I make all celebrations big.  Now don’t get me twisted I am not inviting the masses or throwing a party.  I do things like decorate his room, and just make him feel overall special.  He has picked where he wants to go out to eat, just a day of showing him how super proud of him we are.  He moved from one school to this amazing school and since he has been super happy.  Seeing how unhappy he was before and now is such a relief.  Listen let me say on a side note when you have good kids and they start getting into trouble, do your research.  Find out what is going on.  I noticed with my son he would tell us things and we would ask things and it wasn’t adding up. However what I should have done months ago was moved him.  I felt it inside of me and didn’t act.  I was more concerned with having all 3 kids in different schools.  It’s a lot trust me but his happiness is worth it.  He is smiling everyday at drop off and pick up. He has friends who parents are more geared to how we raise our kids.  That matters trust me.

My job as a parent is to correct him when he needs it and celebrate him always.  We are going to do that.  He is super ready for kindergarten but I am not sure if kindergarten is ready for him!! This beam of light is going to be something amazing and not just because he is my child, but because he is determined to be great! Super congrats MJ!!

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Weekly Recap: April 28, 2017

Well I hope all is well.  We are ending April on a pretty good note I think.  I hope whatever you didn’t get to accomplish that you take some speed into May.  It’s a new month around the corner. In addition to that it’s time to see where we did well and where we could have done better this week.

 

News

  1. It’s been a full 100 days in office for President Trump.  No matter if you like him or hate him there has been more going on with his first 100 days than most full presidencies.  For one we have had so much threats and rumors of wars.  This is not something that we can act like won’t affect the world because we all know it will. So I don’t know what the next few years will look like, but you can best believe we will remain prayerful, vigilant, and woke.
  2. This week has been filled with sports hysteria.  We are in the middle of the 2017 NFL draft weekend.  I live in Philadelphia and let me say the buzz is not an overkill. People are out enjoying the full weekend events and it has been going well.  If you haven’t already catch up on the picks and events.
  3. There has been more children being abducted in this week than before.  Now that’s not saying I am supporting that statement with full facts.  But there has been an increase of children all over my social media, in the news, and its getting crazier day by day.  No matter how great of a parent anything can happen but please be more vigilant with your little ones now more than ever. Do not leave them unattended not even in the backyard.  Keep them close to you when you are in stores and do not let them walk behind you on the streets.  Grab your little ones hands.  This may require that you take phone calls and text messages later but it’s better than putting up flyers.  Pay attention to them.  Some people are so evil that they watch how interactive you are with your children only to scoop in when they think you don’t care.
  4. R.I.P Robert Godwin Jr.  If you do not know who he is he was the man who was walking home from an Easter dinner with his family and was shot at point-blank range by Steve Stephens who chose him randomly and killed him on Facebook live. It ensued a national manhunt that ended when he took his own life as police pursuit.  I know this has story is slowly becoming yesterday’s news but out of respect please stop sharing these videos and videos like it.  These are real life people who families would appreciate that you find a piece of morality and care.

 

Personal Highs

This week I am down another 3.5 pounds.  Won’t He do it?!  Yes!  I am super excited.  I also did one of my own suggestions in a previous blog about keeping your mental sanity by buying flowers and placing them right on my night stand by my bed.  When I have gotten up this morning I smell them.  Let me tell you how much a store-bought 7.99 bouquet has done for me.  Amazing things for my entire mood. Every morning after I have smelled them things have gone immediately crazy.  I have little kids from bathroom accidents, to refusal to get up, to finding missing items it hasn’t affected me one bit.  The flowers aren’t magical in the least bit.  They just provide a place for me to go to my happy place as I start my day.  Try it!

Blogs

As always if you have missed a blog you are missing out so get caught up.

