Wife Appreciation Day

It’s wife appreciation day! So shout out to all the wives!  If you are married and love being a wife today is your day.  Now before the husbands get up in arms, your day will come.  But today is about the wives!

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Don’t need a Special Day

If more people would be consistent in the love they gave each other than maybe that can be said.  If you are a husband and you are mad at days like today, ask yourself a few questions.  When was the last time you gave your wife flowers just because?  When was the last time you took her out?  Did you offer to cook a meal this week? How about rub her feet? Did you allow her some me time just to refuel?  If you haven’t done one of more of those things this week, Houston we have a problem.  Showering your loved one with attention when things are great is easy.  Showing love in the little things when an argument occurs, when the bills are stressing, when life throws a curb ball, isn’t as easy!  It takes looking at the friendship you and your wife made to push through.

Little Ways to Show Appreciation Today:

  • Look your wife in her eyes and tell her you love her
  • Give her a break today-no cooking, no cleaning
  • Give her a gift card to her favorite place
  • Flowers
  • Complete a few items on the honey do list
  • Run her a bath
  • Let her watch her favorite shows
  • Take her to get her favorite treat
  • Write her a hand written note
  • Hold her hand
  • Take her on a date
  • Offer a massage
  • Play your “song” and dance in the living room
  • Play a game
  • Mani/Pedi at the salon
classic couple cup flatware

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

There are a million ways that you can show the number wife that you love the ways she has turned your house into a home, how she supports you when the chips are down, loves on your children, keeps herself cute, gives you time to be you, and supports your endeavors.  Matter of fact, don’t do one thing, do a few! Smile hard, and let the love and energy flow.  Like they say, “keep that same energy!”  Keep it from the time you stood and made vows.  The same energy you had when you honeymooned.  The same energy as she was sick and you prayed for God to spare her life.  The same energy as she supported you through hard times and showed how awesome of a friend and wife she was.  The same energy when she dressed nice for you.  Keep the same energy and let the love flow from one another.  Take this day to show that love and then use the same energy to show the same love daily.  Happy Wife Appreciation Day!

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Monday Inspiration: The Protection of No

Happy Monday to you.  Today I want to talk about the pain that comes along with NO.  Like children when we hear no we may experience a plethora of feelings.  From being disappointed, to hurt, to anger.  What you wanted and where you are in that journey makes your NO levels different.

If you were in what you thought was a loving relationship and you felt the next step was marriage only to find out that the person you held so dear to you is a fake, that NO that he failed you and the pain of starting all over again can be devastating. What about the pain in the NO when you are job searching?  Job searching is a numbers game at times.  You may hear several NOs in your lifetime where that is concerned.  Trust me.  When I got laid off of my job in 2010 right after having my premature daughter I was devastated.  I was thinking what in the world am I going to do?  I moved to Philadelphia and found out I was pregnant again.  Out of my element and new to a city I decided to take some time off and do the stay at home mom thing.  It was harder than I anticipated.  The time I decided to go back to work, I heard so many NOs my heart actually hurt.  I felt like I would be at home forever.  No after NO after NO began to chip at my spirit.  I am human I thought I have a college degree and experience why is this happening.  But it did.

During those difficult times of hearing NO and the mix emotions I felt, I got stronger.  I felt like I was taken a thousand steps back but I got stronger. I got a job and then began to progress to where I am now but the story wasn’t an easy one.  I have had moments where I second guessed myself. I cried.  I cursed from being so angry. I was miserable. I had to get it together.  So if you woke up and all you can do is hold onto the pain of NO, I get that.  Hear me clearly, when you let it go and walk with the sting of the pain and move forward you may not get that YES the same day, but you will if you don’t quit. At the very moment of quitting you will get a YES.  Put the work in.  Take moments along the journey of NO to renew your mind.  You may have to do this daily.  Whatever it takes, don’t faint and don’t quit.  There is protection in NO.  NO means something else is out there for you.  No means that the journey you paved for yourself wasn’t the journey YOU needed to be your best self.  Shocking how we think we know everything we need until life throws something our way to prove that we don’t.  Strive for excellence.  You can walk through the pain without the pain knocking your will to live out of you.  The protection is making sure you don’t walk further in pain.  There are people in places God never intended because instead of listening to the NO and letting it protect them, they let their personal desires walk them willingly into some mess and now they are miserable.  They shouldn’t be in that place and they know it.  Sometimes that stubborn will have you walking in circles.  When things don’t work out there is a reason.  If you are running late to a place, there is reason.  It’s protection.  Yes its frustrating but you don’t know what you are about to walk in.  Trust the process.  Have faith and walk in the sting of the pain don’t let the pain of NO overtake you.

