The Gift of Friendship

When I was deep in my postpartum depression I would cut off my friends.  Right after the birth of my son after moving from Lancaster to Philadelphia I felt isolated.  I was isolated because in my mind I had told myself that this move was only less than 2 hours away and that it wouldnt’ change anything. I was wrong.  I was blinded by having my family under one roof that I didn’t consider a few things.

One of the biggest things was the lack of support. I had my immediate family and one of my best cousins and my friend that I didn’t think that would change. I thought I have a car I and I could get in it and see them anytime I wanted.  My oldest was super easy in how I traveled with her that I never took into account how much more harder it would be to travel with 2 kids would be.  For a day trip it took me the day before prep and an hour just to get them into the car with everything that was needed that often times I elected not to travel.  That in itself also made it hard on me because then I would be upset that I couldn’t travel as often.  So after getting past that blow I would get the kids together and go. Trust me the come back was harder.  I felt comfortable being in Lancaster and I would take a day or two to adjust to the pressures that I was under and having these little people who needed me.

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The other issue is that I didn’t have a network of my own friends in Philadelphia.  I love my husband’s friends but they were his not mine. I didn’t want to have them as my friends on the strength of them being nice to me because of him. He and his friends had history that I didn’t have.  I didn’t want to be the wife of his and they extend some type of olive branch because we were together. I am the type of person who has friends on mutual respect, great closeness and I no longer felt that way since my access to my network had changed. I pushed the long distance ones away too because it didn’t feel the same.  I learned through this season that this was the wrong way to approach things.  Not only that so was sitting in the house day in and day out wasn’t the best way to meet anyone. So I was stuck and miserable for years like this.

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Thank goodness my friends were forgiving and understanding as only one ever knew what was happening.  Only one of them had the sense to address me on it and call me out. I appreciate that.  That isn’t a dig to anyone so don’t take it as such.  Not many of them saw me when I would have outbursts. I did well in open environments and to this day this is one of the reason why I do NOT like pop ups.  I need to prepare for visits.  It’s not personal it’s that I know what I need and I make others respect it even if they don’t like it. I am not ashamed of that.

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I learned how to love myself, how to show love and most importantly how to let others in.  I learned that I didn’t have to carry everything alone and that support looks different when you don’t hold on to the ideologies of what its supposed to be.  Change is hard but in change you find that the ones who have your back won’t change.

Cherish your friendship.  As you progress through various stages of life, some friend will drop off.  There’s nothing you can do about that.  Show love and support no matter how far and near your friends are who have been in your corner through it all.  Know that disagreements and bumps in the road are to be expected.  Remain respectful at all times. If a friendship does end make sure you try to work it out.  Don’t throw a whole friendship over an emotional off the bat without calming down, talking it out, and attempting to make peace.

To all of my girlfriends who have nurtured me and have stood the test of time, I salute you!!!!! Thank you for being amazing women to me during these years.  I pray I can continue to sprinkle the same love your way for the years to come!

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Weekly Recap: Friday October 13, 2017

Happy Friday the 13th.  Cue in the scary movie noise! I do not, let me repeat like scary movies but I am going to a scary movie premiere tonight for an amazing artist with Basement Bartle Productions; You Die First so y’all just pray my strength in the Lord.  I am a PK (preachers kid) to the bone and just recently got the courage to go out on Halloween night.  I know it sounds crazy but any of my other PKs would totally understand.

So let’s recap this week!

Personal Goals

This week has been fulfilling and tiring to say the least but that’s how life hits when you’re having fun, right?  Right. So as you know and should have read I spent one amazing weekend in Miami with friends.  I had the time of my life.  Read about it if you haven’t done so already.  However what I forget to say is that I also sprained my ankle. My husband says it happened while standing on tables dancing. I say let’s go with that if it will make it more interesting.  My dancing on table days are beyond over, but I did have a great time.

Shout out to my little brother who celebrated an amazing 29th birthday.  Yes he is my little brother even at 29.  He’s still my little baby boo and I wish him an amazing year as he ends his last years in his 20s.  Oh to be young again!

