Ask Toi: What do you think of Meek Mill saying women need to take wigs off in 2019?

A reader wanted to know my thoughts so here we go:

Meh. A man telling a woman about hair is neither here nor there to be honest. Meek can have any opinion he wants. He has a right to voice that opinion but Meek isn’t a hair dresser or someone of an authority of hair so I saw what he said and kept scrolling. I don’t follow him and he doesn’t influence me one way nor another. It doesn’t mean I don’t like his music.  I do like his music but as a fan of music I don’t allow celebrities that I don’t feel have authority on a topic to speak into my life-like that.

meek mill

Who knows why he said it? It could be a dig on his past love Nicki.  It could be encouragement for women to embrace natural hair or healthy hair. Either way what he said didn’t give me life. As a woman who is natural and has had a perm and a weave at points in my life, my hair will be whatever I choose. I am grateful for being diverse and it is what it is. He like many other men state they don’t want a lot of things and still gravitate towards them so when he stop messing with women with wings and weaves than maybe I will take what he says into consideration.

End of the day any woman who is with him should be of concern to him.  I know folks gonna email me with the “even if I was dating” comments. Listen what’s best for you. I never allowed folks that I was dating to dictate to me how my hair was worn. I cut my hair off when I dated my (boyfriend) husband back in the day and he hates short hair. He is still here so end of day preference shouldn’t dictate a person but you can consider them if you are at least married to them. But hair advice from men who don’t know a lick of hair and would smash someone with wig in hand if their ass was big enough, can have a seat!

That’s my thoughts on that one…..

Ladies do you!

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Meet India Green of Naturally Indy; Urban Glow Cosmetics

I had the elite pleasure of meeting this super star of self-care and natural care guru when my oldest had her pining ceremony for Girl Scouts. Her poise and beauty intrigued me and I knew I had to bring her to my ToiTime followers.  Urban Glow Cosmetics is a unisex handmade natural skin care to enhance that natural glow. So what does a college student, a budding entrepreneur, and altogether natural beauty have to teach us?

Let’s meet CEO and founder of Urban Glow Cosmetics, India and find out……

I wanted to know what made this Junior college student majoring in Media Studies and Production Major with a certificate in Event Leadership and entrepreneur want to make her start? Why natural care products?

I have always had a passion for natural products, since I went completely natural in regards to my hair. The more I learned about my hair’s health, I realized that your hair is a reflection of your overall health and using chemically based skin care has no benefits to your skin, hair or body! I want my hair and skin to reflect my lifestyle and I saw a hole in the market and decided that I would fill it. As many “natural” skincare companies as you may see, believe it or not some contain unnatural ingredients or are just too expensive. Urban Glow Cosmetics targets college students especially with our affordable products and are easily accessible. Outside of college campuses, we aim to restore self-care practices in the lives of both women and men. 

When I was in college especially one that didn’t cater to the needs of African-American students, the only real stores were on campus or our local Wal-mart.  Often times the disconnect on what we needed and what was available was slim pickings. I would find that often times as a student back in the early 2000 before I realized anything about natural hair care or skin products, students would just wait for a break or find a student on campus that would be kitchen chemists or hair dressers. I am glad that India realizes the market here for Temple students and beyond.

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I know with anything in life nothing comes easy.  I wanted to know one of the lessons that she has learned along the way trying to bridge this gap.

Patience is truly a virtue! There were times when I felt that I was moving too slow compared to others and their businesses and that caused me to fail on my first ever batch of masks. I rushed and didn’t use all the ingredients I knew I should have caused them all to mold over before I could even began selling. That taught me to not compare myself to others, but to use others’ success to motivate me! I learned to trust my own process. 

That’s a word. I know we all can take a lesson out of India’s book and apply that lesson across the board. Comparing yourself to someone else will always make you feel less adequate. Run your own race. Take pride in what you do. It will all come together in time. Easier to say and so much harder to do. So trust the process and keep the course.

