Grab a Bag

So yesterday I didn’t get a chance to blog. Okay, so I just didn’t.  Mainly because I was having a bad day and secondly after having a bad day I just wanted to go to sleep.  So let me tell you how this day had me about to grab my gym bag and no not to hit the gym but to swing.

Anyone who has ever been in a fight, when a girl grabs her bag that means she’s about to suit up to do some damage.  That was how I felt because I was all in my feelings.  All week I was super excited to see my doctor for my appointment. I was ready to see all the positive from a year ago.  Now it was positive until we got on the topic of my belly and this past surgery.  I guess because losing the weight isn’t an issue the issue is more the swelly belly.  I love when I wake up and I am all the way on.  Belly looking flat flat and my body looking good in my clothes.  UNTIL, the day I wake up and look like I was carrying a secret love child and then I am not feeling it.  Well during my appointment I was seen by a male student who I tried to explain how I felt and he gave me the most distant stare.  I was looking like really, engage, care, offer tips, do something but NOPE! He just stared at me like I had 3 breasts.

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Let’s back it up to earlier in the day I had to professionally tell someone off.  I consider myself to be queen of the go off but in certain arenas you have to behave accordingly. Well I did that until the other person went left and I had to bring them back to reality.  So I was still fuming from that interaction, the student doctor was blind and not getting it, and the night before I had gotten into an argument with my husband over trash.  Yes over a trash can-lawd save all the trash cans lids in our community Jesus! So at this point I am at take my earrings off mood.  So I did what any responsible adult would do, I just took a deep breath rolled my eyes at the student doctor, and waited for my doctor to come in.  As soon as she saw me she said what’s wrong.  I put my husband on hold, put the student doctor on hold, put the day on hold, and told her how I felt about all of this process since the surgery. I don’t think I had verbally talked about it until yesterday.  Yes I blogged about it and mostly on the physical stuff but now its been 3 months and a little over 2 on these hormone replacement therapy patches and I needed to let it out.  This was my chance.  This was the time.

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I told her the truth. I felt emotionally fine.  I didn’t feel like I had gotten out of control these days.  However there are some days when I will get a rash, or itch so bad that I want to peel my own skin off.  The swelly belly and having to be super extra careful of what I consume is a lot. I feel like there is an inward pressure from myself to get my belly back down and hope it stays down.  This is an ongoing battle that NO ONE told me about when I talked about the surgery.  She smiled and gave me a hug.  She explained about the belly swells is my body’s way of saying cut back.  Not just on what I eat, but what I am doing.  Cut back.  She said that I have artificial hormones that is making me feel emotional even though I think I am fine.  The belly is not permanent.  The weight is not an issue.  She let me know that I am still healing.  In my head, I should be over this by now.  However sadly I am not.  She also let me know that the hormones is the culprit for the belly and that is normal to go up and down for about a year.  A year I really was hoping that was a myth that I heard about before.  But nope its like having a baby they say come back to work in 6-8 weeks but it can take up to a year to get your life back under control.

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So the student said he didn’t see that it was troubling me. He based that on the fact that the scale showed the great weight loss from the year before.  I talked to him about different cues he can take even from a difficult patient like I had been.  I told him scale victories are awesome but I am also looking for off scale victories too.  I met with my grumpy intruder that I had to set straight and they apologized to me.  Reality is they were dumping their issues on me like I was attempting to do in the doctor’s office.  The difference between me and the doctor is that the doctor’s office was a safe place and on me that could get you a two piece and a biscuit and I ain’t talking food.

I had to go home, not pick up the kids and get myself together. I went into full busy mode and finally I was able to relax.  I was able to get it together. I’m still going to continue to do all the things I have been doing.  But I guess I will have to be a little less strict on myself and let myself heal through the belly swell, and eventually all things will come into place.  So if you see me in the streets and my belly is a little big just smile don’t worry the next time you see me it may or may have decided to do its thing.  Who knows!

8 Weeks: Gym didn’t kill me

Well the day has been rainy and I really wanted to just relax on my lunch break and that’s code for read magazines and eat.  However when I looked at my calendar and thanked the Lord for allowing me to finally get to 8 weeks post surgery, I got super excited. Then I got really sad when I saw I have less than a month to get in shape for a 5k and a walk that I have in the same weekend in September.  I started to get anxiety as if I wouldn’t be ready in time.  I decided that instead of worrying about it, it was time to get in the gym.  So I did and I didn’t die.

