So yesterday I didn’t get a chance to blog. Okay, so I just didn’t. Mainly because I was having a bad day and secondly after having a bad day I just wanted to go to sleep. So let me tell you how this day had me about to grab my gym bag and no not to hit the gym but to swing.
Anyone who has ever been in a fight, when a girl grabs her bag that means she’s about to suit up to do some damage. That was how I felt because I was all in my feelings. All week I was super excited to see my doctor for my appointment. I was ready to see all the positive from a year ago. Now it was positive until we got on the topic of my belly and this past surgery. I guess because losing the weight isn’t an issue the issue is more the swelly belly. I love when I wake up and I am all the way on. Belly looking flat flat and my body looking good in my clothes. UNTIL, the day I wake up and look like I was carrying a secret love child and then I am not feeling it. Well during my appointment I was seen by a male student who I tried to explain how I felt and he gave me the most distant stare. I was looking like really, engage, care, offer tips, do something but NOPE! He just stared at me like I had 3 breasts.
Let’s back it up to earlier in the day I had to professionally tell someone off. I consider myself to be queen of the go off but in certain arenas you have to behave accordingly. Well I did that until the other person went left and I had to bring them back to reality. So I was still fuming from that interaction, the student doctor was blind and not getting it, and the night before I had gotten into an argument with my husband over trash. Yes over a trash can-lawd save all the trash cans lids in our community Jesus! So at this point I am at take my earrings off mood. So I did what any responsible adult would do, I just took a deep breath rolled my eyes at the student doctor, and waited for my doctor to come in. As soon as she saw me she said what’s wrong. I put my husband on hold, put the student doctor on hold, put the day on hold, and told her how I felt about all of this process since the surgery. I don’t think I had verbally talked about it until yesterday. Yes I blogged about it and mostly on the physical stuff but now its been 3 months and a little over 2 on these hormone replacement therapy patches and I needed to let it out. This was my chance. This was the time.
I told her the truth. I felt emotionally fine. I didn’t feel like I had gotten out of control these days. However there are some days when I will get a rash, or itch so bad that I want to peel my own skin off. The swelly belly and having to be super extra careful of what I consume is a lot. I feel like there is an inward pressure from myself to get my belly back down and hope it stays down. This is an ongoing battle that NO ONE told me about when I talked about the surgery. She smiled and gave me a hug. She explained about the belly swells is my body’s way of saying cut back. Not just on what I eat, but what I am doing. Cut back. She said that I have artificial hormones that is making me feel emotional even though I think I am fine. The belly is not permanent. The weight is not an issue. She let me know that I am still healing. In my head, I should be over this by now. However sadly I am not. She also let me know that the hormones is the culprit for the belly and that is normal to go up and down for about a year. A year I really was hoping that was a myth that I heard about before. But nope its like having a baby they say come back to work in 6-8 weeks but it can take up to a year to get your life back under control.
So the student said he didn’t see that it was troubling me. He based that on the fact that the scale showed the great weight loss from the year before. I talked to him about different cues he can take even from a difficult patient like I had been. I told him scale victories are awesome but I am also looking for off scale victories too. I met with my grumpy intruder that I had to set straight and they apologized to me. Reality is they were dumping their issues on me like I was attempting to do in the doctor’s office. The difference between me and the doctor is that the doctor’s office was a safe place and on me that could get you a two piece and a biscuit and I ain’t talking food.
I had to go home, not pick up the kids and get myself together. I went into full busy mode and finally I was able to relax. I was able to get it together. I’m still going to continue to do all the things I have been doing. But I guess I will have to be a little less strict on myself and let myself heal through the belly swell, and eventually all things will come into place. So if you see me in the streets and my belly is a little big just smile don’t worry the next time you see me it may or may have decided to do its thing. Who knows!
Well the day has been rainy and I really wanted to just relax on my lunch break and that’s code for read magazines and eat. However when I looked at my calendar and thanked the Lord for allowing me to finally get to 8 weeks post surgery, I got super excited. Then I got really sad when I saw I have less than a month to get in shape for a 5k and a walk that I have in the same weekend in September. I started to get anxiety as if I wouldn’t be ready in time. I decided that instead of worrying about it, it was time to get in the gym. So I did and I didn’t die.
I really wanted to wait until next week but then I thought about my whole mantra I have lived by which is not to put it off. So I tied my hair until a bun, put my sweat bands on and headed in the rain to the gym. The whole time I wanted to make a turn and roll out but I kept going. At first I was super intimidated. I was like girl you ain’t ready, just work on something productive and you will feel just as good. Then I thought about today being national failures day and I was like naw, I got to keep on going. I got in the gym and stretched and then got to work. Let me say that I have done some exercises towards the end of my surgery but its a whole other ball game when you’re in the gym. I wanted to take things slow but the reality is that even when I took sports in high school slow doesn’t always motivate me so I played a game with each song to push myself and change the intervals while doing cardio. Until tomorrow with a new song line up, I can’t wait to crush it again.
So all in all I have to say I hope that getting back into the swing of things will boost my energy. I have noticed that every 2 day I have to go to bed before 9pm. I can’t go much longer than two days before I feel like someone hit me with a car even with taking all of my vitamins. So maybe that will change but 2 months later a few weeks taking them and I am no longer on go all the time. My hormones have finally leveled out. The night sweats have decreased and so has the hot flashes. That is a blessing let me tell you. I still carry my fan with me I refuse to be out here and not prepared that’s for sure.
