Meatless and Surviving

So I decided to go meatless this week. Like for real no meat this whole week. I did so great that now the debate is will I add meat back in?! I decided to do this once a month in preparation for my fall runs and races. However between a few friends and a few blogs I follow and I have been fulfilled and eating too good.

I think when you tell yourself you aren’t going to have something the more you want it. All the food I’ve made this week has had me in my bag. Everyone who knows me knows I meal prep all year long. Even my family meals, because it ensures that we can eat dinner and meals within reason. I would encourage everyone to meal prep. Although it’s a lot of work to cut and prep and cook food ahead of time the wins during the week surpass anything I could think. I’ve been meal prepping since I returned to work from being a stay at home mom a few years ago! It started with wanting my kids to have the same level of home cooked meals they had when I was home with them all day!

So how strong has the meat demon been on my back?! Hella strong. I was making my family’s plates like Lawd let me touch just one piece but nope I would just say no and fix my plate with my selections and I was fine. My kids asked me if I was going to be a vegetarian all my life?! I let them know I’m not sure but I’m not dieting at all just replacing things to live a healthy lifestyle and of course I offered them a few bites but nope they wouldn’t bite. I’m going to tell my other food is super healthy and see if they leave me selections alone. It’s worth a try!!

So the reason I decided I was going meatless is it was a suggestion from a friend of mine who is training for her Fall runs. We run together and I was talking to her about my goals. I have so many on my calendar that I want to make sure I’m super ready. When I’m preparing for runs I find my body weight won’t change but how lean I appear looks more refined in the Fall then the Summer!!

So instead of allowing the meat demon roll up on me, I listened to a few of my friends and my meals have been great. I’ll keep you updated should I continue this journey more than one week in a month but for now I reign victor!!

Shout out to Quorn I swear there food was awesome all week I had such variety and I know meatless shouldn’t taste good or at least I thought, but this brand hands down can take all my money it’s so good!!

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Ask Toi: How do I deal with my Parents thinking I’m not following old school parenting with my own kids?!

This is multilayered. This could have come up if you’re making comments about new school parenting is better. It can come up if you do something that an old school parent thinks is too new school. It could come up if you ask for advice from old school parent but then do the opposite.

Depending on when it comes up is how you proceed. There’s no doubt that old school parents believe and hold to their old school values. That can be from diapering to discipline. So if you are stating how better the new school way is better often times old school parents hear “you think you’re a better parent,” or they hear, “you think my ways are wrong.”

If the argument of who is better comes up during a time when the new school parent does something in front of an old school parent that could mess with the new school parent and you think you’re not good enough. You may feel pressure for approval and it can mess you up if you aren’t feeling it. If you ever ask an old school parent advice and then don’t take it, it could come off as a “why you ask?!” This is probably the most irritating interactions.

So here’s the thing:

1. Parenting is subjective: you won’t ever get to the point where you feel 100% feel that you are quite finding your rhythm and old school parents are super high fiving you! It would be nice but not everyone has that happy mesh.

2. Old school and new old school ways are within you. You will fuse them but only how much depends on you.

3. Try not to take everything said to heart. Between your own parents and finding your way and the world with their long laundry list of to dos and not to do it will be hard to find your actual way. It’s okay!

4. Trust your instinct-this is hard but necessary

When I had my first child she was born 6 weeks early and had to stay a few days in the NICU. I was fortunate that it wasn’t a longer stay. I relied on my own mother to guide me. She gave me basic parenting skills. However my child had a lot of health issues therefore I had to rely on the doctors for a lot that first couple of years. Probably more than I would have all things considered. A lot of folks was knocking me for it. I trusted my instinct, and did some give and take with those around me. I pushed through! You’re not choosing one side over the over. You’re choosing what you need to feel successful in parenting. Also it’s okay that old school won’t agree. Parenting comes with thick skin. Take things with a grain of salt. No the things that our parents did when we were younger will work now, times have changed but what’s the same is wanting better for your child, keeping them safe and healthy, and working hard to provide. Be gentle with yourself but stand strong in your decisions.

National Girlfriends Day

Happy national girlfriends day to all of my girlfriends. Girlfriends make life that much better! They are understanding, real, and dependable. They are the glue in your life that you never knew you needed.

When I was in my 20s I used to say things about keeping my circle small because I didn’t want to deal with drama from other females. Truth moment is that the one who was about the drama was me. My relationships with females had more to do with me than what others were capable of doing. Family you don’t choose but friends you do. Anyone I attracted was a reflection and is a reflection of who I am! I’ve taken full responsibility of that today. I was warned many a day about it and was super blind! However as I mature some relationships don’t carry that much weight as they did back in the day!

