So tonight I pushed past my anxiety. Yes I deal with social anxiety at times and it’s annoying but it’s apart of my life for right now. I never went through this in college weird enough but a lot of that had to do with being a freshman and trying to do it all. You know that wild college student that would be on a table that was me.
Fast forward to after college Toi and now at times I find that meeting up with others is a chore. The kind of chore where I back out quickly and because I have kids sometimes it’s real and other times my kids are my get out of jail free card. My husband is the polar opposite. He’s always been super outgoing and still is. It’s crazy when we go to places. It seems that he’s more inclined to be in the front and I’m content with disappearing. So although I am not the wild child that I once was when I was trying to find myself in college, I’m still just as easy-going as I remember and I am finding that instead of allowing my anxiety to get the best of me, I’m pushing past it and getting out. Maybe not the type of college crazy but the essence of who I am is still there.
A bigger issue with getting out was adjusting to motherhood. My first daughter was a preemie and with asthma too. There were more hospital trips than anything. I kept to myself because no one seemed to understand how I balanced working full-time, being at the hospital all night and with literally no sleep pushing through. I learned how to keep my circle tight. Moving to Philadelphia like I’ve blogged about many times was overwhelming. I relied on my husband for everything. I didn’t even drive for the first months even though I had my own car.
Fast forward to my life now I’m pushing through. Losing weight, being a good mom, working full-time, blogging, and meeting new friends. Slowly but surely I’m getting out and enjoying life. Tonight I had the opportunity to meet up at Painting with a Twist with Mocha Moms. Mocha Moms is an organization that is a support for women of color who are mostly stay at home moms. Now you know that I work full-time and there are other moms who work as well. When I first moved to Philadelphia I wanted to join. I was a stay at home mom then but my anxiety kept me from being apart. Tonight I crushed that fear that I had almost 5 years ago.
Tonight’s meet and great while painting and sipping of course was everything. These women are like-minded, warm and I was myself from the beginning and didn’t feel the need to put on airs. I’ve been in group situations and you find yourself in the back and connect with maybe one another person, but not this group of women. Plus who can’t have a good time painting and sipping on wine?!
I am truly grateful for not backing out tonight. I’m super happy to have met these great women. As I drove him thinking of the night, a huge smile came on my face. I turned on my adult music, maybe I could let pre mom Toi out every now and again!! Just maybe!! Oh and who won a gift certificate for the next visit to Painting with a Twist?! Oh yeah!!
So it’s no secret that I don’t always make it to church. I would love to be there every week and do make an effort, but life happens and sometimes we miss the mark. Today I was able to get into the building. Today was the 100 year celebration of the church and school. It was a lot of people today. Standing room only type of crowd.
What I noticed most was this woman to my left who inspite of what everyone else was doing was tapping in for what she needed. Growing up I was always taught that if you can’t hear from the preacher, then maybe the choir will move you. If the choir won’t move you then maybe a greeting or hug will. I’ve been that woman in church today where life is going on but with tears streaming down my face I needed something more. I don’t pretend to know what that woman was praying, crying, or seeking for what I do know is I get it.
In the world of wants there will come a time where you will have a need. We all have had those times. You are no longer worried about the things that don’t matter as your mind and heart is bogged down that you shift your thoughts to only what you need. While you are in this mindset, you could care less who’s talking and why, who don’t like you or agree with you-you just have a need. Life has a way of humbling everyone to this place. Like that woman, you get quiet, and the issues of your heart start to overflow.
Learn to tap into what you need more often. We are taught to be not be selfish but you will have to learn to have selfish moments. This is why women and mothers struggle with the balance of giving and pulling back. The struggle of the word no is important. Doing more for others who need to do for themselves, being a support to someone when you need support, giving your last and never being able to receive in your time of need are all examples of times when we have to learn to not always give in but find what we actually need.
Today you need a nap-take it. Today you need a break-take it. You need a bill paid and no money in sight but you can shift some things around and be a better steward of your finances. You need companionship but you really need to find out who you are, what you need and that will guide what you want.
