Monday Motivation: Healing with no Cheerleaders

Remember that we are all going through something. While you’re healing others around you don’t always recover as fast as you. While it would be great that as you continue to crush the very things that used to hold you captive, others around you may not fully be on board but don’t let it stop you!

We love strength in numbers! However when dealing with personal struggles those numbers may not always be the way you want them. You might find that you’re cheering squad may decrease. You got to keep going. Don’t wait until a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or friend believes in your change the same way you are attempting to live! Remember they have seen you at your worse. You’re one day, of change can be a catalyst for permanent change. The folks around you only see you as what they are used to you being. It will suck! You will get mad and then play the blame game about the level of support you believe you should have. However your change was for you and will benefit you the most. No one is going to be as happy for you like you. This doesn’t mean those around you can’t be happy for you! It’s only means that if you’re the type that has to have your squad to propel you, this will be an issue for you and could hinder your progress if you let it.

Press when you have no one like you would when you have an army behind you. Choose yourself instead of being held down by the lack of people in your corner. Sometimes when the dust clears, the folks that were an hinderance won’t be there. The pain of your squad changing will hurt like no other. But you can get through it. Your squad can be replaced, but staying the same as you were shouldn’t be on hold until that takes place. Keep pushing! Keep striving! Keep the same energy even with tears in your eyes. Choose you!!

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Wonky Feelings

Unfortunately these last few days have been a bit up and down.  For one on a personal level there is so much on my heart and mind.  I am sorting a few things out.  I noticed that as I work my life out that my shift towards gratitude has shifted.  I’ll get back to that later.  Also Fall is around the corner and although I am super happy about it, its only a reminder that there is so much to do before the year ends.

Also on Friday it was the most craziest day ever. I got out the car not put together. My bag was open. I had 20 minutes to get to work for a 2 min walk and still…..

I get to Dunkin Donuts to get a breakfast sandwich and I can’t find my wallet. I finally pay for my item and I bumped into a lady like 3 times. I’m walking into the door trying to gather my thoughts….what is going on?

As if matters couldn’t get worse, I take a walk at lunch only to discover that one side of my skirt is falling revealing a lot more than I needed to share with the world! I had to take a step back and again gather my thoughts….

Check in On your Strong Friend

I have an amazing network of friends from all walks of life.  Talking to one of them this week about how the weather didn’t help my bottom line and realizing that she too felt the same way.  Let me interject gratitude, I do not have it as bad as those in the path of Hurricane Florence, I am grateful.  In the midst of gratefulness I want to be transparent.  I miss the mark daily but I am also actively checking myself daily. Sometimes I get inspired by my ability to balance and then on days where that balance seems not to measure up, my feelings sometimes takes a nose dive.  This has been that week.  I have been pushed and finding that I am coming off as irresponsible when in actuality I am in the midst of change from the inside out.  Guilt of these changes has made me question myself.  My girlfriend reminded me that one she is here and we are here together.  I love knowing I have support and need to be more open in receiving the love in return.  So word of advice, fill your cup and be open to check on a friend to see how their cup looks too!  I am going to do better at that.

Feeling Overload

Daily I take a look at what is going on around me.  I looked at my kids and noticed they needed me to listen a little more.  I feel as if I am pretty good at anticipating other people’s needs.  However with my own, I need a little work.  Example, Thursday night I was getting agitated by a conversation with my husband.  I felt like I wasn’t being heard.  I decided to be quiet and ask myself a few questions. I asked what did I need at that moment.  I decided that my issues of frustration is because of old feelings of what my husband had done that I wasn’t over.  I simply wasn’t mad at him but mad at me for not dropping something from years ago.  I went upstairs and decided how worth it was it at that moment and dropped it.  I washed my face while praying and asked God to heal.  I decided that carrying frustration was simply only on me and that it only hinders me.  It wasn’t as if the issue was something that was life changing. I simply was mad and that madness needed checked.  I can’t grow personally and not drop the charges but expect charges of frustration or anger to be dropped on my behalf.  I have to give what I want to receive.

