Ask Toi: How to Forgive a Cheating Parent?

Reader’s father cheated on their mother and reader needs help….

It’s hard to not have your parent on a peddlestool especially a father. As a kid you may have been sheltered from the things that were really going on. That’s understandable, that’s what adults should do. They shouldn’t be as open as they want with their lives for the sake of children. We know in these times some folks don’t care and do whatever they want to do. With that in mind, you’re an adult now. The wounds don’t hurt any less by finding out about your dad’s infidelity. Keep things in perspective. It’s okay to feel like you have lost respect for him. That’s actually quite normal. You’re not a kid you can express how you feel. You can also make a decision if you want to continue a relationship. I am not on team cut him off in any way. I don’t know him enough. I know in time it can be repaired if he’s willing to do the work to do so. If you’re willing to forgive and move forward is going to be key as well.

Also keep in mind that at the end of the day, your dad has to live with his decisions and most importantly your mother is dealing with it mostly. Take some time to process it. Deal with it and do not wave it under a rug like it’s no big deal.  As an adult it may help to speak to your dad one on one. Remove him from your mom and have an adult conversation. Speak candidly and maybe even go to a public place to keep you in aligned to attempt to remain calm when you speak. Remember you don’t have to take his issues on as your own but you can be verbal about where you stand.

You may hear, I am your father respect me. You can respect title and lose respect for your dad. He has to work through earning respect as harsh as it sounds.  Keep in mind that his pain doesn’t just sit with your mom and him but the kids adult or not feel the brunt of the betrayal of the family too. I don’t get why people don’t see the other side of it. Talk to someone you trust that can be a sounding board to help you through and not just someone who wants the details of what happened. If your mom and him work it out that’s great.  If they do not, that’s their marriage to work through. Support your mom in what she needs too. She is hurting too. Take a break from trying to fix it all. You are their child but not a child. You do not need to bandage this in any way to make it okay. It’s not your fight.  Be firm when you speak, say what you mean but don’t be mean when you say it.

I pray you receive closure. I send love your mom’s way and clarity to your dad. I pray he is remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes to restore balance in the family structure without taking offense to the responses. I find men tend to think that once the cheating comes out, the children and women are to GIVE this level of instant respect without ever acknowledging the pain. I find it hard to understand the lack of understanding of the pain of the betrayal. Your dad can’t shrug this off like no big deal. The family ideology has been broken. He needs to be in the forefront to fix it. Everyone will need grace during this time!

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On the Move: Crunchik’n Style

Shout out to #travelwithchefcherryl and the brunch buddies as we take you behind the scenes to local eateries. Again as a lifestyle blogger you are going to want to know the places to either get out, have new places to grab food with bae, your girls or even the fam bam. I enjoy getting around Philadelphia and yesterday’s spot was brought to us to by Crunchik’n.

Tuna bowl served with rice, lettuce, salsa, Japchae noodles and a dumpling

Crunchik’n is a Korean flare restaurant. It’s amazing food at great prices that is made fresh to order and it tastes amazing. From their homemade dumplings to their marinated sauces each bite is special. We caught up with Jen who is part owner with her father, John Choi. She stressed that the goal was to make quality food that was made on the premises and that the sauces made was fermented and marinated to give the meat their fresh, unique taste. I think they hit a slam dunk. The selections are so good that even if you didn’t want to sit and eat you could order their half or whole chicken cut up and make dinner at home special too. Oh and if you’re wondering they are on Caviar for delivery as well.

Kimchi cheese fries

Since I’m vegan let me tell you that they had amazing vegetarian dishes that I was able to veganize. I didn’t leave hungry in the least bit. My suggestion is that this is a causal dining experience, good for all types since although they don’t have a specific kids menu, kids of all ages would love the chicken and other offerings. We even had some kids along and I heard a few to all ask for seconds. This is a great spot to gather friends as well or makes a causal date night or date day location.

Beef and vegetarian taco I personally had the vegetarian and it was amazing to keep it vegan I had mine without the sour cream and it was still full of flavor

Crunchik’n has been open for a little over a month. This means you need to get in and show them a little love. For new guests who go you will also receive a gift! Who doesn’t love gifts?

Beef dumplings on the right and the veggie dumplings on the left was made with kale and spinach. The veggie dumplings were super good!