Like that woman who tuned the service out; tune out negative vibes, negative folks, even negativity that you bring to the table and focus!! This is why self-care and self-love is super important. Practicing this daily helps for when life knocks you down. You’re better equipped to be able to tap into your needs. When you’re off balance you have to be reminded of what’s important than if you had actually only focusing on the necessary things in life.
Yes and no. I am human. I have bad days and good days. I can be up emotionally up and ready to take on the world one minute and having to be put on the prayer list to get out of the bed the next.
Positivity is overwhelming when you only focus on the low moment. I have so many goals that I’m working on that even in the busy days I get extremely overwhelmed myself. My husband is probably the only one who sees my lowest moments. They can be small to severe. He’s a trooper. We’ve been together and as a team he knows what to say to snap me back. I also push to be positive. The world has enough negativity that I try not to add more to it.
I also have expressed that I’ve suffered from depression. I have been in my past on medication during post partum and I’ve gone to professional counseling. I was taught the tools to come out of a negative jam. Also honesty is the best policy. See the way my life is set up I don’t have time to wallow. But I get how you would be overwhelmed. You are looking through the lens of your own life and try to measure. Don’t do that. We have different paths. You have no idea what things I’ve been through to get to where I am. Never compare what you think you see. I’ve learned this the hard way. You will be super disappointed if you do.
This is why I blog. So you can change the lens and direct it from the inside out and not the other way around. Try writing what it is about your life that you don’t like. Put it on paper than write what your grateful for. Then make a plan for each thing that you are struggling with and then work your plan. In doing this alone you won’t have time to focus on others. People including me will be in your rearview mirrow instead of in front of your windshield. Change your perspective!!!
It’s a good thing to be overwhelming positive if I could describe what my life was like years ago, it might scare you!!
The only time we talk about gratefulness is around Thanksgiving. You hear everyone repeat what they are grateful for. If you come from a big family as I do, by the time Aunt Sally speaks her gratefulness you’re almost tapped out. Do you know the power of speaking what you are grateful for out loud? It refocuses what you have and less on what you don’t. It will renew your mind to go after what you don’t have without negativity. It will allow others around you to get good vibes as well. When you see grateful people they seem to smile more. There lives may be in shambles but they know that trouble don’t last always. They seem perkier. They seem almost too unreal. The reason they seem unreal is because the world is full of life suckers and negative vibes. Choose to be the light in a dark world. Sometimes a simple smile can do it for someone. I watched my kids energy in a simple Snapchat video and it reminded me to slow down and relax. Or when I see my daughter accomplish a goal she thought she couldn’t its gratefulness that makes me stop and reflect. I look and see the Vegas devastation and some of the stories of heroism or the stories of how a man lost his wife but he was grateful for her smile everyday. Can you say the same? Will someone look back at the time you were here and say, they were genuine and loved life? If not you can change it. Life sucks no doubt, but if you change the lens you will be able to conquer anything thrown.
So I’ll start it out for you, what are you grateful for?
I am grateful:
- My life
- My health
- My husband
- My kids
- My job
- Good credit
- No debt
- Ability to love
- Ability to receive love
- This day
- My friends
- For my grandparents still being alive
- For my nieces
- My siblings and siblings in love
- My parents
- For working my marriage
- For good food in my home
- For the ability to have gas in my car
- For healing
- For a sound mind
- Loving love
- Being quirky
- For loving to celebrate daily days
- Being an organized person
- For being creative
The list can go on for pages and pages, what are you grateful for? Speak it and sit back and enjoy the blessings that God gave you as you speak it and list it. It changes you when you learn to live from a grateful heart. Be grateful!
I respond to things that I am passionate about. The things that affect my here and now or my and my kids future. I respond to the petty things of the world sometimes and have to remind myself constantly to use ear muffs. No my ears aren’t cold but they need to be shielded. Sometimes we yell ear muffs to our kids and they know that means cup them ears mommy or daddy needs to express adult content.
For adults the same technique sometimes needs to be used. You are in control of what you entertain. You are in control of what you allow to get into your spirit. You’re an adult. You have the ability to end the things that no longer serve you. You have the ability to say no to images, sounds, and social media that do not line up with preserving you. You have a right not to argue and debate a fool who will not listen to anything you or anyone else has to say. You can be pulled in but as an adult you control the stops in your life. You have to be willing to look wrong sometimes. You have to be willing to look off when someone wants to engage you and you know it will lead no where.
