Love Is…petty! Episode 4

Whew love is….super complicated and petty. There were a lot of take aways from tonight’s episode.

Love has a lot of gray. We think love is a clean break however beautifully marred keep in mind this was meant to be. Since it was meant to be, timing was off but super on. Each miss and messy moment was in line to unlock their destiny. Cue in the violins but don’t let it put the pause button. Yasir shut the door on Nuri’s face so that his ex wouldn’t know what was going on. As much as he loved Nuri he needed to protect Ruby because well loyalty! There are a lot of red signs that will need to be explored:

  • If you get invited for a weekend getaway, please understand it most likely ain’t for scripture reading. They want the drawls. Nuri’s inability to see this is interesting.
  • Yasir wanted Nuri to see his potential. It’s hard because little girls are taught to not trust in potential. Potential is not enough to make a relationship last. However what Nuri doesn’t know is Yasir is putting in work. His intentions are for her as he cuts ties with his ex, Ruby.
  • Cut ties and learn that guilt is not enough to keep an old relationship solid. Ruby is holding onto the old Yasir and the life she once thought she has and Yasir feels the need to be loyal to the loyalty she has already demonstrated.
  • Women have so much to give to this world more than just the life that we already give. Back in the 90s women were seen and not heard. We are making more waves now but still have to contend with the boys club. We will not be silenced and our opinions will be heard and implemented.
  • Men you can’t keep using women and in addition to that do whatever you want to them by relying on the price of their loyalty. Ladies don’t let them. Give loyalty to whom it’s earned! The worst side to be on with a woman is when she awakens from her mental and emotional sleep and discover you have been playing games.
  • Nuri is attempting to move on and therefore has found herself in deep water with her more stable work boo and is now caught and headed to that ski trip. Yasir played it cool by allowing her to do as she pleases.

Next week will be interesting to say the least! How will Nuri turn the tide between her and Yasir?! What lessons will need to be learned?!

Advertisements

The Disconnect is Real: Love is Episode 3

Love is complicated. I think watching Love is tonight may be the first time I’ve ever really understood the concept. By concept I mean when people have the its complicated status on social media. However I will say Yasir is not the norm and most men I wouldn’t give this fleeting chance. I could not hold onto or entertain the Yasir I came in contact with in my 20s.

Let me go to my own personal encounter with my own ex Yasir. Of course to be super clear this was light years ago but my own Yasir was separating from his ex and like Yasir was super loyal even to this day I imagine the same to be true. We would have these invigorating dates. These world talks. These moments when you just fall in that deep love or at least a strong like. Yasir like my old Yasir never was super clear. I didn’t understand his plight until I had ended things just how displaced he was. What I will say is that I do believe there is a small amount of good Yasirs out there. I think it takes patience to unravel them AND there will be a lot of women like Nuri who probably gave their own Yasir a chance, stopped short of fully committing and then found another woman come behind and reap the benefits.

I personally didn’t have the mindset to entertain my own Yasir. My Yasir wasn’t as forthcoming and I didn’t see the honesty or the value in pushing past the alerts. Even though I couldn’t get him off my mind and thought man he’s so mysterious, the reality as time as already told, he wasn’t the one for me. I’m not made for a Yasir. As lovable and real as this particular love story is, let’s not forget that Yasir came with work and more work than most of us are willing to give.

Here are my take aways from tonight’s episode:

  • Yasir is definitely attempting to stay true to his beliefs
  • Nuri should have asked certain questions off the bat and she let the warm and fuzzy feelings of love overtake the situation
  • Nuri isn’t perfect. They highlighted Yasir as Nuri past is shifted in the background
  • Yasir is a loyal person and above all who you date, be friends first

They are about to finally get into the gritty part of their pasts and how to make these pasts mesh. We always think that it’s a clean break but like Common said in the song, Come Close:

Put down your bags love

I know in the past love

Has been sort of hard in you

But I see the God in you

I just want to nurture it

Though this love may hurt a bit

We dealing wit this water love

You even give my daughter love

I want to build a tribe wit you

Protect and provide for you

Truth is I can’t hide from you

The pimp in me

May have to die with you

Come close

Let’s continue to watch this beautiful mess unfold!!