So if you love Korean style food that is fresh, high quality, and served by awesome accommodating staff, make sure you add Crunchik’n to the top of your lists of go tos. You will not be disappointed!!!

Korean fried chicken can come in 8 house-made marinated sauces

They serve tacos, rice bowls, sandwiches, dumplings, Korean fried chicken and even small bites! What’s not to love?!

Spicy pork melt sandwich

The drinks are good too!! They have arrangements from Bubble Teas to fresh Sparkling Ade…

Strawberry lemonade and grapefruit

Mango and Matcha Green Bubble Tea

One last thing:

Crunch Balls which comes with either rice or potato and either beef or vegetarian

The hours are as follows:

Weekly Recap: Friday March 29, 2019

I’m hoping you had a great week. I know for me this week has been a whirlwind. We definitely going to get into it. I had moments of anxiety, almost late, but definitely I survived every single loop thrown to me!

Blog Life

So this week has been light but thankfully so because my personal life took off almost literally. This week I went to see How to Catch Creation. If you missed the blog click on the link to catch up. It was like always at any play I attend at the Philadelphia Theatre Company amazing. One thing I will say anytime I’ve been there from the greeter to the stage participants, everyone hands down are always engaging. Thank you again to the Philadelphia Theatre Company, the entire cast of How to Catch Creation, and Aversa PR for the invite. Make sure you check out How to Catch Creation as it ends April 14th.

This weekend I have quite a full weekend coming which means new spots to try new foods, hang out and have fun. I love that I’m touring Philly. As much as I love to travel there are some bomb places right here in the city. As a lifestyle blogger I’m committed to finding you the spots to take kids, friends, girlfriends, date nights, time with the boys, etc. We covering it all!

Fit Life

So I’ve not stopped my training. It takes a lot to break my focus these days. My first race is coming on April 6th so we are about a week away. With that in mind I’ve had one rest day, 2 run days and 4 workout days. I’m still full time vegan and I’m so super full. I’ve got a lot of support around me from friends helping me fine tune my shopping, to friends sending me recipes and ideas, and just people who aren’t sabotaging me. That in itself is a blessing!

Like I said on Instagram this pic makes me look like Rick James but end of day those 7 miles needed me to show up! Plus it was super cold. I can’t run with my neck feeling cold and since I forgot my running had I made my scarf do double time.

Kid Life

So this past weekend we really did a lot with my kids. The first thing we did is took the family to our first Philadelphia Union soccer team game. My son is a soccer player for the last few years. We wanted him to see how dedicated other players are to their craft. I know he enjoyed it because it was super cold and he was up cheering the entire time. We had them bring blankets but we could barely keep his on him. To be honest we all enjoyed the game.

Also shout out to my oldest kids who got their report cards. They definitely did an amazing job! Great grades and no issues deserves to be shouted out! I’m super proud of them and their academic efforts.

We also visited my hometown to check in on my grandparents. This means we also went to my old church. That was an experience. It’s so different seeing people you grew up with as they change. I pray blessings on the members who aren’t doing well.

Personal Life

So my love aka my husband was away on business for work. Yay! Welcome Back Sir and come get yo kids! However the challenge of managing schedules by myself was interesting. Anyone who knows us knows that both he and I are super active with the kids. It’s still no secret that because of our varying work schedules I’m physically with the kids more. There’s a huge difference from having a hands on dad in the home to having to do things by yourself. This is what real single moms deal with.

They don’t have the fortitude of having someone help with pick ups or drop offs. If someone gets sick they have to leave work and potentially lose coins to attend to a child. Salute to single moms. I was born in a single mom home. I’m familiar with the struggle. I found it difficult at points to physically navigate schedules this week. I am the one that manages the schedules with my husband but there’s help to split responsibilities. This week was limited help. It was an eye opening experience.

It made me more grateful for help. Although I do a lot for the family in making sure we have what we need when we need it, my husbands help and support is invaluable. I never want to discredit him ever. He’s a great dad and the kids and I are blessed to have him. With that being said, I’ll be at someone’s happy hour because this momma is tired for real.

In the midst of all of this, my youngest decided to throw a play date into the mix. I am the type of parent that is about preparation. So with a day’s notice I flew into action to make the play date happen. I never want anyone’s child to not have the snacks that they like when they are at my house. Even if it’s my cousin or nieces I go out of my way to accommodate. The little girl is vegan and I love it since I am too. I however don’t eat a whole lot of snacks outside of homemade granola, yogurt, fruit, hummus, etc. However I was ready to go for the play date.

