Increased Self Care

Who doesn’t love getting a mani/pedi? How about a salon trip? It feels amazing to pamper yourself or just continue your up keep. As much as these activities are awesome and can be forms of self-care, do not limit that to your only self-care. Increase self-care to those things that bring joy into your heart and life.  What about that hobby that brings the type of smile that can’t be wiped away?  What about making time with friends a priority? What about going back to school to accomplish a goal you left sitting? What about making time for rest and unplugging? We all need to dip deeper into self care now more than ever.

brown couch near pillows and mats

Photo by Kevin Menajang on Pexels.com

When I hear older folks make complaints such as “what is this self-care business, we didn’t have that growing up,” it irks me. Those be the same women that have the most insecurities, the most hard battles in their spirit that have gone unchecked. When you know better you do better. Why aren’t you practicing it yourself or encouraging the younger generation to focus on their mental health just because no one encouraged you? You remember them lonely battles you fought? Remember that feeling of being overwhelmed? Why would you want another woman or man to go through that?  Even it made someone 5 seconds better, it’s worth it. Encourage and then practice it yourself. 2019 is about accountability and that is even in how we treat ourselves. We can’t expect anyone to treat us well when we treat ourselves badly. Think about it from head to toe. What are you doing to make you whole? If you are still eating, drinking, not working out, have a thousand bad habits that contribute to your body and mind’s demise, these things need to be worked out.

adult art beautiful beauty

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Self care is about self-preservation.  It pulls you out of darkness and makes you alert. When you don’t practice self-care often times you are numb to things and people around you. It doesn’t stop bad things from coming but it can help you deal with it that much more. Think about the times you let yourself go mentally. You weren’t even ready for hits that life was about to throw. Self care is super important. I don’t care what you call it.  You can call it self-care, self-love, me time, whatever it is find it, be consistent, and then add some more. There is no such thing as too much self-care. That is impossible. Having joy in this world is what keeps people from feeling hopeless. That hopeless feeling leads people into paths that don’t bring about positive results. People need hope. Joy isn’t about walking around with a smile 24/7.  It means that you have things in your life that bring you real happiness no matter what. Self care is about preserving peace in a world full of chaos. Self care is about loving yourself even when the world wants to make you feel unlovable. Self care doesn’t care what your status is in life. Self care is important. Please invest in yourself. Practice some more self-care!

two woman doing exercise

Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

Advertisements

Valentine’s Day Message

I would like to say Happy Valentine’ Day to all who celebrate this holiday. Sending you love and peace today and everyday.

white and pink floral freestanding letter decor

Photo by rovenimages.com on Pexels.com

To my husband, I love you! Another year of love to push through this life with! To want to still wake up and pray with you and push you to being your best self as you do the same! To wake up feeling safe in body and mind-I don’t take that for granted. To know you are being honorable in a world of Futures……….thank you!

To my children, mommy absolutely adores you! Y’all turn up to that candy so y’all can turn down at bedtime so mommy and daddy can drink our wine and fall asleep on the couch!

To my friends and family, have a loving day!  Some of my best points in waking up to text messages of encouragement from dope friends who are out here trying to be whole and happy is the best!

To my readers, I send you abundant love!

To my single readers and friends-I know today is hard. You question your when.  It hurts and its okay to say it hurts. People will tell you how you should feel and how to process today. I say process it in a healthy way.  Process it in your way! I get it. I used to wake up and decorate my apartment and watch all of the girlie romantic comedies, go out on dates or hang with my family or friends. Night was hard especially if you feel or don’t have anyone to hang with.  It will pass but it doesn’t change the depth of feeling you feel today! I understand!  Sending you an extra genuine dose of support!

Boyfriend Drama

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend should be a nice welcomed addition to your life.  It can be fun, exciting, and new.  Sometimes when the newness wears off you may have a few things that lust allow you to check in the beginning.

love couple sunset sunrise

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Are You a Real Couple?

