Protect your Spirit

Happy Monday to you.  Happy I am just making it Monday.  Happy I am alive Monday. Whatever your Monday looks like to you, make it that and rise above it.  Yes the weekend has left some of us dry.  If it wasn’t the news that is constantly being pushed in our faces, to relationships, situationships, kids, jobs, etc you may be at wit’s end.

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So we all know that we need to protect our spirit.  Your spirit is your essence.  It’s your wits.  It’s you in a nut shell. I know there are many times when I have to take a time out. I give my kids one and have no shame in taking one.  You need to protect your essence. All of life’s drama can take the beauty out of you if you let it.  Today I am even more guarded to keep being informed but to filter some of the junk to avoid getting too overly emotional or let things take me out of my element.

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Life is hard but cover yourself today and everyday.  Cover your children who don’t fully understand but are in the presence of the same junk you are touched with.  Never underestimate that they are able to pick up on negative vibes just as much as you do. Protect what they see and hear.  Protect who they are around.  Who you allow your kids to be around speaks volumes as they take on what on who is around them.  Protect what words you say around them as well.  Words have life and death in them and you have to be careful that the tearing down isn’t occurring in-house.  We are worried about the outsiders but truth be told you can cause more damage in house than you will ever know if you aren’t careful.

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Filter what you take on when it comes to social media. I love social media but the down size is that it doesn’t always allow you to be social.  It can become battle grounds.  It can become warfare. It can zap your energy.  It can take up so much of your time.  It can allow you to not be able to disengage with those around you.  It is a choice and you must make good choices on what you entertain on social media.  Everything isn’t worth a response. Everything doesn’t need a clap back.  You have to clean your social media act up. Delete some accounts you don’t need.  Take a few folks off that you allow to get you all up in arms.  Learn to take a step back with who you call friends on your social media accounts.  Never post anything you don’t stand by 100% and be prepared to live with any backlash.  Learn that some things that inspire you may just be for you.  Learn that you can choose to spread hate or love.  Love on yourself.  Practice self-love everyday.  Mental illness is real and it can be elevated by social media because when the mind is weak it allows the defenses of everything to be low.  Be careful.  Speak life today.  Speak life into your situations and find ways to make your bottom line better.  Reach out to help others when your able.  It’s no different from when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on you first.  Same rule applies in life, stop handing out all of your resources to others and leave yourself depleted.  Help you than you can help someone else.  Have a great Monday and practice self love and love on others around you.

Ask Toi: I am dating a woman and I am a woman and my girlfriend is very controlling..says that shes been better than anyone male or female and I should deal, what is your advice?

It doesn’t matter to me that you are a woman dating another woman.  No relationship should be so demanding and controlling.  If it makes you uncomfortable than it should be heard and followed through with change, period.  Just because a partner is better than the others you had that doesn’t mean they can take advantage of you and do what they want.

You must tell your girlfriend that this demanding and controlling behavior is too much. Let her know that you need her to back off not just for a season but to actually make real change.  Demanding and controlling relationships are like life suckers.  They are draining. They make you not want to participate or you begin to withhold information, or how you interact out of a fear of what they will say or feel.  If this isn’t what you want to continue you must stop it now. Relationships like this left unchecked will only progress to a worst stage.  She will be stopping you from hanging out with your friends or family. Healthy relationships mirror where two people have a life together as well as other outside interests that the other mate doesn’t have to be involved in.  Healthy relationships allow the other mate to be an adult and fall sometimes and support.

This concept that relationships require you to be joined at the hip even for married couples is a concept that needs to stop.  There should always be respect in what you do when you aren’t around your girlfriend but if she feels she must control what you do, than you are merely a child like person to her that she thinks she can manipulate.  I know married couples who do the same.  The controlled mate always talks about it to others but don’t always feel as if they can talk to their mates for fear that the other mate will get offensive. If you are an adult than adults should have the ability to figure out the things going on in their life without a mothering or controlling type over them calling the shots. This is not healthy.  If the controlled mate can’t handle life than the two of you shouldn’t be in a relationship.  It sounds as if you are the opposite and know right from wrong.  Just speak up.  Some people attract the type of person who controls but that usually comes from some unanswered issues from their childhood.  You can work this out but if you see your girlfriend slip in any way you may have to call it quits.  I am not advocating breaking up right off the bat, but you have to be in a mature relationship.  You are not a child, you are a strong, abled bodied woman capable of making good and bad decisions on your own.  Talk it out and than just life your life and try to incorporate her in it.  You might find she isn’t the right fit and that just means you are that much closer to knowing what you want and finding the one that you need.  Controlling relationships no one wins.  The one controlling is tired all of the time having to do and speak up and the one being controlled is just as irked.  Good luck!