Heat Ain’t Stop the Show

So Philly is experiencing a heat wave. We are in a Red alert. So with that being said hydration is our friend. Staying cool and protected is the name of the game.

There are several events happening this weekend. I took the liberty of researching the options for the month and have linked my husband and I’s calendar to be in sync with the activities. This doesn’t mean that we will attend them all but at least we are aware. Today we decided to attend #phillyscoopfest. It is an ice-cream festival that has many vendors, some samples, music from all diversity, and it was located this year inside the Reading Terminal.

Little secret, I have never been to the Reading Terminal before. I know, I know why?! I’m not sure. But that is a thing of a past. I was there which is super surprising as much as I love my hometown market and one would think I would have ran to the Reading Terminal but nope! I finally made my presence known.

My family and I walked around and our first stop I tried a pineapple basil from Mom Pops. I loved it. They were dairy free, gluten free, everything free but what wasn’t free? Taste. I loved it. Since taking dairy out of my diet I’ve always on the hunt for non dairy dessert. The gentleman gave me a lot of coupons that I’ll be using going forward.

My kids all had a strawberry banana popsicle and I doubt they heard everything that was taken out of them and finished it before we made it to Bassett’s and we had such great ice-cream. I elected to have sorbet for the reasons already stated. It was good. The kids enjoyed their cups and my husband his cone. The staff was super organized and treated us well.

We made our way to enjoy our icecream and listen to music which was my personal highlight of the event! They also had prizes, a kid spot, tables to enjoy your icecream and food and it was great to see the diversity and fun without drama!!

Also if you purchase something at a vendor for at least 10 dollars they validate your parking for a discount. So all together it costs us 5 dollars for parking, for almost 30 of ice-cream, and memories were made for a family of 5 that is a win!!

After going to a friends house warming we decided to give the kids a break and recoup before heading to the Fireworks at Penn’s Landing. Naps went over and we missed the Army Band’s performance. Listen parking in Philadelphia is no joke and definitely during a holiday weekend. It took about 20 or so minutes to find a non paying spot but we found one.

The crowd was plentiful. From Spruce Street Harbor to the actual fireworks it was a great night!

So here’s to more events, family time, and not letting anxiety hold me into the house!

Weekly Recap Friday June 22, 2018

Hey ToiTime followers!!

I hope all is going well. We just celebrated the first day of summer! Yes a new season and this one is one of my favorite ones. I hope that you have a few plans of your own for the next upcoming weeks!

I encourage you to find activities in your own backyard. I know my fam bam will be doing more local events but that doesn’t mean that our fun will be any less! Just the other night we started our summer movie series where we watch movies outside with snacks, ice-cream and snow cones, etc. There are several locations throughout Philadelphia and for us it’s a great way to make memories, get outside and have a little fun during the week. Our kids are on their Summer sleep schedule. I know some folks talking like let the babies stay up late but um that’s a nope! They are in camp while we are at work and the wake up times haven’t changed!

Personal Goals

I am making sure to do my self-care daily. Say what you will if you don’t with all the news alone can make a person go nutty! I am running in a night run on Saturday for S⬆️2C Stand Up to Cancer so that should be lots of fun. Also going into next week I have a lot of projects before the 4th of July coming up. I also will be training as if I really stopped for some Fall running events and will keep you posted! Of course I will be scheduling at least 2 beach days for myself and at one for my kids. The verdict is still out if my husband who doesn’t enjoy being at the beach will attend!! Nonetheless the beaching must go on!!

Blogs

I’ve been emailed and asked if I’m taking time off in the summer and the answer is no. I took time off in April so unless something comes up I will let you know. Remember if you have a question for Ask Toi to send an email to ToiTimeblog@gmail.com I will always email an answer privately and then do it for the blog anonymously. Also as I attend events I blog them more in the Summer! So be on the look out.