Huh? Yes did you know that some folks get together and think its all love between them but in the end you may not even have had the talk.  You actually need to communicate that you and your boo are really an official couple.  Do NOT ever miss this step.  Even if you two had this conversation over sex, have the conversation again outside of the actual bedroom.  This will save you a few weeks in and possibly a heartache.  Being on the same page is the biggest thing that couples will need to be sure they are on.  Also what is your dating goal?  Casual? Dating towards a future? Kicking it?  FYI kicking sometimes means kicking it for sex alone, so be clear!

Jealousy

There is a healthy dose of jealousy in any relationship but when you find that the jealousy leads you not to both be able to live active lives separately and come together then, sis you get a problem.  No relationship should have micromanaging as part as criteria.  This is unhealthy.  I am married and the thought that I would be micromanaging my husband or he me makes me tired just thinking of it.  Two individuals need to be that-two individuals that are dating to see if they are compatible or just dating to date. Also micromanaging someone is a lot of work.  Its draining! This energy could be used to start a business, get physically fit, make money, something other than knowing where another individual physically is.  I am not taking time to smell body parts, checking mileage, checking phones, etc

Cheating

Cheating isn’t everyone’s deal breakers.  I think it should be.  The amount of disrespect it takes to do the most against the one you claim you are in love with or even a strong like, is sheer madness to me!  Also keep in mind the amount of STD that are out here in world makes zero sense to put my life at risk for a relationship.  Let me plug that no relationship is cheat proof.  Please manage your sexual health.  Do not tell me how long you have been with your love a reason not to get checked on a regular basis.  I wrote a blog on a previous doctor telling me that as a married woman who I didn’t need to be checked regularly.  She got the business.  I would be less worried about body count and more concerned with clean sexual health and great health practices.

Space Please

When I met my husband back in 1999 he was my first and my first adult relationship.  Not having someone manage our time we found ourselves up under one another all the time.  In the beginning I thought how great it was but there came a time where it became unhealthy.  Being up under someone all the time will wear down one or both of you.  Back up! Give space.  Even if you and your boyfriend have decided to live with one another, space is necessary.  Go and still hang with friends, continue the same dreams you had before you got all Ella Mai “Boo’d up.” Did you go to work?  Yes still go and get work done.  Don’t mess up your coins just to be on your phones, losing focus, or taking off to spend days with no love interest.  Being employed and in love is better than Broke and in Love!

bed blanket female girl

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

All up in The Business

Learn to keep folks out of your business.  The more hands on deck, the more complicated things can and will be.  Everyone doesn’t need to know every time there is an argument or fall out.  You do know everyone is going  to be as forgiving.  People wonder why there friends and family members can barely have descent relationships with their significant others and one answer is they know all the tea.  It’s hard not to give a side eye to someone who keeps off as raggedy human beings.  So to keep the drama down, keep folks out of your business!

If you are embarking on a new love take precaution.  Get to know the one you are taking this chance on.  Keep your life as rich as it was! Take your time.  Get to know how this new person reacts when they get mad with you and others around them.  Also if they have kids but aren’t active with them, find that out too.  No man should be out here making a whole new life and neglecting their kids.  No man who won’t care about his own flesh and blood won’t care about the things that concern you.  That’s a word! Too many women letting me dick them down that don’t even know what grade their kids are in.  If your new love doesn’t want you to be healthy, run! A man should want to get his life together and definitely would want their new leading lady to live her “best life” too!

Love is….Misunderstanding

Whew! That’s all I got! It started off tonight in so much love! Then it dipped into the abyss of foolery and real quick.

End of day when you are in a relationship and one or both are unfulfilled it breeds problems. It don’t matter if you are a popsicle stick licker or a CEO of a company, being unfulfilled will damage you both! I’ve never believed that you can’t be with someone from different parts of the pond but make sure that your partner is on their way to finding their passion!

Let me take a moment to shout out Angela in owning her moment. Black women getting the chance to be in the “boys club”and be successful was unheard of! Nuri needed to focus on her career and choose. Choose between love and relationship. Sounds familiar?! Even now the tax to be a woman, mom, and a great employee or a business woman is always up for debate….