I am still VERY new at business owning so I am still tackling my time management! Since I am the president of Campus Curlz Temple University chapter, an active member of the AmeriCorps Next Steps national  volunteering organization, and I work it has been difficult. I schedule days where I do specific tasks only and it definitely takes discipline. I have days scheduled where I only work on Urban Glow orders and other days where I only do Campus Curlz related work, volunteer, and so on. There have been plenty of times when I have been overwhelmed, but I know I have to just get better with discipline. I love all that I do, so I know I will make it work for me. My friends and family are very supportive of what I do so I can still bond with them while working on my brand. 

Having support as you complete  your goals is important. India’s schedule of being a student and a business owner seems overwhelming but what I do know is that when you are determined you can make anything work. So what’s stopping you?  Only you know the answers. Even in temporary failure as India had with her first set of masks, her ability to refocus instead of giving up is key.

Nothing worth having is going to just fall in your lap. Even if the idea does, it takes work to maintain. So I wanted to know from India, what sacrifices she has experienced this far in her own journey?

I have had to sacrifice a lot since launching Urban Glow Cosmetics, but one major sacrifice I’ve made thus far would be my “free time”. I have sat out on family events, social events, sleep, etc. just to make sure I am doing what is needed for Urban Glow Cosmetics. I used to feel upset about it, but the more time I spend working on my craft the less it feel like a sacrifice for me. 

 Could you make this type of sacrifice for your dream? Think about it. If you had to miss out on some events, or time with your family members, could you? I know I could and have in the past. Sometimes we have to let those around us know that we love them but this comes first. 

Everyone who reads ToiTime knows at this point how much I am a champion of self-care. It’s important to take time out for yourself while you serve or even times before you can serve someone else. With that in mind I wanted to know how does self-care coincide with Urban Glow Cosmetics?

Self-care is the basis of my business! Self-care is a term people think they know, but it consists of so much more! Urban Glow Cosmetics serves as the physical part of self-care, but I want to expand this and give people the opportunity to reclaim the word, understand what it means, and have them incorporate it into their everyday lifestyle naturally. 

As we are only a mere days into the New Year, what was the one thing that you felt you missed in 2018?

If i’m understanding the question correctly, one thing I feel like I missed out on was promoting myself at events. I was offered a spot at multiple vending events and I didn’t have confidence in myself at the time and I passed up those opportunities. 

We all have been there before. There is a time to say no. No when you feel like you are being pressed in the wrong direction. No when you feel like you are being used. However no can backfire. Thinking you haven’t done enough to be invited to the table can be just as damaging as being pressed too thin. If you are being brought to the table and its nothing that takes away from you in any way, consider your No to a Yes. You are just as worthy. IF you find that those at the table seem more polished, use it as a way to fine tune your skills sets. Ask questions of those seasoned. As a blogger I have had many times when I didn’t even attend. I was like I need more years under me. However after striking away fear, I found that I had just as much to offer as my fellow bloggers when attending. India get to the table, and smile with pride-you got it!

What does the future look for India and Urban Glow Cosmetics?

My plans and goals for Urban Glow Cosmetics is to develop into more than just a natural skin care company. I want to have several events, conferences, and retreats focusing on self-care, self-love, and the empowerment of women. My brand “Naturally Indy” will expand globally, so not only will I provide physical products but self-care goes deeper than the physical and I want to help women on their journeys mentally, emotionally, and physically through my events, conferences, retreats, etc. My ultimate end goal that will combine my field of study (Media Studies and Production) and my passion projects will be have my own TV Show that talks about numerous topics to help and motivate women. 

Girl you better say that! Speak it and work towards it, I know that this is just the beginning.

What is your message for women? For the Community? For Yourself?

“ It is okay to be selfish with you. It is important to take care of you. Be sure that you’re on the top of the list of people who you care for and take care of. “

To Myself: “ Stop waiting to turn into some perfect version of yourself and start enjoying being who you are in the present. Everything else will align.”