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Gratitude

Being thankful has been this week’s recurring theme.  All week I have challenged myself to see the good in bad situations.  All week openly saying what I am grateful for around my family.  Letting my kids openly know how awesome they are.  Recognizing their effort!  I have been in conversation replacing complaints with gratitude.  Counting my blessings this week.  Every situation that could have made me turn left, I declared gratitude and seen it turn.  Every single one.  Even with my wacky feelings this week, I have felt like I figured out what I needed and gave myself permission to seek it and receive it.

This weekend I will take a long bath, get some flowers, burn my favorite candle, get some rest, and have fun with my kids.  These are the things that I will do to set my weekend right and continue my self-care practice.  What do you need?  What are the little things that can set your spirit back into alignment?  What are the things that make you feel the most centered?  What will quiet and heal your thoughts?  Do these things and more and do it so often that it becomes a part of who you are!

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Maybe your week was great.  If so that’s super awesome.  If your week was like mine with super highs and lows, know that you can get through it.  You can replace gratitude in the places of frustration.  You can call on a friend or family and be encouraged.  It’s okay to be upset but don’t stay there.  It’s important to find out what you need and most importantly remember that the answer or relief may come from you.  You have to be honest about what you need.  Be honest about what the real issues.  Don’t place the saving grace into someone else’s hands.  Sometimes just dealing and checking yourself is all you need to make yourself whole.

Enjoy your weekend and thanks for reading!

National Blame Someone and National Positive Thinking

How do these two days go together?  They don’t but they do. Positive thinking can change how you see what others have done and although its easier to blame someone sometimes you have to take a look in the mirror at yourself.  We are sometimes our biggest enemy.  The way we talk to ourselves, handle ourselves, and do for ourselves can come from how we think.

Today I am encouraging every reader to take some stock.  I have said so many times in many blogs and it is true that sometimes my ability to blame others stopped me from being able to call a spade a spade in my own life.  I was caught up more in who the message was from instead of the message itself.  However I feel like my life took a turn for the better when I took the time to address myself.  How I was thinking wasn’t healthy for me and those around me.

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Positive thinking is hard for some who only have a negative mindset.  We all know them.  You can say the sun is bright and they will say it’s too hot.  You can say I can’t wait to hang out with friends and they say ugh I don’t even have any.  This is draining depending on what stage of life you are on.  If you find that you constantly are high fiving and in agreement with a negative Nancy in your life, its only because you are just as negative in your own life.

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I find when I forget to be grateful about my life its easy to dip into negativity.  All of sudden I get less patient, my temper is flared, and then my speech changes.  I start doubting myself and simple tasks are hard.  Negativity has a way at eating at productivity.  You cant attack your goals with a negative mindset and although you want to blame circumstances and situations the person that is at fault is you.

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So lets take charge of ourselves and not point the finger out but point the finger in and change our mindset!

Ask Toi: What are my rights with my boyfriend while he’s in the hospital?!

To be honest girlfriends don’t have rights! I know that sounds harsh but….. it’s the truth!

Even if you two live in the same house won’t matter in you making decisions because end of day, you’re not his wife. What I can say is going forward if he feels that he wants you to have more of a say he should have a power of attorney and health directives done and notarized that states you are the one to be in charge. You can’t just simply be in love and not have proper paperwork in place

Same as if you’re living together, check laws of your states. If you’re name isn’t on the lease you may find yourself in a sticky situation should he change his mind. Legal documentation should be the name of the game when you’re single or even engaged and feel as if you want to have marital responsibility without the actual marriage. Being engaged is not recognized as marriage regardless of how you feel. Feelings and legality do not always go hand in hand! People don’t think about that when you’re so in love and not thinking about protecting yourself. Also be sure your boyfriend even wants you to have that much say should he not be able to speak for himself. Your relationship might not have gotten to that level as you think.

Being a girlfriend or life partner is nice but if this is the notion you and your man choose be sure to get paperwork so that it can’t be disputed or else his actual next of kin will be the one making those decisions even if it’s not the decisions that the one incapable to make those decisions want! Your boyfriend needs to be clear that as an adult he does what he wants done for his own life and having the proper paperwork will help! Protection is the name of the game and I hope your boyfriend makes a speedy recovery!