I was able to catch up on my dental appointment which as always is A1.  Which brings me to a few questions for my readers-its almost the end of 2017 and if you haven’t had the following (where applicable) you need to get on it:

  1. Physical/Check up
  2. Dental Exam
  3. Eye Exam
  4. Obgyn/Gyncological Exam
  5. Urology Exam
  6. Mammogram
  7. Blood work up
  8. Nutritionist
  9. All follow-up exams/appointments

Do not make an excuse.  Your health issues or potential ones you don’t know about doesn’t go away just because you don’t go and see about it.  Your health is your wealth.  Healthy bodies and minds are necessary to navigate in this world.  Often our failure to attack things head on prolongs our ability to fix it or get an answer.  So be vigilant and get those in your home and you care about to do the same.  I have a calendar to keep my family on track.  Everyone in my home after this month will be up to date with everything to end the year healthy.  Also if you believe in them get a flu shot especially for the elderly, the young, and those with compromised immune systems.

Blog Goals

So we had a busy week. I love blogging, it’s never a chore to me or for me.  I get asked how do you blog as often as you do, take care of you and your family, work a full-time job and still find time to socialize?  It’s called balance and perspective and saying no when I can’t do anymore.

This week we covered a lot, my blogs overwhelmingly positive, what is support, my Miami girls trip, the Blackish episode on postpartum, sexting, and finally keeping it clean-and it’s not what you think.  Catch up ToiTime

Upcoming Events

I have another 5k coming up in November.  So the training doesn’t stop.  I had to wrap my ankle and be creative with working out but I look forward to getting back into the gym and now the track with some fellow runners starting this weekend.  Won’t he do it?! I have been feeling heavy sitting during my lunch period.  It’s weird how I never wanted to be a gym rat until I became one, but gym really is life.

I also will be full swing into my blogiversary prep.  Can you believe it?  3 years is coming November 1st and we celebrate all month-long.  So be on the look out. I want to do it bigger and better every year.

Just like in the last update its time to shift into holiday mood. I have so many blogs on what to do during the holidays that I will be doing a lot of reposting and focusing more fresh blogs on the mental and emotional aspect of how to survive the holidays.  Fall and Winter are the crucial times for depression I want to make sure you are covered with ways to handle that and the anxiety that comes along with all of that over what sweater to wear and what not to drink at the holiday party.

So stick around. Follow me on Facebook 

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Welcome To Miami

Well as promised here is my recap of an amazing girls trip.  I have been to Miami several times and not once have I ever had a bad time.  Let ms say that fun was had by all.  We went to celebrate my friend Cheryl’s 37th birthday. I think she had a good birthday.  Shout out to the friends who weren’t able to make it this time, I am sure there will be other opportunities.  You were missed!

So I wont detail every moment but I will hit you with the highlights.  One this was my first time traveling on Jet Blue Airways.  They have the best snacks.  Southwest used to be my go to for flights with their snack boxes but as you know they switched out the snacks for free luggage.  Now yes I paid the 25 for the luggage on Jet Blue but the flight attendants were awesome and the snacks were even better.  So it was a win-win for me. The airlines are rolling a new program that for the folks that want to fly budget, it will cost you.  For one you have to pay for your luggage to be checked and you are ONLY allowed one carry on that must fit under the seat.  Which means like a handbag or one small bag not a suitcase of any sort.  Do not be fooled when I tell you they mean business.  If you show up trying to go through with a bag larger than a handbag or more than one they will immediately check it at a price to you.  So either get that above budget seat because the use of overhead compartments for budget seating is not happening.

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Once off our flight, the humidity hit us so super hard.  It was a bit overwhelming.  It’s been years since I have had to use an asthma pump but I thought I might need it.  No stopping team no sleep was in full effect. We were all over the South beach strip eating, drinking and laughing.  Later that night we ventured off to Liv Miami.  The guest of the night was none other than Dj Khaled.  We were in the front of the action.  Let me say, he really is his own hype man.  It’s not just something he does on television.  He believes in his brand and makes others believe in it too.  I also had the pleasure of meeting @Lalasizahands89.  She was super nice.  If you don’t know her follow her on Instragam at that handle and you won’t be disappointed.  Word to the wise she ain’t for the stuffy so head over at your own risk.

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The next day after we got in at 6am, yes 6am we got some rest and started up for another adventure. It’s been years definitely prekid days of coming in before the sun came up.  I had a blast.  We decided to do one of those double-decker bus tours of Miami Beach area. It was great.  We zoomed past Usher and Diddy’s house. I did my little “take that” dance as we rolled past.  It was good to see the city so high up off the ground. It definitely gave a better perspective than just walking.  The tour guide was super awesome.  We had to rush home because after stopping at Bubba Gumps restaurant, shopped and did some more walking and drinking we had to hurry to get to our reservation for Drinkhouse Fire and Ice Lounge.  This was probably the highlight of my trip.  It was hella cold in there.  Of course we had the fur coats, socks, and fur boots because let’s face it, frost bite is not of the Lord but the dancing, drinks and fun was super amazing.  However the entire room is full of ice.  It was magical with the lights changing colors and the drinks out of you guessed it, ice cups.