It’s undeniable when you finally get your moment the glow up is real! Nuri is shining but Yasir……

Sometimes Love is….Triggers

We think that once we find love that it’s so intoxicating but one part of intoxicating love is that it brings to the surface things that you try to repress. Love makes you address yourself. This is why even when you become a parent, this new love for your child can do the same thing.

Love triggered Nuri to address some dark parts of her past. It made her the most vulnerable with Yasir in a way she wasn’t prepared for. I can definitely understand that love. I know for myself when I met my husband back in 1999 being able to let my guard down was great, scary and unfortunately fortunately (yes I meant that) uncovering.

So understand that I would encourage a lot of singles to work on themselves more than just seeing the world, more than securing the bag, but taking the time to address mental, physical, and emotional issues as much as possible. This is the work that will continue throughout your love relationship. This is why you don’t want to interlink yourself with just anyone. Don’t give your vulnerability to just anyone who doesn’t have the ability to openly love on you but love you through………..

Love is…A Reality Check

Momma can call your shit out like no one else. You can pretend for anyone but yo momma and this episode sweet Jesus didn’t come to play.

Man that don’t take care of his family….

One kudos to Nuri for making Yasir was accountable to his child. No one on this planet should ever be with a man who doesn’t take care of their child. Period! If you’re dating a man with a child and you aren’t helping him be a better man, and father you are trash. Men have to be better at being there for their own kids. I was always taught by my own momma a man who won’t take care of their child, won’t take care of anything in regards to you.

So let’s talk about the big blow up with Nuri, Destiny (Yasir baby mom) and Yasir:

Momma called a spade a spade. Although she is one who contributed to a fault with how Yasir ended up she was still willing and able to let Yasir know to knock it off and respect his child’s mother. Nothing is sicker to me than a mother who enables h r son then plays dumb when the ish goes left!!! Sorry but the reality is you know your son ain’t worth the dust on the ground either help him to be better but don’t cradle him in his mess. I can’t even respect a mom who does that. Thankfully Loretta Devine, held no punches and had me standing up like get him momma!

Destiny showed depth to her small role as Yasir’s son mother. The anger and the pain she portrayed. Listen when you see a woman who laid down and gave her all even in child-birth to a man and that man leaves for whatever reason; that pain is incomparable. It’s almost too strong for words. She is doing the work to give life to his dream while she slowly dies…. no wonder the anger we think we see in black women is misplaced. The weight of the world is sometimes too much.

Passion of Black Women

Listen, the hard work, long hours, etc are a lot. However after going into work and having to deal with stereotypes, and people being passed up, etc for a job that you can’t even be passionate about is something that WE know oh so well. Being told that as a woman you’re not good enough or you’re too much maybe next time, is debilitating. It’s hollow, senseless and numb that we can be the vision that a job needs and sometimes the favor of a department and still not be enough… whew the hypocrisy.

I was sooooooo happy to see that a project came up for Angela but the roles were so scarce in the 90s. All of this black girl magic and we are left to find ways to create in places that wasn’t made to hold our creativity?!

There may be more blogs from this one episode cause I plan to re watch it again!!

Love is….Making Room

So it’s another episode of Love Is. Let me say my recap is going to offend some but I’m not holding back.

Nuri and Yasir are getting super close and spending a lot of time together. They look like the perfect couple! However major red flags. As much as I love the realness of their relationship let me say, if I was in the dating world right now, I’m quite sure I would be in the sex store because my tolerance for some of this behavior I tolerated from the men I dated in my 20s could not and would not be tolerated now!