Fight Procrastination Day

I’m really glad that there are days like this. They help us to get our minds together and what a day than fight procrastination day. We all at some point have procrastinated about something. From weight loss to grocery shopping to laundry, procrastination takes many forms.

Fighting procrastination means making an attempt to do the things that we all need to do but have been putting off. What do you need to stop putting off? Have you completed your 2018 resolutions if you made it? This is something you need to get back on track. All of the promises made to yourself need you to bring life into them. It’s easy to let a few goals slide. However depending on the level of procrastination, the guilt that comes from it can be unbearable.

Waiting and putting off grocery shopping until you have literally no food may not stop the world but depriving yourself for example your education, and making excuses year after year could affect your quality of life. Not washing your hair a few extra days may not end world hunger, but putting off going to the doctors could put your life as risk. Counting up the cost of what you choose to ignore is a part of prioritizing. Some of the little things we ignore can add up.

Take some time to make new list and instead of ignoring, avoiding, or crossing off altogether prioritize what matters to you in the long run. Sometimes procrastination comes from putting yourself last. You are important and nothing you do for others will matter if you can’t find a way of pouring into yourself first! Your goals and dreams need you and you need to fight procrastination and make it happen!

Here is a small helpful listing of what you can do to help fight procrastination:

  • Make smaller goals from large goals
  • Reward yourself
  • Make realistic goals
  • Eliminate people or things around you that are triggers of distraction
  • Set time restraints around your goals
  • Write your goals down

I hope that today and everyday you take the time to make one step towards each goal you set. We all can get caught up in life . What we do once we get caught off guard, matters. Fight procrastination and hit it hard!!

Sunday Message: That’s Just How they Are…

Listen there are a number of folks that do not like me. I am okay with it. The feeling may even be mutual. However what I won’t tolerate is mistreatment of kids whether they mine or not. Kids will forever be off-limits for eva. I don’t understand why any adult thinks it’s okay to involve kids in the midst of adult issues?! Besides kids is the inability for those who like to start issues and play mannequin when you don’t want to deal with their excuse of “that’s how I am” anymore, be vigilant.

I’ve had some bold ones use the excuse of that’s just how so and so is. I’m looking at them like ok ma and? (In my Jayz voice) Just because you are of a certain age is not the prerequisite to be disrespectful. I know the older you get the more your give a care is alerted, but out right nastiness is not going to be tolerated in this day and age when folks is trying to be on the do better. Be aware of those who won’t change and meet you in the middle especially when they are the culprit or the initiator of an issue. My mom used to say they “throw rocks and hide their hands.”

These are the same types of folks that get amnesia after they have done something and can’t understand why you don’t want to deal with them. They will make themselves the victim after offering up a petty apology and then tell others that at least they said sorry. Watch them. They are the same ones who generally are found in drama. Remove yourself from them.

If that’s how you are and you’re:

Mean

Ignorant

Uncaring

Selfish

Drama filled

These are the some of the things I don’t want to just deal with! It’s not up to me as a receiver to deal with. This is a personal issue that you can leave alone and force those around you to either take or take off. You don’t get to spew foolishness on others and then hide behind that’s apart of personality and dare someone to stick with you when you aren’t attempting to change!

Let me say I found this hard lesson a few years ago within myself. I had to come to grips even when the mirror was being held to me from a source I could have easily dismissed. I had to realize that the person’s tactics was wrong in their delivery but the truth was in the middle. So I separated myself and did my own work. Sometimes it takes that to get things right. However continuing to defend my own bad behavior or those around me isn’t being accountable either.

Be accountable for you! You know what was said about you was true! You know you have things that rub folks the wrong way in your home and outside of your home. Your personality can take you places and it can also deny you entry to places as well. Be honest with yourself. My mom always said “everyone ain’t telling the same lie.” So if you’re hearing recurring messages about you, it may be time to take inventory.

Do not be discouraged. It will hurt when you accept the things about yourself. But push through it. Trust me when you do stop taking excuses from yourself its super easy to hold those around you to the same standards. When I hear excuses I just mark people. I realize they aren’t at the point of receiving. I don’t necessarily cut them off about it until their behavior becomes toxic. Once it becomes toxic I don’t have to entertain it on the strength of any relationship.