A lot of the issues that I had prior to surgery has gone away. I am super happy to feel like I am a healthy woman again. Finding out that a lot of this needed to be corrected years ago has been hard as I pushed to have these things done but not by the right doctor who would listen. So now with the right doctors in place, life has gotten so much easier.
So I look forward to a few things. As the year is in its last quarter or very close to it, I have some fitness goals yet to work on.
- Maintain my weight
- Ability to choose the costume for Halloween I want. Last year although cute, I felt like an over sized Mario Brothers (female version) with sausage arms.
- Not look like I am the mini turkey for Thanksgiving (won’t see my sausage arms in this year’s pics)
- Get to the New Years with an awesome little number (dress) even if I don’t go anywhere. You know if my husband and I don’t go out I throw a mean family party. I’ll be the flyest in-house mom ever.
- To be able to look back on this year and know my goal for 2018 won’t be to lose any weight but to maintain it. You know the years prior I would make a goal and never work at it, never achieve it, but it was a “goal” I had in the back of my mind since surely my body didn’t do the work to get there.
So ladies and gentleman thank you all for rocking out with me during this hysterectomy journey. All of the ups and downs have all been worth this moment of clarity and health. Be vigilant about your health and complete your goals!
Well cue in the music I have survived my first week back to work. I really love the fact that all things were back in normal shape. Everyone hadn’t really changed as much so getting back into the routine was easy.
Now the part I didn’t anticipate is how tired I have been. Like the type of tired where you wake up and forget where you are tired. I have been battling this all week. I have gone back to all of my vitamins that the doctor prescribed. I took a break until I knew how my body was healing. My doctor approved this for me. We wanted to get me at a base line to see where I was. So I am not sure if it’s a combination of that, having to be up at 545 in the morning or just my body trying to adjust me to normal life. Whatever it is I am totally over it.
I had a great week if you take the tiredness out. My job had a welcome back party for me and that was super nice and unexpected. To be honest I was expecting nothing but long emails and work to get through. So it was appreciated to feel missed. It took me over 45 minutes to remember all of my passwords. That was funny. By lunch time on my first day I had it down and I even got all of my items that I normally done by then. It was just weird. Another issue is that I am mellowing out more than I ever have in life. Like the type of mellow when your kids spell everything at the same time after you just mopped but you calmly just clean it up and walk away type of vibe. I find myself looking at myself like girl who are you?! I don’t recognize myself these days. It’s a good thing. It has to be the lower amount of hormones that I am experiencing. Whatever it is I feel like I am always sipping coffee in a good mood type of women.
Also I got braids in while I was off so a lot of people walked right past me and didn’t recognize me. That was funny. I gave it a day and then went to some of my colleagues and was like hey girl I am back. Hair can change you I suppose. No matter what small obstacles have occurred all I can say is I am glad to be back to work and hoping that this exhaustion will soon go away. I went to bed at almost 530 last night. I mean like real sleep none of that watching tv stuff either. Shout out to my boss who is super understanding during this transition. Its week 7 so one more week until physically I should be okay. It takes a year to get your body where you want it overall.
So its back to the normal grind, anniversary is over and time to get my kids focused for back to school. I am at least done with the back to school shopping so that is an A+ in my book. Have a great weekend and be on the continued lookout as more blogs come your way. August is going to be a great month. Don’t forget to enjoy the last moments of Summer. I have 2 more items to cross of my list but I am determined to be able to look back and say I had a good one. I hope the same for you.
So it’s here my last week of being home. Yay!! Insert my sarcastic face because all good things have to come to an end. As I start this week I am a little sad already but anxious to get back into my regular life.
I feel like it’s the end of the Summer and it’s obviously is not. So that’s a good thing. This week I started my week by resting. I had the best low key Saturday I’ve had in a long time. I followed up that Saturday with the best sleep, tv watching, do not disturb day on Sunday. I caught the 90 day fiancé series and spent time with my laptop and blog prepping. It was a good day.
My goals as I go into this last week will be laundry because duh I have a family of 5 so there’s always laundry to do. Also meal prepping, crafting new decorations for my office, visiting my parents, going to the movies, nail salon and visiting a new coffee shop that isn’t Starbucks. All of these activities are super relaxing for me.
Oh and the dreaded word I’ve been avoiding, work out. Ugh!! So I started this week with some cardio but nothing too crazy. Just enough to get my body going and keep me on my toes but no hard core work out has or will take place for just a little while. I’ll work up to that but I’m coming for it as soon as I can.
So now let’s swing it until Monday. I had to visit my cardiologist. Why we’ll I’ve noticed since the surgery that I am having pain when I take deep breaths as well as often sharp intermediate pain with exertion. None of this is normal for me. So my cardiology doctor informed me that I need to do another 2 tests to determine if the pain in my chest is due to my anemia which means not enough blood is getting to my heart or if it has to deal with another blood clot that I may have gotten with having surgery and having a blood clots. I will know more this week.
Overall I’m feeling better and can’t wait to get back into my normal active lifestyle.