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I really wanted to wait until next week but then I thought about my whole mantra I have lived by which is not to put it off.  So I tied my hair until a bun, put my sweat bands on and headed in the rain to the gym.  The whole time I wanted to make a turn and roll out but I kept going.  At first I was super intimidated.  I was like girl you ain’t ready, just work on something productive and you will feel just as good.  Then I thought about today being national failures day and I was like naw, I got to keep on going.  I got in the gym and stretched and then got to work.  Let me say that I have done some exercises towards the end of my surgery but its a whole other ball game when you’re in the gym.  I wanted to take things slow but the reality is that even when I took sports in high school slow doesn’t always motivate me so I played a game with each song to push myself and change the intervals while doing cardio.  Until tomorrow with a new song line up, I can’t wait to crush it again.

So all in all I have to say I hope that getting back into the swing of things will boost my energy.  I have noticed that every 2 day I have to go to bed before 9pm.  I can’t go much longer than two days before I feel like someone hit me with a car even with taking all of my vitamins.  So maybe that will change but 2 months later a few weeks taking them and I am no longer on go all the time.  My hormones have finally leveled out.  The night sweats have decreased and so has the hot flashes.  That is a blessing let me tell you.  I still carry my fan with me I refuse to be out here and not prepared that’s for sure.

A lot of the issues that I had prior to surgery has gone away.  I am super happy to feel like I am a healthy woman again.  Finding out that a lot of this needed to be corrected years ago has been hard as I pushed to have these things done but not by the right doctor who would listen.  So now with the right doctors in place, life has gotten so much easier.

So I look forward to a few things.  As the year is in its last quarter or very close to it, I have some fitness goals yet to work on.

  1. Maintain my weight
  2. Ability to choose the costume for Halloween I want.  Last year although cute, I felt like an over sized Mario Brothers (female version) with sausage arms.
  3. Not look like I am the mini turkey for Thanksgiving (won’t see my sausage arms in this year’s pics)
  4. Get to the New Years with an awesome little number (dress) even if I don’t go anywhere.  You know if my husband and I don’t go out I throw a mean family party. I’ll be the flyest in-house mom ever.
  5. To be able to look back on this year and know my goal for 2018 won’t be to lose any weight but to maintain it.  You know the years prior I would make a goal and never work at it, never achieve it, but it was a “goal” I had in the back of my mind since surely my body didn’t do the work to get there.

So ladies and gentleman thank you all for rocking out with me during this hysterectomy journey.  All of the ups and downs have all been worth this moment of clarity and health. Be vigilant about your health and complete your goals!

I Made it to One Week!

Well cue in the music I have survived my first week back to work.  I really love the fact that all things were back in normal shape.  Everyone hadn’t really changed as much so getting back into the routine was easy.

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Now the part I didn’t anticipate is how tired I have been.  Like the type of tired where you wake up and forget where you are tired.  I have been battling this all week. I have gone back to all of my vitamins that the doctor prescribed. I took a break until I knew how my body was healing.  My doctor approved this for me.  We wanted to get me at a base line to see where I was.  So I am not sure if it’s a combination of that, having to be up at 545 in the morning or just my body trying to adjust me to normal life.  Whatever it is I am totally over it.

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I had a great week if you take the tiredness out.  My job had a welcome back party for me and that was super nice and unexpected.  To be honest I was expecting nothing but long emails and work to get through.  So it was appreciated to feel missed.  It took me over 45 minutes to remember all of my passwords.  That was funny.  By lunch time on my first day I had it down and I even got all of my items that I normally done by then.  It was just weird.  Another issue is that I am mellowing out more than I ever have in life.  Like the type of mellow when your kids spell everything at the same time after you just mopped but you calmly just clean it up and walk away type of vibe.  I find myself looking at myself like girl who are you?!  I don’t recognize myself these days.  It’s a good thing.  It has to be the lower amount of hormones that I am experiencing.  Whatever it is I feel like I am always sipping coffee in a good mood type of women.

