Happy Anniversary! I love this time of the year. It’s like a birthday and Christmas wrapped into one. On a blogiversary I usually rethink what I want to do. I get a vision together and I work with it. I also think about what has taken place in the year during this blog year.
This has been an awesome year. Not just because today is such a high day either. It is a good year because I took steps to make it great. Nothing just happens. I had to put the work into my life in a lot of areas so I can attempt to live my best life daily. With that in mind, I am super grateful for just life itself. Now let me also say life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries. So today I will spill the background tea. A blog about yourself is super sticky. You will get strangers who can resonate with your story. You also get folks who know you, don’t like you and will stir the pot. You will also get people who know of you, don’t know your full story and will contact you and say I had no idea you were dealing with whatever topic. I put me out there because I can do it best and that comes with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Or the one thing I get is how do I know if I am putting too much of myself out. I know because I feel like I have to be 100% okay with what I put out and who that will affect. For the most part I only worry about my husband and kids. This is why I limit what pictures I show of my kids. I ask them for their permission too. Respect towards them is important. My husband is my number one fan so his support is incredibly important to me.
What about backlash?
I do not change my blogs to prevent backlash. This is because these are my stories, my experiences and most importantly my page. I think it is clear that the human spirit will draw to those it needs to. I don’t worry about backlash in the form of someone who I don’t or barely deal with having a “word” for me. This is not a cocky attitude it’s just real. I have had family members say to me, you say this and that on your blog but then you are a different with me. The reality with writing is you can focus your words to be nice or not-its called editing. When I am talking I don’t have time to edit. However whether or not I am qualified to speak on me and tell the good, bad and the ugly is not even up for discussion. I like most people have a past. If I don’t vibe well with another person will not determine if I should shut down an entire blog. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I love my flavor so I will not water it down. This is why self-care and self-love works. I practice this daily so that while I give out I can keep my cup always full.
I am wrong, Admit it, Keep it Pushing
I can admit in my blogs when I am wrong. I do not attempt to paint a cookie cutter picture of my life. My life has ups and downs, fault, and failure like everyone reading this blog has. I do NOT know of a person who doesn’t. I talk about me because I can. Do you know how many people in the last 3 years have reached out to me to say thank you. When I wrote about postpartum, do you think I am the only one who has gone through it? Absolutely not. I told on how I even got so bad I threatened to call the police on my fiance (now husband) because I was so far gone and couldn’t manage my emotions. I talked about the moments in motherhood where I feel like I am missing the mark and the frustration of managing my 3 kids with 3 different personalities and trying to figure out that balance. I have talked about the times I personally wanted to give up on my marriage. I have talked about what its like as a woman in her skin to have those moments where you wake up and see your weight, your face, a mole, or whatever makes you feel less sexy, less confident and how to come out because I went through it and came out on the other side. I can’t tell you about things I haven’t experienced. That’s not real. I know me. I know what’s like to be deemed the perfect child but fail miserably in life. It sucks. It hurts, but if I wait for approval from everyone I would still be failing. Oh ps. to other bloggers, you know that folks gonna talk, I say talk on, because at the end of the day I give no front seats to my life to just anyone especially when it’s not earned.
Dust yourself Girl and Keep Writing
So for me these blogs are the essence of who I am. I make the mark, get knocked down, fall back a few spaces, dust myself off but in the end sink or swim, I’ll make it. Everyone loves the underdog and I feel like the ones who wished that I would just plain old stop are up for one miserable ride. I am Lord’s willing gonna stick this out and see what the end is going to be. For those who I will make amends with because there have been some issues that have come out that I will conquer I will get there. The others, no love lost, I have love but it’s from afar and I make zero apologies for it.
Distance is key
I have noticed the incredible amount of peace that has happened in my life. I try to keep my circles small. Even with distance I find that if something is stirring I don’t even answer it. My family meaning my husband and kids schedules keep me on my toes. I love it. I am venturing out, attending more conferences, so my life is going in a different directions these days. It’s been a long time coming. Like any woman I can be petty, but my life has evolved to the point where I keep it quiet, move in silence, and focus on the people who really matter. I say this because if you stir some old mess, it usually stinks. I have had readers over the years say they keep putting themselves in situations and wonder why they aren’t getting different results. If you learn nothing more today, change how you move and who you are around. That in itself will change your life. We have a zero drama policy in our home. We don’t even have conversations about much that includes drama especially around our kids. We won’t allow drama folks in there. Not one person who has visited us has been one to stir a pot and if they do, we have no issues with asking you to leave. My husband and I started this a few years ago. I wrote about how I got into it with a person and it forever changed me for the better. I will not allow myself to get to the point where I am so mad, I need to curse folk out, go off, or check for gas in my car for a pull up. Yes followers, I am human. I post about change but there was a time when all of that negativity was in me. I choose change. Distance allowed me time to cool off, work on me and make a decision if people need to be involved with me or not. Some I am slowly working to get into the swing with some and others I haven’t written off I just chose to continue in quiet and distance.
I have had some amazing followers let me say. You have been rocking out when I lose my blogging way which happens. I love what I do, but life throws a few curb balls. Last year I had to refuel but I was never gonna give up. I had to find my own passion and it happens and writers block is real. I try not to pull too much from headlines unless I feel extremely passionate so this is why people ask me to recap a show and if I am not feeling it I just won’t. I have been eliminating a lot of reality television by choice so if you see me recap a show its going to be because I really felt the topic was something I truly have knowledge of, it was something I had been through, etc
To my new followers, go through and spend some time on the page. There is a lot for all kinds of topics. There is something for everyone male and female.
I love my Ask Toi questions. I answer these at firstname.lastname@example.org and when I do I keep my follower’s identity closed. There is no reveals around here. People have messy and crazy lives and revealing who they are would be completely wrong. So if you have a question, send them to the ToiTime email and I will try my best to answer them. I always give a more detailed answer to my follower and a condensed version to my followers. The reason is that some details would reveal and I am all for keeping Ask Toi as discreet as possible.
So I will continue in my blogging endeavors. I will continue to be transparent. I will continue to be who I am and make no apologies for who I am. I will continue to push the envelope because I do that off-line as much as I do it online. I try to match my social media life to of my real life. Too many fakes, but there is only one ToiTime. I am unique, I am Latoi. I love all of my ToiTime followers, so cheers to another year! Never be afraid to take a chance on yourself. NO ONE ELSE will, you can and should be able to depend on yourself.