To my Community: “ Help each other! There are so many ways  to help your people, your friends, and your family. Do your part because support goes a long way!” 

india products

Men natural care products are for you too. Trust me skin of all kind can benefit from natural skin care products and is necessary for all. Also ladies, makeup can be that much more flawless when the skin underneath is just as “beat” without it. In 2019, do yourself a favor and treat your skin just as well as you do with the products that you put on top of it. With that in mind here’s how you can bring these affordable products to your home.  Also watch out for more, 2019 new products are dropping. Don’t miss out:

Urban Glow Cosmetics

If you will be in Philadelphia Pa area on February 2, 2019 join India and fellow other entrepreneurs at the Boss Babe Link Up. This event is a ticket paid event and will include food and a chance to be around other goal oriented women. You can find the information below:

Boss Babe Link Up

boss babe

And for those who claim they are too busy for self-care, lets end that talk in 2019. There are a thousand ways you can self-care.  For my busy on the go college students, moms, women and men who are always on the go get ahold of the masks as they are “to-go” sized and travel friendly. That means there is no reason you can’t afford them this year or grab and go either! Go and grab it and let’s flood this entrepreneur with love with our support as well as we can support her with our dollars too!

Follow India at her social media handles below:

Instagram

Campuscurlz Temple University

Love Energy

If you ever worked out you know how it can feel. Sometimes you feel super motivated. Other times you have a love/hate relationship.  However if you are consistent in it you will notice how better you feel and eventually you will see results. When you are consistent and you see results it keeps you feeling amazing and keeps you going even when you have days when you slack off.

The energy behind that feeling of working out, eating better, or doing better is the same type of energy that needs to be put into your love relationship. You should feel loved on everyday. The days where arguments seem to be on a thousand, and you’re not getting along, should be way less than the days you and your partner spend loving on each other. One thing that I am realizing is the more energy into the relationship, the better the results. The times in your relationships where BOTH partners are attempting to meet in the middle is key to making it work.

Energy never lies. I don’t care what a person says, if the energy that a person is giving or lack thereof, is the key to how things hold up. You can never go on record with your spouse naming the things that you do in response to responsibilities alone if the energy in how you love isn’t being shown. I learned that in counseling on my own. I went to counseling about my life in general and if I am honest my marriage came up. My counselor was a man and he said to me that I know the energy in which my marriage is giving and if that energy is slacking, it won’t hold up. I either had to do my part, wait to see if my husband’s part would match, and if it don’t match, I knew what I had to do. This doesn’t mean my counselor was encouraging to divorce, etc, but he was making me aware of things that love blinds you to.

man wearing suit jacket sitting on chair in front of woman wearing eyeglasses

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Love is amazing. If you are being loved right, it shows. A woman glows better when she’s loving herself and her partner is loving her correctly. There is no denying that. Energy is all about what you give to your partner. If all you do is harp on what your partner does that is negative than don’t get mad when that person goes looking for someone to encourage them. Let me say it for the folks in the back, this is not a oh well if they cheat clause. I am saying if you’re honest and you know you aren’t speaking good into your relationship and over the person you claim to love and all you do is tearing that individual them, gaslighting them, and downing their every move, eventually that ugly side of you becomes less and less attractive. No ONE wants to be put down. You can’t come with a smile, ever? You don’t have not one nice thing to say, ever? There is something wrong, always? Don’t nobody got time for that. If you have an issue with something, speak up but it don’t have to be drawn into a picture with a neon sign everyday! Speak love. Speak encouragement. Put into the relationship what you want out of it.

One last nugget my counselor told me that we tend to say, if I was with “this” person whatever the “this” represents, we would….. If you don’t work out in yourself whatever negative issues you feel from what you get out of your mate, you can leave them and run right back into that same type of person later. Check your loves of the past, do they all share common traits? If so than maybe there’s something in you that needs to be worked out. Energy never lies. If you feel miserable and you’re working on yourself and find that the person you are with is not and its dragging you down, speak up. After awhile things will naturally take its course. Don’t ignore the warning signs cause you love this person!