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Also I got braids in while I was off so a lot of people walked right past me and didn’t recognize me.  That was funny.  I gave it a day and then went to some of  my colleagues and was like hey girl I am back.  Hair can change you I suppose.  No matter what small obstacles have occurred all I can say is I am glad to be back to work and hoping that this exhaustion will soon go away.   I went to bed at almost 530 last night.  I mean like real sleep none of that watching tv stuff either.  Shout out to my boss who is super understanding during this transition.  Its week 7 so one more week until physically I should be okay.  It takes a year to get your body where you want it overall.

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So its back to the normal grind, anniversary is over and time to get my kids focused for back to school.  I am at least done with the back to school shopping so that is an A+ in my book.  Have a great weekend and be on the continued lookout as more blogs come your way.  August is going to be a great month.  Don’t forget to enjoy the last moments of Summer.  I have 2 more items to cross of my list but I am determined to be able to look back and say I had a good one.  I hope the same for you.

My Last Week of Home Recovery

So it’s here my last week of being home. Yay!! Insert my sarcastic face because all good things have to come to an end. As I start this week I am a little sad already but anxious to get back into my regular life.


I feel like it’s the end of the Summer and it’s obviously is not. So that’s a good thing. This week I started my week by resting.  I had the best low key Saturday I’ve had in a long time. I followed up that Saturday with the best sleep, tv watching, do not disturb day on Sunday. I caught the 90 day fiancé series and spent time with my laptop and blog prepping. It was a good day. 


My goals as I go into this last week will be laundry because duh I have a family of 5 so there’s always laundry to do. Also meal prepping, crafting new decorations for my office, visiting my parents, going to the movies, nail salon and visiting a new coffee shop that isn’t Starbucks. All of these activities are super relaxing for me. 

Oh and the dreaded word I’ve been avoiding, work out. Ugh!! So I started this week with some cardio but nothing too crazy.  Just enough to get my body going and keep me on my toes but no hard core work out has or will take place for just a little while.  I’ll work up to that but I’m coming for it as soon as I can.


So now let’s swing it until Monday. I had to visit my cardiologist. Why we’ll I’ve noticed since the surgery that I am having pain when I take deep breaths as well as often sharp intermediate pain with exertion. None of this is normal for me. So my cardiology doctor informed me that I need to do another 2 tests to determine if the pain in my chest is due to my anemia which means not enough blood is getting to my heart or if it has to deal with another blood clot that I may have gotten with having surgery and having a blood clots. I will know more this week. 

Overall I’m feeling better and can’t wait to get back into my normal active lifestyle.

4 Weeks Almost Half Way There!

I finally have my date set to go back to work. Yay! I don’t even know how I’ll feel going back. All this time to recover and get my body and mind together I feel like I’m on a forever vacation. None the less I must return and at the end of the month literally I’ll be back to business as usual.

So until that day I will recover, enjoy my time off and continue on my way. One of the things I am liking but not liking are the little things that are coming out during this time. One is just my adjustment to the people around me. My hormones are leveling out. I have such a ways to go but I am noticing that I am able to jump back into some things quicker.

When I was in Wildwood I had to take a break from the crowd and gather my thoughts. A large part of that had to do with physical pain as I was able to relax and get it together. Then this weekend opened my eyes to a few things. I’m learning that I can’t control much and to be okay when things fall apart. Not to be so quick to fix things. To let a few things take its time. I am a worrier by nature. If I feel like my world isn’t in it’s place that fear makes me get more involved. The issue with that is I usually make things worst. So right now I am learning to enjoy the peace in the midst of confusion.

I remember growing up and my parents trying to teach me that lesson. I am quick witted and usually my mouth is sharp. Although that’s an excellent trait to have when needed it can back fire. At this point I’m learning to be vulnerable and be at peace. If for whatever reason things don’t line up it wasn’t supposed to. I don’t need to keep everything or everyone around me okay. 

So it’s the little lessons that are the best when I open myself to learn. There will be many more lessons I’m sure of it. But when you aren’t in the normal flow of life and you have no choice to slow down you get it. Like my mom would say your bulb comes on. And trust me I don’t like it but it’s necessary.

So as I go into week 5 I have some loose ends to fix. For instance I have some stuff with my job to get in line and all I can say is somebody lift your sister in prayer. I am definitely the type to have my paperwork in order and I found that I’m not dealing with the same belief system. I’ll blog about it once it’s taken care of. I also have quite a  number of appointments yet to attend to. I’m going back to work on week 6 but reality is it won’t be 100% until week 8.  I contemplated taking the entire 8 weeks off but I’ll be okay to go back to work at week 6. 