My girlfriends mean the world to me. Each have different functions but all of them are super dear to me. They are some of the most encouraging people I’ve met. They make me feel like I can do anything. They keep me accountable. I am a better woman, because of my girlfriends. I would like to thank them and they know who they are!

If you are lucky to have good girlfriends nurture those relationships. Spend time, remember special days, be there for them, celebrate them, hold their hand when they need it, and be their biggest cheerleaders! Girlfriends are like diamonds in that they are truly rare! Cherish them and send them a message today of all days letting them know how much they mean to you! Don’t take for granted their place in your life!

Happy National Girlfriends Day!!!

Love is….Making Room

So it’s another episode of Love Is. Let me say my recap is going to offend some but I’m not holding back.

Nuri and Yasir are getting super close and spending a lot of time together. They look like the perfect couple! However major red flags. As much as I love the realness of their relationship let me say, if I was in the dating world right now, I’m quite sure I would be in the sex store because my tolerance for some of this behavior I tolerated from the men I dated in my 20s could not and would not be tolerated now!

  • Yasir has a job! Thank the lord for employment. A man without a job is a hard pill to swallow. Only a woman who truly loves you will ride the unemployment rodeo but for so long!
  • Kudos to Nuri having the ability to support her man BUT ladies do not ever silence your voice to make your man feel like a man. He needs to be able to have his light next to yours without feeling a certain way! Period! This is not up for discussion!
  • Valentine’s Day foolery-Yasir doesn’t believe in it and Nuri does but like some women she muted that desire to make sure Yasir didn’t feel a certain way! This is a huge no no! Whatever you allow in the beginning and it’s not genuine you will lose in the end! Be honest with yourself and your new boo!
  • New love is great but lying in any way will lead down the wrong road!
  • Not all Hotep men, but some use intellect as the hustle. As articulate as Yasir is his demeanor is off putting. Not just based on my personal experiences, but be careful with any man who is a smooth talker. That smooth talk is the game. If a man is not sincere they will use that smooth talk to gain a place in your heart but will leave you lacking! Guard yourself!
  • Yasir thanks to Sean redeemed himself by making room, he finally found a way to come back to Nuri, and celebrate Valentine’s Day! Had Nuri been clear he would have had no choice to either shit or get off the pot! Relationships should be give and take and never one sided!
  • Yasir spent Valentine’s Day initially with Ruby! Technically he went home aka Ruby’s house and Ruby finally let Yasir know that she put the work into him and Nuri basically came in and reaped the benefits. Men are not projects if your man isn’t making moves it could be you are not the one he wants to make moves with. It’s sucks and maybe it hurts to hear but no truer words ever said! Stop investing years to a man who will not give you what you need. Yasir is making moves with Nuri because he loves Nuri! He was stagnant with Ruby because he no longer wanted to be!
  • Next week looks like an episode of Love and Hip Hop. So we shall see! Until then be careful with love, make sure that the person you are falling for is making room for you too!
  • Sunday Message: Keeping your Spirit Elevated

    Now let me be clear being in high spirits is important. It’s the ability to move past how you feel even when you have low moments. It also means at moments when you fail, moments when you lose or experience loss, elevating your spirit is a necessary life skill. It takes a lot of energy to keep your spirit in tact. But the benefit of having your emotions pull on you which if unchecked can allow you to make bad decisions is necessary.

    Elevating shouldn’t only be in happy times

    If you’re peace and happiness can be altered only during great times you may need to reconsider that you have more work to do. Let’s not act like life doesn’t happen and any one of us can feel defeated, be defeated, or plain old need to retreat, but for the most part how we respond to the situations actually helps or hinders us! One of the things that separates the successful is that they don’t give up. That didn’t meant they didn’t have failure! They failed and kept their spirit in tact and kept pressing.

    Check your thoughts

    Even when you make mistakes your mind will keep replaying it over and over again like a broken record player. For millennials, it’s the equivalent of having a website buffer over and over again. You can’t get past or even elevate your thoughts if you allow negative thoughts to over take you. It’s counter productive if you’re trying to do better or be better in your life. You can acknowledge you could have done better or even find places where different choices is key but to beat yourself up mentally will not help you to the next phase. Check your thoughts. If someone played your thoughts on a large screen would you be proud of what they saw? Would you be okay with someone talking to in the same way? If not don’t talk to you like that and especially in your mind!

    Plans change but it doesn’t have to break you

    The perception of what you think you will do or want to do is great. It can set you up to move towards a goal. Keep in mind that it when things change or plans are altered even in the midst of your own foolishness it was necessary. We dwell on what should or could have happened.

    I was supposed to be married by age…..

    I was supposed to be working at abc company……

    I was supposed to have a child by now….