My Go To’s of Social Media

So you know that social media can be a blessing and a curse. If you are on it to compare your life you will immediately fall into a state of depression and that is something you do not want to do.  You really need to find your daily passions and inspiration. Since making dramatic changes in my life I find that I attract myself to those who are like-minded.  It is also allowing me to naturally cut off those who don’t fit that lifestyle.
Inspiration is all around us. It could be with a conversation as you are passing by. It could be in nature.  I don’t know how many times I have seen something go down and got completely inspired by a bird.  It’s true. You can be inspired by social media and a post. The post I love is anything where flaws are exposed but hope abounds. People are looking for hope because all around them they might be surrounded by hopeless people or even hopeless thoughts. This world is super shiny and pretty all the time but it can shed a little light to add some light to a dark soul. In reality that is what we are supposed to be.  When people see you, they should see light. It doesn’t mean they need to see perfection.  They need to see your try. They need to know they can quit a job that wasn’t serving them and go on to bigger and better. They need to see someone leaving a raggedy marriage and not settle and even if another relationship isn’t around the corner they still know they will be fine. They need to see that parenting is super hard and trying, but with grace they can make it.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As a blogger I of course love social media because it allows me to put my blogs out, connect with others, and really see people doing their thing as they see me doing the same. You can have people or things that you like or that inspire you.   I have a little small listing of the things that inspire me.  From home improvements, to celebrations for my kids, anything self-care, and of course people who are doing their thing, failing I said that correctly, dusting themselves off and pushing through. Everything we see on social media has a back story to it.  With that being said I will give you 4 women I find inspiring and tell you why!

Amanda Seales

One because she “be knowing.” If you follow her I don’t even have to explain it.  She is a champion for the culture and she is about as real as it gets.  She rarely sugar coats things and you know that’s how I live my life. I love her ability to be herself and she doesn’t appear to care if you or me like her or not.  She is a jewel.  I love her happiness.   I love her passions. I love that Amanda is always pushing for people to take accountability. I hope that accountability doesn’t become a lost art.  We really need it.  She makes me check myself on all levels but especially where politics and culture is concerned. Like a mirror that constantly asks that nagging why.  Although she is not nagging she will make you think and correct yourself quick.  Amanda is like my big sis or that bomb friend who serves it straight but also is someone who can relate to you without judging everything you do. And she plays Tiffany on HBO’s Insecure.  I love her character. That losing your friends with motherhood episode was real! Amanda been in the game a long time. Check her credentials.  She really is about this life and about the culture.  She is the culture! Check out her podcasts, Small Doses and then follow her on social media you won’t be disappointed. Also if you are on Instagram and you follow her, always and I mean always catch her Instastories daily, Amanda Seales

Randi Rossario

She is the owner of the internet radio show, “Oh So Radio.” She has alot of things on her plate you really should check her out! She is super dope and I found her one day at work on break with her “Good Day” inspirational moments. You might have seen her recently on the Shaderoom’s post about her helping a couple who’s wedding was semi ruined due to their child nearly drowning at a pool party.  Well above her ability to help those in need, her “Good Day” inspirations really moves me. Now let me warn a few stuffy folks, this ain’t your momma’s inspirational moment but when I say no lies are ever detected, I mean it. She is super straight. You might not even want to accept the way she speaks but you can’t deny the truth that is coming out.  She is the real deal.  I try not to hit the “Good Day” moments every morning because when I do hit she always has the exact word for what I am dealing with.  She speaks on owning your stuff and stop allowing others control over what you do.  So if you are someone who lacks the ability to move forward, hit her Instagram.  You will get the good kick in the ass that you didn’t even know you need it.  But TRUST me you needed it!