I deal with anxiety and have been open about it. So when the play date started I started to get a little anxious because hey it’s another child. You want to be sure there are no injuries and that the child is comfortable. It takes a lot for me to be out of my element which is why I allowed the play date to happen even though I had so much going on this week. There’s never a right yes for me and I’ll avoid things. That is anxiety. You want to do something but your mind plays it up to be the worse thing ever. So I pushed past it and got through it and everyone had a great time.

My kids did an amazing job adjusting by the way! We have a lot of structure in our home that it was good to see that when we needed to adjust the structure we were able to! I will say the one day following the play, we woke up super late but like little kid pros, we still got to all of our destinations on time.

Upcoming events

On Saturday I’ll be going to Crunchikn with the #travelingwithchefcherryl brunch crew! Do not worry they have vegetarian options and I will be sure mine are vegan inspired. I will take pics is non vegan options so my readers who aren’t vegan can know what to ask for when you go. Of course that will be after I run about 8 miles in the morning!

The Hot Chocolate 5/15k is April 6th! I also will have 2 other blog locations coming up. One of those will be attending the media day for the Philadelphia Zoo as I attend their new exhibit, Creatures of Habitat as they bring back the Zoo Key.

Don’t forget that I’ll be at the 3rd Annual Women’s Empowerment conference on April 6th! I’ll be blogging the event and I am encouraging all women to attend. It’s free and childcare will be provided along with breakfast and lunch! Empowering women of all walks of life is important. Ladies we are more of a force when we learn to do things together!

March is coming to a swift close. I’ll be doing a thank you blog to all of the ladies who did the women’s month blogs. I am grateful for the participation!!

So my weekend is packed. I have a race coming and some media events upcoming. With all of that going on, I still have scheduled some me time and I’m hoping a nap on Sunday! I don’t get many but I’m definitely going to schedule one in!

Have a great Friday and an amazing weekend!! Do something to fill your cup.

Women’s History Month: Cheryl A.

Pain will have you react in very weird ways.  You find yourself isolating yourself or cutting off relationships.  It’s necessary to find the balance in who is for you and those who aren’t. Pain can distract you from fulfilling love that you need.

What is one failure you are comfortable sharing that taught you the most lessons?

I failed as a daughter. As most of you know my mother passed away in 2004 and as the saying goes, when the elders pass, the family falls apart.  Well, that’s what happened with me.  I’ll put my disclaimer in now and state that I am solely speaking for MYSELF and MY experience only.  I can not and will not speak for anyone else.  So back to my failure.  In dealing with my mother’s death, I failed at being a daughter to my father.  Yes I lost my mom, but my dad lost his wife.  As I look back, I realize I let my immature, unforgiveness and pain take over and to be honest, cut my dad out of my life.  For what reason, well, I really don’t have one.  So this is why I say I failed as a daughter.  I wasn’t who I was supposed to be to my father and let years go by without any communication.  I even got married without my father walking me down the aisle or even in the building! Now, that I have to live with.  No one is perfect and parenting doesn’t come with a guide.  So regardless of what failures my dad had, he was and will always be my father.  Now, I don’t have any horror stories and I WILL NOT cast my dad in a bad light because that would be a lie.  So like I said, I went on about my life after my mom passed as if my father didn’t exist, leaving him to grieve alone for years to come.  How sad and horrible is that? How do you call yourself a Christian when you aren’t doing right in other areas of your life? Then wondering why other things in your life aren’t lining up and there are no breakthroughs, elevation or real peace.  Yeah that was me and I can be honest and open and tell my truth.  So what is that status of my relationship with my dad now?  We are GREAT! It took a random encounter to bring me to my dad again and since then we were able to pick up like nothing ever happened.  My dad and I are both different people now and we both have forgiven and moved on.  It’s great to go back to being Daddy’s Little Girl (I”m the youngest girl)! Now only if I can get him to move to Miami with me! 

It’s refreshing to hear your vulnerability in how you describe your relationship with your dad.  You only get one set of parents and to be able to make amends now so you can make the best of an amazing relationship.

From the failure with your dad, what other lesson have you learned?