Summer Blessings

I pray that you get out and have a great time. I also hope that you stay safe. With summer is more drinking and one of the most avoidable causes of death is drunk driving. In 2018 with apps such as Uber and Lyft there is no reason to ever get behind the wheel of a vehicle and put yourself or others at risk. Also for my single and dating, be careful that you aren’t getting catfished or let your guard down when meeting new people. Stay visible and be vigilant.

May the sun be present more this season. May you be able to enjoy the hotter months and have the best time. Have a great summer and we are looking forward for to more blogs!!

Love is…..First Take

Sooooo so much to unwrap. Let me say that I hate to be the one to ruin the first episode because maybe you wanted to watch it later. This show although you may read it on the blogs is worth your own watch. It can’t really be placed in a box although I will do my best to give you my first thoughts.

Messy

So my thoughts even though I watched the preview show is that it was messy but not in a ratchet way. No disrespect to any reality show. This was real but it wasn’t the man finds a woman, falls in love and then bam they run into issues, solve it and live-in bliss. This was based on two individuals, Nuri and Yasir who were already connected with other people and other energy coming together. Connected is code switch for they had other men and women they were already messing with!

A few nuggets Nuri, is connected to several men and at the same time. She is dating the way dating should be where you juggle but you don’t have to give up and the goods. This was super refreshing. Most times women are told that this is taboo but Nuri is doing what she wants. She has a mother who supports her and encourages her to do what she will until she is ready to settle down. Nuri’s mom walks in on Nuri while she’s laid up with one of her work boos. She’s better than me. Say what you will but as a grown woman I’m not about to be dry humping a man who I’m dating! This might be why I have 3 kids?! 🤷🏾‍♀️. Momma as encouraging as she was needed to have her key taken since she came in that house while Nuri was laid up and spills the tea and gets all in their sexual or lack of sexual relationship. The only issue I had was with Nuri wasn’t that she was messing with too many men but that some of them was one of her work buddies. Dating a man where you work can be an issue and super delicate. It’s not for everyone. I too dated a man at work back in the day and talk about super slippery slope?! Don’t do it!

Nuri meets Yasir while at a bookstore by Yasir’s friend who first found Nuri attractive. They go their separate ways until one year later they meet up at the exact bookstore. Timing is everything and the reality is that everything that Yasir is everything a mother would have taught her daughter not to fool with. Like my mom Yasir got too many “ain’t gots.” He is literally walking around in his drawls. He ain’t got nothing but a dream and most women aren’t willing to unpack that type of baggage. We are conditioned to keep it moving and avoid the Yasirs of the world. I think that is good advice except when the connections is this strong and you try to make it work. I want to see how this dynamic alone continues.

Nuri on the other hand seemingly has her stuff together. So how this breaks down will be interesting. Both Nuri and Yasir do have amazing mothers. I’ve already touched on Nuri’s mom but Yasir’s mom is equally a force to be reckoned with. Immediately I didn’t get mama’s boy vibes but the love that most mama’s boys are known to share she gives him that without overstepping. She lets Yasir know that he’s going to have to keep working hard and that she believes in him and his dreams.

Timing

As I stated above their timing couldn’t be more off but so magically right. Yasir is living with his live in girlfriend and baby mom Ruby. He gives Nuri his number to the house and this was before cell phones and even so if they had been out he was too broke to have one. Nuri calls the house. Wait!! What?! Yes. Listen please inject every black woman clap because no way you can call the house for someone’s man and then said man leaves the house and comes back home at 4am and live to tell your story! Not a one!!!! So I knew at that moment Yasir was going to be put out and that it would not end well.

There are a lot of deep things to unroll such as statements about light-skinned women and long hair and God forbid they cut it. Men and their standard of beauty. It is definitely brought up. This thought process of beauty and what is acceptable I will definitely unravel as time goes on.

