Valentine’s Day Message

I would like to say Happy Valentine’ Day to all who celebrate this holiday. Sending you love and peace today and everyday.

white and pink floral freestanding letter decor

Photo by rovenimages.com on Pexels.com

To my husband, I love you! Another year of love to push through this life with! To want to still wake up and pray with you and push you to being your best self as you do the same! To wake up feeling safe in body and mind-I don’t take that for granted. To know you are being honorable in a world of Futures……….thank you!

To my children, mommy absolutely adores you! Y’all turn up to that candy so y’all can turn down at bedtime so mommy and daddy can drink our wine and fall asleep on the couch!

To my friends and family, have a loving day!  Some of my best points in waking up to text messages of encouragement from dope friends who are out here trying to be whole and happy is the best!

To my readers, I send you abundant love!

To my single readers and friends-I know today is hard. You question your when.  It hurts and its okay to say it hurts. People will tell you how you should feel and how to process today. I say process it in a healthy way.  Process it in your way! I get it. I used to wake up and decorate my apartment and watch all of the girlie romantic comedies, go out on dates or hang with my family or friends. Night was hard especially if you feel or don’t have anyone to hang with.  It will pass but it doesn’t change the depth of feeling you feel today! I understand!  Sending you an extra genuine dose of support!

Advertisements

Boyfriend Drama

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend should be a nice welcomed addition to your life.  It can be fun, exciting, and new.  Sometimes when the newness wears off you may have a few things that lust allow you to check in the beginning.

love couple sunset sunrise

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Are You a Real Couple?

Huh? Yes did you know that some folks get together and think its all love between them but in the end you may not even have had the talk.  You actually need to communicate that you and your boo are really an official couple.  Do NOT ever miss this step.  Even if you two had this conversation over sex, have the conversation again outside of the actual bedroom.  This will save you a few weeks in and possibly a heartache.  Being on the same page is the biggest thing that couples will need to be sure they are on.  Also what is your dating goal?  Casual? Dating towards a future? Kicking it?  FYI kicking sometimes means kicking it for sex alone, so be clear!

Jealousy

There is a healthy dose of jealousy in any relationship but when you find that the jealousy leads you not to both be able to live active lives separately and come together then, sis you get a problem.  No relationship should have micromanaging as part as criteria.  This is unhealthy.  I am married and the thought that I would be micromanaging my husband or he me makes me tired just thinking of it.  Two individuals need to be that-two individuals that are dating to see if they are compatible or just dating to date. Also micromanaging someone is a lot of work.  Its draining! This energy could be used to start a business, get physically fit, make money, something other than knowing where another individual physically is.  I am not taking time to smell body parts, checking mileage, checking phones, etc

Cheating

Cheating isn’t everyone’s deal breakers.  I think it should be.  The amount of disrespect it takes to do the most against the one you claim you are in love with or even a strong like, is sheer madness to me!  Also keep in mind the amount of STD that are out here in world makes zero sense to put my life at risk for a relationship.  Let me plug that no relationship is cheat proof.  Please manage your sexual health.  Do not tell me how long you have been with your love a reason not to get checked on a regular basis.  I wrote a blog on a previous doctor telling me that as a married woman who I didn’t need to be checked regularly.  She got the business.  I would be less worried about body count and more concerned with clean sexual health and great health practices.

Space Please

When I met my husband back in 1999 he was my first and my first adult relationship.  Not having someone manage our time we found ourselves up under one another all the time.  In the beginning I thought how great it was but there came a time where it became unhealthy.  Being up under someone all the time will wear down one or both of you.  Back up! Give space.  Even if you and your boyfriend have decided to live with one another, space is necessary.  Go and still hang with friends, continue the same dreams you had before you got all Ella Mai “Boo’d up.” Did you go to work?  Yes still go and get work done.  Don’t mess up your coins just to be on your phones, losing focus, or taking off to spend days with no love interest.  Being employed and in love is better than Broke and in Love!

bed blanket female girl

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

All up in The Business

Learn to keep folks out of your business.  The more hands on deck, the more complicated things can and will be.  Everyone doesn’t need to know every time there is an argument or fall out.  You do know everyone is going  to be as forgiving.  People wonder why there friends and family members can barely have descent relationships with their significant others and one answer is they know all the tea.  It’s hard not to give a side eye to someone who keeps off as raggedy human beings.  So to keep the drama down, keep folks out of your business!