Don’t let your emotions control your decisions.  When you make decisions off your emotions, often times it is the wrong decisions and you are left dealing with the consequences that may take years to recover from.  Live in peace.  Meaning, do whatever you need to do to have complete peace in your life.  Whether it’s forgiveness, restore relationships or even end relationships, do what you need to do to have, protect and keep your peace.

What are is the 3 things you would want to tell other younger woman in regards to lessons learned?

  •  Cherish your parents (or whoever raised you), spend time with them, call them, create   memories

  •  Speak up.  Be honest about your feelings and thoughts.  Communication is key.

  •  Be Sensitive.  Parents go through things they would never discuss with their children.  Parents have feelings and emotions just like we do.

 

What are 3 goals for your future?

 Buy a house

Own my own Bakery

Own Rental Properties

If you could sit down with any woman past or present who would it be and why?

My mother of course! I always wondered what our relationship would be like now if she was still here! She was a woman full of wisdom and grace and I definitely could use some of both right now! Navigating life as an adult without your mother really sucks! There are times I want to pick up the phone and call for that good ole’ motherly advise, but then reality sets in…no more calls!

IF you have any projects  that are coming up in the future what are they?

I’m focused on building up my business, Miss.Sis.Bakery (Sis was my mother’s nickname).  I’ve been networking and trying to get my business out there through being a vendor at various events and local markets.  I’m located in North Miami, I’m a regular vendor at Gulf Stream Green Market on Sundays from 9-2 until May 26 and have various scheduled events on other dates.

What is the one thing as a woman, you feel helps or helped you make your mark in this world?

 I have always been a woman to stay true to myself.  I’m a woman of my word.  I’m not easily influenced or swayed to go along with the masses.  Too often, especially in this day and age, its hard to find people who you can truly trust and have your best interest at heart.   Therefore, I try to be what I am looking for or in need of.

Thank you so much for speaking authentically and I hope that this will help in your continued healing.

For all of those who may be experiencing the lost of a loved one, know that my heart is with you.  Know that you should remember that others surrounding the deceased processes death in different ways.  Try to be there for one another.  Don’t let pain and emotions run your life.

You can find Miss.Sis.Bakery on Facebook

You can also follow on Instagram

Let Them Eat Cake Under the Sea Variety The Children’s Charity of the Delaware Valley

Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! I had to to go there because that’s what the evening was all about. Having the best cake bakers come out and compete for the coveted titles while raising money to fund the initiatives of Variety. Variety’s mission is to help hundreds of children who have disabilities and their families. Coming together knowing that the event would help them provide meaningful programs and outreach made the program that much more sweeter.

I was a newbie this year. I had read other blogs as to what took place last year so I could get into formation of what was to be expected. Once there I was in a wonderland of cakes seriously. They give you a container so you can easily place your cake samples inside of it. If you think you love cake, you ain’t seen real cake until you attend this charity event. You have cakes lined up cut and ready to enjoy. Did I mention there’s no limit on how many times you can treat yourself?! My workout and run this morning was definitely on point to offset this indulgence.

GH Cakery; Instagram GH_cakery

The bakers stuck to the theme of cake under the sea. The various and creative ways in which each baker allowed their creativity to flow was nothing but pure amazement. It’s the type of baking that baking shows are made of. To see this level of artistry up close and personal is mesmerizing. However it wasn’t all show as the cakes were equally delicious. So many different flavors were presented. From one of my favorites of kiwi lime pie to blueberry red velvet. Each baker brought the theme to life.

Last years 2018 winner Best in Show and Best in Taste, Bredenbecks; Instagram @bredenbecks

During the charity event I would like to point out a few observations. One the atmosphere was super light. I like to think that the cake, unlimited drinks, the DJ provided by Mole Street Artist and some members of the Philadelphia Eagles including Swoop made the difference but it was the kids helping at the door with their smiles that set the tone. I think it was great having them there to push the mission and keeping everyone on task definitely helped.

This year was almost complete domination and from the design to taste I can see why. Beverlys Pastry Shop scooped Best Taste, Best Design, Audience Choice, and Best in Show. Take a look for yourself there’s no denying it was well earned.

Also shout out to student winner, Gabriella Messina from Walnut Hill College for winning Student Designer!

All in all the night was magical. From the raffles which let me tell you were some of the best prizes anyone could want from a night on town to tickets to shows, it was super creative.