  1. How to deal with a jerk.  It’s a quick reminder that adjusting your attitude can go a long way.
  2. Ask Toi: pet names and how speaking up can work wonders even in new relationships.
  3. Keep your knee pads-this was the #tbt of the week and we were talking about equality and the things that some men expect but wouldn’t do for themselves
  4. Dragging Lala: the internet was having a field day with the actress because in spite of Carmelo being wrong for infidelity she was supposed to forgive and forget.  That is craziness.  No woman should be cheated on and take it and especially when rumors of babies being added in.
  5. Single and married is the response to Carmelo’s rumored line that Lala was married he wasn’t.  If you’re married you know right well you can’t openly cheat and that be okay unless you have an established open marriage that both parties agree on.
  6. Stress management-emotional stress can be a killer.  All stress tugs on the matters of the heart.  Deal with that to deal with the stress.
  7. Leave the kids out of it goes out to the rude comments made about if Serena Williams who we now know is pregnant while still competing.  No her baby is not going to be made of chocolate milk but if it was it was be the best chocolate milk.  Never talk about kids regardless of how you feel about their parents.
  8. Weigh in: 04/26/2017 this is where I share my newest update on my weight loss journey.  PS. I also drank a unicorn frap, donuts and some wine.  Learning to be normal and balance working out, eating right and indulges is a great tool.

Personal Lows

I have dedicated to getting 2 days a week of sleep and I haven’t done well with that. I have run on empty a few times by doing the most when I get home since I am still doing mandatory overtime and not enough of slowing myself down.  This upcoming week I will be able to slow down and take a much-needed vacation with my girls.  However I will not run myself to the bone before I get there.  I have done a lot ahead of time and look forward to a much semi slower week,

As always I love you all.  Get out this weekend and pour a little back into your cup.  Do not do more for others and leave yourself depleted!! Have a great weekend and I will blog soon!!

 

 

How To Deal With a Jerk

So the other day I was driving behind a jerk.  I was on my way to work and I didn’t have my kids in the car which is a rarity in the morning.  Usually when I have the kids in the car I usually do an out loud prayer to prevent me from using “adult words” in my  kids’ presence and they get a kick out of it because they think I am trying to be a comedian and I’m really not.

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So this day I was able to get my car washed before work and make a Wawa stop which for me is under a Starbucks stop and I am in a good mood.  The man in front of me is going at least 15 mph in a 25.  So at first I turn my music up and rock out until he is going several blocks looking back at me in his mirror.  So the music is no longer loud to me because my focus was on the irritating man. I don’t want to tap into full road rage because in this day and time people are taking lives over this type of stuff. So a few deep breaths.  Than at some point I lose it and I am hollering at the car.  Why am I hollering as if this man can hear me?  I am all in my feelings.  The man sees it and drips down to 10mph.  Everyone is beeping their horn but he’s smiling in his mirror seeing the agitation and getting off on it if you ask me.  I couldn’t get around him at first.  So I am like Toi, what are you doing?  Don’t feed into his foolery.  So I realize I can make a turn and get around him so I do.  I turn on my Beyoncé and I get my smiles on because I know that its going to irk him to see me happy.  It works, he is waving at me as I get around me all besides himself as he catches the light.  I was able to get me together and not given into this brief encounter.  There was a way out.  There is always a way out when dealing with idiots.  We don’t look for ways out we like to indulge  into what jerks are doing. There’s a spot in us that likes to let others see that we are mad at them.  To be real folks don’t care.

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Don’t subscribe to their channel.  When someone sees you are ruffled you let them know that you are irritated and what spot to keep hitting.  Guess what?  They keep hitting. Stop allowing people who do not matter to have a front row in your life. This is easier said than done but once you shut out the extra folks and their mess that they create you will notice a peace in your own life.  Some baggage comes from our own minds, things we create, and some come from deposits that we allow others to drop off and then they walk away feeling fine and we are irritated, mad, sad, heated, and hateful.  Drop folks and their stuff off with them and makes waves to secure your own peace.  Peace is sometimes better than just having a solution to an issue.  You can solve a problem and still have no peace.  So today, to hell with a jerk…..