If you are embarking on a new love take precaution.  Get to know the one you are taking this chance on.  Keep your life as rich as it was! Take your time.  Get to know how this new person reacts when they get mad with you and others around them.  Also if they have kids but aren’t active with them, find that out too.  No man should be out here making a whole new life and neglecting their kids.  No man who won’t care about his own flesh and blood won’t care about the things that concern you.  That’s a word! Too many women letting me dick them down that don’t even know what grade their kids are in.  If your new love doesn’t want you to be healthy, run! A man should want to get his life together and definitely would want their new leading lady to live her “best life” too!

Ask Toi: How do I encourage the love of my life to do the old things they once did?

This is a very sensitive subject.  Often times women and men can lose their way when it comes to keeping the spark lit.  One of the things to keep in mind is to look at what may have happened that has your baby not being what you want them or expected them to be.  Has there been a lost of any sort?  What about changes in atmosphere?  These are things to consider.

One thing to do is communicate.  Long gone are the days when a mate, a boo thing, your love, your bae is supposed to just know.  That isn’t fair. Things change and if you are in the middle of a miscommunication the best way is to get on track with realistic expectations.  This means what do you want?  Be clear but also be prepared to give. You may find that you have stopped in an area(s) as well.  While you are focusing on what you aren’t being given it may be that you too got some giving to do as well.

Talk about it.  Tell them what you need.  Don’t use words like you fell off, you aint, you suck, I can’t stand… This should be understood but trust me when I say that there are folks doing the most and it’s so super true.  Be careful what you say and how you say it.  Then get to the root of the problem.  If your bae is really a good bae and you approach it right you both can come from this with a sense of renewed love.  Love is beautiful and it can give those lovey dovey feelings that everyone has told themselves is supposed to happen but if you aren’t careful you will forget how much work it takes to get the light of love burning.

So whatever you were doing for your bae, keep doing.  Dinners, do them. Flowers, do them.  Date night monthly, do it.  Also be the change you want to see.  Encourage your partner to be the best version of themselves by you doing the same.  A solid individual that feels like they got their act together personally can contribute to the “we” part of their life too.  So get back on track by using tact and work through together.  Also be sure that you and your bae physical, emotional and especially mental needs are being met.  This doesn’t mean that they need to be met by you.  The idea that we need to put on or perform for our mate has to be dispelled. I read a comment where a young lady asked for others to pray for her that her boyfriend will keep liking her and accept her.  Although I believe in the power of prayer, your boo to continue liking you is a bit much. Relationships do change.  However someone having to be prayed to accept is not the will.  Acceptance should be how you and your bae got together.  This is why I never encourage men or women to change themselves for their mate.  This will create something for your loved one that isn’t going to be kept up because it may go against the very core of who you are.  It’s like wearing heels everyday trying to kill yourself when you are a real sneaker girl is crazy. However sliding your pretty feet in a pair of heels every now and again and especially on date nights is a better compromise.

Let Love Be Great!

So this is the weekend when most people will take their significant others out and show them love.  Let me just say that everyone doesn’t celebrate this “man-made” holiday however let me encourage all in a few home keeping details.