I also have to get some things situated on the home life. My goal is to have a few things done ahead of time to make my work transition a little easier. I will do a soft attempt to get back into a soft work out. Yes you read that right. This week I’ll do longer walks and see how I do weaning off of ibuprofen. I will also do some test runs during the time I would be at work. That way I can see how I may hold with no nap. Yes I said naps. I love and know I will miss my naps when I go back to work. Trust me if you had the ability to take a nap here and there you would be on it. So here’s to another week of the hot flashes. And hoping that the tiredness and irritability goes down as well.

So here’s to stepping into week 5!! Have a great week!! I hope you are enjoying your Summer. I still will be doing my beach day. Either this week or next before I go back to work. A day by myself to regroup and align myself for the rest of the summer and prepare some goals for the Fall!! I like to think of it as a personal retreat if you will.

Thank you all who prayed or thought of my family and I as we celebrated my mother in law’s birthday this past weekend. Continue to lift up our family in prayer and thoughts especially my husband. 

Recovery week 3.0

I am super happy that I have finally made it to my 3rd week. It was a struggle to get here. I am finally getting around better. That in itself is a blessing. 

So from the beginning pain management was my first order to resolve. I took myself off of the stronger medication days after surgery. I am just never been a fan of narcotics. So now I am only managing my pain by Ibupofen and finding I need it less. So it sounds like I’m doing well but let’s hit the issues that have happened. I have been making sure I don’t bend as much as I really want to. It’s not natural to not use my abdominal muscles. We use them for everything. So y’all pray for me and my husband who snaps at me for doing the most. 

Fluid on the lungs 

Now I don’t know if this has happened because of the surgery or some underlying issue that I wasn’t aware of but it is something that has happened. So I am now under the care of a pulmonary doctor. Yay me!! It’s been annoying. But it’s all apart of getting better so I have to take the good with the bad.

Antibiotics 

I still have to finish my medication as I got the infection almost into the second week of surgery. So I hate taking pills I really do but it’s important that I finish these nasty tasting pills.  I have been taking them with coffee to cut down on the taste.

Things I can’t do:

Full work out. It’s not even on my radar. 

I have increased walking. So I will most likely fire up the Fitbit this week. I let that sucker’s battery die lol. No need when the longest distance I was walking was to the bathroom and to the front door. I was looking for shoes for my husband and he wears a size 15 yesterday. After a few stores I found them and definitely got my step count in. That counts right?! Super yes! 

Sex

I feel sorry for my husband but it’s 8 weeks total before the party can even start. Some women have tried it before the 8 weeks and all I can say to that is good for you. As far as I am concerned the thought of sex scares me at this point. The reason for emphasis on this particular topic is for women who are sexually intimate with their mate this is the number 2 question that is asked. When can sex resume? It doesn’t matter what type of hysterectomy surgery you have giving your body time to heal properly will ensure a better sex life. Painful sex and injury is the one thing that leads women back into their Obgyn’s office if done too soon. So my husband can tak to me in 5 weeks!! 

Return to work

I have up to 6 weeks left of sick time. So I can go back from now until the next 3 weeks. I will go back when I can go a full day without as much pain and can resume my responsibilities. I am always on the go with work and add my family in that and it’s overload. I am no hurry to rush back and not be 100%. For now work will be there. The time for me to be right is now. 

Lifting more than 10 pounds

I still not able to lift much right now. I think the most I have lifted was a small basket and even that my husband was up in arms about it. It’s not natural for me to sit and watch him take care of the house. The fun part has been watching him. He doesn’t do things like I would but guess what? All is well and that’s all that matters.

Hormone replacement therapy

The other day was probably the worst night of all since this surgery. I had the worst night sweats and hot flash. I was having chest pains all at the same time. I felt like I was having what I would think a stroke was. It was horrible. It finally passed. I saw my doctor the next day who gave her opinion on taking me off of the hormone therapy patch. I am going to give it until the end of the month before making the final decision. 

I feel like it hasn’t really helped relieve hot flashes or night sweats. It has helped regulate my moods. This weekend would be my normal cycle and I have noticed that the PMS symptoms that would normally plague my life don’t even exist. No crankiness. No need to kill anyone. I haven’t noticed more bad eating habits like salty chips and chocolate. Oh and my anemia has already improved. I used to eat ice like it was apart of the food pyramid. Now ice don’t even taste right. It’s actually for just keeping a drink cold. Who woulda thunk? 