A Sister Roundup-Don’t Fall Off

Good morning all!

We should at this point have gotten our Valentine’s Day our of our systems and continue on showing love to the ones in our lives daily.  If you didn’t have the Valentine’s Day you wanted I get it, at this point, refocus from this one day and find ways to use self-care to get through.  You still have other days ahead that are going to need your attention.and dwelling on that one day past the 24 hours that followed means that you are allowing this to overtake you.

I wanted to do something different today to have a check in of sorts but instead of highlighting my highs and lows, let’s just talk about various aspects of our mental health.  One this has NOTHING to do with the allegations of mental abuse with the recent school shooting.  As much as I know mental disease played a part in it, I am one for calling a spade a spade and say that premeditated homicide is a different type of beast.  That is a blog for a different day.  However I send prayer and love to the community of Parkland and pray that with prayers, we have an action plan in place and sooner than later.  I am one for prayer but faith without works is dead, we need action.

Love Life

All of us regardless of where we are need to heal and have some closures in a few places.  Let me be clear that this has NOTHING to do with your tax status. A hurting heart will not heal from a wedding ring.  I know we have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the answer to love woes but it’s actually not. Marriage is like having a constant mirror walking around.  A lot of wounds that you haven’t dealt with will come up during marriage.  So if you are looking for marriage to complete you, this is misguided thinking.   It will not.  It will make you face yourself.  The issue with having someone to face yourself is that not all marriages are strong enough for the depth of junk that people bring into them. So I would suggest that you work on the things that you need before.

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Also there are some folks that would rather be single.  There is nothing wrong with that.  That’s not different then the folks that don’t want to be parents.  Your life, your choice.  Just be sure that wherever you want love not to go down the wrong path.  If you constantly see a pattern in whom you are choosing, don’t blame the people you dated, take accountability.  Remember self-care and self-love go hand in hand in your love journey it’s not something to attempt to do after you have entangled someone with you.  Also have a plan or list that you have in the back of your mind but make the non negotiable things that deal with character above physical in your mind especially if you are dating and looking.  I know women who have these laundry lists of their wants and needs and they are superficial to say the least.  Often times they don’t take character into play.  If you have a good-looking liar, you aren’t winning.  However you should be attracted to the person you are with.  So balance it!

Friendships/Sister Friends

I am in the process of weeding out a few bad apples. I find myself doing this often.  As I take accountability for my own actions one of the actions is my actions for friendships. It doesn’t matter how long I have been friends with them either.  Zero passes need to be given.  Since I have gotten older, my desires have changed.  With that some friendships were great for the phase of life I WAS in but not for where I am now nor for where I am headed.  With that in mind let’s cut away the leech friends.  The ones who have zero problems taking but do not ever give.  It’s not cool and as everyone is working on themselves the excuses has to stop.  You can have a million and one excuses but if you are out here being a bad friend, own it  and decide do you really want to change?  If yes then do so if not then be honest and let the friendship fizzle out.  Also friends shouldn’t get so comfortable that you take friendship for granted.  This means thank you, and please go a long way.  I think above all we have to remember that when we deal with others in general.  You’re not so much of my sis that you can forget that.

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We want to be connected but having bad connections is bad for your life in general.  Oh and be extremely leery of these friendship circles.  I was invited to one that I accepted because I know they are about building up.  But I declined one because it was really about selling stuff.  Listen, sis I love to shop but I am also on team savings too.  I want to help you build your brand but you can’t fill my inbox with let’s make money quick schemes and have me stay.  Not one time was it about praying, lifting another one up, or even about making sure everyone felt loved and secure.  I pass on these types all the time. This was one of the major pushes for cleaning up my social media.  I had way too many groups talking about helping that turned into everyone thinking they knew everything, let’s talk crap about another sister, or finding out the tea in someone’s life.  I got a healthy life, so I don’t have much time for the foolishness. I spend more time with solid relationships, my family, going to church, self-care and the gym that’s plenty for me.

Self-Care

What have you done this week for you?  Literally I found that I was super agitated more this week wondering if and why someone else hadn’t poured into me.  Totally selfish of me but it happened. One thing to note is never do anything for anyone and look for something in return.  The second thing that it showed me is that I lacked something that is within myself and I sought after that instead of wasting time being upset at someone else.  I have what I need inside of me. Do not tax others to do for you what you wont do for you.  It’s that simple.  Self care comes from various sources from free to lavish. You find where you can and what you can and you do it.  You really should be finding something you can do for you daily not just weekly.  If you have gotten to this Friday and can’t name one thing you did for yourself that made you better, than you have some catching up to do.  Ladies and gentlemen, self-care is not an option its a must.