Cakes by Kharis; Instagram Cakes_by_kharis

Special thanks to Variety Children’s Charity, Cherryl of Phillyfoodgal (travelwithchefcherryl) for the invite, Philadelphia Eagles Care, Loews Philadelphia, First Trust Bank, Ten Pennies Florist, Regal Entertainment Group, Wawa, Sesame Place, ABC 6 and Comcast.

For more info on how you can support Variety all year long in their endeavors, click the link! Donate!

Philly Theatre Week; February 7-17th

Theatre week is back.  A 10 day festival of some of the best that Philly has to offer in theatre.  81 organizations will host 100 events with 315 performances.  All of the performances are either free, $15 or $30 dollars making it affordable to experience these performances.

There are performances for everyone from Valentine’s Day themed, Black History themed, regional theatre and the classics as well.

Philly Theatre Week was the brainchild of Goldenberg and her team at Theatre Philadelphia. The idea dates back to 2017 when Goldenberg was in search of a new flagship program that would focus on inclusivity and reducing barriers to participation.

“Theatre Philadelphia wanted to create a new signature program that would draw even more attention to the region’s theatre organizations and artists,” added Goldenberg. “We wanted to make a big and impactful statement about the importance of theatre in our city and region, and bring artists together in a collaborative and equitable format. Like Philly Beer Week, Center City Restaurant Week or Philly Tech Week, this festival celebrated theatre alongside our city’s other flagship events that are nationally known and recognized.”

Philly Theatre Week is presented by Theatre Philadelphia in partnership with TodayTix and sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts. Additional Theatre Philadelphia funding is provided by the WIlliam Penn Foundation, Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, the Philadelphia Cultural Fund, and the Dolfinger-McMahon Foundation.

Theatre Philadelphia has partnered with the international ticketing platform TodayTix for 2019 Philly Theatre Week to offer reduced-price tickets exclusively through the app. For select performances with participating theaters, $15 and $30 tickets will be available for purchase. Reservations for free events can also be made through TodayTix. Download the TodayTix app or visit the website for more information.

For additional information, please visit www.phillytheatreweek.com or call 267-761-9950.

Kids at the theatre

So today I took the kids to the preview of Philly theatre week at the Cherry Street Pier. I didn’t tell them where we were going because I wanted to be sure that they went in and experience it all on their own. After making sure that once we got there they weren’t disrespectful to the actors of which by the way they weren’t, I was delighted to see how much they enjoyed. We got a preview of ENAensemble. What I liked about this particular theatre group is that they were from the time we entered the door and until we left their presence, were extremely interactive.

Anais Navarro-Murphy caught my youngest daughter’s eye. A lot of people don’t realize that although my youngest is assertive she’s just as shy. However she comes alive through music and dance. I just sat and watched the way she didn’t take her eyes off of her. Anais must have seen her too because she took the time to come to her and show her how to read sheet music. Now I know my youngest didn’t really understand fully, but she was mesmerized. I appreciated Anais taken that time with her. Didn’t help that the kids were able to do a little face painting afterwards!

I explained to my children how behind the scenes it takes a lot of work and dedication to put a show together, perform in front of people and how dedicated they are in their craft. I love exposing my children to new things and I was honored for them to see a variety of performances.

ENAensemble allowing audience members to direct the piece

Take the time to enjoy this 10 day treat!! Get your tickets and get out to these wonderful pieces!!

 

Take a Break

I love my family. I really do. Today I had to take a break. I have them spoiled and they know that I will make them a huge breakfast every weekend without hesitation. However today when they came in and wanted more emotional support than I had filled in my own tank, I said no!

No means I need a break. That means go grab some cereal until I can gather myself. That means no I can’t manage your emotions until I manage mine. No I can’t figure out all of your needs right off the bat. No means I still love you. No means I will be back in working order after a small break. No I won’t just jump up and act like nothing is wrong. No I won’t just accommodate you until I have some time for prayer and calm.

I will be back after I gather my thoughts, get a shower, plan my day, or simply sit in quiet. I’m simply taking a much needed break!

Communication is great. A few years ago I might have went off to get a break but today, nope! I know what I need and finally realized how important it is to take it. Self-care is not just a Sunday thing but a daily thing. It’s a moment by moment release so I can live my best life. The pancakes can wait. The kids are old enough to manage. My husband is fine. This break is everything!