Love is Highlights I Related to

  • The newness of love when you talk for hours and loss concept of time is so magical. Just that heightened sense of new love is nostalgic
  • Having conversations with your girlfriends trying to get clarification only to turn around and do what you want or feels is right for you is something most have been through
  • Trying to figure out dating and feeling lost in the sauce
  • Realizing in dating and in life that what you make time for is where you are
  • Love can be a saving grace

So this is legit a surface reaction to the new series Love is. As this series continues there will be many more moments. I will say that the story is relatable and has real moments that if you just live or have lived a little you can find yourself in.

Can we shout out the playlists and shout out to those 90 classics television shows and music?! Downloads will be up tonight! To help you here is the playlist to Love is on your favorite stream:

Love is weekly playlist

Also I said I would live tweet so to my surprise I would get a reply by Will Catlett who is none other than Yasir himself!! Night made!!

So if you haven’t watched it. Watch it! Let me know what you thought and of course stay with me as I will be live tweeting each episode! It’s that good so trust me you won’t be disappointed!!

Love is…..you fill in the blanks weekly by tuning into Own on Tuesdays at 10/9c

Good Reports: My Hysterectomy Update

So I’ve blogged about having a full hysterectomy last year. Although it might be quite private for some, this was one of the best things that happened to me. It helped me to push my life in the right direction.

I’ve been super honest about the journey. I’ve talked about how I started to attempt to lose weight and then hit a wall. I found that I was getting a lot of the areas of my health in line and then bam I was sick, having horrible headaches, and my cycle was so off it made no sense.

After losing so much blood and my blood being so low and at the point of having a second dose of iron infusions, I decided to have a complete work up. I went to two specialists who worked together and came up with the plan and because of them and always God my life has improved tremendously. My hematologist walked me to my OBGYN specialist in person and we all sat down together and came up with a plan. They were hands on and made sure I didn’t feel stuck.

Yesterday I went to the doctors and was told that everything looked great. I had lost the weight and more, my body had healed, and that I was the model patient. I also had a note from the nurses who said I was a joy and made them laugh even though I was in so much pain. To be honest that had to be more pain medication induced than anything. I also was told that I would still need to come back to have my exam done but that I didn’t need to send off anything to a lab since go figure there is no uterus. Such a great turn from last year when I was at my wit’s end, sleeping all the time, etc.

Sleep Patterns

So let me tell you real of what I had to get used to while I healed. There are a lot of women who have had and will have a hysterectomy for various reasons. I personally had already had my tubes tied before the surgery and yet I felt a weird sense of lost after the surgery. I had various dreams of babies quite often and if you add that my body’s clock was off, the insomnia took over the first few weeks. I was sleeping like a baby. No not let men do (some) when a new baby comes home, the kind where day is night and night is day type of sleep. I didn’t regulate my sleep pattern until well over 2 months and I had been back to work by then. It may have been well into 3 months after the surgery.

Sex

Please like I’ve said if you’re coming to read this part to hear about my bedroom secrets let me stop you now! Sex does change after surgery. Some women experience dryness that makes sex super painful. Some have no drive. A lot of that depends on the healing process. Let me also note if your doctor hasn’t cleared you don’t try it. That means do NOT have any form of sex or place anything in your vaginal area. If you do you will regret it. Get a new hobby as you heal. Make your partner wait a minute too. It’s either that or find yourself back in the hospital or injured! It ain’t worth it! Sex was the last thing on my mind during healing. I was trying to master things like getting in and out of bed, going to the bathroom, and pain management! I had zero issues waiting. However my paranoia did creep in once I was cleared. I did have to find a good rhythm and relax. I was scared that there would be a lot of pain. My husband and I waited 1-2 more weeks after I was cleared.

Hair Growth/Hair Falling Out

My hair didn’t fall out. That is a blessing. I honestly thought it would since I had braids AND when I was postpartum with my kids my hair was falling out in clumps. I figured hey this surgery is sending me into menopause surely my hair is going to hit the floor! It did not!! However I found hair in other unwanted areas. It has leveled out and I personally think it had a lot to do with me being on hormone replacement therapy patches for a while. I got off of that soon after the hair discovery subsided and also it caused me to have heart palpitations. I thought there’s no way I’m going to look like a Chia Pet and feel like I’m having a heart attack too!

