No Accounts

So one of my favorite cousins had a conversation about no accounts.  When we first started talking it was about no account mammies.  Yes I said mammies.  No account mammies are the moms who have kids and don’t take care of them.  The moms who drop they babies off to big momma’s house and be in the club every weekend.  The ones that don’t ever even check on big momma to make sure she need anything.  Always expecting somebody to raise their kids but don’t raise them themselves.  The no account mammies are the ones that have kids and expect the state to take care of them.  These are the kids that get fished into homes other than the one they should be in.  No accounts have a reason for why they do what they do but most don’t take into consideration that at the end of the day a choice was made and a choice was taken.

My cousin and I have these talks all the time.  However the no accounts can really apply to anyone to be honest.  it’s not an attack on women or mothers.  It’s the reality of what happens when people who are too selfish to care about how choices and actions actually interfere with others.  So for the sensitive you might as stop reading now.  I will not sugar coat no account people.  They are all around us.  They could be in your close circle.  This is not to say that you must have a perfect life.  I know myself and others who have had lives that have been filled with tragedy, regret, etc but the choice to end up as a no account person is a personal choice.  I had a conversation with a person yesterday.  They said something that clicked to me.  Without getting into the details it boiled down to level of relationship.  Some people appear to be no account with you because they don’t even value you as anything worth doing better by.  Is that the person’s fault?  Some of it can be.  However could it be the way you allow certain things to be said or how you carry yourself in that relationship that makes the difference?

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We give the no accounts so much credit.  For instance the cash me outside chick.  She is a no account.  Sorry not sorry.  She is slated to make millions of this ghetto vernacular that black folks been accused of acting like but we get the wrong end of the stick.  To be honest she is a disrespectful child that needed her behind kicked  a long time ago.  Yes I said it.  I will not watch a reality show that glorifies her bad behavior.  She needs the right set of parents.  Now she making club appearances.  How?  She isn’t even 21 to enter these premises and making more than most hard-working citizens.  But the dummies of the world put their stamp of approval on her and bam she’s an instant hit.  Miss me with her and her antics.  I am not a hater.  I am on team make your money but if the only claim to fame is because you out here threatening to hit folks but every other time you getting your ass beat than I am in the wrong field.  She is out here making disrespect and foolishness cute.

No accounts care but mostly about themselves.  Have you dated a no account?  The one who every time you bring up stuff they disregard you?  The one that can’t seem to be on time except if it affects him or her?  The one who seems distant but you still working on him?  How much working on him or her do you need to do before you clock out permanently?  Even doctors get in and do what they have to do in surgery.  If the person you like has that much work to be done it may be time for you to consider that surgery time is not even worth it.  Like what are you really going to do with this person?  Convince them?  How is that working out?  Even in marriage the piece of paper that governs and holds your benefits of marriage together can’t make a husband or wife do what you want them to do.  After awhile working on the marriage becomes just exhausting but I know we aren’t supposed to say that because the ones striving towards marriage will feel some type of way.  This is real life.  The glitter and gold of all things eventually wear down.

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Let’s talk about the no account job you have.  Who makes it no account? Does working at McDonald’s make it no account.  Absolutely not. I really have to say this.  Nothing in this world irks me more to hear people who finally get a piece of job saying the most demeaning thing about fast food workers, or janitors.  Do you realize that people need to work.  Where they work has no bearing on who they are or what they can or can’t do.  I hear people say when people don’t have a job that they could have worked at (insert job) but the minute they do they have to deal with the most uppity attitudes because they sold you a burger.  Stop this mess. You have no idea where you can be doing what you have to do for yourself and your family.  This uppity mentality of telling people “he or she better pass me my damn sauce” needs to stop. No matter where you go you will find folks with bad attitudes that’s from the high-rise job to the lowest as well.  So don’t attribute raggedy to someone just because of their job title.  If you treated others well no matter what they do or who they are you yourself would be a lot further in life than where you are and that’s the truth.

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No account friends exist.  I am struggling in this department.  The reason for the struggle is that it has nothing to do with cutting people off.  It’s seeing the shift of friendship and waiting for the shift to complete itself.  No account friends are the ones who never have nothing nice to say.  You bring up something they make it about them.  Or tell you that they been there and then go into the ME fest.  Sometimes you need to just hear “let me know how I can help you.” Just because you did it one way doesn’t mean you have to speak ill about something and someone you call a friend.  No account friends start when friends forget to treat each other the way you want to be treated.  Not just when you feel needed and have a god complex that you are now saving the world.  No account friends have to be dealt with by cutting them out of your life.  Getting cut hurts.  So the emotions you feel behind it is real.  However what can you do with a no account friend? Nothing if your honest.  They don’t serve a purpose but frustrate the gifts, talents, and love you could be giving to another human being and get the same in return.

You have the power to end the no account cycle.  It doesn’t matter what your title in life is trust me being a no account person or continuing to deal with a no account person will only lead you into a place of continued frustration.  You will be dark and angry without knowing why and all along it was because you had all of the negative energy around you.  Take your life into your own hands in that you do what is absolutely best.  You have a right to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind.  However your struggle with the factors that you don’t think you can change.  Its going to hurt.  You will miss the negativity.  Yes you will.  You are used to it. Like for instance I was used to certain behaviors from others.  So the minute I took charge and ended it I still longed for it.  This is the part about change people don’t talk about.  They make it seem as if you change and then you just keep on trucking.  That’s not true especially when you been around something for so long.  However like my grandma would say to hell with it and folks.  You have to keep walking away, stay away, and command respect in your own life and how you deal with others and especially in how you allow others to handle you.  How you allow others to handle you is super important.  Often times when you allow folks to do anything the only one mad is YOU.  You know better.  You feel it’s not right.  You know you don’t like it than stop it.  It can be on a little scale or large one, end the mess today.  Take into account the no accounts in your life.