Even on social media. I told you about the time I allowed myself to be pulled into a debate. Even though I felt I was being targeted or the person was saying things about my kids for one, I still had a right to end it early and deal with that person face to face. So you have the same power. You have to evoke ear muffs to shield the very things that will cause you to be upset. Anything that takes space in your mind that has you thinking of it for more than an hour that isn’t something centered around making you better, putting food on your table, getting you that much closer to your destiny-cut it off. Disengage on social media, stop hanging around the family and friends who do not mean you well, stop arguing with your mate and getting no where, find another job so every day you aren’t crying in the parking lot or miserable at your place of employment. Control the parts of your life that you can. Trust me I have been in that place before. It tears your spirit down. Activate your ear muffs so you can hear what you need to do, where you need to be, and how you are going to get there. You don’t have time to entertain things that don’t build you.
So for quite some time I’ve been seeing Shake Shack and never went. I would say everytime how I was going to stop but didn’t. So on a random Friday as this past Friday was, I decided why not?
Soooo. I get there and the menu is big but yet small enough so my anxiety doesn’t kick in. Oh and I went by myself. I’m on this whole push to do the things I want even if I go by myself. Soooooooo I ventured out. I grabbed my keys and went. Now I’m glad I decided to go to the one near Drexel University especially since I work on a campus already the atmosphere was more laid back. It was extremely busy. I enjoyed watching the students playing games, talking, and enjoying the 80 degree weather.
So happiness sunk in and I was ready. I ordered the vegetarian burger or the Shroom burger which is a fried portobello mushroom, melted muenster cheese, with lettuce, tomato and shake sauce. I added their to die for fries and a salted caramel milkshake with pretzel and I was in heaven. Like eating it made me feel like I was in a whole other place!
Now let me say what I liked about the experience:
1. Fast service-they give you one of those light up wait your turn line lights
2. Friendly staff-funny story so the cashier was super nice and trying to hit on me. No offense taken but he couldn’t get my name right so I said Toi. When I went to pay he looked at my debit card and saw my name but more importantly he saw my husband and kids picture on it and have a look of damn. It was hilarious!!
3. College atmosphere-with working on a campus it gives me constant nostalgia. Makes me miss my Penny Packer crew!
4. Fries-I almost went back and took that 20 minute drive. They are that good.
5. That shake-they ain’t the Shake Shack for nothing; complete bliss!!
For my parents this is not a spot I would regularly take my little ones. In the words of my Cousin Mark this is much too premium for children unless it’s a special event. My meal alone was 17 dollars which ain’t breaking the bank but this is an indulgence that is strictly a Mom thing only! Well at least for me it will be.
I can’t wait to go back again. I really want another shake. It was worth the drive! Thanks to the staff at the Drexel University Shake Shack who were over the top pleasant and made my first experience one to remember.
So today’s weather was amazing. The sun was shinning and to put it lightly it was hella hot. So other than watching my son’s soccer game, the Storr family headed to the Fall Fest.
Fall Fest has turned into a yearly indulgence. This year the whole family attended as I have been known to take the kids and have a great time. My husband is not a fan of outdoor events. I used to get super upset but nope I will pack the kids and continue with my plans. He came along and from the looks of it he may have had a good time. There are a lot of activities for the whole family. From oversized games such as Connect Four, to Chess to singing for the kids and of course Fall favorites such as Fall beer flavors and all the comfort food you can have. I elected to make a Whole Foods stop before attending to cut down on eating too many comfort foods. Plus I wanted to see how low the prices had actually dropped there. I know you know Whole Foods has merged with Amazon. I was pleasantly surprised.
However there is always room for a little beer and I made sure I had at least one and I enjoyed the hell out of it. My goal was to just get out, enjoy the weather, and spend some time with my family and the goal definitely achieved.
As Fall approaches it’s going to be important and find free events in your city to attend. This event was free besides the food and drinks. For me all it cost was less than 30 for a full day of fun. Well worth it if you ask me.
Enjoy all of the Fall activities you can!!