Heather Lindsey

So I had to take a little break from Heather for a few months. It wasn’t anything personal but I just take a break from social media folks quite often.  Not only do I attempt to take breaks from it altogether during moments of life, I do encourage others to do the same. Heather Lindsey is a Christian who is also the wife of Cornelius Lindsey pastor of The Gathering Oasis church in Atlanta GA and a mother of 3.  I was directed by a friend to follow her. I went scrolling along to hear what she had to say.  She seems like a genuinely down to earth person who for one will let you know she loves the Lord, she loves her family, and she loves life. I love the way she takes care of herself. That is what caught my eye.  Now I know it would be a thing to say why in the world would you be worried about what she is wearing. It was more than her outfit choices although let’s be clear they are super dope. I followed her at a time when I was struggling from looking like a whole mess calling myself a wife and mother.  Now there’s nothing wrong with struggling but apart of my struggle was saying how I wanted to get me together and yet I did nothing to achieve that goal.  She was so well put together that she challenged me to have balance.  I needed that. I still push for that.  Balance is more attractive than how much the pieces you have on cost.  So for that, she inspires me get it together. I am sure she like we all do have super stressful days.  But she travels by herself at times, travels with her husband, dates him often on date days and date nights, goes on girls trips, baecations, and runs a whole business with the Pinky Promise.  That’s the type of balance that is encouraging to women no matter your background.  Check out Heather Lindsey

I know a lot of folks that are in the church struggle with the ability of loving the Lord and still looking like the promises God said was for you.  I grew up in a church where most folks was looking wayward.  I know that can’t be the promise that God gave to the world.  How can we reach folks looking like “Le’ Struggle” everyday.  I mean everyday maybe, but not everyday.

Jenell B Stewart

She is like the all around mommy mogul.  I know we give credit to all of the other mommy moguls who seem to have like millions of followers but this queen is one to be on the look out for. First of all as an African-American woman it’s always to see chocolate loves that mirror me or my kids.  She is a lifestyle blogger, a mom, she has a podcasts, teaches lessons on things from growing social media, to balancing life.  I love and stay glued to her InstaStories.  She is just a mom who tries to have it all and do it all.  You know that is possible, right?  Yes.  I found her quite a little while ago and she had me hooked from the first video.  A few key reasons why I follow her, her page is eye-catching.  Please check out her website

It is like everything you need in one strong dose.  Her Instagram is relatable.  With me changing my lifestyle to be healthier a lot of the products that she uses or endorses I have tried and loved.  Andddddd I don’t know how much her whole family is into the healthier lifestyle but mine are taking way smaller doses than I would like.  I like that I can be encouraged that if I alone stick to this lifestyle I at least have someone who is doing it with me in my head!!

Now with these super beautiful women in their own right, I do not even have the slightest energy to be them.  For one like Heather always says, their portion is for them and mine is for me. I do not know what they did to acquire the lifestyle that they have.  However what I will say is that with my portion, I am finding that I am able to do what I need to do for me and be inspired to be the best version of myself because I am just as dope as these women.  However we all need a little nudge in a few departments.  So whether that’s in how you press on, how you take in the culture around you, to be being balanced or living healthy, choose wisely who you link your aspirations too.  They speak volumes of who you are in real life. Check out these beauties and I am sure you will snag a jewel or two from them.  My hope is since Heather has the Pinky Conference is to get to one if not this year, at least next year.  In my head, I am going to meet Amanda.  I hope to keep being inspired by Jenell and Randi and maybe one day meet them as well.

Weekly Recap: April 14, 2017

Happy Friday ToiTime readers!! Can you hear the joy in my voice?  That is what happens when you have been working 12 hour days all week and you finally get over 9 hours of sleep.  I am refreshed and will need it for the Easter weekend.  Anyway.  There has been a lot going on this week so let’s recap.

News

  1. United Airlines out here handing out ass whippings for not giving up seats.  The company is in a full-blown mess these days.  I expect a large payout and for the company’s bottom line to suffer behind the mess.  Little tid bit, do not ever release statements that victim blame.
  2. Second week of bombs from the United States.  Trump’s administration has dropped the largest non nuclear bomb on Afghanistan.  The only issues with all of this bombing is that I fear retaliation against the United States.  For the sake of the world I pray I am wrong.
  3. Woman stabbed to death by Palestinian man on a train in Jerusalem.
  4. 2 Georgia police officers were fired after a video surfaced of them punching a handcuffed man.