This week my doctor has encouraged me to try swimming. I will give that a try. Swimming could be really therapeutic and hey a pool has my name written all over it!! 

So as usual I will keep you posted. Oh and my swelly belly that I had is coming down. My doctor says that the big belly at this point will appear when I am doing more than I need to. Dually noted!! 

So until next week!! Have some fun. Get out and complete your summer goals!! 

Surgery update 

So today is Tuesday June 20, 2017 and it’s 4 days post hysterectomy surgery. How I am doing is mixed with a lot of emotions.

For one, I have gotten an infection from the surgery. Ugh. Like my mom would say anything that can happen would happen to me. It’s true. I had high fevers the day after the surgery. Now my surgery was done laparoscopic so I have several smaller cuts going across the upper part of my belly instead of one large cut on my belly. This is to be less invasive and because I have had 3 c-sections, gall bladder and an appendix removed. With all of these surgeries the goal was to go in without having to open me all the way up.

So first day post same day surgery I was a total mess. I went in super positive and laughing with every person who had contact with me.  By the time it was over, I felt like the step sister and I wasn’t as cheerful. I even forgot where I was and why I was there but I’m going to blame that on the power of anesthesia. Once my husband and I reunited I had to sit a lot longer to allow the effects of the anesthesia to get out of my system. Finally it’s time to go. I’m mad at this point because the pain has set in and I realize that I will have to walk.

I slept the whole ride home and into bed I went. Thankful for my husband who did everything to keep me comfortable. Day 2 was hard. I had to get out and after a full night of sleep off and on I was in pain and sore. But I managed.  Between my kids who were kept feet away from me and Snapchat I got through it.  I kept having high fevers since day 2 and by day 3 was put on antibiotics. 

Now to day 4 things are going a little smoother except for the fevers and on my left side is super red and sore which is letting me know the infection isn’t clearing up. I am allergic to penicillin so my choices are limited. I will be seeing the doctors in the morning and I want to avoid hospitalization but at this point if iv meds will work sign me up. 

Here are the things that have happened that some I was prepared and some I wasn’t:

1. Pain. I feel like it’s almost like my c-section minus the left side that is red that hurts the worst. I have switched from narcotics to extra strength Tylenol. Personally I like to wean myself down.  I hate the way they make me feel. As of today I did break down and take the stronger med just because the pain was intense. 

2. Bathroom-healing also means you have to move. Not moving will cause stiffness and more pain. As much as I want to install one of those wheelchairs to get me around the house I know I have to move. So although my bathroom is near my room I now have a hate/love relationship. Oh and not to be too TMI, going to the bathroom is like c-sections where it’s painful because of using your abdominal muscles. 

3. Hot flashes-they are not a myth. I had a full hysterectomy so with that my body was slammed into menopause. I have woken up in hot sweats almost nightly. Thankfully I have had my mini misting fan. It has been my saving grace. I have about 5 flashes a day during the day.  It’s an awful feeling. 

4.Mood Swings-I haven’t noticed any. I’ve been in too much pain to tap into my emotions to be honest. I’m hoping that stays the same. My doctor wants to put me on hormone replacement and I’m looking into holistic methods too.  Either way it would be nice to stay leveled out. 

5. Eating has been moderate. I’m still aware of my Weight Watchers plan. I did have Taco Bell but could barely get through all of it and I didn’t. I enjoyed it and left it at that. For me being so fresh into the plan has made my bad eating habits almost non existent. So I’m grateful for that.

6. Sleep, that’s all I do. I haven’t really gotten into my survival kit too much. The second I say that I am I just end up falling asleep. I got my new Essence magazine and all I have seen of it was the front cover. I’ll get there. I still have some time to heal.  
Overall the pain and fevers is the one thing I was aware could happen but now that I’m in it, I can’t wait for that to be in my past. Once I manage that I can get to the things that make me happy during this new change. I had a bad nightmare the first night home of a lot of guilty feelings I was feeling about no longer being able to have kids. Then I thought even in the dream about how my tubes were already tied and I woke up. I don’t know why that became an issue but talking to other women this is a part of the process!! 

Continue to say prayers and eventually I’ll get better. It hasn’t been a full week so I’m making great progress so far.