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Overall the trip was fun. It was good to get away.  It’s always good to celebrate daily and why not take a trip to celebrate a birthday if you can.  I definitely would recommend going to Miami. The culture is amazing.  I learned a lot more on this trip than in previous years.  You could see minimal damage from the Hurricane but they are making it better. We had nothing but great hospitality, great food, even better drinks, and a renewed sense of friendship.  To the next girl’s trip!!!!

Weekly Recap: October 5, 2017

So let’s recap what has been going on in the last week.  I want to send a special love and prayers to all of the victims and their families of the Las Vegas shooting.  I can’t begin to imagine what families are doing to wrap their minds and hearts around all of this.  This is being called the worst shooting massacre of all time.  That is crazy that in 2017 we have people having the ability to get ahold of that much high artillery and murder.  I am not anti guns I am for some type of reforms to change.

Personal Goals

I want to think every single reader who read my two blogs from the past weekend.  I raised good money for the Light the Night Foundation as well as had good time in my 5k race.  That in of itself is a blessing.  This time last year I was overweight and miserable in my own skin.  This year through hard work I am keeping my weight under control and running more races.  Thank you for all of the support. It’s important for me to be transparent throughout this whole transformation.  Losing the weight on the outside isn’t anything compared to losing the weight on the inside.

Shout out to my kids’ school for celebrating 100 years opened.  They go to a Catholic school and in Philadelphia where schools are closing left and right, that is a huge ordeal.  My kids enjoyed being on live television and the celebration will continue into this month.

Blog Goals

We are still pushing content even with a busy life.  Won’t he do it.  I am gearing up for next month’s blogiversary.  Trying to continue securing prizes, etc and deals for my followers.  If you haven’t already it would be in your best interest to be following me on my ToiTime Facebook Page

This is where a lot of my updates will be.  I will not be making each update via a blog.  Announcements and things to watch will be on the page and you don’t want to miss a thing.  We gave away a lot of prizes last year as well as had discounts on great products to help set your new year up.  I try to focus on every area, single, married, parent support, weight, and job searches so that we can be a better version of ourselves.  So click the link, and follow along.

If you missed any of this week’s blogs than you missed about the Light the Night walk, the Sweat with your Sole 5/10K, how to ace your job review, adult but not grown, emotional health, an Ask Toi about being too positive and lastly about being grateful.  So as always you need to catch up at ToiTime

Upcoming Events

I will be traveling this weekend and am making myself limited.  I have set up on my Facebook page some alerts and things to be mindful of ahead of time.  I will be away on a girls trip that as always I will blog about.  In the meantime make sure you enjoy your weekend and if you are off for the Columbus Day holiday, remember to set your goals for the week.  The hustle doesn’t stop on vacation.  It gets stronger so there are more vacations to be had.

I am also still very much working out and getting my life.  I have a race in November to prepare for again and remember my small goals one being Halloween costume fitting.  Halloween is at the end of the month so I will be ready to slay this year.  No more crazy looks from last year.

As the holidays began to roll in I will give my suggestions on how to stay sane.  Another issue with the holidays is being booed up or if you’re being cuffed during cuffing season.  It’s a thing. Let me remind my married folks on a side note, please stop acting as if you don’t remember the days when you were missing the embrace of a fine woman or man.  Married folks kill me at times with their amnesia.  People want to be in a relationship but haven’t found one they want to invest in.  Let’s not look down on them because of that.

 

With that in mind I am leaving this blog here for your memory on this #TBT:

Oldie but goodie
Have a great weekend and more blogs to follow next week and we will start out with a Sunday message.  I missed last week because the pain in my legs was messing with me to the point where recovery was my only option!

Fall Workout/Weight Goals

So Fall is going to be here in a few days.  Yes. So I can stop hearing all of those complaining folks talking about relax.  Nope now you can go and relax.  Let people live. Let the Fall lovers have their time I don’t want to have to Kanye anyone over my favorite holiday but I will.  I digress. Anyway with the Fall fast approaching I have made some new Fall work out/weight loss goals that I believe will help others too.  Fall is the beginning of cuffing season as well as it’s the comfort food season. People will start making pies, cookies, mac and cheese, and before you know it 10 pounds have snuck up on you.  To combat the heavier weight problems I have made up my personal goals that takes the edge off of everything.