    These things can on the surface be a statement of acknowledging where we thought we would be but there is a small slope when we allow it to overtake us and then we go into pity party mode. Elevate. What are your new thoughts? What can you do to make new goals? What brings pure joy into your life on the daily? What can you do to help someone?

    Acknowledge pain but don’t let pain reign in your body, mind, and definitely not in your spirit. Find ways to bring your thoughts higher! This may mean you getting to your higher power! Elevate from negativity by constantly cleansing from the inside out. You can’t elevate with hate in your heart! You can’t elevate while being mean to others. Work from the inside out, change your thoughts, pray or meditate daily, write in your journal, change those who you call friends, practice self care, and be vigilant about where you spend time whether with those who you are around, social media, etc.!

    Love is…Unbalanced

    Nuri and Yasir are getting hot and heavy. If ever there was the best part of a new relationship is when two people become sexually one. It’s invigorating and very intense. Love is a great thing but you don’t have to have an awesome love life, and suffer in your profession or vice versa. Also new love is good but don’t let it get you caught off guard:

    However let’s dive into a few things that set off a few alarms outside of the bedroom:

    • Porcelain Doll: it reminds me of Chrisette Michele’s Porcelain Doll song where she talks about how she is tired of doing the most for the man such as dressing for him the way he wants just because… My own husband has his preferences and I would be lying if I would say I don’t indulge them here and there but a doll I am not! That wear this and that especially where Nuri isn’t comfortable in pulling it off is a red flag for me! If the person you are with makes suggestions and you are comfortable than by all means but don’t play these games with no man and compromise yourself
    • Friendship- this principle where friends do whatever without a thought of how actions matter has to stop. Although Angela isn’t wrong in getting the script how she handled the situation was off base. You know when you have said or done something wrong to your friend. Don’t throw salt in the fire by playing it cool as if you’re not aware of the pain that you have caused.
    • Early 90s the notion that gay men or down low men are riddled with HIV or AIDS was a real thing in the way people thought. There are a few that still think that today. Please educate yourself in knowing that it’s up to you to protect yourself. If you know a man who is on the down low confront that man without giving him an opportunity to out himself. We all need to know our status no matter our sexual orientation and married or single get tested. Be vigilant about your sexual health. Oh and men gay or not and women too who are sexually active run the risk of having a STD!
    • So we all know Yasir doesn’t have a job but….. the availability of being at Nuri side every other second, is a bit much for me. I remember being in college when I dated my boyfriend who is my now husband and missing classes, ditching work, skipping out on events just to be with one another. It was cute. However the best part of our relationship has been when we both had had our own identities and then came together. Although this works for Nuri and Yasir for now if you have a new love make yourself get some balance.
    • Yasir has seen Nuri in a funk. He calls a spade a spade and she is relentless to hear him. She was able to hold her position for quite some time and that’s called holding a grudge. Some can do it better than others but Yasir hit it on the head by giving her the advice she needed instead of what she wanted to hear. Vulnerability isn’t always easy to take in.
  • This is the week of unbalance and hopefully the balance is coming but by the looks of next week’s episode, I’m not too sure!
  • Love is…Intense

    Tonight was on one. As I always like for you to go back and rewatch, these are my thoughts and reactions:

    • Nuri knew damn well she shouldn’t have gone on that ski trip. Keith wanted to hit. Men ain’t inviting you to read scripture. It’s definitely understood. And before you hit me with the whole women don’t have to give it up we know that already. It’s just not the first thing that comes to mind
    • When Keith gave Nuri that Keith’s girl sweater, I literally died on the inside. Nuri wearing that sweater was a sign of when women settle.
    • Spoiler alert: Keith confesses to being gay. There is nothing wrong with choosing a life that you want, but back in this time it was even more taboo to “come out.” But let me say I wasn’t ready but I wasn’t surprised
    • Angela told Nuri right, never put another woman in a position to be fighting etc over a man. Nuri feels so desperate that she’s willing to “call” Yasir but let’s not forget he has a “roommate.”
    • Keith who by the way was high and drinking now wants to back peddle his gay confession. Let me help a few folks out, two people who don’t lie and that’s children and a drunk! Keith meant that and wants Nuri as his beard!
    • Angela is that friend you need. I’m more than willing to do what I can but I accept gift cards too
    • Yasir reminds Nuri that he made space for her and it’s true! Nuri I’m true fashion hit him in the one area he has a deficit in and that’s his lack of employment
    • Nuri goes to the place where Yasir and Rubi share but handles herself in a classy way
    • The end, all I’m saying is Janet Jackson got some definite sexy hits. I’m about to hit up Amazon prime for bulk candles, and a soft rug!
  • Well until next time, just know that the ups and downs of love is worth it for the one that is for you. Love isn’t always as clean as we want it to be! It’s definitely worth it!!