  • Yasir has a job! Thank the lord for employment. A man without a job is a hard pill to swallow. Only a woman who truly loves you will ride the unemployment rodeo but for so long!
  • Kudos to Nuri having the ability to support her man BUT ladies do not ever silence your voice to make your man feel like a man. He needs to be able to have his light next to yours without feeling a certain way! Period! This is not up for discussion!
  • Valentine’s Day foolery-Yasir doesn’t believe in it and Nuri does but like some women she muted that desire to make sure Yasir didn’t feel a certain way! This is a huge no no! Whatever you allow in the beginning and it’s not genuine you will lose in the end! Be honest with yourself and your new boo!
  • New love is great but lying in any way will lead down the wrong road!
  • Not all Hotep men, but some use intellect as the hustle. As articulate as Yasir is his demeanor is off putting. Not just based on my personal experiences, but be careful with any man who is a smooth talker. That smooth talk is the game. If a man is not sincere they will use that smooth talk to gain a place in your heart but will leave you lacking! Guard yourself!
  • Yasir thanks to Sean redeemed himself by making room, he finally found a way to come back to Nuri, and celebrate Valentine’s Day! Had Nuri been clear he would have had no choice to either shit or get off the pot! Relationships should be give and take and never one sided!
  • Yasir spent Valentine’s Day initially with Ruby! Technically he went home aka Ruby’s house and Ruby finally let Yasir know that she put the work into him and Nuri basically came in and reaped the benefits. Men are not projects if your man isn’t making moves it could be you are not the one he wants to make moves with. It’s sucks and maybe it hurts to hear but no truer words ever said! Stop investing years to a man who will not give you what you need. Yasir is making moves with Nuri because he loves Nuri! He was stagnant with Ruby because he no longer wanted to be!
  • Next week looks like an episode of Love and Hip Hop. So we shall see! Until then be careful with love, make sure that the person you are falling for is making room for you too!
  • Love is…Unbalanced

    Nuri and Yasir are getting hot and heavy. If ever there was the best part of a new relationship is when two people become sexually one. It’s invigorating and very intense. Love is a great thing but you don’t have to have an awesome love life, and suffer in your profession or vice versa. Also new love is good but don’t let it get you caught off guard:

    However let’s dive into a few things that set off a few alarms outside of the bedroom:

    • Porcelain Doll: it reminds me of Chrisette Michele’s Porcelain Doll song where she talks about how she is tired of doing the most for the man such as dressing for him the way he wants just because… My own husband has his preferences and I would be lying if I would say I don’t indulge them here and there but a doll I am not! That wear this and that especially where Nuri isn’t comfortable in pulling it off is a red flag for me! If the person you are with makes suggestions and you are comfortable than by all means but don’t play these games with no man and compromise yourself
    • Friendship- this principle where friends do whatever without a thought of how actions matter has to stop. Although Angela isn’t wrong in getting the script how she handled the situation was off base. You know when you have said or done something wrong to your friend. Don’t throw salt in the fire by playing it cool as if you’re not aware of the pain that you have caused.
    • Early 90s the notion that gay men or down low men are riddled with HIV or AIDS was a real thing in the way people thought. There are a few that still think that today. Please educate yourself in knowing that it’s up to you to protect yourself. If you know a man who is on the down low confront that man without giving him an opportunity to out himself. We all need to know our status no matter our sexual orientation and married or single get tested. Be vigilant about your sexual health. Oh and men gay or not and women too who are sexually active run the risk of having a STD!
    • So we all know Yasir doesn’t have a job but….. the availability of being at Nuri side every other second, is a bit much for me. I remember being in college when I dated my boyfriend who is my now husband and missing classes, ditching work, skipping out on events just to be with one another. It was cute. However the best part of our relationship has been when we both had had our own identities and then came together. Although this works for Nuri and Yasir for now if you have a new love make yourself get some balance.
    • Yasir has seen Nuri in a funk. He calls a spade a spade and she is relentless to hear him. She was able to hold her position for quite some time and that’s called holding a grudge. Some can do it better than others but Yasir hit it on the head by giving her the advice she needed instead of what she wanted to hear. Vulnerability isn’t always easy to take in.
  • This is the week of unbalance and hopefully the balance is coming but by the looks of next week’s episode, I’m not too sure!