Personal Highs

I had a great weekend this past weekend.  I was able to get some me time which was not planned for a full day but definitely turned into a beautiful full day.  I enjoyed the quiet, some adult music and just some down time.  I have been working 12 hour days almost everyday for the past 2 weeks so it felt good to recharge.  I also enjoyed some family time with own family.  We enjoyed some time at Comic Con in Philadelphia where I took some amazing pictures and met some amazing people.  Levar Burton, no need to say much outside of what an honor to meet someone you grew up with all your life or at least in my head. He is such a class act! I was so honored! Thank you!

This week has been a little crazy with the mandatory overtime.  However I was able to get some rest last night and I swear it felt like I slept for an entire week in one night.  I expect to have a good weekend this weekend with my kidlets.  They love holidays like me so we will have a blast celebrating. I wish you all who celebrate Easter to remember what it’s all about and have a great one!

 

Blogs

  1. Stress awareness-phyiscal stress.  We talk about what makes us stress out and what that looks like in our physical body.  How we can grab the stress and turn it around in our lives.
  2. Let’s get physical-not everyone enjoys going to the gym even if its good for us.  It’s like veggies but not liking all of the veggies that there are.  You can find physical enjoyment in getting up and finding activities that you enjoy.
  3. Humble my ass, we talk about Lamar Kendrick’s newest hit Humble.  It’s a great record except for all of the men who think this is the song of all songs but don’t truly apply to the words they spit.  It takes more than a dope song to apply it.  We also talk about Tyrese and his ability in his own mind to tell women what they should or shouldn’t be doing while flaunting his 46% Black wife.  Love is love it doesn’t matter what color or race she is but he felt the need to tell the world and down women while uplifting us too as if that can be done at the same time.
  4. TI-Marriage is a distraction: This sounds horrible and it is.  It is horrible if he didn’t have this conversation with Tameka “Tiny” his wife prior to the interview and even worst if he didn’t have this conversation with her before he began acting single. Truth in marriage is hard and it’s not always beautiful.  However honesty should never take a back seat to feelings because in the end no one wins.

Personal Lows

This week I would say pushing myself more and not listening to my body.  I have had a series of headaches and stomach ache this week due to my change of schedule.  And this is the very thing that stress even if it’s not bad stress can do.  I should have slowed it down a bit.  Although the overtime was mandatory this week, little things like going to bed when I got home instead of watching an hour of television and being on my phone could have helped.  Instead of rushing slowed it down and ate at the times I needed and took my medication at the time I needed to would have helped greatly.  These are all things we need to do to make our life even with change run a little more smoothly.

 

I do hope that you all have a good weekend and can say that even if you have a lot of events that you have to be at or have a lot of things to do that you slow it down and get something out of this weekend for yourself.  You have to fill your own cup before you can do anything else for others.

Natural is not a Phase

If you look around in the African-American community you see so many embracing themselves for the first time.  It’s a beautiful thing.  It’s not a phase for most.  This is the time to really embrace yourself in all of your flaws and especially when you’re Black or minority and there are limited amounts of things you can see in print, film, etc.  The time for making moves for you is now.

One of the things that I have always hated which is sad in itself to write is that I never wanted to find out my natural state of my hair.  Let me break it down because I am not alone in this at all.  On Saturday I did the most bravest thing ever and that was to cut the relaxer out of my hair and see what the natural state of my hair was.  To some, this is no big deal but I have had a relaxer in my hair since I was about 4 or 5 years old.  I was always told that my hair was “nappy.”  Now phrases like kinky and thick is being celebrated.  The conversation of what is good and bad hair is always going on in the Black community.  I know that since having my first daughter I have always told her that healthy hair is the best hair. I didn’t want to get caught up in her “kinky” hair being less than others because I knew that was what I was being taught from a little girl.  My twin when we were younger had that “grease and water hair.”  Her hair type was always the type that my mom could easily mange and mine wasn’t do to it being coarse, nappy or untamable without the aid of a relaxer.  With a relaxer my tresses became like my sister in the sense I could do more styles with it.