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Weekly Wrap Up: April 7, 2017

So I am having a pretty good week.  My weekend focuses will be a wedding I am attending today, the Phillies game, and some much-needed TLC for me.  I love when I have my pamper time.  It gets me super focused on me for a little bit and always me to slip back into mom and wife mode a little happier and easier.  So this has been a little bit of a week with the news and such so let’s recap it all.

 

News

  1. Syrians were attacked by the chemical Sarin which is a nerve agent.  It killed countless innocent victims both young and old.  My prayers to those affected and their families in this senseless tragedy.
  2. U.S. launched a missile strike against the Syria chemical attack.  We will have to give time to see the ramifications of what this could potentially lead to.
  3. Bill O-Reilly has had several endorsers pull away from his brand due to allegations of sexual harassment.

Personal Highs

I lost another 3.4 pounds this week bringing my total weight loss to 32 pounds.  My clothes are still getting bigger and I am not ready to buy anything new just yet.  I am close to my goal and when I get there as promised I will update with a full body picture. I also had a good week closing the relationship I had been struggling to find a common ground with.  It was a bit of a tough situation that had too much gray area than most things I deal with.  I also was able to get some things organized.  I have had a lot of over time this week so I had to really get things in order to make sure nothing went slacking at home.

Blogs

  1. What your friends won’t tell you about marriage-this was released today and it deals with 10 things married people struggle with or know that they don’t always talk about.  People have this souped up idea about what marriage is and sadly it doesn’t always pan out the way the mind thinks.
  2. This has got to go-talking about my continued weight loss journey.  Are you interested in making some changes?  Are you trying to be Summer time or lifetime fun but find it challenging?  I talk about the piles of clothes on the bed and floor because the clothes you want to wear and what you actually can fit or don’t want to fit in are too much.
  3. Losing your mind-its stress awareness month and this week we talked about the mind and what to do if you are having a setback.  We talked specifically what to do if once you are attempting to change your way of thinking but are feeling overwhelmed and need help.
  4. Mental setback-dealing with the little ways we can reset the mind so the thought process doesn’t take over our minds to the point where we struggle to function.

Personal Lows

I am dealing with an issue with my daughter.  I obviously won’t go into yet but working on responses to your children that are appropriate and mirror what you are used to do vs what should be done for the betterment of your child. I am not a perfect parent actually no one is.  The balance of making sure everything is done to uplift a little person is a great task.  Often times it’s not as clean-cut as we hope in our minds it would be.  So if you are a parent just know there will be some lows but the key is to pick yourself up and try to continue to love.

 

So enjoy your weekend. I am hearing in Philadelphia there may be a little warm up next week and after this week of rain and cold I sure could use a little sun on my skin.  Be safe and continue to check in-blogs drop without warning sometimes.

This Has Got to Go

So I have been asked questions about my weight loss journey and I want to answer them for you.  For those who don’t know I have been losing weight since January.  I have lost a total of 32 pounds to date.  This has not be an easy task.  My reasoning for doing it now and sticking to it was being super tired of having piles of clothes on my bed.  I was tired of wearing other people’s clothes as well.  What I mean is that the clothes I had come from others and wasn’t the sizes of clothes I should have been wearing.  Some of it was too big.  Some of it was sadly the right size but shouldn’t have been the size I was in. I got tired of every summer seeing some of the most trendiest clothes and trying to find the bigger size of it to be in .  I was tired.  I joined weight watchers on February 1st after losing 15 pounds on my own.  Before Weight Watchers I wrote everything I ate and I applied the same method with Weight Watchers.  I also work out at work on my lunch time.  This has helped take the sting of “not having enough time”  off the table.  I also increased my water intake and take vitamins on a regular basis.