Weight Gain

After I had lost quite a bit of weight before the surgery I was paranoid that I would look pregnant as I recovered. I had a plan! I ate what I wanted for the first few weeks and by few I really mean 2! Uber Eats got all my money after my husband went back to work. Standing to prep food or cook was team too much! However I could use my strength to track those deliveries answer make my way to the door. After that food fun was over I stuck to the portion size and types of food for the remainder of the time since working out was out of the question.

Do I still get hot flashes? Yes. I think they honestly started back up in the last month. I had several months where it didn’t happen at all. I do think with the start of the new job and adjusting is contributing to the increase of the flashes. I am confident I will level out soon!

Overall I would do it again. I had 3 c-section with my 3 kids and I felt like I was prepared for the surgery and knew what to expect. Thankfully due to a little prep I had everything ready after I came home too. Shout out to Dr. M for all that he has done. I’m glad of the support of my family and friends during the journey. Now I’m just glad to be able to live a true healthy life! I’m glad that unlike many women who find themselves having to have a hysterectomy that I have my 3 kids. Not every women will experience childbirth and I’m grateful. Again I encourage all to be on top of their health. If something isn’t right or doesn’t feel right then speak up. I don’t even want to think would could have been had I not put myself first!

How I Started My New Year

So we have officially made it into 2018!! That in itself is a blessing! There are so many that didn’t see it! With that gratitude in mind is how I started the New Year!

Yes I had a lot of family time! I cook every year, and we have our traditional New Year kid friendly gathering but more importantly I was just ready for a reset. Do I have resolutions? Yes and no. I’m continuing with my fitness journey, I plan to travel but I have my action plan set. So with all of the things I want to do I actively researched what I will need to do to get there or accomplish the goal. How much will it cost? What will I do once I get to where I want? How much time will I need? What can I do daily to get there?

For instance even though I’ve been doing well with working out I haven’t been doing well with meal prepping like I did in the beginning. So although I’ve maintained I haven’t always been eating the right things. I’ve been doing more working harder to compensate the bad food. This is not a good thing because the weekly weigh-ins have had more ups and down then normal. So I’ve got my action plan ready, bought new containers for my food and went to Produce Junction to get my fresh veggies, fruit, and herbs. So I finally got my personal meals prepped in addition to my family’s meals. In the past I would eat less of the things I made for them. They do not subscribe to my fresh veggie plan so as you can imagine although healthier it wasn’t as healthy as I should have been eating.

I did do a workout but it was more because it was a Monday and my normal workouts are on a Monday anyway. My kids who joined me had a lot of fun and I got in my hour with no problem! It was definitely necessary!!

I also took the longest bath ever!! Equipped with my bath bomb, candles, music, and wine glass it was the most refreshing bath time in a long time. It was everything and more. I had all intentions of reading a good book afterwards but by the time I finished my wine, and got on my pajamas I soon read the back of my eyelids. It was super good!!

I have bought more equipment for the colder months. As it gets colder it’s hard to motivate yourself. I bought new resistance bands and I’m sort of obsessed with them. I also got a new mat and training gloves which I actually already needed! Along with my kettlebell I should be good to go. I think that’s why having the gym at my job is easy! I’m already at work and can spare a few second walk to the gym!

My husband and I got some rest and watched some good television. And you know of parents who had a preschooler and two school aged kids, our home for the most part is super rated G! It felt good to watch a little adult television!

All in all my start wasn’t fueled by trying to push myself into a traditional mindset. It was about relaxing and doing what we do with a clearer mindset for action. My travel plans are just about set so I can’t wait to be able to talk about it. I got a lot of short term and long term goals and with action and planning this will be an awesome year!!

I hope you’re start was a good one and if you already feel a sense of pressure tone it down a bit. You don’t have to complete a year’s worth of goals in a days. You just have to do one thing per day to get you to your goals! Happy New Year again make your year what you want it to be!!