Health

I can not stress enough getting ALL of your tests done.  Have you made an eye appt?  What about a gynecological exam?  No physical?  No follow-ups done either?  What in the real world are you waiting for?  You do realize that putting it off will not make anything go away?  Be vigilant about your health and what you want.  Be vigilant in making sure that you will be here in the future.  Go and be seen.  There is no reason to have something sneak up on you when we have the technology to do something about it.We need to make sure that our health is fully taken care of. How active are you?  How many hours a week are you putting into an active lifestyle?  Have you substituted the stairs for the elevators, maybe do a work out tape or a free YouTube exercise instead of constantly sitting in front of the television?  Maybe substituted a bad snack for a better healthier option?  Whatever you are not doing, let’s change that.  Let’s get up and move a bit.  Sitting is the new smoking so let’s end these bad habits and do it now.

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This has been an interesting week to say the least and remember it’s February so all the hoopla from the New Year’s wears off this month.  Don’t let the momentum stop you.  Renew your mindset and refocus on your goals.  Don’t let this super short month get you.  I know even with the flu it was hard to recommit but I did it and so can you.  Bad habits only last as long as you want them.  Good habits can do the same.  Make yourself a priority.

So I am hoping that with everything that is going on personally and professionally that you find a way to recommit to having the best life you can. No things aren’t perfect but you can have a better life if you make the right choices.  Sometimes those choices mean that you may need to say no, turn a few things off, say no to a few invitations and maybe even cut off a few along the way, but whatever it is that you need to do, do it and do it well!

 

The Mirage is really A smoke Screen

People, good people, good morning.  Listen let’s have a serious talk about what appears to be and what is.  We ALL have put out into the atmosphere our very best self.  We post the best pics out of the 100 we took.  We use filters because let’s face it they are pretty. However there is one thing that we all need to be reminded.  Everything that glitters isn’t gold.  This isn’t the first time we have heard it but let’s talk about it some more.

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We get caught up in the ideas about of what people put out. Some people post about solid marriages and have the most flakiest ones.  Being real is about being loud and yelling instead of just being honest and transparent.  Just because you yell you keeping it real doesn’t mean you are.  That’s a free nugget of wisdom for someone.  People struggle. Relationships and marriages struggle.  People don’t air out their dirty laundry or rather they shouldn’t.  We base our lives off of others and do less work on our own.  If you see a woman get flowers, you go home and complain you aren’t getting them.  However you haven’t expressed you wanted them before.  You don’t go and get them yourself because you enjoy them.  You are waiting, hoping that the man you are with will finally take this initiative and do and missing out on the love you really do and can give yourself.  You realize that if that love won’t measure up and you practice self-love, nature will separate you from what you don’t need to be with.  Again another freebie for you.

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Please learn to take some stock in YOUR life.  I give great advice but I try to eat and nibble on it before I give it.  I hold myself accountable.  For instance let me give you some realness.  I was having the worst anxiety attack.  I didn’t want to go to an event because I knew some of the people there I don’t vibe with.  I had to be reminded that its more than talk, I will NEVER vibe well with them.  I can’t live with brakes on.  SO I got dressed and made it happen.  I wanted to be in my defeated world and just go to bed.  I ended up having an amazing time.  The point is simple, it’s about getting past the hiccups with action and not just lip service.

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We have to get past our favorites smoke screens.  I love LL Cool J and Morris Chestnut and both are married.  Like my marriage there are days even with all of their fineness that their wives are ready to trip them because of something they did or didn’t do.  No different from my own marriage. I have friends who I look up to but when they close their doors they have things they are working out in their lives.  So you have to understand that and learn to live life on your own terms.  A lot of people selling this message of love your spouse, or job or life to the fullest don’t always mean they receive it or live it everyday.  Be careful who you put your highest stock on.  Everyone on your pedalstool will disappoint you if you don’t keep things into perspective.  No different from when the report of  America’s sweetheart Jesse Williams called it quits with his wife.  Everyone like lawd if they can’t make it what we gon do?  You gon get over it and make your marriage work.  You need to use the information to make yours solid.  Love harder, listen more, don’t take things for granted, etc  That’s what you do instead of attributing everything good and going into doom and gloom when it doesn’t add up.

Live your OWN best life!!