  1. Just because you don’t celebrate doesn’t mean you have to do the whole “it’s not a big deal” on everyone who is celebrating’s social media pages.  I can’t tell you how many times it irks to see this.  I am not calling anyone who feels like this a hater because truth be told it is a man-made holiday, however stop being love killers because you either have love and don’t care, don’t have love, or just by your nature need to be a negative Nancy.
  2. Just because you do celebrate and you want to shower yourself, your loved ones in love do not shun those who do not celebrate.  Basically let people be great either way and do what works for you.
  3. This is not the time to jump on status that is not about you to tell everyone either way how miserable you are or less it’s an open-ended question, a poll, or you’re apart of a group that is asking.  This is code for stop with the unsolicited information so the world can know which side you are on.  Trust and believe if its unwarranted people don’t really want to know and that’s real.
  4. Married people, just because you live with you mate and you don’t make it a big deal in your home, its okay for other married people to indulge and vice versa.  This “holiday” isn’t just for those in the dating world and still trying to get “some.”  Some people need these types of holidays to be a bit more expressive than they would normally. Let folks live.  Marriage should be celebrated daily but let’s be real most don’t and little reminders of love in ANY forms can keep folks from the divorce line.
  5. Realize that the single folks that swore of relationships will showcase what they got just to let themselves or others know.  Guess what? Even if you feel a way about it, its okay for them to do that.  If one day our country can focus on spending a few bucks to tell whomever they want they love them, although love is free I say let them.  In this hate filled world I would rather see expressions of love than the hate that is quicky spread like wildfire.
  6. Pray for those who have lost love.  While some are looking down for those who do or do not celebrate there is a widow who misses the times when their significant other showered them.  Also the newly separated and divorced grieve during this time as well.  Learn to show compassion.
  7. Single folks try and this is a big try because let’s be honest its easy for me to say try when I don’t live that life anymore but try to find ways to celebrate you, celebrate in groups, or enjoy the day. I know that again its hard to do but don’t go batty for one day and putting your life and what life means into this one day. There will be a lot of flowers and candy going out to significant others who don’t even mean their mates well.
  8. Show love daily.  I love to hear the men especially complain about this holiday but if you ask them when was the last time they did the little things you can only hear crickets.  Do not be fooled into thinking that if you buy into this holiday that your relationships no matter which ones they are will be perfect because it won’t.  The thought behind the idea is to show that you love and want to do something nice for the one you love.
  9. LADIES, please get you man something.  Yes more than a sappy card.  Be just as creative as you want him to be.  What makes you think that just because he says I am good that he really is.  Try finding ways to make his day easier.  How about treat him too.  Too many men complain about what they do and they remember the times when it wasn’t given in return.  Men want to be shown just as much as we do. Step up your game this year.
  10. Be creative for those you love. I send things to my single friends, my grandmother, my nieces, parents, etc.  It doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to say hey, you’re loved today and everyday.  Think outside the box.

 

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day weekend!!  Remember don’t find yourself loving on someone else’s mate.  This is not the time to be a celebrated side piece.  Remember side pieces gets ransacked candy and broken hearts.  Invest in someone who is all into you and you alone. Being a part of and being the only one are two different things.

 

Image result for minions love gif

Renew your love this Thanksgiving

It’s so easy to not pay attention to the ones around you.  In my house growing up on Thanksgiving we would share with one another the things we are grateful for.  In some larger families this could be awhile.  It’s easy to get caught up in negative things about your spouse, you boo, whatever you call them.

Thanksgiving will be filled with many wonderful things other than a “Pattie Pie.” Take some time to appreciate the one you go to bed at night with.  Most couples are doing what most people are doing and that’s sometimes strictly surviving. However as you’re looking around at the table, take the time to say I love you. Someone wishes they had your portion and you are too consumed with the negativity to appreciate it. Let’s do better!