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People are walking around full of sorrow.  Some of it is from what they have done.  Let me give you a nugget for your past.  If you DID it already and have made strides to do better and changed your life around know two things.

  1. It’s over
  2. People do not have to validate your change.  You do not need an amen corner to push you along to the best parts of your life.  Walk alone if you have to but stop waiting for acknowledgement of change that may not come.

If you are walking around with sorrow in your heart because you lack friendship and you want to be connected as most of us do, put out the very personality and love you want to receive.  When it comes back to you tainted know that who you attempted to connect with or have been connected to is the wrong one. Another free nugget of wisdom, the amount of time you have been connected with a person or group of persons is never a reason to stay in a no account relationship.  Why do you think that people who have been married for 25 years end? It could be they held on for selfish reasons like making the kids happy.  It could  be that they weren’t financially in a place to end things.  This happens more often than you think.  Walking around in the wilderness of any relationship being faithful to it because of amount of years knowing it no longer served you is craziness.  Don’t get discouraged.  Keep on going. The right ones with the right spirit will link up and it will be like being thirsty in a desert and finding water for the first time.  Your issue is in the mean time of that happening.  Continue on your goals, fine tuning your crafts, finding your gift to the world and taking care of your home. Your home also means your spirit, your well-being, and what makes you whole.

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The World is on the Edge

Well we now know that Donald Trump is our president. I watched ALL the results.  So you can imagine that on my first day back to work today since my MIL past has been extra gloomy. I need to say what I am feeling today.  My heart is heavy.  I don’t feel like we shall overcome right now.  I don’t want to grab my neighbor and pat them down.  I am feeling lousy.  I know this too shall pass but since I am not in the passing mark, I got to vent.

I have a deep pain in my heart.  I mean I get what happened but it doesn’t make it right.  I know there are Trump supporters that are in a state of glee. I am not one who shares in those same sentiments.  To rally behind Trump knowing all the things he did to spew hate, separation, and ignorance doesn’t make sense.  I still don’t get all of his policies and feel like at this point I will just have to watch and see what unfolds.  Like how many times can someone ask you what you stand for and you constantly don’t have a clear plan?

My kids were mad this morning when we told them.  My son asked me if Trump who has been bullying people with his words will make an environment at school where more bullies can pop up. I had no answer for him.  I wanted to say no son it will be just fine but since I parent from a place of honesty I can’t sell him a dream I don’t believe in.  What was I supposed to do lie?  Not happening here.  I told him to let us know like we have always encouraged him to do.  I encouraged him to talk to his teacher.  I encouraged him to keep his hands to himself unless it’s in self-defense.  I made sure he knew that at his school he should be okay but if not I am a call away.  I couldn’t mince my words. I can’t give him rhetoric.  He needs to understand what he is up against.  He is old enough to get it better than some adults.  By all means if you have been following my blog you know I don’t advocate violence but I am not in any means going to tell my kids to get his ass beat and just sit there with no kid.  The police?  That’s a different story and a different conversation.  Kids?  Naw.

I am not asking for others to feel my pain in the same way that I am dealing with it.  I am just expressing where I am so I can move forward and find ways to protect my family.  The idea that sexism is not going anywhere makes me sick.  I said on my Facebook post yesterday:

I had a conversation with a male friend. My problem with the election is that sexism and racism seems to have won. My question is for males especially since women are usually objectified, where do your conversations go now? When you sit up with your male friends making comments that are disheartening, than what? I got some of the most woke males on my page dropping jewels and them same males would drop some of the most misogynistic comments towards women with respectful mothers and beautiful daughters in their home, so what is now your plan going forward? You are just a part of the problem.I’m not biting my tongue about these issues and expected to look at my daughters and tell them it’s gon be aight. We all want to rise up for race but leave women at the bottom of the barrel… Not no more.
Do you understand that statement above?  It’s not just because Clinton didn’t win. She came in to the race with a lot of baggage that the world wasn’t willing to accept.  The bigger picture is if you had to weigh both candidates we choose to make sure that a woman wouldn’t be in power and rolled the dice on a candidate that comes off as misogynist, racist, etc.  That sends chills up my spine just typing it.  I know some won’t agree.  Some had said that the devil you know is better than the one who you don’t.  In some respects that is true but when the devil is selling you a plan that you know isn’t in the best interest of the whole picture that is definitely scary business.
I have no answers.  I know that eventually things will get worst before it gets better.  I saw online where KKK are marching down south declaring Trump’s victory.  One of my co-workers daughter’s school has already had fights this morning because students were debating the election.  Another family member of mine states that her daughter is in class where students are calling brown and black students niggers.  I know it to be true not just because she is family, but because I went to the same district years ago and had the same exact thing happen to me.  So again I am not out evoking fear.  However I can afford to turn a blind eye to the mess either.  I wish everyone safety and that hopefully we can find a place of love.  My reality shows me that some will and some won’t.  I pray that the ones who won’t will be dealt with justly and swiftly.
I read someone say why can’t we love and move on.  I love all.  My intent is to show love. My intent is to treat everyone around me the same that I would want to be treated.  I live in a reality where the same sentiments will not be given to me or my family.  I love wiht a strong dose of reality and preparedness.