In the last few months I have cut my hair.  I wanted the change and I have had short hair before but I decided to end my relationship with my relaxer as well.  This was my decision and I don’t attempt to push my decision on anyone. I love my hair. I do understand that others don’t like it but hey when I look in that mirror everyday I feel great, I look great.  I love it and I love me.  To be honest to hell with the ones who don’t like it and that’s for the ones who do know me and those who don’t.  I am on a journey to pour more into myself and this journey is personal.  I also am finding out what makes me happy.  I think happiness comes from the inside.  I have been doing the work to make me an all around better person.  This hasn’t come without backlash.  I am not everyone’s cup of tea.  You aren’t either so if you face change and you find it’s not being embraced don’t sweat it.  People deflect what is wrong with them onto others.  Life doesn’t have to be the way you want it.

So when I first started out I felt like I wouldn’t have enough food to eat.  I felt like I couldn’t give up the processed foods I had been accustomed to.  I felt like since I baked and made sure me and the kids ate enough vegetables and fruits I would be fine.  I was in a sense but even with the 15 pounds on my own I wanted to be more disciplined.  So I began Weight Watchers and I have done really well.  Today to date I have lost 32 pounds. I am very proud of my accomplishments but I have a little ways to go yet.  I have my stomach to tighten and some muscles to tone.  So here are the things that I have gone through since this process has started:

  1. In the beginning my cravings for food increased.  I learned that I can have what I want in the right size and I don’t have to eat it all or over eat to enjoy it
  2. I have had a lot of off scale victories such as having my clothes literally fall off of me and having to get a few pieces of new items.  I wore a medium one piece jumpsuit and I hadn’t seen a medium since before I had kids.  I bought a size 6 dress and it fit no stomach sucking in or anything  and it looked nice.  I am not a solid 6 I am in-between a 6 and a 8 but coming from a size 12 that is a great step.
  3. I have more energy to play with my kids, get things done and I fall asleep because I have gotten so much done not because I can’t walk up a flight of stairs
  4. Seeing pictures of me where my neck is smaller, face more defined and that tummy coming together has motivated me to want to take more pictures where I don’t use my kids to hide my belly anymore.
  5. Confidence has gone through the roof-I love how I feel and what I see.  Even though I can acknowledge I have a little ways to go its great to know that I love what I see coming from the inside to the outside

    My Formal Life

    When I was in college I was a size 0 and then went to a 4.  After my first child I was a solid 6 and everyone said the best compliments.  When I started up the scale I would get “girl you ain’t as small as you used to be.”  “We can’t call you lil’ Toi anymore” “You changed” “She doesn’t wear, look, etc anymore.”  The comparison from my former life to when I was at my heaviest are all forms of pressure.  I have 3 kids and I was happy and adjusting to the many hats I had to wear.  It’s interesting is that most of the comments came from others who are much bigger than I remembered them and they were always heavier than me.  Not one time had I judged them or asked them “what happened” or made rude comments.  People are a trip.  Even with the weight loss that won’t stop people from being extra.  I will still hear people say well I am glad you lost that weight I was starting to wonder…. Now if you know me I will speak up.  I don’t have to defend myself to people who in reality don’t matter.  I don’t have to defend myself to people who don’t even check up on me.  I have an answer for myself.  I owe myself the new life.  I can’t say that my family has had anything negative to say about my weight except that my kids know that I won’t a lot of junk unless I have prepared for it.  Other than that I can say that this change has been allowing me to tune the world out.  I actually ran into someone who was talking about me and didn’t see me standing there.  When they were done I said well next time just ask the source.  Their face turned bright red. It’s funny. I do not claim to be guru of weight loss I just know what is working for me and I am good with I see my body doing.  So when I hit my weight goal I will reveal a pic of me at my heaviest and the new picture with the new weight.  If there is something you want to do in your life weight loss or not tune the world out.  Tune out the negative influences in your head and out.  Tune and lock into your WHY. Know you can do it and it will be a challenge at the same time.  One of the things that irked me was when I felt like I hadn’t loss much weight and felt like I was just not doing enough.  Part of the journey is up and down or seeing not much change. Gradual weight loss is more important than dropping pounds off all at once.  So be encouraged!