If you’re a new couple it may come easy as with newness of the relationship may have you in that new glow.  However I can remember the days when even in the newness of a relationship there were difficult times and a smile was hard.  Think about the countless men and women who don’t have someone or lost someone.  Sometimes we take for granted the simplicity of love. Love doesn’t mean the world will be okay.  It does mean that your little world can be better.  Why be with someone who all you do is complain about them and complain to others about them?  This is craziness.  If the love you claim you have is this hard, you might be in the wrong relationship. Yes relationships take work to keep sparks etc alive but if its hard for you to agree with someone every single day-you might need to re-evaluate things.  Being in misery is not where it’s at.

This year write your mate a love letter and share before the day is done.  If you’re not much of a writer, then gift a small trinket of appreciation.  Sometimes maybe that smile that has been long gone will do as well.  My husband and I used to split a piece of pie after the kids had gone to bed and cuddle.  It was a small gesture but it meant the world.  Nothing says love like sharing that last bite.  Whatever you do, don’t leave your mate out.  You can host the best party, serve the best cocktail and go to bed with an empty heart because your mate didn’t even say thank you.  Don’t let that be you this year.  Don’t let it happen.  Show love.  They say charity starts at home and it’s true, make it count this year with the one that you love.

image

Revamp your Valentines Day – Step your game up! Couples Edition

Sigh it’s that time of the year where the single gag and the coupled try to pour the gift giving on super thick.

Well ladies and gentleman-shout out to my male readers, it’s time to step it up.  So yes for my male readers who need me to say it yes Valentine’s day is super commercialized.  There you got it a female admitting to its high price crazy of the day, however as a female I say let me give you a better way of addressing this day.

So ladies, doesn’t chocolates, flowers and cards sound beautiful? Of course it does but let’s get creative.  One of the reasons why we as women love the day is we want to feel like we are number one.  Let me help you out on a little secret.  If your boo treats you like crap all year and grabs a bouquet of store-bought flowers and that does it for you, we’ll then maybe we need a separate blog for you.  My hope is that your boo is yours, and is generally thoughtful all year-long.

image

Ladies let’s own that we can be some complex beings so if your boo got only the cliché candy and flowers and you secretly and generally are disappointed well maybe it’s because you aren’t communicating your needs.  Yes your man is supposed to express his love for you however wouldn’t it be nice to have a little direction.  There’s no written law that says you can’t tell him what you like.

For the ladies who says I’m not telling him what I want because that takes the happiness of the holiday away practice those smiles you’re going to need them.  Ladies let’s not be selfish, we also have to be willing to step it up too.  Men love gifts just as much as we do.  Yes your man wants to be showered too.  So no more card and shirts.  How about gifting him with a day out.  My other suggestion is to go small and meaningful.  Buy a bunch of little gifts and turn it into a scavenger hunt.  This idea will allow you as a woman to add personal touches that take the holiday to another cool level.

Another thing about Valentine’s day is the art of being romanced.  Yes so while you’re buying gifts gentleman think about making her night or weekend one for the books by being concerned about how to make her smile.  If you never cooked her a meal, partner up with a good cook and make it a night in she will always remember.  Restaurants will be super booked and overpriced anyway so keep the magic burning from start to finish in the confines of your own home.

Another suggestion for making it a great holiday is to be creative and think outside the box.  It’s winter and all types of cold turn your home into a little picnic area for you and your sweetie.  Yes nothing says love like a little one on one time.  How about indulge in your sweet tooth.  Yes bake together.  What? Yes get some cute aprons and turn the heat up by getting a recipe and baking together it could lead to a little baking later.

image

Turn your home into an indoor spa for two.  This can be done by going to your local Wal-Mart or target and obtaining in luxurious but inexpensive finds and allowing you to take turns pampering your significant other.  Also don’t be afraid to shop early.  Stores are already gearing up for the day.

The purpose is to keep one another in mind while you get trinkets of your personal expression to each other.

My hope is that you think out the box and make it yours.  Don’t worry about what your significant other will be posting on Facebook and Instagram always keep in mind just because it’s posted doesn’t always make it a love made in heaven.  Your only job is make the night or weekend special for you and your mate just as special as they mean to YOU.

image