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I am breaking all of the Fall holidays into smaller goals.  My overall goal is to maintain the weight I am in and by New Years not have to make a lose weight goal. Yes that means being at my goal weight and keeping it off.  That in itself is a full-time goal.  However if I look at the whole goal it may be too intimidating so here is how I am breaking up my goals.

September Goal

I have a walk and a 5K at the end of the month.  So all month-long, I have been working out.  I started out 3 days a week but as the month quickly ends I have been hitting the gym EVERYDAY.  This means when I am sick, when the weather is gloomy, nothing is stopping me from the workout.  This has helped as I have noticed how much stronger I have gotten.  This will help me on the run as I do not want to be the last one running.  I want to be able to come out of that race with pride.  I also have a girls trip the first weekend in October.  Because of the closeness of the dates I will be good to go as I know I will indulge in some food that weekend too.  My hope is we do a lot of walking.  If not I will have to do like I do at home on the weekends and work out with the things that are around us.  No I could care less if it’s just one weekend. I worked out just fine when I went to Chicago for my birthday so this girls trip will be no different.  I woke up when others was sleep and did what I had to do.

The only issue I am facing is that with my hysterectomy surgery I find the swelly belly thing to be irritating.  It happens that when you do too much your belly swells.  I can wake up with a flat belly and by end of day or if I work out too much which I do everyday now I look 2 months pregnant. It’s annoying but I will work right through it until I heal fully and that stops.

October Goal

This goal is to look good in my Halloween costume.  Now please note yes I have already ordered it, have it and it fits. That isn’t the issue. It is making sure I look great in it.  Last year I was a girl Mario Brother.  It was cute but wearing it in the plus size section had me feeling super upset.  I looked like I was squeezed into it at that.  OMG.  Not this year.  I am going to be looking sleek and refined in my costume.  I ordered and have a medium and that in itself coming from a size 14 to a 8 is a blessing.  I will share my photos when Halloween comes.  I am not knocking plus size women, however I know for a fact that is not the size I was supposed to be.  Last year I was being lazy, and eating just to eat.  I wasn’t working out like I should have and the result was easily seen.  So this year I will be stepping out and looking like I should.

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November Goal

Thanksgiving is on the rise. I have already put in my holiday orders with my baker. Seriously I have.  I will be baking things on my own but there is something nice when you can take the edge off and pay someone else and get good stuff to share at the holiday luncheons and dinners.  That isn’t even adding all of the great holiday and winter drinks that I have recipes for, others make, and are going to be advertised….So now that my bakery orders are all in order I want to be able to not look like the turkey this year.  Have you ever looked at holiday pictures and been like Lawd, why didn’t someone tell me I looked like that?  I have and that will not be me this year.  I will look cute and ready to eat and not like I ate already and need to be pushing the vegetable truck this year.  I seriously love the way clothes fit on me now.  I have been able to remove the big clothes out of my closet and I have gotten a few cute pieces.  Once you get a dose of confidence after seeing your hard work, its hard to think about going backwards.

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These 3 goals will keep me until Christmas.  This Christmas I want to wear a cute Christmas pajama.  Christmas pajamas is always a serious thing.  Actually all of the holiday pajamas is a serious thing. I already ordered the kids Halloween pajamas and have them hanging in their closet.  I am not one for last-minute anything.  With that in mind the whole family always wears cute pajamas I just always snap the kids only.  Not this year I will be in the pictures with my cookies in tow.  I do not plan to stop eating my favorites. I plan on eating them in moderation.  A little, not the whole thing of anything. I have been really good with portion control and during the Fall when it gets colder I plan on keeping it hot in what I do and how I look this Fall.

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So your goals may not mimic mine but as you can see you can make monthly goals.  We all need something we can attain to.  For me its making sure I continue to look great as the holidays start to roll in.  Having a monthly goal and something I can work towards works for me.  It takes the edge off of the whole I want to have a great end goal of going into the New Year right and keeps me accountable.  Plus you know all of the get togethers, fall parties, potlucks, are all destined to try to take me out but I am aware of it all and ready to knock them out with some healthy dishes to share.