As I became an adult before kids I was in a salon every 2 weeks  getting it done and every 4 weeks I was getting my regiment of “creamy crack.”  By the way creamy crack is relaxer so it became normal.  I learned how to take care of my hair with a relaxer. I knew what I could and what I couldn’t do.  So fast forward to Saturday, my decision to cut the relaxer out has been months in the making.  This wasn’t just a new me thing.  It had to do with the fact that until I made my decision I put a weave in my hair in December.  I wanted to do the “big chop” in January but I got cold feet.  So back to Saturday I was thinking of all of the pros and cons. The cons had more to do with the stigma of natural hair.  Since I have been relaxing my hair all my life I knew  I would have to chop most of my hair.  So the stigma came from appearing bald-headed, or looking like a man.  I have had short hair several times including the months before I put the weave in I had cut my hair.  My hair grows back fast so when I took the weave out this time I really under normal circumstances could have just relaxed it and it would have been in a bob style.

I go to the salon of my choice here in Philadelphia and I tell them I am ready for the “big chop.”  My hands are sweating, my heart is beating fast, and I feel like I am going to throw up.  I thought about my daughters.  One has the same kinky hair that I do the other has thick curly hair.  How would I want them to respond about themselves?  My hair is my glory but I can be who I need to be without relaxed tresses.  As I was being washed it felt weird not being based for the relaxer.  I kept looking around.  I finally was washed and the cutting began.  I kept taking deep breaths as the hair was falling on the floor.  My hair dresser is telling me that she has to cut some more and I am thinking here I go, bald is going to be my expected end.  However she tries to show me my hair after just the cut but I refuse.  I just know what I want my hair to be.  Can my hair be healthy with a relaxer yes, it has been at times.  However I just don’t want chemicals in my hair.  I want to embrace this for me and for my daughters.

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So the cut is done she styles me and reveals that I actually have wash and go hair.  I am looking at her like she has 3 eye balls.  Like who has some wash and curl hair?  But she reveals it and I am super happy.  One its super convenient since I do work out at least 3 days a week.  I love it.  I love the look.  It’s what I wanted and for the first time in years I don’t have to wait 24 hours for my hair style to grow on me.   I also am learning that team natural doesn’t mean team don’t comb or do anything to your hair.  Your hair needs to be treated well with regular washes, moisturizer, and love just like relaxed hair.  And no I don’t mean the same methods.  I mean at the end of the day relaxed or natural if you don’t take care of it, it won’t look or be much of anything.  You can’t be lazy in taking care of yourself whether or not you can afford to go to the hair dresser or not.  Taking pride in your hair is the number way to take care of your hair in either phase.

So as I get home I don’t have nerves of what my family or husband will think.  Not one.  I walked in like any other day hungry and ready to eat.  I was at the salon for quite some time. I post the pic on Facebook not looking for validation.  I was happy and I was okay with the world seeing my happiness.  I wasn’t looking for approval from my parents and siblings either.  I like and love it and that is what is important.  I am determined to eat right, look tight, and be happy and that means putting my needs to the top of the list.  I am loving the skin I am in not because I am team natural but because I am embracing and finding ways to create the happiness that isn’t always there.  Life sucks but I refuse to look bad and feel bad in this life.

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I am not a pro in this natural hair thing. I do not pretend to be.  I do know how I felt the moments leading up to my big chop as well as how I felt afterward.  I do know that it’s not easy to transition.  I am well aware as I learn my hair.  I have to dispel the thoughts that have come back to my mind already.

 

I am not advocating team natural over relaxed hair.  I refuse to get into a debate over it. There are pros and cons to both processes.  What I am advocating is being strong and confident like we teach our daughters.  What makes you look and feel the strongest go with that.  This day and age everything is destined to kill our vibe, time for women and men to find ways to be happy and healthy from the inside out.  I choose to be happy, fierce and strong in my own skin…..

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