 

 

Weekly Recap: April 28, 2017

Well I hope all is well.  We are ending April on a pretty good note I think.  I hope whatever you didn’t get to accomplish that you take some speed into May.  It’s a new month around the corner. In addition to that it’s time to see where we did well and where we could have done better this week.

 

News

  1. It’s been a full 100 days in office for President Trump.  No matter if you like him or hate him there has been more going on with his first 100 days than most full presidencies.  For one we have had so much threats and rumors of wars.  This is not something that we can act like won’t affect the world because we all know it will. So I don’t know what the next few years will look like, but you can best believe we will remain prayerful, vigilant, and woke.
  2. This week has been filled with sports hysteria.  We are in the middle of the 2017 NFL draft weekend.  I live in Philadelphia and let me say the buzz is not an overkill. People are out enjoying the full weekend events and it has been going well.  If you haven’t already catch up on the picks and events.
  3. There has been more children being abducted in this week than before.  Now that’s not saying I am supporting that statement with full facts.  But there has been an increase of children all over my social media, in the news, and its getting crazier day by day.  No matter how great of a parent anything can happen but please be more vigilant with your little ones now more than ever. Do not leave them unattended not even in the backyard.  Keep them close to you when you are in stores and do not let them walk behind you on the streets.  Grab your little ones hands.  This may require that you take phone calls and text messages later but it’s better than putting up flyers.  Pay attention to them.  Some people are so evil that they watch how interactive you are with your children only to scoop in when they think you don’t care.
  4. R.I.P Robert Godwin Jr.  If you do not know who he is he was the man who was walking home from an Easter dinner with his family and was shot at point-blank range by Steve Stephens who chose him randomly and killed him on Facebook live. It ensued a national manhunt that ended when he took his own life as police pursuit.  I know this has story is slowly becoming yesterday’s news but out of respect please stop sharing these videos and videos like it.  These are real life people who families would appreciate that you find a piece of morality and care.

 

Personal Highs

This week I am down another 3.5 pounds.  Won’t He do it?!  Yes!  I am super excited.  I also did one of my own suggestions in a previous blog about keeping your mental sanity by buying flowers and placing them right on my night stand by my bed.  When I have gotten up this morning I smell them.  Let me tell you how much a store-bought 7.99 bouquet has done for me.  Amazing things for my entire mood. Every morning after I have smelled them things have gone immediately crazy.  I have little kids from bathroom accidents, to refusal to get up, to finding missing items it hasn’t affected me one bit.  The flowers aren’t magical in the least bit.  They just provide a place for me to go to my happy place as I start my day.  Try it!

Blogs

As always if you have missed a blog you are missing out so get caught up.

  1. How to deal with a jerk.  It’s a quick reminder that adjusting your attitude can go a long way.
  2. Ask Toi: pet names and how speaking up can work wonders even in new relationships.
  3. Keep your knee pads-this was the #tbt of the week and we were talking about equality and the things that some men expect but wouldn’t do for themselves
  4. Dragging Lala: the internet was having a field day with the actress because in spite of Carmelo being wrong for infidelity she was supposed to forgive and forget.  That is craziness.  No woman should be cheated on and take it and especially when rumors of babies being added in.
  5. Single and married is the response to Carmelo’s rumored line that Lala was married he wasn’t.  If you’re married you know right well you can’t openly cheat and that be okay unless you have an established open marriage that both parties agree on.
  6. Stress management-emotional stress can be a killer.  All stress tugs on the matters of the heart.  Deal with that to deal with the stress.
  7. Leave the kids out of it goes out to the rude comments made about if Serena Williams who we now know is pregnant while still competing.  No her baby is not going to be made of chocolate milk but if it was it was be the best chocolate milk.  Never talk about kids regardless of how you feel about their parents.
  8. Weigh in: 04/26/2017 this is where I share my newest update on my weight loss journey.  PS. I also drank a unicorn frap, donuts and some wine.  Learning to be normal and balance working out, eating right and indulges is a great tool.

Personal Lows

I have dedicated to getting 2 days a week of sleep and I haven’t done well with that. I have run on empty a few times by doing the most when I get home since I am still doing mandatory overtime and not enough of slowing myself down.  This upcoming week I will be able to slow down and take a much-needed vacation with my girls.  However I will not run myself to the bone before I get there.  I have done a lot ahead of time and look forward to a much semi slower week,

As always I love you all.  Get out this weekend and pour a little back into your cup.  Do not do more for others and leave yourself depleted!! Have a great weekend and I will blog soon!!