I’ve been reading blogs by other bloggers about toxic mothers lately. These are men and women who believe that their mothers are toxic. I don’t think there is a higher relationship outside of a love interest on Earth than a mother. If people are willing to separate the toxicity that a mother can bring I think you can separate from a friend, associate, coworker or any other family relationship. No one is worth your peace. No one is worth that level of stress.

We have to be careful of what we project. Sometimes you can mean well and think you are being true to yourself and come off with attitudes, stuck up etc. Being who you want to be is crucial in self-development. If who you are coming off is not what you want others to take away from an interaction with you than it’s time to find a better delivery or do an inward search. Our delivery around certain people could be nervousness. Like when you go on your first date and you’re super nervous and awkward. If it’s that, you can work on it. If you’re always show boating, speaking ill of others, demeaning, or rude that is all about who you are inside. Those things need worked on.

I pray this Sunday message that you look inward and deal so you can deal with those around you. In dealing with those around you do not allow the excuses of “this is just who I am take it or leave,” sway you. You may have to take them up on that offer and simply leave it, and leave them alone. It doesn’t have to be a final chapter close. It could be seasonal. Don’t accept the excuses from yourself or those around you!

Summer Recap

So Labor Day means it’s officially unofficially the end of Summer. I want to thank all of my tan lines that kept this melanin poppin! FYI black folks will tan or get darker like anyone exposed to the sun. Skin care all Summer long meant moisturizer for my skin type and lots of sunblock that should be worn all year round! I love being in the heat, the sun, and any form of water. Not even heat waves had me complaining! With that being said, let’s recap parts of my Summer.

Did you say Brunch?!

I love love brunch. If you say let’s brunch I’m on Pinterest getting my life together and happily ready in no time. I don’t know if it’s the care free of it all but I love it. I’m type of girl that if one of my friends got me flowers and took me to brunch I would be the happiest girl on the planet. None the least between brunching with the fam bam, to brunching with my girls, I def got my Summer brunch on! I look forward to some awesome Fall brunches with different flavors of the season!

Water anyone?!

In addition to Summer brunches I had an awesome time in the water. The only thing I could not schedule this year was my solo beach trip!! There’s still a few warm moments in the upcoming month or so and I will attempt to fit it in. Between so much transition and my kids I could not find the time. However I didn’t complain about it and enjoyed a lot of water days this season!

We Are……

I was able to have a college reunion with some of my best friends and framily at Penn State University. I was able to take my twin and niece along too! What a weekend full of great drinks, a little adult night out, time with framily, and watching the kids enjoy some of what I think makes Penn State one of the best things I’ve done with my life so far! And of course you can never leave campus without their world known famous ice cream made fresh on campus!!! Shout out to Peachy Paterno I’m still in heaven!!

Hey Boo!

Nothing is better than boo loving, date nights and attending one of the best concerts of the Summer, On the Run Tour 2 with Bey and Jay!!

Family time

We are always together and creating memories from the Ice-cream Festival, fireworks, Sky-zone and movie nights there’s nothing us Storr family can’t get into!

Photo Pop Philly

I can’t explain the instant happy that I experienced from walking into this interactive photo dream! I saw it online and had to attend. This pop up art exhibit was well out together and even had changes to it during its time! I must shout out to all of the artists who slayed each set! Anytime I’m having a down moment I can look back at my photos and have an instant smile! FYI a little plus their last day will be Monday September 3rd! To get tickets you can log on: Photo pop Philly

And I had the best time with friends too. I always do! Friends is like the family you get to choose and boy do I have some great ones!

Hey Mark!

One of the highlights of the Summer was seeing my cousin Mark! I miss him so much but he doesn’t live close. I can truly say that my heart has been made whole and I only saw him for a little minute. However when you have someone who is everything to you, you could see them a few minutes and it feel like a lifetime!

All and I I have so many more pictures from so many events this Summer! I can not complain that I didn’t live my best life! I truly enjoyed what Summer had to offer! I plan on continuing the patterns all Fall! So you know you will see some of the awesome events I already have planned. My family knows we about to be at some of our favs super soon! Trust me I’ll give you a glimpse!

So we say Summer as it closes, you have been good to us!!